by Gerri Hill
“Maybe you’re finally allowing yourself to be you.”
“I’m certainly different. I feel more whole. I realize how much I’d missed out on. All the little everyday things that some people take for granted. I spent exactly one week a year with Mark and two weeks with my parents. Every year. That’s it. That’s not nearly enough.”
“When everyone still lived in Austin, you saw them more?”
“Oh, yes. When Mia was alive, I was at their place all the time. And we had a family dinner every Wednesday night. It was rare that either Mark or I missed. So yeah, when they all moved, I had this huge void in my life. But I filled it. And I filled it with all these trivial things that I convinced myself were important. I didn’t miss my family as much because nearly every hour of every day was filled with something.”
“That had to be exhausting.”
“It was. Physically and mentally. But I think it was like you said. I was living on the fringes, just skimming the surface. It was like life or death if I missed a gym session. Dinner dates, brunch, barhopping. There was no downtime, no quiet time. No me time.” She sighed. “Then I no longer had a job and I ended things with Cathy and all of a sudden, I had time on my hands, and I didn’t know what to do with it. That’s when it became glaringly obvious to me how truly empty my life was.” She stood and turned her back to the fire. “Empty in that there was nothing meaningful. I had no job, I had no partner.” She waved her hand. “So I tried to fill all the empty space with something. But still, at the end of the day, it was meaningless. It was as if I was trying to kill time.”
“Time is too precious to kill.”
“Exactly! So when my mother offered this to me, I was actually shocked that I was considering it. My first inclination was to say no, absolutely not. I loved my life. I loved all the stuff I did. I loved the freedom I had.” She looked at Kyler. “I was lying to myself. I hated what my life had become. I hated all the stuff I’d started doing to fill my hours. So when I took a step back and took stock of my life, I was surprised at how unhappy I truly was. I did the pros and cons of moving up here and sure, I had a list of cons, but most of them were based on my current lifestyle.”
“Do you still have cons?”
“Yes. I mean, it’s only been a few weeks. I can’t throw all my hesitations out the window after a couple of weeks. But they’re not quite so prevalent now. And some of the cons were things I thought I’d miss, thought I should miss. Like Sixth Street on Saturday nights. And meeting friends for dinner or lunch. And the gym and spin class.” She sat down again. “I feel surprisingly happy being here. But it’s too soon to say I’m going to stay. I’d told myself I’d take at least six weeks, then decide.”
“That’s probably the wisest thing to do.”
“I know. I have to look at it long-term. Maybe a change like this is something I need right now. But what about in a couple of years? Five years? Ten? Will I wake up when I’m forty and wonder where the time went? And think it’s then too late to escape?”
“Has your mother been pushing you to make a decision already?”
“No, not at all. Although she did mention that they want to take a couple of days off and go to El Paso to shop for an RV. And I overheard her on the phone with my grandparents. She was telling them that if I stay, they’d head out to Florida in February and spend a couple of months down there with them.”
“So you’re feeling pressured?”
“A little. I don’t want to disappoint them.”
“You’ve got to do what’s best for you. Your mother will respect your decision.”
“I know.” She leaned her elbows on her knees, turning her head to look at her. “It’s too soon to be sure, isn’t it?”
Kyler nodded. “I think so. You’ll know when you’re sure. One way or the other.”
Lexie looked at her thoughtfully. “Why do you call yourself weird? Weird birdwatcher. Now a weird tree hugger. Why?”
Kyler shrugged. “I guess because in my former jobs, I thought those people were weird—strange.”
Lexie nodded. “I guess to the outside world, yes. They’re different.” She smiled then. “You seem perfectly normal. Different, yes, than my friends in Austin. A good different.” She leaned closer to her. “Thank you for being my friend, Kyler. Thank you for giving me an outlet to voice my feelings, my concerns. Mark is a good listener, but I think he wants me to stay too badly to be objective.”
“What makes you think I don’t want you to stay?”
“Do you?”
Lexie felt a charge between them—they were too close. The flickering light from the fire seemed to be blanketing them, bathing them in its soft glow. Their eyes held and Kyler felt it too, she could see. Kyler’s gaze dropped to her lips and Lexie felt her breath catch. Would they kiss? Now? Where everything was soft and romantic all of a sudden?
“I do.”
No. She didn’t want them to kiss. If they kissed, it would change things and she wasn’t ready for things to change. No. So she leaned back, away from her. Kyler turned away too and stared into the flames, making Lexie wonder what she was thinking.
“Thank you for the campfire,” Lexie said quietly as she stood. “But I think I should go.”
Kyler stood too, taking a step away from the fire. “It was a nice evening. Thank you again for dinner. It was really good.”
“You’re welcome.”
Lexie paused for a moment, wondering if she should say something else. Kyler was looking at the stars and Lexie followed her gaze, finding the Little Dipper. She stared at it for a long moment, then made herself move.
She went back inside to pack her things, gathering up the dishes and pans they’d washed earlier and shoving them into bags. She heard Kyler come inside too, and she turned to her. They weren’t in the shadowed light of the campfire any longer. The bright kitchen light allowed her to see Kyler’s eyes clearly.
She didn’t know who moved first. She didn’t care. Like two magnets snapping together—their kiss wasn’t soft and gentle. Quite the opposite. Kyler’s hands cupped her face, holding her as their mouths opened, moans filling the kitchen as they pressed close together.
Oh, dear lord, this was so not supposed to happen. She pushed that thought aside as her hands rested at Kyler’s hips. The brush of Kyler’s tongue against her own caused her to grip Kyler’s hips tighter, pulling them toward her in an almost desperate motion. The jolt that shot through her body at the contact caused her heart to jump into her throat, nearly choking her.
She pulled away, her eyes wide as she backed up.
“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head. “We did not just do that.”
Kyler had a smile on her mouth. “I think we did, yes.”
Lexie held her hand up. “No. We can’t do this.” She took another step away from her. “Let’s just pretend we didn’t do that. Okay?”
“No.”
“No? Kyler, you said yourself, I’m not your type.” She shook her head almost fiercely. “We’re friends. We should not be kissing.”
Kyler took a step away from her too. “Okay. We probably should not be kissing. You’re right.”
“I know I am.”
“So we’ll pretend it didn’t happen,” Kyler said unconvincingly.
“Yes, we will.” She grabbed the two bags she’d managed to pack. “I should go.”
“We’ve got a hike in the morning, remember?”
She paused. “Maybe we should skip that.”
“Lexie, it was just a little kiss. Don’t overreact.”
She let out a breath. “You’re right. Hiking. Daybreak.” She motioned to the counter. “I’ll get the rest of this later.”
Kyler didn’t follow her out to her car, and she was thankful. She put the two bags she’d packed into the backseat, then got inside. She thought she saw Kyler watching from the window but wasn’t sure. She backed away, her mind buzzing. What the hell just happened?
“Oh, don’t be stupid,” she murmure
d out loud. She knew exactly what had happened.
Yeah, she knew. But what the hell were they thinking? Kissing? No, no, no. Friends did not kiss!
Chapter Thirty
She’d been awake since five and she was on her third cup of coffee. She was feeling a little anxious this morning. Okay, a lot anxious. Because she knew that she should not see Kyler this morning. They should not be alone.
It’s a hike. What could possibly happen on a hike?
Right. It was only a hike. Hopefully, a strenuous hike that would have her laboring and out of breath. There would be no time to think about kissing.
“That was a stupid thing to do,” she muttered to herself.
She should have left sooner. She shouldn’t have gone back inside the house. But she had and so had Kyler. And as she replayed the scene in her mind, she was convinced that it was Kyler who had moved first, not her. But why?
They’d already talked about it. She thought they were on the same page. She wasn’t Kyler’s type. Kyler certainly wasn’t her type. Why in the world did they kiss?
“Friends don’t freakin’ kiss,” she said out loud.
* * *
Kyler felt sluggish this morning and after a fitful night’s sleep, why not? It was the damn kiss. She’d woken up numerous times, worrying over it, wondering how it would change things between them. She didn’t want things to change. She liked them the way they were. Lexie was fun and she enjoyed her company. She enjoyed having her along on bike rides. She was looking forward to the hike.
She shouldn’t have followed Lexie inside last night. She should have let Lexie leave. That’s what she should have done. Because she could feel the energy between them. Sitting around the campfire, she could feel it. So had Lexie. Why else had she tried to leave so abruptly? But no. She’d gone inside. She was going to help her pack, thank her for dinner—which had been delicious—and bid her a good night. No, that didn’t happen. One look. That’s all it took. Lexie had moved first, of that she was certain.
And now they’d kissed. Not a little kiss, as she’d claimed. A full body touching-in-all-sorts-of-places kind of kiss. A kiss that had stolen her breath away. A kiss that promised so much more.
There wouldn’t be more, though, would it? They were going to forget about it. They weren’t going to mention it. Lexie wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. They’d go on a hike, they’d act like everything was normal, then they’d go to Mark’s for football.
They’d pretend they hadn’t kissed. They’d tease and laugh, and Lexie would flirt with her in that subtle way of hers and then she’d think about the damn kiss all over again.
Her head snapped up when she heard a car door close. Lexie was here. Her heart beat a little bit faster than it should and she went to the door, opening it before Lexie could knock.
They looked at each other and she saw a wariness in Lexie’s eyes.
“Good morning. Am I too early?”
“No, no. I’m ready. Let me get my backpack.”
Chapter Thirty-one
“So when did you get hiking boots?”
Lexie held one foot up as they stood next to Kyler’s Jeep. “Like I said, Amazon is my friend. I ordered them, like, the third day I was here.”
“First time to have them on?”
“No, I’ve been wearing them some, trying to break them in.” She eyed Kyler’s hiking stick. “Where’d you get that?”
Kyler tapped it on the rocks a couple of times. “I made it. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Tell me.” They started up the trail, which was in a little ravine between the interpretive center—and one of the bird blinds—and the RV camping sites, where three white RVs were parked.
“When we trim juniper limbs—either around the campground or sometimes along hiking trails—I keep the bigger ones. Well, those that are nice and straight. All I did with this one is sand it down to get the bark off and bring out the color. Except here around the handle.” Kyler stopped, showing it to her. The bark around the handle seemed almost red. “Put a cedar stain on it, then a nice varnish and that’s all it took.” Kyler smiled at her. “You want me to make you one?”
“Would you?”
“Sure.” She surprised her by offering the stick to her now. “Try it out. See if you like it.”
Lexie took the hiking stick, not really sure how to use it. But as they walked on, she found it helped with her balance when going over rocks—and gave her something to lean on to catch her breath.
“How long does it take to get to the top?”
Kyler laughed. “You tired already?”
“No, but hiking on rocks—uphill—is way different than strolling from the lodge over to the restaurant.”
“Different than a gym workout too.”
“Yes, it is.” She stopped walking and Kyler glanced at her, then stopped too. “I was talking about that with Mark the other day. Austin is full of outdoor opportunities. A huge greenbelt, lots of hike and bike trails, yet I never used them. I ran on a treadmill in the gym, not outside. I was stuck in spin class when I could have taken a mountain bike out on the trails.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I guess I never met anyone who did those things. The closest I ever got to getting outside for a workout was when Mark and Mia would go cycling and I’d join them. But like I said, it was a road bike and they wanted to do thirty miles or more.” She shook her head. “That wasn’t my thing.” She grinned. “My ass hurt after fifteen miles.”
“I was going to ask if you ever went to the greenbelt—Barton Springs Greenbelt. I’ve been on it a couple of times.”
“You have?”
They started walking again and the trail smoothed out, the large rocks of the ravine replaced with a gravel-like surface now. The trail narrowed some, but it was still plenty wide for two to walk side-by-side.
“The first time, I was in college. I didn’t have my own bike, so I rented one at a shop there. It was a blast. We’d ride for a while, then stop and swim, then back on the bike. I was used to Corpus and the beach so getting to be in the woods and ride along a crystal-clear creek was pretty awesome.”
“And the second time?”
“It was about a year before I came up here. I went with two guys who were damn near pros on a mountain bike.” Kyler laughed. “They left me behind pretty quick. So I had a leisurely ride and like before, I’d find a nice swimming hole and hop in for a bit, then ride on again. That was why—when I needed to find a new job—I looked at the parks around Austin.”
“Are there creeks here that you can swim in? Limpia Creek?”
“Not here in the park, no. Enough to splash in and get your feet wet, that’s about all. Of course, Balmorhea has the spring-fed pool but that’s way too crowded for me. But up at Irene’s ranch, Limpia Creek flows there, and she’s got some nice holes.” Kyler glanced at her and smiled. “You can only get to them by horseback.”
“Determined to get me on a horse, aren’t you?”
“It’s fun. It’s freeing. You get to see places that you wouldn’t otherwise. And the views up there near Mt. Livermore are incredible.”
“I do like to swim.” Of course, that too was done at the gym. Had she ever been in water that wasn’t chlorinated?
“Bikini?” Their eyes met and Kyler shook her head. “No. Don’t answer that.”
Lexie smiled as Kyler turned away and kept walking. So that was the closest they’d come to mentioning the kiss without mentioning it, of course. All of her earlier trepidation was unwarranted, apparently. Things had been friendly and normal between them. The tension that she’d arrived with had dissipated almost as soon as she got there.
Kyler stopped suddenly, her head cocked as she stared into the brush beside them. Lexie stopped too, hearing a rustling there. What was it? A herd of javelinas about to attack? A mountain lion?
Kyler held a finger to her lips to indicate she should stay quiet. Then she squatted down, beckoning Lexie to do the same. She did, her gaz
e going where Kyler pointed. Six birds foraged among the leaves under the branches of a bush. She had no idea what they were, but one had a pretty black and white face—clown-like almost in appearance. Short, squatty birds. Quail? One looked up in his task, seeming to look right at them. But the birds didn’t panic. They moved on slowly, still scratching in the leaves. Then, quick as lightning, they ran, scurrying away in a straight line, one behind the other, their short legs flashing as they disappeared into the brush.
Kyler stood up, a bright smile on her face. “Montezuma quail. A pair with four young. Well, not so young anymore but their offspring from this year.”
“The black and white face?”
“That was the male. They call it a harlequin pattern. He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”
She nodded. “Yes. Very.” Then she smiled. “All that noise they were making, I thought we were going to be attacked by something.”
Kyler started walking again. “A lot of birders come here to try to find the quail. You don’t often see them this close, although in the evenings, they’ll come to the bird blinds if it’s quiet.”
They walked on now in silence, the sun having finally crested the peak behind them. Lexie enjoyed the quiet, letting in sounds that had been in the background—birds in the trees, the gentle rustle of leaves, the crunching of their boots as they moved over the rocks. She paused once, tilting her face toward the sun, letting it warm her skin. She was conscious of the smile on her face and she opened her eyes, finding Kyler watching her.
“I love it here.”
Kyler smiled but said nothing.
“I feel like I’ve missed out on so much.” She looked around them, pointing the hiking stick at a thorny bush with a few red berries clinging to it. “I don’t know the names of things—the plants, the birds, the trees.”
“That’s an agarita. It blooms in February. Yellow flowers. Very fragrant. The birds love the red berries in the fall.” Kyler pointed at the tree behind the shrub. “Piñon pine. And why would you know the names? I didn’t learn them until I moved here.”