Beck

by Jessie Cooke

  Wolf could see she was getting excited. He put his palm up and said, “We respect that he had enough faith in you to believe you could do this...but we can’t just take his, and your, word for it. When I take on a prospect, it’s because I know him well, or he’s come highly recommended. Although, in a roundabout way, you have come recommended by Coyote, we...” The timbre of Wolf’s voice lowered when he said “we” and Beck got the feeling that he wasn’t part of the “we” he was about to talk about. “We don’t believe Coyote had enough information to make that call. He hadn’t seen you in a decade before he died, and he never saw you do all the things you tell us that you can. So...the majority has voted to allow you to...take a test of sorts. If you pass, the next step would be prospect.” Beck felt lightheaded. She was sure whatever “test” the assholes had come up with, or would come up with, would be the hardest test she’d ever taken. But they were giving her a chance, and she wanted this badly enough that she was sure she could do it. She smiled but waited to make sure Wolf was finished. Only when he nodded at her did she say:

  “I’m ready...sir.”

  “Tonight, we have a party and you’re invited. Tomorrow, you’ll be given a list of things that you’ll be expected to accomplish...you can reserve the right to change your mind when you see it.”

  “No, sir. I mean I won’t...change my mind. Thank you.” She looked around at the faces in the room then. If she had the time she would probably be able to determine, just by the look they held on their faces at that moment, who had voted for her and who had voted against. But she didn’t care. She smiled at them all and said, “Thank you. You won’t regret this.”

  Manson slammed down the gavel and Wolf pronounced church over. Beck stood in her spot as the men filed out of the room. She didn’t speak again until Wolf passed her and when he did, she whispered, “Thank you,” again. He didn’t smile. He didn’t look mad. His expression was neutral, hidden mostly behind his heavy beard. He just nodded at her and kept going. Manson didn’t look at her at all. He must have been one of the “nays.” Bruf tried not to look at her as well, but she spoke again as he walked by: “Bruf, can we talk?”

  He stopped and sighed. Before he looked at her, he took out his phone and looked at the face of it, at the time, maybe? His green eyes finally moved up to her face and he said, “I’ve only got a few minutes.”

  “Okay, that’s all I need.”

  “This way,” he said, tossing his head toward a door in the side wall. Beck followed him and the door he opened led outside. There was a horseshoe pit and cornhole boards set up underneath a large poplar tree. It was a pretty spot and like the inside of the clubhouse, it had been decorated for the party. Bruf walked over to a picnic table underneath the tree and gestured at her to sit down. As soon as she did he said, “I got your letter almost three years after you wrote it. I didn’t see that there was much sense in responding to it at that point.”

  “I understand,” she said. “I never really expected a response. She went to a good family, but her dad was killed a few years ago...and since then, I’ve been thinking about trying to find her...”

  “Whoa, hang on. I’m sure it sucked balls for her to find out her dad was dead. But she’s still got her mother. She’s twelve years old, Rebekah. Why would you want to mess with that?”

  “I just think about how much I hated growing up without a dad and...”

  Bruf snorted, like he was trying to hold back a laugh but failed. “So, you thought I’d want to just step in and take over the role? She had a father, Rebekah, and if he wasn’t abusive or mean then that already makes him a better father than I would have been back then. And now, what kind of people would we be if we showed up and shook up her life out of the blue? I remember twelve. It was a fucked-up age. The last thing you need at twelve is finding out that the two people you loved most in the world had been lying to you your whole life.”

  “What makes you think they lied? Maybe they told her she was adopted.”

  “Then when she’s old enough, and that day is not that far away...she can look us up. Until then, Rebekah, I don’t want any part of this. My old lady is in the hospital right now fighting for the life of our baby. I have enough real problems to worry about.”

  “Real problems, huh? The baby you made back then isn’t real enough for you?” Beck said sarcastically.

  “She doesn’t need me, Rebekah. If what you told me is true, about the people who adopted her, she’s in a good place. I’m sorry she lost her father, but I won’t be talked into trying to swoop in and replace him. There are too many lives at stake here that might end up fucked up over this. We spent ten minutes in a shed when we were kids and thankfully there was a couple out there that wanted to take responsibility for our mistake. We need to leave it at that.”

  She stood up. “Fine. I won’t mention your child to you again. You go and enjoy your cozy little life and keep pretending she doesn’t exist.”

  “See, Beck, for all I know, she might not exist.” He walked away then, leaving her underneath that poplar tree. She wanted to be pissed at him. She wanted to be so angry that she could scratch his pretty jade eyes out and then get on her bike and go find her baby. The truth was, though, that he didn’t say anything she hadn’t already told herself dozens of times. She would have been a shitty mother. She and Bruf would have never been together. Their child might still be reeling and hurting over the loss of her father...but in the big picture, Beck still knew she had done the right thing when she gave her up.

  Maybe now it was hormones because she was in her thirties and her biological clock was ticking and that was what was making her feel so guilty lately, and urging her to find a child that she knew in her heart was better off without her. She closed her eyes for a second and remembered the way that baby had felt in her arms, and the way she had smelled, and those aquamarine eyes that had looked up into Beck’s face. When she opened her eyes there were tears in the corners of them. She wiped at them with her fingers, and then sucked it up and resolved to once and for all let it go. She knew that if ever there was a time in her life when she didn’t need any distractions, it was now.

  14

  By the time the sun went down the twenty-acre compound was packed full—people, bikes, cars, and kids everywhere. Jace had been as impressed with Nate as everyone else was. He reminded him a lot of his sister Rosie...the way Nate related to people was odd, but he had a vibe that surrounded him that still attracted them like magnets. To stand back and watch burly bikers, hardened old ladies, and kids who had been raised on the backs of Harley Davidson with cuss words on their lips by the age of three, migrate toward this strange, barely verbal little boy restored a lot of the faith in humanity that Jace had lost by the time he’d reached his third decade on earth. His life hadn’t been easy by anyone’s definition, but he had to admit that every time he wasn’t sure that it was worth another day...he found another reason to go on. The look on that little boy’s face when he saw the bike that Jace had lovingly designed just for him, was it for today.

  “Why is it that in a room full of dozens of people, you look like a man who has just been stranded on an island alone...and is happy about it?” Jace set his whiskey down on the table in front of him and reluctantly looked up. He planned on heading out in the morning, back to his quiet life in Connecticut and as far as possible from the mess he knew this club would be in within a week. Part of that plan had included the catalyst for the mess...but here she was, standing at the edge of his table, demanding his attention.

  “Maybe because that’s where I’d rather be.” Uninvited, Beck kicked out a chair and dropped down into it, beer in hand.

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why would you rather be alone on an island? From what I saw tonight, you kind of made this party.”

  He chuckled. “I can honestly say that’s not a sentence I’ve ever heard before.”

  “Look at him.” Beck looked in the direction of the guest of honor.
He was sitting on the back of the little Harley. His pale face and dark eyes practically glistened with the happiness that seemed to be oozing from his pores, and he hadn’t even taken the thing out for a ride. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a happier person, kid or adult. You did that.”

  Jace shrugged and took a sip of his whiskey. He wasn’t comfortable with compliments, not that he’d ever had to worry much about them in his life. “Wolf did it,” he said. “This was all his idea. I just put a bike together.”

  She rolled her pretty eyes. “His father looks like a walking mug shot and he had tears in his eyes when he saw that bike. You don’t take praise well, do you?”

  “You ask a lot of questions.”

  She laughed. “I really don’t, usually. But I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone that I was as curious about before.”

  Jace didn’t get that. She was gorgeous. She was hands down the most interesting, incredible woman he’d ever met. He couldn’t begin to imagine why she’d even given him a passing glance, much less let him touch her so intimately...and now she was expressing interest in who he was. It made him suspicious of her. He knew that a “normal” man would be flattered by her attention, but he was anything but “normal” and it made him a nervous wreck.

  “Why?”

  “Why am I curious about you?”

  “Yes.”

  Without hesitation she said, “Because you look like you’ve lived.”

  “Haven’t we all?”

  She looked around the room, thoughtfully sipping her beer, and after several seconds she said, “No. I don’t think that most of us really have. Living is not going through the motions. It’s passion for things...it’s not showing any fear, even when you feel it. It’s wearing your scars proudly.”

  He snorted and finished what was in his glass. “You think I’m proud of these scars?” She reached over and lightly ran her fingertips across the one that sat just above his collar, like a rope tied tightly around the base of his neck. Jace willed his body not to react, but the goosebumps that skittered down his spine and shot like tiny little bullets to the tips of his fingers and toes were impossible to suppress. He saw her glance down at his arms before pulling her hand away.

  “You don’t hide them,” she said. “That’s fucking bravery.”

  “I thought about becoming a priest just for the collar, but they wouldn’t have me.”

  She chuckled. “Couldn’t handle the vow of celibacy?”

  “Nah, the celibacy I could take. It was people expecting me to answer all their questions that I couldn’t handle.”

  She laughed again. “Fine, I won’t ask any more questions. Meet me in your room in five.”

  “I thought you weren’t asking any more questions.”

  “That wasn’t a question,” she said, finishing what was in her mug and standing up. She winked at him and said, “Four and a half now...clock’s ticking.”

  He watched her walk across the room. He realized as he watched her that she didn’t just walk, she sauntered. Her self-confidence was part of what attracted him to her. He had so little of his own that he was drawn to people that had an abundance of it. It was a big part of why he had become a part of this MC in the first place. There was hardly a group of people with more self-awareness than a bunch of bikers. They were far from perfect, but it would be hell to convince one of them that there was anything wrong with the life they lived. They lived out loud whereas Jace had spent most of his life trying to exist behind the scenes.

  “You want another drink, Jace?”

  “Nah, I’m good, Ace. Think I’ll turn in.”

  “It’s early yet. This party won’t really even get started until the kids go to bed.” Ace grinned like an idiot as he looked around the room, stopping to let his eyes linger on the club girls in their tight Levis or short skirts. “It’s revving up to be a good one, too.”

  Jace stood up and looked down at the skinny kid. Wolf had found him at a truck stop in Oakland, homeless, jobless, and washing bikes for enough cash to buy food and occasionally a place to stay. Wolf collected strays, just like his father always did. Jace was one of those strays that Coyote had collected...and another one of them had just headed up the stairs, looking for him. “Good luck, kid,” Jace told the young prospect before going after her. He might not be able to figure out what her fascination with him was, but it didn’t matter. He was leaving in the morning and he’d probably never see her again. He’d sat in that meeting earlier because as a nomad, he had a right to be there. He’d heard the things the men said about her, and he’d wanted to kill a few of them because of it. They had voted to give her a shot...supposedly...but Jace was certain that what they had in store for her would be designed for the express purpose of watching her fail. Most of these guys were not impressed with her moxie...they were intimidated by it. What turned Jace on the most about her pissed them off, and the other difference was that where they couldn’t wait to watch her fail, Jace didn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity when that happened. It would be like watching an angel lose a wing and fall from grace, and he wanted no part of that.

  “One more minute and I might have found another distraction,” Beck said when Jace met her at the top of the stairs. He ignored her and unlocked his door. Without any more invitation than that, she let herself in.

  “Don’t let me keep you, if you’d rather...” She cut his words off with her mouth, and her body pressed into his. He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her in so tightly that their lips formed a seal and neither of them could breathe. Jace had a weird thought, for him...that kiss felt like the first kiss between two people that had waited their entire lives to meet. He pulled back and sucked in a breath. If his head was filling with romantic notions, it was just because he needed oxygen.

  “What?” Beck said, searching his face with her gorgeous eyes.

  “There you go again, asking questions.”

  “You could throw me a bone. Why’d you pull out of that kiss so quickly...like my lips were burning you?”

  “I just needed air.”

  She rolled her eyes, not buying it, but her hands were already pushing his vest off his shoulders. He took a step away from her. She raised an eyebrow and said, “What the fuck? You want me to buy you dinner or...?”

  “Take off your shirt.” That at least shut her up. She pulled off the t-shirt. Her bra was white and plain...but God, she looked good in it. “Now the bra.” She reached behind her and unhooked it, sliding it off her arms and dropping it to the floor. Jace’s mouth actually watered as he looked at her breasts. Her body was so tight that the muscles in her shoulders pulled them up high and the nipples were as big as half-dollars. He put his hand behind her head and let it slide down her back, pulling her toward him and letting his mouth descend toward one of her breasts. He took the whole nipple in his mouth and ran his tongue around the outside of it before flicking it back and forth with his tongue. She let out a long, hot moan that he felt vibrate from her body and into his. He moved his hands to her waist and held onto her while he moved his mouth back and forth between her breasts, licking and sucking and nibbling on them. He was enjoying the sounds she was making as much as he was the taste of her flesh against his tongue. Her head was tossed back, her back arched, and her curly hair wild. When he took his mouth off her breast, he had to hold onto her for several seconds before she seemed able to stand on her own. “Boots,” he said. She cocked an eyebrow and he thought she might protest his bossiness...but in the end, she kicked them off.

  “Now what?”

  “Those jeans are in my way.” He watched her unbutton and unzip them and then slowly push them down to her feet and step out of them. Where her bra had been plain, her panties were the exact opposite. They were white too and made entirely of lace. They were skimpy and although he couldn’t see the back, he was sure that there was probably a string that had no idea how lucky it was as it lay resting between her sexy, round cheeks. “Take off those panties and gi
ve them to me.”

  Beck smiled wickedly as she slid the panties down her tight, toned legs and pulled them off. He could smell the sweet, musky aroma of her pussy as she handed them in his direction. He took them out of her hand and brought them to his face. Beck licked her lips as she stood there, now completely nude and absolutely gorgeous, and watched him. “Mm,” he said. “They’re soaked.”

  “You want to taste the real thing?”

  Jace looked down at her pussy and licked his lips. “Do you want me to taste it?” She chuckled and said:

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Taste it, Jace. Put your tongue in my pussy. Taste how turned on I am.” He knelt in front of her and wrapped his big arms around her hips, pulling her toward his face. She opened her legs wider and arched her back so that her pussy was lined up with his mouth. He didn’t touch her pussy, though, at least not yet. He dipped his face down lower and licked up the inside of one of her thighs until he almost touched her pussy...and then delighted in her groan when he lifted his head and licked the other one. “You’re killing me,” she said, trying to move her hips so he would almost be forced to taste her pussy. Jace smiled and licked all the way around it. She put her hands on his head and wrapped his long hair up between them, trying to use it to force him to taste her center. Jace resisted. He couldn’t wait to taste her, but he wanted to tease her first. He licked the skin across her mound and sucked at it so hard that he left a tiny hickey there, just above her pussy. She breathed out his name again, this time almost in a desperate whine, and then she said, “Don’t make me force you to taste it.”