Project Death: Resurrection

by Danielle Thamasa

  Chapter Sixteen

  I couldn't move; in fact I could barely breathe. This seemed like a moment in a book or a movie, not something that happened in real life. It was similar to a number of movie plots, and in the movies the female would almost instantly forgive the male and they would live happily ever after. Wow, that sounded so cheesy but I clearly wasn't thinking clearly with him so close to me. Thanos took a step to the side and sat down next to me on the bed. "Will you stay?" His question was soft, hesitant, as if he was truly scared that I would follow through with my threat and leave.

  Now—considering what he just told me—that question sounded stupid. What I said was merely a response to my anger at the situation. How could I leave now that I knew how he felt? I saw the truth in his eyes and it was a sight I wanted to behold every day. Sure, there was still a lot that I did not know about him but he was going to tell me. He couldn't admit that he loves me and then keep lying to me and hiding things, right? So I looked at him and nodded. “But things need to change. You need to trust me with the truth, if not about your past then at least when it comes to dealing with the Resurrectors.”

  The reality was that I did still have a reason for being here. Already I had played a part in maintaining the Balance and in my soul I felt that my duty wasn't quite finished.

  I reached over and took his gloved hand in mine, once more feeling that shock through my body. "Do you feel that too?" I asked. I had wanted to know the answer for so long now that it was a relief to say the words. This was a conversation we should have had weeks ago. I had decided to ask him just before the Resurrectors captured me and this was the first time we had been alone together since. These feelings welling up inside almost made me laugh. How could I go from feeling so enraged one minute to completely giddy the next? Those feelings brought a whole new meaning to the term emotional roller coaster, and I almost felt as if I would get whiplash from all the sudden turns.

  He nodded. "Yes, though not nearly to the extent that you do," he answered. He turned his gaze from me and stared at the wall. Something was on his mind and I braced myself, preparing to either hear the truth or have him try to dodge it all over again. "I am sorry."

  "Why? What do you have to be sorry for?" I had to admit that it wasn't what I expected him to say. Now I was just confused. It wasn't as if he could control what we felt or how we reacted to it.

  Thanos pulled his hand away. "Tam, we can never have a normal relationship. It is far too dangerous for you and I am not willing to risk your safety." There was a heavy sadness to his words. Knowing him, he had already thought through everything and believed that this was the right decision

  "From what I have heard there is always some degree of risk in any relationship, and I definitely wouldn't consider anything we do to be normal. I mean, we Reap souls every day and occasionally go up against Resurrectors. Understandably that can complicate things, but I think we can handle it together. Besides, shouldn't I be the one who decides whether or not I am willing to accept the risk?" I looked over at him, trying to see if his eyes would tell me why he was doing this. He had admitted that he loved me too. It did not make sense to pull away after that.

  He wouldn't even look at me. Instead he stood up and moved away from the bed. "I would kill you, Tamesis, and that is not something I would be able to live with," he said softly. "There is a reason for everything I have done so far, just as there is a reason why I would not show you certain details of this job. Sometimes we are given a choice when it comes to what we do and how we do it. That is the luxury of having free will, being able to choose how to react or how to handle certain things. However, at other times we simply have to accept that things are beyond our control and we may not get to have what we want. That is how it is with my job. You would not like what happens when I go after a soul. It is anything but pleasant. I am the reason why we can never have the closeness of a true relationship. It is what I am and it is how I must live my life."

  "What are you saying?" Now he was lecturing me about his job? I thought we were talking about us and our future or potential lack thereof. Considering that he finally talking I couldn't even think about stopping him. I wanted the complete truth, even if I was certain that I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

  "My touch is painful and if contact is held too long then that pain increases to a magnitude that people cannot stand. It kills them. That is why I wear gloves all the time. The list of souls I search for is not the most pleasant. I am sent after people who would be better off dead, who have done dreadful things to their fellow humans. Fate has seen fit to give them horrendous deaths. It is the Angel of Death who deals with the people who will move on to a better place."

  He paused and then turned to look back at me. "No matter how much I care for you, we can never really be together, and for that I am truly sorry. I wish this could have worked out differently." Then he walked out of the room, leaving me to stare at the door.

  What was going on? Why was this happening? He told me he loved me but then basically said that he could never be with me. It hardly seemed right or fair. This all had to be a dream, or a nightmare. This was all just in my imagination. All I needed to do was wake up and I would find that everything was back to how it should be. It just wasn't right to be in love with someone you could never actually be with. Besides, after everything we had lived through and managed to get out of, Fate owed us. There had to be a way for us to be together. Thanos, he…

  I didn't understand any of this. Why was it that with Thanos things always seemed to get all muddled? He was still so much of a mystery, and that was after knowing him for several months. I had told him about my life and my past and anything else he might have wanted to know but I had only been able to get a few very small details from him. Now I could see that part of that was because he was afraid of letting anyone get close to him. Keeping that distance was a way to ensure that he didn't hurt someone with his touch.

  No, it all needed to end. The time for secrets was over and I had to make him see that. No matter what he tried to say to get me to back down, I had to ignore it and keep going. The only way this relationship, or whatever it was that we had, was going to work was if he finally came clean about his past. It would also help if I could get him to accept that I was not going to give up on him or on us. Now that I knew how we both felt I could not abandon anything. We were going to live a very long time and I had no intention of resigning from my position as Angel of Death anytime soon. I would wait if I had to. Thanos was worth however long of a wait I was in for, and both deserved a chance at happiness together.

  I stood up and let out a deep breath. Then I headed towards the door and opened it before moving out into the hall. Thanos had probably gone to his study; I knew how much time he usually spent in it. As I started to head down the hall towards the study I became aware of someone following me. I stopped and turned to find Adrienne a few feet away. She really did seem to lurk in the shadows a lot and typically popped up when I most wanted to avoid a conversation. My thoughts were far too focused on finding a solution with Thanos and our whole situation. "What do you want?"

  "I think Thanos wants to be alone right now," she said. "I know you're going to look for him."

  "He and I need to talk." That was a major understatement. I could not just let him pull away from me like this, not when I felt that we were finally making progress.

  "And you will, Tamesis, just not right now. He needs his space. This is a big adjustment for him to make—accepting his feelings for you—and it will take a little time before he fully understands it all."

  To be fair, she was being rather nice and not as pushy as usual. Now I knew a lot more though and I could actually tell that everything she said was because she knew far more about Thanos than I did. They were close; that much was now completely obvious. That explained why she had agreed to the job so quickly and had helped so much with recruiting the other Reapers. No matter what was going on I couldn't shake the feeling that there
was something else between them. They were connected and I did not like that.

  "You know, I'm really tired of listening to you, Adrienne. How many times have you lied to me in the past few weeks? You should have just told me that you knew everything already. It probably would have made the whole situation a little easier to handle. But instead you chose to manipulate the situation in your favor and I am tired of having everyone act as if I cannot handle the truth. Right now I can't believe a single thing that comes out of your mouth, and frankly I don’t even want to look at you. Just leave me alone."

  "You almost died earlier today." The statement was so simple, so blunt, but there was something in her tone that once again alerted me to the fact that she knew more than she was saying.

  I guess my response was to snap into defensive mode and let out what sounded to be more of a sarcastic retort. "That's what happens when you try to heal more people than you have the energy for. I survived though, and that's all that matters." This was just another example of people underestimating me and I really did not appreciate it.

  She shook her head. "That's not what I'm talking about. You almost died at Thanos' hands, right after you healed him. Do you not understand exactly how much damage his touch inflicts on a person? It's amazing that you survived all of that as he healed you."

  I said nothing, just stared at her. What had happened after I healed Thanos was a little fuzzy in my mind. I remembered feeling like I was floating and then a repeated jolt of pain coursing through my body. Of course I was not going to just admit that, particularly not to Adrienne. Still, I wanted to know everything and it seemed that she could answer questions as well as Thanos could. But did I really want to hear it from her? Well, a little added information before jumping into another conversation with Thanos would probably be a good thing. "What do you mean?"

  "Thanos healed you. From what he told me, that in and of itself is a miracle. He has said for years that he always left the healing to the Resurrectors. His talent for it is basically pathetic and since his touch causes pain, the after effects are much worse. Honestly I don't blame him for abandoning any such desire to heal others. I would have done the same in his position."

  I turned away from her. No, it wasn't right this way. It felt like I was going behind his back for answers. As much as I wanted the truth, I did not want it to be like this. "I don't want to hear any of this from you. I'm going to go talk to Thanos. If there's any truth to this then he'll be the one to tell me; that’s the way it should be."

  This was getting ridiculous. I was starting to lose control, letting my emotions take over. She had proved that she was a liar and a master manipulator, and great with twisting her words in such a compelling way. Just standing there with her was making me become tetchier, to the point where I wanted to lash out at her, simply because I was tired of having such manipulative power players around me. But I knew such reactions would not work out for the best. I needed to try and handle this calmly. "I can't trust you right now, Adrienne. Perhaps you can try and regain what you've lost with me but I can tell you that it will take some time." Then I started to walk away.

  "Thanos had been lying to you long before I came into the picture. Why shove me aside like this when you've already forgiven him of what he has done? Just because you have mushy feelings towards someone doesn’t mean that you have to forgive them for all their shortcomings. Grow up, Tamesis. Things will never be as simple as you would like them to be. We do not live in a perfect world."

  I gave her no response and instead headed to the study. Standing in front of the door I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing here. For months he had dodged almost every question I had asked him pertaining to himself. What if knowing the answers changed how I looked at him or how I felt about him? I shook my head; it wouldn't do that and even if it did, the truth needed to come out. Thanos probably needed to tell the story to someone; burying things never really went well for anyone. Reaching out, I knocked on the door.

  "Who is it?"

  I opened the door and stepped inside, hoping that such an action would keep him from trying to avoid me. "We need to talk."

  Thanos did not expect me to barge into his study but he should have. He had known me long enough to realize that I would not settle for the lies anymore. We had been through so much and there was a clear conflict in his eyes. He wanted to open up to me but he also wanted to protect me, and he obviously thought that keeping things from me would keep me safe. Thanos set his pen down and let out a sigh. "Now is not the best time, Tamesis. I have a lot of work I need to do. I have been gone for longer than I would have liked."

  "Let the Reapers handle it. They have proved that they are capable of doing the job. Right now I need for you to tell me more. You owe me that much."

  He sat back in his chair and ran a hand over his face. For a few moments he just stared at me and I hoped that meant he was going to explain it all to me. "I do and sometime in the near future I will, but now is not that time. The Reapers do help but there are some cases that only you or I can handle. Do not undervalue the situations we handle. There are a number of things the Reapers cannot do."

  "I have watched them work. They cross souls over as well as I do." I guess I couldn't help but get defensive. I trained the Reapers. They were all very good at their jobs.

  But Thanos shook his head. "They cannot heal the way you can. As their name implies they reap souls; they do not save them. It is like what you did with that pregnant woman months ago. She was meant to die but the baby was not. If the Reapers had existed then and one of them had been sent, both mother and child would be gone. Likewise, those on my list are not deserving of the easy deaths inflicted by you or the Reapers and when I reap a soul, it is sure to suffer as it moves on towards the Hell region of the afterlife."

  "It would have been wrong to murder the child without reason. I had to make the best decision I could with the information I had. The Leaders had even sent a Resurrector, but there was nothing she could do for the mother." I could have saved her months ago, but I had known that it was her time. It was almost strange to have Thanos mention it now because I had almost forgotten about the whole situation, which could have been problematic when the baby was born and the mother died without a proper Reaping.

  "You did the right thing. My sources tell me that it is likely she will go into premature labor. Within the next couple weeks it will be time to reap her soul."

  This was obviously not working the way I had wanted it to. Thanos kept himself from having to say anything about himself or us by discussing work instead. That was something he knew too well when it came to me. I had a bad habit of putting work ahead of everything else, no matter how badly I wanted something different. "When it is time I will be the one to do it," I said. The woman had been my charge and it was only right that I finish the job I started months ago. Besides, I felt certain that the Reapers would not be quite ready for the struggle over this particular soul. "I imagine a Resurrector will be there."

  "You need to be careful around them. They will not be happy about losing yet another battle. It is likely that Samuel will try to go after you or the Reapers. He knows now that he cannot do anything to me directly. The only damage he could truly do to me would be going after you. That gives yet another reason why we would never work."

  "So you're going to give up without even trying? Does Samuel scare you that much? He is stubborn and arrogant but he is also foolish. His mind is closed to anything that is not his way. We can use that against him. Don’t use him or any of the Leaders or Resurrectors as an excuse to hide behind. If you had no intention of even trying to figure out a way to be with me then you never should have admitted your feelings. Samuel wouldn’t be able to do anything if we were a united force, working in sync with each other."

  "I am not going to have this conversation right now. Trust me when I say that there is a lot about Samuel that you do not know. Now, we should get to work. We can talk more later
." Then he picked up his pen and returned to whatever he had been doing before I came in.

  I stood there not moving and not saying anything, all the while hoping he would change his mind. I wanted him to talk to me but it was becoming clear that he was focused on work and would not look up again. What did we really have to do? Since the Reapers started working my list had become rather short. Apparently not many souls were deserving of the chance of redemption offered by the Angel of Death. Perhaps that was a good thing since I was exhausted and probably needed to rest up for a few more days. I had stretched to my limits after Thanos had been taken.

  Then again, perhaps work was a good idea. It would get me to think about something aside from all this chaos with Thanos for a while. Trying to rest certainly wouldn't help with anything, and would likely lead to me thinking about all of this far more than I should. I pulled out my scroll list and focused on the first name there. Then I vanished into the gray mist and quickly made my way through the Between.

  When I arrived at my destination I could see that I was behind a high school by one of the baseball diamonds. It looked as if they were in the middle of a game but I was merely guessing. I had never really paid attention to sports, except occasionally to humor Damir when he had gathered enough people to play for a while, because work was first for me. It always had been. Focusing on the name on the list I found that I was going to be taking one of the players.

  He was standing to the side of the field swinging a bat around. Looking at him I could already tell something was wrong. His breathing pattern was quick and shallow, and not in a way that was common with athletes in the height of a physical performance. Connecting with him would probably reveal that he was asthmatic. He probably kept it under control most of the time, utilizing his inhaler right before the game. Something had changed today, whether he had run out of medicine or been distracted and simply forgot. What a way to go, in the middle of a game. The boy should have known better than to be involved in a sport that could put his already fragile life at risk. Then again, some people could not just give up the glory of being a star.

  It was almost time for his life to end. I could see it now: he would hit the ball and start running but he would collapse on his way to the base, unable to breathe. Without the oxygen his heart would beat non-oxygenated blood through the body and his brain would suffer. It wouldn't take longer than a few minutes and it required very little effort on my part. I just needed to make sure a Resurrector didn't try to interfere and then collect his soul when the time was right.

  I knew they were rebuilding their numbers, intensifying lessons so the students would graduate faster. If the Leaders helped then they would not have a need to panic. But it was silly to think they would do anything. At one time they had been some of the greatest Resurrectors but now they were content to sit back and watch. It was why they would never win. Both life and death were important but they would never hear the truth of it.

  The player moved out to the home plate and took his place before adjusting the bat to the perfect starting position. He had a tight grip on the bat, perhaps more than was needed. Couldn't he feel that this was a horrid idea and that something was wrong? Surely he had realized that he was close to a full-blown asthma attack. No, he was too focused on supporting his team. It was just careless. The pitcher released the ball and it flew towards the plate, where my player waited. He swung the bat with a practiced ease and there was a loud pinging sound as the metal bat connected with the ball, which went flying through the air towards the outfield. I guessed all those games watching my friends had taught me a little something about the sport.

  He dropped the bat and took off, obviously hoping to run past first base but he had no idea that I was there to stop him. I didn't even have to move onto the field. Instead I held my left hand out open towards him and then squeezed it into a fist, picturing his lungs tightening and squeezing, contracting so it was impossible for him to take a breath. The effect was nearly instantaneous as he lost his balance, stumbled, and collapsed.

  For a few moments everything continued as normal but then people realized that he wasn’t getting back up. The people in the stands quieted to hushed words as players and coaches alike ran towards the fallen boy. A few people in the stands stood up to get a better view of the events while most sat down and all of them fell silent. I looked around knowing that a Resurrector should have been there. They had made it clear that they would be fighting with everything they had to save their charges. Yet it seemed as if I was alone here.

  Then I turned all the way around and saw Damir standing right behind me. He had not changed much, and unlike when I faced Alaula and Sitara, Damir almost seemed as if he was still my friend, as unlikely as that was. There was no way he would have believed anything other than what he heard from the Leaders and everyone else about my traitorous acts. "Hello, Tamesis."

  It struck me then that he should have been trying to heal the baseball player and doing his best to be the only Resurrector aside from me to ever thwart the Angel of Death, but instead he was completely focused on me. "Aren't you even going to try to do your job?" I asked.

  Damir simply shrugged and continued to stand there, not even making a move towards his charge. "We both know that you would win. You always found a way to succeed in the past and that at least hasn’t changed. And I have no desire to struggle against someone I once considered to be a friend. All this fighting is a little ridiculous, and even a little childish. I took the assignment of this particular charge because I knew you would be here and I think we need to talk."

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