by Jaime Reese
Calvin shrugged. “I think I was born with sticky tape on my hands, but I’m trying. Taking a cookie from Julian is better than stealing from my job.”
Ben typed out a quick message on his notepad app and held his phone up to Calvin to read the display.
It’s still stealing.
Calvin frowned. “Got a better idea? I’m bored. And that’s usually when I get in trouble.”
Ben pointed toward the television in the living room.
“Only if I get to pick what we watch.”
With a quick nod, they both plopped themselves on the living room couch. Calvin snatched the remote off the table and immediately cued up a program, he then zipped through the menu to turn on the closed captioning.
At least one housemate appeared to be welcoming and nice. He just wished he could say the same about the other.
Hours later, Ben sat at the dining table in the kitchen with Matt, reviewing job listings from the work program. Ben exhaled, releasing a deep breath along with the day’s worth of negativity.
David had managed to turn their dinnertime into a test of wills. Ben hadn’t been the only one picking up on the palpable tension. Calvin had scowled at David, Julian’s shoulders had remained square, and Matt had worriedly glanced between everyone. David’s stare had been unnerving. His gaze wasn’t curious or questioning. It was meant to challenge. Unsettle.
And the jerk had succeeded.
Julian had sent David back up to his room for the rest of the evening. Calvin had voluntarily retreated to his bedroom for the night, likely wanting to escape the tension. Ben would have loved to have done the same. Instead, he sat at the kitchen table, going through the boring list of jobs with Matt while Julian cleaned everything up after dinner.
He rubbed the back of his neck, ready to pass out from the exhaustion. Matt had told him it was best to ease back into things slowly, and he wished he had heeded the suggestion. Seemed his time in prison had dulled his skills. Having a routine and seeing the same faces day in and day out for two years was a far cry from the single day of different lips to read, speech patterns to decipher, facial and micro-expressions to consider, and body language markers to interpret with each sentence.
And even though Matt and Julian used ASL, it had been two years since anyone had spoken to him with their hands. He was rustier than usual. That, or everyone was signing too fast. Thankfully, they usually voiced their words when they signed or just wrote out their questions.
He rubbed his temples, fighting the start of a headache.
He pulled away his hand when Matt tapped his shoulder and then pointed to the laptop screen.
Ben shrugged. Another data entry job. They had been reviewing the job listings for over an hour since the end of dinner. Matt was determined to find him a job Ben would love, but that was easier said than done.
He enjoyed interacting with people, but that was sometimes a bumpy road. There was only so much typing and texting he could do before the other person found some excuse to give up. Most didn’t know sign language and simply assumed that meant they couldn’t communicate with him while others spoke to him slowly, breaking up each word into syllables the moment he pointed to his lips to indicate he could lipread. They didn’t realize slowing their speech screwed up his attempt at interpreting what they were saying. Lipreading involved more than just reading the movement of the mouth and tongue. It included reading anything from the tiniest of frowns to the exaggerated hand gestures to fill in the words that might not have been clear. And even though he considered himself a skilled lip-reader, he still missed words, especially if he was nervous or anxious or if the sound of the spoken word came from the throat rather than the movement of lips.
But he tried damn hard to understand everyone who took the time to communicate with him. Everyone spoke differently. Even though he couldn’t hear the sounds, he found other ways to listen if someone wanted to talk to him.
Another tap to his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. He glanced up at Matt and gave him a tired smile, shrugging in surrender. He didn’t want to be chained to a desk or computer, but at this point, he would work anywhere that would take him if it meant he could call it a night and go to bed. He needed to secure a job or he would return to prison. Being a deodorant company’s sniff tester sounded acceptable if that meant he could stay out of that iron hell.
The flashing light in the corner caught his attention. Warmth bloomed in his chest as he remembered Julian installing the doorbell notification earlier that afternoon. He glanced up at the wall-mounted clock as Julian stepped away, likely to check on who had rung the doorbell. With barely a chance to ponder who might have been at the door, Shaw walked into the kitchen with his partner, Drayton.
After a quick greeting, Drayton handed Matt a folder containing several documents. “Here are the forms to put our company back into the work program. Mia prepared a list of job openings. If we need to find a different department to get Ben back on our staff, please let me know.”
Ben straightened in his seat. He wasn’t sure what shocked him more, the fact that Drayton and Shaw wanted him back at their company, how much Drayton had communicated in a single exchange, or the fact that Drayton had taken the time to learn ASL after Ben’s probation violation.
Julian flattened his hand on the file before Matt had a chance to open it. He glanced over at Ben, his jaw tensing as he clenched his teeth. “No.”
Those lips were easy to read. Ben wanted to protest but followed Julian’s gaze back to Drayton.
“We don’t have a problem re-hiring him,” Drayton signed.
Julian shook his head.
“He didn’t know the car was stolen,” Shaw signed, his hand gestures sharp and rapid.
Julian angled his body, just enough to give Ben a clear view of his lips as he spoke. “Ben needs to learn how to trust his judgment. He didn’t know his friends were using him with his first arrest. He should have known better the second time around. He needs to figure that out on his own. Because no one is going to give a shit about him the third time around. He won’t get forgiveness or understanding. What he’s going to get is ten years or more in prison. You should know better than anyone what ten years in that hell does to someone,” Julian finished, jabbing his finger in the air toward Shaw.
Ben hadn’t missed the way Shaw took a deep breath and a step back. Or the wince in Drayton’s expression he tried to disguise. Ben knew their history, and Shaw’s decade in prison had been torture for them both.
“His need to be nice worries the hell out of me, and that’s what I’m trying to stop from happening,” Julian continued.
At some point in the argument, they had turned their bodies to face each other, abandoning any attempt at signing. Ben’s head throbbed with greater force. He hated this. While Julian hadn’t said the words, the disappointment was evident. Ben looked up and his blood boiled when Shaw and Julian continued to argue, the anger screaming from every inch of their tense bodies.
He didn’t want this friction between the people he cared for.
And he sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason for it.
He slammed his fist against the dining table, stopping the three men and forcing them to turn toward him. He stared at each of them as he signed, his hand movements fast and hard. “I’m right here!” He slapped his hand against his chest. “Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here.”
He pushed the chair back with more force than intended and stormed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his room.
Shaw and his partner had decided returning to their company was the best answer while Julian thought working elsewhere was a better option. They were treating him as if he couldn’t make a decision on his own. But the worst part of it all…he was pissed off at himself for understanding both positions and wanting to please everyone.
Ben threw himself on the bed, facedown. If they wanted to continue yelling at each other and act as if he wasn’t capable of making a smart decision for himself,
then screw it. They could have that argument without his presence.
He could take care of himself. He had done it for years.
He just wished he could find a way of doing it without screwing things up along the way.
Almost an hour later, Ben’s attention snapped to the door when the lights switched on and off in his room. He sat in his bed and leaned back against the headboard. He gestured with his hand, welcoming Julian into his room.
Julian stepped inside and stood at the side of the bed, waiting.
“Did they leave?”
Julian nodded.
Ben scoffed. “You didn’t need to go there.”
Julian cocked his head and frowned.
“You hurt Shaw by bringing up his time. You hurt Drayton too. That wasn’t nice.”
“I’m not nice,” Julian signed.
“You are. But you weren’t. That was mean.”
“Sometimes I have to be the bad guy. Sometimes I have to say no. Sometimes I have to be the one to stop something I think is going to be worse for everyone in the end.” Julian took a deep breath, his entire body slumping with his exhale. Guess the argument had taken the fight out of him as much as it had for Ben. “I know they want to help. We all do. But working with friends isn’t going to help you. They’ll make it easy for you. And that’s not what you need.”
Ben saw the pain staring back at him from those pale green eyes. “I’m sorry I disappointed you.”
Julian immediately shook his head. “I’m not disappointed.” He scrubbed his face and then pulled his phone from his back pocket.
Ben inched closer when Julian sat next to him and launched the note app, reading as Julian typed.
I’m worried. You have a good heart and there are too many people out there who would take advantage of that. So if I have to be a mean bastard who pisses people off just so you can find your way without losing who you are, then so be it. I’ll be the asshole when it’s necessary.
A smile tugged at Ben’s lips as he signed. “You said asshole.”
Julian narrowed his eyes as Ben muffled a laugh.
“I want you to learn the word no,” Julian signed.
“No,” he signed in reply.
Julian scowled.
“I’m practicing.” He hid a grin when Julian’s scowl deepened.
“I’m not joking.”
“I know.” Ben chewed his lip, not really sure how best to phrase a request. He glanced up when Julian tapped his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?”
Ben delivered his hardest stare. “I want you to apologize to Shaw and Drayton for what you said.”
A single eyebrow inched up Julian’s forehead. “Excuse me?”
He pointed his finger at Julian and narrowed his eyes at him. “That was mean. You could have just said no to him.”
“I did say no.”
“See? Nothing got accomplished by saying no.” Ben shrugged and crossed his arms.
Julian scoffed and shook his head. “I have a question for you.”
Ben nodded, urging him to continue.
Julian reverted to typing out a note rather than signing or speaking. When your friend took you on that joyride during your lunch break… Did you ever second-guess getting into that car with him?
Ben chewed his lip again. He had asked himself that same question at least a dozen times. He glanced up at Julian and nodded.
“Then why did you ignore the warning?” Julian signed.
“He was so happy to show me the car. I didn’t want to disappoint him by not going with him for a ride when he asked.”
“That’s what I thought,” Julian signed. His lips thinned to a line, and he took a deep breath, typing out another note. Disappointing people is part of life because it’s impossible to please everyone. I know it’s your knee-jerk response to things. But you need to trust your instincts when something doesn’t feel right. Okay?
Ben nodded. “And you need to apologize to Shaw and his partner.”
Julian frowned.
He refused to back down on this request. “You know that was a mean thing to do. I bet that little voice in your head is telling you that.”
Julian narrowed his eyes at him.
“I wasn’t going to accept a job at their company.”
“Why?” Julian asked.
“Shaw would have kept a close watch on me and that would have affected his work at the company. And if something went wrong, he would have blamed himself rather than me.”
“I’m proud of you for recognizing that.”
“Proud enough to apologize to Shaw?” He looked up and batted his eyelashes. He was homing in on that soft spot he knew was buried deep inside the man.
Julian’s body bounced with his chuckle as he typed out another message. I seriously don’t know why I’m worried about you. You just manipulated me.
Ben raised both hands, palm side upward, in a dramatic shrug.
“I’ll apologize,” Julian said.
“Thank you.”
Julian tapped away at his phone again. And tomorrow, you’re going to text Shaw and tell him you weren’t going to accept the position. Otherwise, he’s going to come at me again or send their lawyers over and come up with all kinds of creative shit to get me to cave. Julian leaned closer and spoke his next words without the need for signs or a typed note. “And I won’t be nice if that happens.”
Ben nodded, hiding the wince at the thought of Shaw being upset by his text tomorrow.
We’ll work on finding you another job in the program. We’ll take things one day at a time. Okay?
He nodded again.
And I promise I’ll call Shaw when I get downstairs. Julian pulled him into a one-armed hug and ruffled his hair before releasing him. “Good night.”
Ben tipped his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes after Julian left the room. A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. Without question, their pigheadedness stemmed from a simple fact…they cared about him.
And regardless of whatever drama that brought, he was forever grateful.
The flashing light overhead was a welcome distraction.
Ben sighed with relief as Julian stepped out of the kitchen to see who was at the door. He needed the reprieve. After breakfast, Calvin and David had left for work while he, Matt, and Julian had spent the morning going through more job listings.
Matt tapped his shoulder, then pointed to the laptop before signing. “What about that one?”
He shrugged and struggled to smile. It read exactly like the half dozen other data entry jobs in the database. Monotonous. Isolated.
He glanced up when Aidan strolled into the kitchen and pulled out the chair across from where he and Matt sat at the dining table.
Aidan leaned forward, clasping his hands together and resting his forearms on the table. Most people probably quivered with that hazel stare aimed at them, but Ben had seen a different side to the detective. Aside from stepping in so quickly the other night, Aidan had diligently searched for Ben’s sister and had found her at Drayton’s request a few years ago.
“I came by to check on you. How’s the eye?” Aidan spoke, but didn’t sign. Aidan knew more than a dozen languages, but ASL hadn’t been one of them. The moment he had learned Ben could read lips, he asked for the “repeat” sign and told him to sign that if Ben couldn’t understand something he had said.
Ben raised his hand and tipped it side to side. So-so.
Aidan nodded, then glanced over to Matt. “What’s going on? Have you annoyed him yet?”
That earned him a sneer from Julian and a headshake from Matt. Matt informed Aidan of their job hunt quest that had started the night before, breaking down the criteria of what the job could and couldn’t entail. With Ben’s theft charge, he couldn’t work a cash register. But ultimately, Ben knew communication was the biggest barrier, so he zoned out of the conversation.
Aidan raised his hand, catching his attention and stopping Matt. “Sorry, man, that
sounds boring.”
Ben bit his lip to hide a smile when Matt frowned.
“I’m trying to find something that will work,” Matt said.
“Bullshit.” Aidan shifted his attention from Matt to Julian who now stood by the table with his arms crossed. That stance might have pushed others to back off, but Aidan had never been one to back down easily.
“Oh, c’mon,” Aidan said, rolling his eyes. “You guys are just trying to find something safe. I bet you’re looking for a job where he’s going to be in a happy little bubble because everyone around him is smiling and miraculously knows sign language?”
Ben smiled. Leave it to Aidan to shine a spotlight and put a tutu on the elephant in the room.
“That’s not—” Matt stopped midsentence. He looked over to Ben, his eyebrows arched upward. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”
He refused to reply, knowing a yes would hurt Matt and a no would hurt Aidan. As if sensing his struggle, Julian placed a hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention. “I think we’re all doing that in some way,” Julian said while maintaining eye contact with Ben. “But he’s too nice to tell us to stop or say no. Right?”
Ben smiled, seeing the same understanding in Julian’s eyes that had been there last night. He shyly peeked over at Matt, hoping he hadn’t hurt his feelings. With a slow shrug, he signed his response. “I’m sorry.”
The detective scratched his stubble, the movement catching Ben’s attention. “What about the bakery on LeJeune? Their grandfather was deaf, so she might know sign language. Nat will probably be more at ease around Ben than most of your employers on the list. She can be a hard-ass, especially with her shop, but I think it would work.” Aidan let a small smile slip as he watched Ben. “I remember how you always attacked the grill and desserts during the weekend barbecues. I’m guessing you’re still a fan of eating?”
He loved eating burgers, hot dogs, and pizza, but baking was something that had always called to him. The thought of possibly having a job with a chance to bake something sparked hope and quickened his pulse.