Chapter Nineteen
Isaac groaned as he climbed into his car after training, immediately regretting it as soon as he saw the look on Julian’s face.
“Are you okay?” Julian asked softly, reaching out to touch…
Isaac inhaled sharply as Julian made contact with his bad shoulder. Julian took his hand away as though he’d been burned, guilt flashing over his features.
“Not okay,” Julian said, answering his own question.
“I can handle it,” Isaac responded, not wanting Julian to worry. Not wanting anyone to worry, since if they knew his shoulder wasn’t a hundred percent, there was a good chance they wouldn’t let him compete.
That had gotten a lot more important to him since he’d realized that he maybe wasn’t faking this, after all. He still wasn’t sure of his feelings, whether they were just about Julian, or whether it was a more general thing, but…
It didn’t really matter, because this was his one shot to do this anyway, and it was better not to regret it later.
He didn’t want to have to sit out any longer. People had played with worse, and he wouldn’t get any better by lazing around and going crazy with boredom.
Going crazy with boredom was exactly what had led him here in the first place.
“I’ve got stuff at home,” he added. “To help it.”
“Okay. Then take me home with you,” Julian said simply.
It wasn’t so much a request as an order, but Isaac wasn’t inclined to refuse, anyway. He wanted to be near Julian.
Being near Julian made him happy.
“Yeah, sure,” Isaac agreed, an emotion he couldn’t quite name welling up in the pit of his stomach. He hated that Julian was worried about him, on the one hand, but he loved that Julian cared.
He started the car, mindful of his shoulder as he pulled out of the parking lot, and headed for his apartment.
Every now and then, he glanced over to see Julian watching the scenery go by. For once in his life, Isaac was glad he’d moved out of New York City and into the surrounding suburbs, since it made driving home a whole lot easier.
He wouldn’t have driven if he still lived nearer to Julian, but he hated having to take the bus or the subway—or both—to get where he was going.
Julian, apparently, didn’t mind. He never really had. He was good at finding his way around and never afraid of getting lost.
Isaac envied him that. Not worrying about whether he was doing the right thing all the time. He envied Julian’s boring office job, though Julian hadn’t believed him about it. There was something appealing about a nice, normal life.
That was what early retirement was for, Isaac supposed. He maybe had another ten good years to go, and then he’d be done. Hell, less if this shoulder never healed properly.
He was in a position to do it, too. He just wasn’t ready to quit yet, no matter how much he fantasized about a normal life.
The briefest, tiniest thought that Julian would wait for him made him smile. He didn’t even know if he wanted Julian waiting for him, but…
Right now, it was a nice thought. He’d worry about what it meant later.
“You live here?” Julian asked as they pulled up outside Isaac’s house, his eyes wide.
Isaac shrugged. “It was this or an apartment in the city, and sometimes… I dunno, it’s nice to have a little peace and quiet.”
“It’s beautiful,” he said, getting out of the car and looking up. “Just like you always wanted.”
Isaac smiled at that.
He’d wanted a dog, too, but he was out of town too often to let himself get one. He couldn’t even leave it with his mom, since she was usually out of town with him.
Maybe a cat? A cat would barely even notice he was gone, probably, as long as it got fed.
He unlocked the door, holding it open for Julian to go inside first.
“There’s, uh… there’s a spare key under the mostly-dead succulent outside, if you ever… you know, if you…”
Julian turned to look at him, his face softening. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Now, where do you keep that cream?”
“Upstairs bathroom,” Isaac said. “I can-”
“Nope,” Julian interrupted. “You can go sit in the kitchen and take your shirt off. I’ll get it.”
Even if Isaac wanted to argue with that, he was too slow. Julian was already bounding up the stairs, and it wasn’t as though the bathroom was difficult to find.
He followed Julian’s orders instead, heading for the kitchen and pulling his shirt off as he went, wincing as he had to raise his arms above his head to do it.
He would be fine. The soreness was expected, and he knew that his shoulder would never be quite the same again. He’d heard the tear when it happened, felt the sudden pain that had been like a punch to the gut, a wave of nausea washing over him.
All he could do was baby it a little, and hope for the best.
Julian returned within a minute or so, brandishing the extra-strength warming cream that Isaac used. He’d come to love it more than most things in the world. If marriage between a man and an ointment was legal, he probably would have gotten down on one knee.
“Sit,” Julian ordered again, since Isaac hadn’t gotten to that yet.
Isaac turned one of the kitchen chairs around, straddling it and leaning over the back so Julian had full access to his shoulder.
He’d expected the first touch to hurt, but Julian’s fingers were light, spreading the cream delicately on his skin in a thick layer. Isaac sighed as the tingling started, his sore muscles already beginning to relax.
“I’ll give that a couple of seconds to work, then rub it in for you,” Julian said. “Let me know if it hurts, okay? I don’t wanna make this worse.”
“So considerate,” Isaac teased, but he was grateful for it. Usually, if he could convince anyone to do this for him, they just slapped the cream on and gave it a quick rub with the heel of their hand.
Not that he hated that, but Julian was being a lot more careful about it.
Isaac grunted as Julian dug his thumb directly into the worst of the knots, jolting forward in the chair. It only hurt for a split second, the pain eased by the warmth of the cream, and once it was gone, it was… gone.
“Wow,” Isaac murmured. “Where’d you learn to…?”
“Dated a yoga instructor for a while,” Julian said. “He knew a thing or two about muscles, and I paid attention.”
Isaac chuckled. “Bet the sex was amazing,” he said, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to imagine Julian having sex with anyone else.
Which was weird, because normally he was pretty happy to accept that his partners had been with and would be with other people, and that was fine. And it wasn’t that he was mad about it, or even uncomfortable with the thought of Julian being with other men, it was more…
Isaac shifted his weight on the chair. He was starting to think the reason was bigger and scarier than he was ready to deal with.
Being around Julian felt so damned good. There was no getting away from it. When Julian was there, Isaac was happy. When he wasn’t around, Isaac spent most of his time thinking of the next time he would be, or what kind of excuse he could make to see him sooner.
That meant something. Isaac was even starting to think he knew what it meant.
He was also sure he wasn’t ready. Not yet. This was all happening so fast, and yeah, maybe these were old feelings, feelings he’d pretended he wasn’t having when he just wanted to be as normal a teenager as possible, but…
It meant a lot to him that kids would see him as normal now. He could tell himself all he wanted that he was just being a good ally, standing up for what was right, but…
Maybe, if he’d seen someone out and proud and doing what Isaac wanted to do when he was a teenager…
Isaac swallowed, afraid to follow that thought. It was one thing to have a fling with a guy, even if it was his best friend.
It was another thing if, like
Julian said, this was a fundamental part of himself. Something he wasn’t pretending, something he couldn’t get away from, something that he’d spent a lot of his life being too scared to even think about.
He moaned softly as Julian worked a knot out, the release of tension running down his spine and pooling in the pit of his stomach, a tiny curl of heat coming to join it.
Aside from anything else, it was nice to have Julian’s hands on him. He was completely, entirely sure that he liked that.
Julian didn’t pause, his fingers still working steadily as the ointment warmed up, and Isaac let his eyes fall closed. He couldn’t stop thinking about Julian’s hands on him, about how good getting off with him had felt.
It was more than just getting off, too. When Julian touched him, Isaac felt it all the way in the depths of his heart. He wanted more of that. Whatever other feelings he had going on, he was sure of that one. Of the need for closeness with his best friend.
His boyfriend?
“How’re you feeling?” Julian asked behind him, his hands still working Isaac’s muscles into putty.
Isaac laughed at the question. He knew Julian was asking about his shoulder, which was just as well. He couldn’t even have started to answer how he was feeling in general.
“Better,” he said. “Way better. But you can keep going.”
Julian chuckled. “You went a little quiet there, so I assumed it was working,” he said, easing his touches on Isaac’s sore shoulder and putting his free hand on the other one, rubbing them both in time.
Isaac sighed and let himself relax into Julian’s touch, enjoying the heat spreading in the pit of his stomach.
He was starting to like being turned on by his best friend. He was the first to admit that it really didn’t take much to turn him on, that he liked sex and he wasn’t ashamed of it, but something about Julian was so comfortable.
It wasn’t just that he liked sex with Julian. He liked the idea of it, even when it wasn’t happening. He liked the tightness in his belly, the gentle tingling behind his balls, the thought of all the ways Julian hadn’t touched him yet, but Isaac desperately wanted him to.
Even when it wasn’t about to happen, not right now. Isaac was already looking forward to remembering this.
It was such a weird way to feel, but he didn’t want it to stop, either.
“It’s working,” Isaac responded a few seconds too late. “Sorry, I’m just… tired, I guess.”
“I understand,” Julian said. “Which is why you get to have a nap when we’re done here.”
“You coming with me?” Isaac asked, unable to stop himself from sounding a little too enthusiastic.
Julian laughed again. “Not this time. This time, I’m making you dinner while you sleep. Because it’s my turn to be a great boyfriend.”
“You’re already giving me a great shoulder massage,” Isaac pointed out. “But I’m not gonna say no to someone else cooking for me.”
“I also wanna play with your kitchen,” Julian said. “I love it.”
“All yours, then.” Isaac let his eyes fall closed, happy to enjoy Julian’s touch for as long as he could.
After a few more minutes, Julian took his hands away. Isaac whined, but he’d been half-asleep, and napping hunched over a chair wouldn’t help him at all.
“Go sleep,” Julian said, stepping away.
Gathering what little energy he had left, Isaac stood and tucked his chair back under the table. He yawned widely, stopping any protest he might have made about not being that tired in its tracks.
He was that tired. As much as he wanted to spend more time with Julian, he was exhausted. Sleep couldn’t wait.
“I’ll wake you for dinner,” Julian promised, patting Isaac’s arm gently.
Isaac smiled a warm, sleepy smile at him, and then headed up the stairs to his bedroom, collapsing onto his firm, comfy mattress.
As soon as his eyes fell closed, his thoughts went right back to Julian, and how glad he was they’d gotten back in touch.
He was definitely in trouble.
Chapter Twenty
Julian opened the door eagerly the minute Isaac knocked on it, grinning at him. He’d been waiting for Isaac to come since he left work, after Isaac had suggested it this morning via text.
It’d been a few days since they’d seen each other, since Isaac was deep in preparations for the tournament starting tomorrow.
Julian was honestly surprised he was okay with coming over tonight.
“Hey,” Isaac beamed back at him, holding both hands behind his back. “Mind if I come in?”
“I’ve been waiting all day,” Julian said, standing back from the door. He tried to get a look at whatever Isaac was holding as he came in, but Isaac was careful to use his body to shield whatever it was from view.
A surprise, then.
Julian’s heart fluttered. He wasn’t used to surprises.
“I was thinking since the tournament starts tomorrow that it’d be nice to have a night in,” Isaac said. “And I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” Julian smiled softly, his heart soaring.
Isaac missed him? That was… nice. More than nice.
He was used to missing Isaac, but he was never sure how Isaac felt about him. Or at least, he wasn’t sure how intense his feelings were.
Isaac was obviously having fun, but Julian had no idea how deep that went.
They’d stayed in pretty much every night since Julian had agreed to this arrangement—which hadn’t been anything like he’d imagined—but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He liked having Isaac all to himself.
He would have liked to have Isaac all to himself in public from time to time, but he understood why Isaac hesitated. Even if that had theoretically been the point.
He’d thought in the beginning that this was more an experiment for Isaac than a publicity arrangement, and that had more or less been confirmed as time went on. The thing was, though, that Isaac hadn’t known that.
In typical Isaac fashion, he’d really thought that he was just pretending. For a little while, at least.
Julian got the impression that Isaac had freaked out when he realized that he wasn’t sure he was faking anymore. And that was okay. Whatever he needed, Julian wanted to give it to him.
“So…” Julian tried again to get a look behind Isaac’s back, curiosity killing him. “Whatcha got there?”
Isaac grinned at him, turning so that Julian still couldn’t see no matter how hard he tried. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands,” he said.
Julian sighed, but held his arms out in front of him obediently, letting his eyes fall closed. The sound of Isaac’s footsteps told him he was approaching, and Julian’s heart started to pound in his chest.
He liked it when Isaac got close to him, too. He liked Isaac, and he wasn’t about to start lying to himself about that.
Whatever Isaac was holding, it rattled oddly as he moved it, as though it was full of… shards, maybe? But that didn’t make any sense. Isaac put the box in Julian’s hands, laying it across his arms to help him grab it.
It was a big box. But light for its size.
“You wanna try guessing?” Isaac asked playfully.
“I have no idea what this is,” Julian admitted.
“I guess you can open your eyes, then,” Isaac said.
The first thing Julian saw when he opened them was the excitement on Isaac’s face. His heart swelled, stomach clenching with joy at seeing Isaac so happy.
Then he looked down at the box, and his whole face broke into a grin.
Lego. A Lego car, just like…
“Just like when we were kids,” Isaac said. “I thought we could assemble it together? I wanted to do something kinda special, y’know?”
Julian swallowed. This was so sweet.
“I’ll clear the table,” he said, passing the box back to Isaac and pecking him on the cheek as he did so. Excited laugher bubbled up in his throat, childlike joy at suc
h a simple pleasure making him feel lighter than he had in a long time.
Maybe Isaac…
As much as Julian didn’t want to get his hopes up, it was starting to feel like Isaac was serious about whatever was going on between them. Like he’d said, this was special. This made him feel like he wasn’t just another notch on Isaac’s bedpost.
Not that Isaac had ever made him feel used, but he’d always assumed this was temporary. There was an end in sight. Once the tournament was over, Isaac would be free to go back to his life, having made the impact he’d been talking about.
Everyone would know he was bi, and that was the point, wasn’t it? Once he’d established that, he wouldn’t need a boyfriend anymore.
Or whatever Julian was to him.
Julian forced himself to push that thought aside. Isaac had done something nice for him, and he planned on enjoying it. Especially if they only had a little while left together.
“You want me to order dinner?” Isaac asked as he hovered a few feet from the table, waiting for Julian to finish clearing it.
“Please,” Julian said. “I’m starving.”
Once he’d completely cleared the table and transferred everything on it to the kitchen counter, Julian sat down and pushed the chair opposite him out with his foot, beaming eagerly at Isaac.
“You build, I’ll search?” Isaac offered, pushing the box over to Julian to open.
That was what they’d always done, playing to their strengths. Isaac was good at finding the pieces they needed, Julian was good at fitting them together. Sometimes they’d tried different things, but they’d always gone back to doing it this way in the end.
Like everything else about their relationship, it was comfortable.
“Works for me,” Julian said, opening the box and tipping all the bags out, unfolding the instructions.
“Ooh, the bags have letters now,” Isaac said, holding one of them up. “Guess we start with bag A?”
That sounded logical, but Julian flipped the instructions open all the same, wanting to be sure.
“Yep, bag A,” he confirmed, excitement welling up in his chest.
He felt like a kid all over again, doing innocent, kid things with his best friend.
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