A Dancing Monkey

by C T Micheal

  With a deep sigh I start the next entry.

  “October 1st:

  Dear Diary,

  I haven’t slept well in days. My mind keeps racing with thoughts of Jane. One after another, a parade of fantasies where Jane and I are living random scenes of our lives together. Happily.”

  October 2nd:

  Dear Diary,

  I’m a coward! A filthy little insignificant piece of shit who Jane will never love. I see her. I study her. I follow her. At the time I write this entry, it is 5:51p.m. and I know exactly where Jane is. She’s working out at the gym in her apartment complex probably listening to Ana Valeni, her favorite pop star. Afterwards, she is most likely going to go catch up on her favorite TV series, Dead Land. She should be on episode 33 by now. What should I do now? You’re the only one in this life who can listen to me, My Dearest Diary.”

  The next several entries go onto describing newer findings on Jane. At one point, Jon even describes the house he imagined building for Jane in detail. I take my time reading through all of it slowly and carefully, and I’m not sure why.

  I eventually come to an entry that stood out among the other descriptively fantastic entries.

  “October 12th:

  Dear Diary,

  She’s mocking me with her nearly perfect life. It’s so close to perfect. Too damn close to perfect! You know what would make it perfect, My Dearest Diary?? I bet I would make it perfect.”

  I review that last entry a dozen times at least. The handwriting, the pressure of the ink, the use of words and what they could mean.

  The next two pages don’t have words. Taking up the entirety of the pages is a carefully drawn picture of two people holding hands sitting on a park bench. The person on the right-side page appears to be male, with his hair draping over his left eye. He’s drawn wearing a vest and tattered jeans, making him look a little edgy.

  The drawing on the left-side page is of a young woman. She’s wearing a small cardigan over a sundress. Her hair is parted off to the right making it cover her left eye. Her right arm is drawn reaching towards the middle of the diary holding the hand of the young man in a position almost mirrored on the opposite page. Jon obviously took his time on this; It’s really well done. Especially the young woman whom I assume is Jane.

  I bring my eyes up from the diary as I look up at where I’ve auto-piloted myself to. I’m out in the backyard. I must’ve gotten up and paced around the house, eventually wandering out here. It’s a small space about only 200 square feet of patchy grass. In the far corner to the left is a sandy spot where Cookie goes for an emergency piss or shit when no one’s home to walk her.

  I shake my head slightly to get my bearings straight. My stiff back causes me to pop my neck loudly and stretch my arms. My mouth hangs wide open letting out a big yawn. I look back down and remember that I’m holding the diary in my right hand. I open it up again and reread the last line at the bottom of the page.

  “I bet I would make it perfect.” The statement echoes in my ears. The realization of how insane and ominous those words really are hits me.

  “Oh my God…” I say to myself quickly flipping the page over to the next.

  “October 13th:

  Dear Diary,

  I can’t stand it anymore. I want Jane. I need Jane, more than anything else. We were made for each other, I just feel it. I’ve been feeling it ever since I first laid eyes on her. I deserve her all to myself. Why do her friends get to have her so much when they’d never appreciate her the way I would? I must take her before she inevitably meets a lesser worthy guy who would just abuse her, or take her for granted. I could make everything perfect for her; far from all these insipid details of life. All I’ll need to do is wait for her two little buddies to leave her alone. Even if I need to make them leave, I’ll do it so that Jane and I can be together. Tonight is the night. I’ve finally decided that I’m going over to her home. Then, I can go to her door and confess everything. I know her so well now that she can’t possibly see it any other way. Just for one night. I deserve one night with her. She’s bound to be impressed with all the valuable knowledge about her I’ve painstaking built up.All I want for her to do is listen. Maybe after that, there needs to be no words at all. Or maybe I should be there at her bedside and she would dream about me. Or be in bed with her to make sure she dreams about me. Will there be a tomorrow? Should there even be? What if tomorrow she doesn’t agree, and she changes her mind? I can’t let her do that, I’ve gone through way too much for Jane. She owes me.

  I’m here at the parking lot at Jane’s apartment, sitting in my car writing this entry. I keep staring up at Jane’s apartment on the second floor. I’ve been sitting here for almost three hours waiting for Jane to go to sleep. She’s been home all day.

  I’ve packed a few instruments to help convince her of my love and compassion: 24 zip-ties, 3 doses of tranquilizer, scissors, tweezers, scalpel, 12 cotton balls, bottle of antiseptic, a bottle of chloroform, a revolver pistol, two bullets, a roll of duct tape, and of course you, My Dearest Diary. Let’s hope I won’t need to use it. I hope she eventually understands how much I love her.”

  Without thinking, I let the diary fall from my hands onto the ground and step back a few feet away putting my hands over my mouth. “What the hell is happening? What the hell are you thinking, Jon? Is this what your diary has been leading up to this whole time: how a murdering obsessive psychopath is made??” I whisper the words through my fingers. My pulse is racing, my breathing is heavy, and my eyes are wide staring at nothing.

  I then hear someone behind me at the back door of the house. Goosebumps spike up from my skin.

  “Found you...”

  -Chapter 26-

  With my hands over my mouth and the hairs on my arms standing at attention, I slowly turn to see whomsoever is calling my name. I’m expecting a tall assailant with large dark sunglasses dressed in all black brandishing a hunting knife or syringe.

  But it’s only Gabi, the red-headed mom in a light blue cardigan. Thank god!

  “Hey, Mel.” She says calmly as she steps into the back patio towards me.

  I can see blonde hair also approaching from behind her.

  My sight turns into a soggy haze. Tears run down my cheeks into my fingers. I close them tight and sob, my arms and chest pulsing from my heavy breathing.

  “Oh my gosh, Mel.” Gabi rushes over to me as she holds me by my shoulders and arms leading me back into the house.

  “Hey, what the hell?! What is it, Mel?” I hear Liz’s voice as we pass by.

  Gabi slowly sets me down on the sofa and sits next to me. “Hey, your friends are here with you.” Gabi says quietly stroking her right hand on my back in a circular motion.

  I try my hardest to calm myself down, wiping my wet face off. Liz stands in front of me offering me a tissue with her right hand. She turns and sits down on the chair off to the side. After my vision clears from wiping off my face, I can see both Gabi and Liz looking at me with deeply concerned expressions. I sniff my nose a couple times as I try to talk, “H-hey Liz. I see you’re up.”

  Liz is dressed in gray sweatpants and a long sleeve black shirt. She has a black cast and sling over her left arm and a few bandages on her left cheek. “Yeah, I’m doing alright. I’ll admit this isn’t my best look. But at least there’s all the meds they’ve got me doped up on.” She muses.

  Gabi and I manage to laugh a little bit.

  “Um, it's almost 7:00 p.m. We got worried waiting for you, so we decided to come here instead. Liz insisted on coming with me despite what I said.” Gabi explains.

  “I said I’m fine, Gabi. Geezus.” Liz complains as she adjusts her sling.

  I smile saying, “Well thanks for coming over, you guys.”

  Gabi and Liz both respond together saying it wasn’t a problem and that they were happy to see me.

  “Gabi told me you kicked the shit outta some creep today.” Liz says proudly.

  Gabi rolls her eyes at her, “
He wasn’t a creep. Mel just saw him following us around, so she thought he was stalking me. But he wasn’t.”

  “I feel like shit. I can’t believe I attacked some innocent guy.” I say dropping my face into my palms.

  “Why feel so bad? At least now you know you can fight off anyone who does try to attack you or any of us. That’s pretty badass, Mel.” Liz says with a cheeky laugh.

  I laugh a little into my hands as I look up at her with a half smile.

  “Mel, what’s been going on with you anyways?” Gabi questions.

  “Yeah. Gabi said something about a book you’ve been reading…?” Liz cuts in.

  “I uh…” I hesitate; I’m not entirely ready to answer.

  “…and why were you outside crying your eyes out when we got here?” Liz continues.

  “Didn’t you say you wanted to meet us at five?” Gabi asks.

  I feel cornered, so I just put my face back into my hands and sigh. The room goes silent for a long minute. I look back up at my friends. Gabi’s attention is now diverted towards Liz. I glance over at Liz as she’s reaching around her butt, grabbing something behind her. “What. What is it?” I mutter.

  “I’m hoping you would tell us.” Liz says, presenting what was in her hand: Jon’s diary.

  My eyes grow wide again as I gaze upon it sitting in Liz’s hand.

  “I picked it up from outside.” Liz explains opening it in her lap, “Is this what you’ve been reading?”

  Gabi tilts her head with a puzzled look at the diary asking, “What the hell is that?”

  Before I could answer, Liz asks, “Did you write all this, Mel? You mentioned that you were keeping a journal, but I didn’t think you’ve written this much already.”

  “No, what’re you doing? Give it to me!” I say to Liz with urgency holding out my hands.

  Gabi pins me back. Probably with concern that I might tackle Liz. “Easy there, Mel.” She looks over towards Liz, “Why don’t you just give her back her book, Liz?”

  “Cuz it’s not her book at all…” Liz says with a serious tone while she studies a random page in the diary, “Is it, Mel?”

  I give up trying as I cup my hands over my knees.

  “What is she talking about, Mel?” Gabi slowly asks looking at the diary.

  I breathe a long sigh. “That… That’s not my diary. I found it at the park last week.” I explain while looking down at the throw rug on the ground in front of me, my knees starting to fidget.

  “What? Here, let me see that.” Gabi demands Liz.

  “Wait, hold on!” Liz says as her eyes quickly trace the page, “So this is a guy… Jon? This was his diary!” Liz’s expression of awe grows as she flips through a few more pages, “Wow. He’s really put his whole life in here. You probably know more about this guy than you do about us.”

  “This is why you asked me about Lindsay’s diary the other day?” Gabi asks, turning her attention back towards me.

  I nod with a blank expression, still looking down.

  “Mel. Why didn’t you tell me about this? That’s somebody’s stuff.” Gabi lectures me.

  “Because you’re no fun and you’d just nag her about it.” Liz cuts in while rifling through more pages.

  Gabi turns to Liz with an annoyed huff, “Can I see it now?”

  Liz ignores her with a brief laugh saying, “Hah! Jon’s pretty pissed at this chick who took his bestie, huh? Wow. A lot of bad shit happened to this guy. Heartbreak, car crashes, drug abuse, it looks like?” Liz continues mumbling random lines.

  “No. No, no, we shouldn’t read it. No one should.” I interrupt shaking my head, my knees bouncing.

  “Well, no. Probably not… But I’m kind of curious now. No wonder you’ve been keeping this to yourself; there’s some juicy shit in here.” Gabi says going over to Liz to try and look at it.

  I say nothing with my eyes still studying the fibers of the carpet. I think back to all that Jon was, what he eventually turns into, and what he plans to do. I keep trying to make sense of all of it asking myself why I had to find his diary. I feel like I’m so close to figuring out what I’m supposed to see. Have I really been reading the diary of a madman?

  My concentration is broken to the sound of Liz chuckling as she reads, “Heh. This Jane girl reminds me of you, Mel.”

  I blink hard and look up at Liz, “Wait! What did you say?” I immediately rise to my feet glaring at her.

  Both Gabi and Liz jump a bit, their attention fully on me now.

  “I uh, said the way Jon is describing this Jane person. It’s a lot like how you were. Even the drawing: it kinda looks like you, Mel.”

  -Chapter 27-

  “What do you mean, reminds me of you?” I harp with manic stutter and a piercing glare at Liz.

  Shifting nervously in her seat, she avoids eye contact with me, “I- I mean if you look here, it says that…”

  Before she can even finish talking, I lose all patience and dart over to her as I snatch the book out from her lap. “-Oh God!” Liz squeaks putting her hand up to her chest.

  Gabi steps back with her eyes wide, “Someone, please explain?”

  I turn the diary towards me and search Jon’s handwriting. “Where… where? Show me what you’re talking about, Liz!” I shout bringing the diary closer to my face.

  Liz chokes a little and softly says, “Uh… All of it, Mel.”

  My hands frantically rifle through the pages. Starting from the beginning of random entries, I gloss through Jon’s thoughts and feelings about Jane, along with what he sees. After picking out some descriptions, the realization hits me hard with what Liz is talking about: Jane’s place of work. The spots where she had lunch. Details of her business suits. The work out habits. Her hobbies and friends. Where she walked. Where she shopped! Even down to what Jane loved to eat! It’s all here, and I never bothered to notice it until now!

  With a shriek, I toss both my hands up, launching the book into the air. Gabi, with her precision reflexes, manages to catch it.

  I cover my mouth with my right hand and my knees go weak. I start panting saying, “Oh… Oh my God! Oh my God, this means that… that I’m…” My body slowly melts me down to the edge of the cushions.

  “Mel are you okay?!” Liz shouts.

  “No… No, I can’t believe this. I… I’m Jane… I am Jane!” my left hand beats against my chest as I mutter to myself. Both Liz and Gabi are frozen in shock and confusion. “I get it now. It all makes sense now. Of course, Jon’s been using code names this whole time.” I continue with a shaky voice.

  I slowly prop my butt up on the couch. My eyes swaying side to side, my head feeling so unstable. After a few moments, I dip my head forward letting my thick hair hang over my face. I can feel Gabi’s presence draw closer to me. “Mel. Talk to me, please. What is all this?” she asks softly.

  With a dead tone in my voice, I explain, “Gabi. What you are holding is a documented journal of how a boy grew up to be a deviant. Jon, or whatever his name is, used this book to record all of the bad things that ever happened to him. The entries written in red are the transformation of his mind into something that spirals into madness. And now that I’ve read through the whole thing, I think it's happening to me. Because, it’s about me. I believe now that this guy left that diary for me to find; as a sick way of taunting me. And now with these final pages, they must be the twisted narrative laying out what he’s going to do when he finally gets to me.”

  Gabi opens the leather cover as she flips through the pages.

  I continue my dry sounding monologue, “At first, I just had this perverse curiosity about some stranger’s drama. I thought it’d be exciting. It felt like he was telling me about stuff happening in real life around me. But then this person started to sound really weird. He started having strange habits. Eventually, I thought it was a warning about someone stalking you, Gabi. I allowed my mind to be consumed by that diary. But I should’ve known that this wasn’t a symbolic metaphor. This time, it’s a liter
al message about me.”

  Gabi looks up from the diary saying, “Mel. You need to get a grip. You’re losing your mind over this. It can’t be about you. Sure, it may look similar. But that doesn’t mean it’s actually about you and-!”

  “Mel, I’m sorry!” Liz cuts in trying desperately to assure me, “I don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s just a coincidence. There’s millions of women who are like this. This isn’t about you. This could’ve happened years ago to like anyone else.”

  I grip my hair with both hands, “But what if it is me!? You don’t know! What if he wrote this the same day he left it for me to find?!”

  My mind and body are filling up quickly with adrenaline. I jump up from the sofa again. Gabi quickly reacts as she rushes over to me holding my right arm, “Hey! Settle down, Mel!”

  “Mel!” Liz screams as she stands up and then moves to my left side on the sofa and sits down next to me.

  “I’m not crazy. And I sure as fuck am not just going to let Jon come and rape me, I need to get out of here!” Gabi pulls me down forcing me to sit. Liz reaches over with her left arm, gripping my shoulder.

  Seconds creep by marked by the soft sound of a clock ticking. The only other noise in the entire house is the heavy breathing from the three of us. While keeping her steady grip with one hand, Gabi moves the diary to the cushion on the other side of her, freeing up her other hand to secure me in place. Gabi leans into my ear with a scold, “Now you listen to me. It’s just a book. Words written on pages by some stranger from another time and place. We are not going to let you continue to think this has anything to do with you, that’s utterly insane. This is your home; you don’t need to go anywhere.”

  “Come on, Mel just breathe, okay? Please?” Liz whispers softly while trying to keep from crying.

  I make a couple quick nods and take her advice. Slowly I calm myself down, steady my breathing, and close my eyes. I can feel the grip of both women ease off of me.