Project Death: Resurrection

by Danielle Thamasa

  #

  The next day there was a knock on my door seconds before Thanos walked in. "We have one more matter of business to discuss before you begin your duties as Angel of Death," he said, holding out a scroll to me.

  I raised an eyebrow but took the scroll from him anyway. "What is it?"

  "This is how we know who is actually meant to die. When a person is due to die his or her name will appear on the scroll. Of course, circumstances could change so you have to make sure that the name is on it when you go out to collect their soul. Reaping a soul that is not meant to live on could have dire consequences, and if too many souls are saved then it throws off the Balance of the world."

  I nodded. It was a reasonable comment to make. Killing someone whose time wasn't up wouldn't be the best way to handle my job, and I definitely did not want to deal with the repercussions.

  Thanos continued. "How you do it is your own decision. In the past others have either explained it to the person so they are calmer about the whole situation or just taken them without warning. It is really only a matter of personal preference. As long as you do your job then there will not be a problem. If they realize what is about to happen they may try and talk you out of it or try to convince you to give them more time. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way."

  Why was he explaining this again? I knew not to listen to a person’s pleas, no matter how well constructed they were. He had been sure to stress that many times. Balance had to be maintained. "Don't worry so much. You've trained me well," I commented. He really was acting like a parent sending his kid off to their first day at a new school. "I'll check in with you later."

  With that I left, disappearing into a swirl of dark gray mist, reminding me of the time I ran into the previous Angel of Death. I was dressed as an advocate of death, wearing dark colors. Today it was a thin midnight blue long sleeved shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans. I had opted not to wear the hooded black cape. I had never really been a fan of robes or capes; they served no real purpose and sometimes prohibited movement. The fact that my predecessor had gone that route spoke more towards a need for theatricality than anything. Besides, I had no reason to hide my face from anyone. This was just who I was and I wasn't going to deny it whatsoever, especially since I couldn’t change what I had become.

  I appeared in a hospital and immediately looked around. I was in the neonatal ward; of that I was certain. All around me were babies, many sleeping soundly. On one wall though, there were baby incubators for those born too early, those who needed extra care.

  My stomach rolled into knots and I walked around the room, looking at the name of each baby. There it was. In one of the incubators was the one I was here for. It was a tiny baby that was born premature and hooked up to so many different machines in order to keep its underdeveloped organs going. I tried not to think of the baby as a person, keeping myself from using the baby’s name. It really didn’t help. My whole body felt heavy and I dreaded what I was here to do. How could I do that? How could I end this baby's life? It was so young. Surely the baby deserved a chance to live.

  Babies were born early all the time. All they needed was a little extra time in the hospital as well as nurturing from their parents. Certainly there was still a chance that this baby could live and grow up to be a happy healthy child and then mature into adulthood. She didn't have to die now, right? I wanted so badly to turn away. This at least explained why Thanos had reminded me of my responsibility before I left.

  "It is her time, Tamesis."

  I turned around and saw Thanos standing behind me. I guess I should have known that he would be around for my first Reaping. Maybe he doubted me as much as I currently doubted myself. "Why? She hasn't even lived yet." With him there I felt myself slip further and thought of the tiny baby as a her. This was so much harder than I imagined.

  "This is the way it has to be," he said gently. "I am sorry. I know this is difficult to handle, especially for your first one. I wish there was a way to make it easier. You just have to believe that she will be moving on to a better place. That is all we can do."

  "I…I don't know."

  "You can do it. I have faith in you."

  I looked down at the baby girl and then back up at Thanos. "But…honestly what would happen if we just walked away and let her live? It wouldn't be all that bad, would it?"

  He shook his head. "I am afraid that it doesn't work that way. We never know what may or may not happen because of a death that we have to ensure actually happens. Perhaps the death of this one little baby would keep the family from collapsing over some major mishap later in life. We can only do our jobs to the best of our ability and hope that the death helps motivate others to live."

  It all made sense, really. And I had to trust Thanos when he explained everything. He had dealt with all of this before anyway. Again, I didn’t know how long he had been doing this job but it was obviously a very long time.

  I let out a slow deep breath. "Okay. Can I do this on my own?"

  For a minute I thought he would say no, that he would stay to make sure that I did my job. Then he turned and walked out of the room, and I relaxed a tiny bit. I looked back at the little baby girl, struggling to move in the incubator. Sticking my hand into the circle flap-covered hole in the side, I watched as she tried to wrap her hand around one of my fingers. Her grip was weak, even for a premature baby. I had healed babies like this before and knew I could do it again.

  She was so precious, even though she was so tiny and frail looking. "I'm sorry, little one." I wanted to stand there longer, to prolong this little girl's life. But what would happen in just a few added seconds? I had no way of knowing. If her parents arrived it would make it even harder. There was no way I could take their daughter’s soul while they watched.

  Slowly I pulled my hand out from her incubator. After a moment I waved my hand over it. I didn't want to look. I turned away before I saw her soul rise up. I didn’t need to see it anyway; the motions felt so natural to me after all the practice. Then I gestured once again and flicked her soul away. I stood there and watched as the nurses and doctors rushed into the room, moving over to her incubator to try and save her. Not that they could; her soul was already gone.

  I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to watch them as their faces dropped with the loss of such a young patient. I didn't want to hear them call her time of death. Before I could see or hear anything else I faded away and reappeared in my room, collapsing on my bed.

  I had just killed a baby. I was responsible for killing people now. It went against everything I had been raised to do. And I had to continue to do this for a while yet. Somehow I was going to have to find a way to do my job. It wasn't like I could just turn off my feelings. That little infant had no reason to die. She hadn't lived at all, hadn't had a chance to learn or love. How could I do this? I didn't think I could.

  I wasn't a killer. How was it that I ended up with this job? What made it so that it was my "destiny" to do this? No, it was wrong. I felt the tears welling up and pricking my eyes. I didn't even want to stop them. It felt right to mourn the loss of that little baby girl who had had to die far too soon.

  "Tamesis?" Thanos was in my doorway.

  "Go away…Please." I just wanted to be alone, to find a way to deal with this on my own. In the past something like this would send me to my friends for comfort, not that I had had to do that before. I was always the one who was comforting others. Now I found that I was the one needing the comfort and I really had no one around me.

  Thanos sighed. "Are you going to be all right?"

  I looked over at him, seeing just an outline of his figure as he looked like nothing more than a watery blur. A little baby had died and I was the one who had caused it. What about that was all right? I shook my head and watched as his blurry form walked nearer to me. He sat down on the bed next to me. I began to cry harder; I couldn't help it.

  Then he surprised me by wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into him. For
some reason that just seemed to make the tears fall even harder. I turned my face into his chest and just let the tears fall. There was no use in trying to stop them, and part of me really didn’t want to.

  Thanos just sat there the whole time, not saying anything. It honestly helped that he was allowing me to do this without trying to say anything to get me to move on from it. I was grateful for the support he offered, even if it did nothing to ease the ache in my heart.

  His dark shirt had a large blob that was saturated with my tears by the time I finished and pulled away from him. "I'm sorry. I think you may have the wrong person. This job, I'm not right for it." I hated to admit to being incapable but if I felt like this after each Reap then we were sure to face many more issues.

  "Shh…you are right for this job. You care a lot about what you are doing. That will comfort the people who are on your list."

  "But how can you know that for sure? I've barely even started my job and I already feel like I want it to be over. I don't think I can keep doing this."

  "Tam, don't give up just yet. I think you can handle this. It is hard but someone has to do this job. Not everyone can live long full lives and die of old age. We need to ensure the balance of life and death." He looked into my eyes and I was captivated by the emotions I saw swirling there. He was typically so reserved, which made this an odd occasion. "Please, stay and help me. I cannot do this job on my own."

  I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Could I do this? I had never been one to give up without a fight. That wasn't going to change now, just because things were a little difficult. I opened my eyes and nodded. "Okay. I can do this."

  ****