by Stasia Black
“You won’t have to. Drea, I swear, I’ll—”
She felt him move closer behind her and she spun, locking one handcuff on his left wrist and the other on her right wrist.
“What—?” he exclaimed in surprise as soon as the metal cuff closed around his arm.
“PeeW—” Drea started to shout before she stopped herself. “Garret,” she amended. “Can you come in here?”
Moments later, Garrett appeared in the doorway. He immediately frowned seeing her handcuffed to Billy.
“Bella—”
“Ugh. If I’m calling you Garrett, you gotta cut out with the Bella. It’s Drea.” She took several steps forward, dragging Billy along with her. She put her free hand on Garrett’s upper arm and squeezed. “Thanks for tonight.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Gotta say Drea, you always were a pain in the butt.” His grin faded and he nodded at her, his face solemn. “But what you did tonight needed doing. It was a long time coming.” His eyes dropped to the floor and he swallowed hard. “You did what I never— I thought that if I saved a girl here or there then it meant—” He stopped abruptly and shook his head at himself. Then he moved like he was going to turn away from Drea but she grabbed his arm to stop him.
He’d saved girls?
One look at him and she knew if she asked him about it he wouldn’t tell her any more. But it meant she was right about him. He was a good man. Worth saving tonight.
She hugged him. She meant it just to be a quick embrace but he hugged her back. In a really, really tight hug that was only a tad awkward with her handcuffed to Billy.
But being surrounded in Garrett’s warm bear hug felt so good. It made her feel safe… and terrified at the same time.
Because everyone kept talking about how strong she was. About how she’d done the impossible tonight. About how she was some kind of savior.
Did they not realize she was holding on by a thread? That every moment out there when she’d been dancing in front of Bulge she’d been milliseconds away from completely losing her shit, sure she was about to die?
When she’d climbed on top of Bulge and reached down, pretending to pleasure herself as she reached for the switchblade she’d hidden up her own damn cooch, for at least three solid heartbeats, she couldn’t find the damn thing.
She was like, shit, shit, where the fuck is it? Did it fall out? Or is it like up near my cervix? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO?
But then her fingers touched metal and she pulled it out and then she grabbed his dick and started slicing and the blood was—
She buried her face even deeper in Garrett’s chest.
And that was when she realized.
She couldn’t do this alone.
Fuck.
She couldn’t. What was she going to—
But…
What if she didn’t have to?
Do it alone?
She pulled back from Garrett, eyes wide as she looked up at him, then to Billy, then over at Eric snoring lightly on the bed.
What if…?
No. That was crazy.
She always thought the Marriage Raffle was insane.
One woman with all those men?
But that wasn’t the part she’d objected to, really, was it? Her problem was with the fact that the woman had no choice.
But if Drea did the choosing…
Her eyes flicked around the room, heartbeat racing.
“Drea?” Garrett asked. “You okay? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
She swallowed and gave Garrett’s arm another squeeze. She offered a weak smile. “I’m not sure, to be honest. I think I need some sleep.”
He nodded, stepping back like he was going to leave.
“Wait,” she said, following him and again dragging Billy along. “Don’t go.”
Garrett’s eyebrows scrunched like he was confused.
“I need to sleep. But I won’t be able to unless I know you’re close by. Can you stay in the apartment?”
His features relaxed and if she wasn’t wrong, she thought he looked pleased at her request. And when he said, “Anything for you, Drea. Always,” was it just her, or did the words seem more significant than just surface niceties?
“That gonna be a problem?” He nodded toward where she was handcuffed to Billy?
“Oh, right,” Drea said. “He’s the reason I first called you in here. Can you take those pills on the nightstand and promise not to give him any no matter how much he begs, threatens, or whines? The next few days are gonna be rough.”
Garrett’s eyes narrowed.
“Get some sleep,” Garrett said. “Drea.” He smiled like he liked the sound of her name on his lips.
She nodded and he closed the door. Yes. Sleep. She was obviously delirious if she was considering what she’d just been considering.
She shook her head at herself then looked down at Eric. It would probably be better to go sleep in one of the other rooms. But while having Garrett in the same apartment was close enough, she couldn’t seem to bring herself to leave Eric’s room. She’d been so scared as they walked away from the farm house this morning. So sure she’d never see him again.
No, she needed him close. So she and Billy helped scoot his unconscious form close up against the wall and then she laid down beside him, on her back. She intertwined her fingers with his good hand as Billy laid down on her other side, sandwiching her in. It was a queen-sized mattress, but still a tight fit.
And yet, with both their warm bodies pressed in on either side of her, it was the first time other than when she’d been in Garrett’s arms that she felt like she could breathe. That she felt like maybe, just maybe, she’d be okay.
A delusion, obviously.
The odds were stacked impossibly high against her.
But maybe for just tonight, she’d let herself pretend…
Chapter Ten
ERIC
Eric wasn’t alone in bed.
The thought penetrated through the fog slow. Not alone. He frowned, his eyes still closed. The body next to him was warm. And soft. Nothing like the bony angles of guys he’d bunked with during the war.
No, it was a woman in bed with him.
Eric blinked his eyes. Or tried to. Jesus, why were his eyelids so heavy?
Because you’re dreaming, dumbass.
Right. That was the only thing that made sense.
Still, he fought against the sandbags weighing down his eyelids and turned his head toward the warm body at his side.
Thick blonde dreadlocks.
His heartbeat sped up.
Drea.
What the hell was Drea doing in bed with him? And why the hell did she feel so damn good exactly where she was?
Most people’s faces were completely relaxed in sleep, but not Drea. There was still a small frown furrowing her brow and her lips had a slight purse to them. Was she having a dream… inside his dream?
Eric blinked again and went to lift his arm to wipe at his eyes when—
Jesus, what the—
A thick white cast covered his left arm from the elbow down to his hand. He rotated his arm and yep, it was a cast. And the rest of his arm where the pavement had ripped and torn at his skin—it was all bandaged up, too.
And damn, now that he was looking at it and thinking about it, his arm hurt like a motherfucker. His raw skin stung and the fracture in his forearm ached with a teeth-grinding intensity.
Did that mean…? Eric’s head swung back to Drea on his other side.
This wasn’t a dream.
At the same time he looked back at Drea, he realized her body was jerking in rhythmic spasm. What on earth?
Eric locked his jaw against the pain as he lifted up a little to look across Drea’s body—where he saw Billy who was—
What the fuck? Why was Billy handcuffed to Drea? And why was he tugging at the cuffs like he thought he could get his wrist through the cuff if he just yanked hard enough? Every time he did it, it tugged on Drea�
�s body through the little chain binding their cuffs.
“What are you doing?” Eric asked.
Billy looked up at Eric, face blanching. “Oh— I, I— I just have to go to the bathroom. Didn’t want to wake you guys.”
“Well we’re awake now,” Drea grumbled, lifting the hand not attached to Billy’s to wipe down her face.
First she turned to Eric. He’d never been so… well, so up close and personal with her before. Theirs had always been more of a stand at a distance and yell angrily at each other sort of relationship. So this—having her pressed up all against one side of his body, not to mention the way she was looking at him—it was something new. Something he didn’t even know how to name, much less to deal with.
Still, he couldn’t take his eyes away from her face. Had she always had that little sprinkle of freckles across her nose?
“Where are we?” he asked, proud he was managing human language while being lost in the deep cerulean of her eyes. They were like the Caribbean sea he used to see pictures of in magazines.
He didn’t like how her eyebrows dropped in concern at his answer. “Do you even remember Garrett bringing you here? We had to leave you behind at a farmhouse this morning. But then we took the compound and I was able to send Garrett to go bring you here.”
Took the—? “Compound?” The last thing he remembered they’d just found the Colorado River and were making camp for the night. No, maybe he vaguely remembered waking up the next morning? But everything after that was a blur.
His confusion must have shown on his face but Drea just smiled and reached up, cupping his cheek with her free hand.
Eric’s breath went uneven for a moment.
Okay, seriously. What the hell was going on here?
Who was this woman and what had she done with the prickly, sarcastic woman who barely seemed to tolerate him most of the time?
“Oh, we had a little run in with some bikers,” she said easily.
Bikers? Holy sh—
“But it’s all taken care of. How are you feeling?”
Eric sat up a little more, swearing at the spike of pain that shot up his arm.
“He’s in pain,” Billy said from Drea’s other side. “If you just tell me where Garrett put that bottle of pills, I can—”
Drea’s head whipped around so fast, her dreadlocks smacked Eric in the face.
“Jesus Christ, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and you’re already trying to bail on your sobriety?” She shook her head.
Sobriety? What the hell was going on?
“No!” Billy said, too loudly. “I wasn’t going to. I promise. I was just going to—”
“Fucking addicts,” Drea growled, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. “Don’t think you can get away with fucking lying to me.” She stabbed her finger in Billy’s face.
For a second it looked like he was going to keep protesting, but then his face fell. “Shit, I’m so sorry, Drea. But it hurts. Everywhere. My fucking muscles feel like they’re being stabbed by a thousand tiny needles from the inside out. I was thinking it’d be smarter to wean me off. Like, smaller and smaller doses every day until—”
“Nope,” Drea cut him off. “Cold turkey or I’m done.” She slashed her hand through the air. “One chance. This is it. Take it or leave it.”
Billy’s mouth dropped open like a fish out of water. “But I mean, if you’d just—”
“Take it or leave it,” Drea said, even louder. “We’re in the middle of a goddamned revolution. Civil war. You think I have time to sit around and babysit a junkie while he detoxes? Fuck no.”
Billy winced at her words but it didn’t stop her.
“This is the last fucking thing I have time for.” Then her voice gentled just the slightest bit. “But we should be safe here for a little while and it would be good for everyone to rest up a few days.” She took a deep breath in and then let it out.
Eric didn’t miss the way her fingers intertwined with Billy’s. What the—! He’d only been out of it for like a day. Had they gone and— In such a short while? That wasn’t fucking fair! He’d known her for months and—
What? No. What the fuck was he thinking? He forced his eyes away from their clasped hands, swiveling his head toward the wall. He swallowed hard, a hollow space opening up in his chest. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he had feelings for Drea or anything. They hated each other. They could barely stand to be in the same room without bickering or biting each other’s heads off.
“And I think you’re worth it, Billy. I’m willing to invest the time in you. To see you through this. So this is your last chance to bow out. You staying or going? Let me know now.”
The silence went on so long that Eric ended up looking back over at Billy. And found him staring deeply into Drea’s eyes. The pit in his chest fell all the way down through his feet. Shit, there really was something between them.
So why the fuck had she slept by Eric like that?
Well, she’d been sleeping beside Billy too, dumbass. They were fucking handcuffed together.
“I’m in, Drea. I’m in, I swear.”
But Drea just shook her head. “I don’t want your swearing or your promises or any other bullshit. I know in the next few days you’ll promise your left nutsack and your goddamned firstborn if it meant you’d get another fix. But Eric here is a witness.” She looked his way and he nodded. “We’re getting you through this withdrawal. What you do with it after that is up to you.”
Billy swallowed hard but then he nodded.
“Eric,” she said, turning back to him, blue eyes flashing like she was daring him to disagree with her. “We helped save your life, so now you’re gonna help me with Billy through this shit. Got it?”
Ahh, now that was more like the Drea he knew.
He nodded. “Whatever I can do to help.”
She gave him a sharp nod, then swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up.
“Now let’s go to the bathroom cause I gotta piss,” she said.
“Um…!” Billy exclaimed as Drea dragged him along after her to the ensuite bathroom. Billy shut the door behind them but Eric could still hear her yelling at him to close his damn eyes, already.
Half of Eric’s mouth tilted up. Okay. Well. This should be… interesting?
Dear God, why had Eric ever agreed to help Drea get Billy through withdrawals? Jesus Christ, of course Eric had heard of the concept but he had no idea…
“Let me have my pills you fucking whore! I didn’t mean it. I fucking hate you and just want the shit you promised me when I came into this fucking nightmare.”
Eric stomped across the room to where they’d cuffed Billy to the headboard. They’d only been at it for two days and already he was ready to kill the motherfucker.
“Whoa, whoa, big guy,” Garrett said, grabbing Eric and averting him to the side before he could get to Billy. “He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s saying right now.”
“Please,” Billy cried, hands scratching down his head and up and down his arms. He was covered in sweat and his eyes were puffy and red. He was a disgusting fucking mess. “It hurts.” Fat tears ran down hi red cheeks. “It hurts so much.” He collapsed to his side on the ground, curling up into a ball, sobbing. “Please,” he whimpered, over and over.
Eric turned away in disgust.
Any compassion he’d had for the man had quickly dried up the first time he started screaming that Drea was a mean bitch for doing this to him.
As far as Eric was concerned, Billy was getting exactly what had been coming to him.
So he’d had it rough after the Fall—in some of his fevered mutterings he’d talked about losing his mom and sisters. Well tough shit.
Everyone had lost someone. Everyone had lived through terrible fucking violence. But they didn’t get to just check the fuck out by swallowing a little pill, now did they?
So sorry, but the fucker wasn’t getting Eric’s sympathy.
But h
e had Drea’s.
For whatever fucking reason Eric couldn’t fathom. This was the same woman who’s single-minded focus ever since he’d met her had been to get back to the women she’d left behind to free them. And now that she actually had some power at her disposal—guns, vehicles, an army of women who would follow her to hell and back she was so revered for freeing them—she was locked in this apartment, ignoring every one and everything helping this asshole through withdrawal. She’d only gone downstairs a few times to get a status update from some women she’d dubbed her ‘lieutenants’ but other than that, she was up here, locked in with Billy.
Eric shook his head.
Most of the time Drea looked like she shook off whatever taunts or bad names Billy threw at her, but sometimes, he’d see something land. It was subtle. There’d be just the slightest tightening in Drea’s jaw. The stiffening of her spine. She wasn’t immune to all the verbal digs. The pathetic begging. Eric could see that got to her too. And that was when Eric wanted to rip Billy’s fucking head off.
Like right now. Every time Billy whimpered, please, Drea flinched.
“All right, that’s it,” Eric said, exploding off the chair he’d been sitting on. “Drea, you need to take five. Actually, no, screw that. You need to take an hour. Or five. Garrett and I can watch over this piece of shit.”
But in response, Drea glared over at Eric like he was the problem.
“Actually, I think it’s time for you to take a walk. Garrett, go take Eric to get some dinner for us.”
Eric scoffed, throwing his hands up. “Drea, be serious, I’m not going to—”
“Oh yes you will.” Drea got up from the stool where she’d been perched reading an old book. “You will leave this room right this second and go with Garrett before I lose my shit on you.”
What. The. Fuck?
Eric just shook his head. Dammit, she couldn’t make anything easy. Not one single goddamned thing.