by Jaime Reese
“You know…” Bull shook his head and rested his crossed arms on the desk, nearing the screen. “If you found a way to control office gossip, you’d be branded a security genius.”
“Stop being so nice to everyone. That’ll get them to shut up about you.”
Bull scoffed. “No one is immune to office gossip.”
“Bullshit.”
He was going to trademark that word and start charging people every damn time they used it in a conversation. “You think you’re spared from watercooler talk if you walk around with your super serious attitude?”
Anthony shrugged and pursed his lips. “I keep things close to the vest. No one knows my personal stuff.”
“Really?” He smiled into the screen. “So I guess this long-distance thing between you and Marissa is supposed to be top secret?”
Anthony sat up straight in his chair. “How the hell—”
“The closer you hold a secret, the tastier it becomes.” Great. Now he was thinking about Ben again. “I told you, no one is immune to office gossip.”
Anthony waved his hand in the air as he sneered. “I’m sending you some preliminary info on a few buildings Rachel is interested in. I need you to review the plans and narrow the list of options.”
“How much time do I have?”
“She’s got six buildings on her short list. She’s looking to have a contract signed within the next two to three months.”
Bull nodded. That gave him enough time to review and schedule a site visit to a few locations for an on-site assessment if necessary.
“Let me know as you narrow the list so I know when a location is out of consideration,” Anthony said.
They discussed a few additional details on the site assessments and then disconnected the call.
Bull leaned back and spun his chair around, turning to face the window. The peacefulness of the ocean view settled the jitter in his gut. He imagined the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls squawking overhead. He could almost smell the salt in the air and scent of suntan lotion.
He blew out a heavy breath, recalling last night’s tub confessional. Ben hadn’t realized his question would pour salt in the wound that hadn’t healed. Regardless, he had responded the only way he could…with honesty. Anything less would have been hypocritical considering it was the one thing he had asked of Ben in return. He hadn’t wanted to give too many details. Technically, he couldn’t, but he hadn’t wanted to darken Ben’s spirit with anything from his past.
The last mission had left a mark on him. His team had successfully completed their task and had managed to achieve the goal others had tried for years. An achievement worthy of special commendations on his service record. But he couldn’t forget the pain-filled scream that had echoed in the air after they had left the compound. That one shrilling scream had haunted him for years, knowing he had played a role in causing that deep-rooted pain.
Glancing down, Bull fisted his shaking hands. Many of his fellow brothers-in-arms battled with some form of PTSD from their time in service. Trauma they had to cope with and manage.
This was his.
He had seen enough violence to last this lifetime and the next. So much death and none of it peaceful or painless. He screwed his eyes shut, willing the images flipping through his mind to vanish. He had moved on the only way he could, by channeling his efforts into security and protecting others.
He slowly exhaled a deep breath and opened his eyes, focusing on the view before him. He couldn’t dwell on it. Going down that rabbit hole never ended well.
He recalled another part of their time last night.
He reached for his phone and swiped at the screen, speed dialing a familiar number.
“What’s up?” Aidan answered on the second ring.
“I know what you did.”
“You’re going to have to narrow that down.”
“Lucky Chucky.” There was far too much silence on the line for Aidan to deny. “I want to know why.”
A deep sigh sounded through the speaker. “Ben’s too nice. I couldn’t risk him getting out of there with a twisted brain like my future brother-in-law.”
Bull chuckled. “You love your future brother-in-law.”
“As much as anyone loves a painful growth they can’t remove.”
“Liar.” He smiled, imagining Aidan rolling his eyes.
“I’m the one who found Ben’s sister and reunited them. I’m the idiot who thought she was cool. Do you know…I went to see her after he was arrested. I told her what happened. She said she knew he would screw up again.” Aidan sighed. “I figured she was just pissed off and it would eventually fade. I thought it would take her a while to accept it, but I assumed she would go see him after a while.”
“You had no reason to think otherwise. She’s his family.”
“Pffft. You saw how that turned out.”
“Lucky Chucky was your best solution?” He rubbed his eyes. He loved his friend, but sometimes, he really…wondered.
“Fuck you. I didn’t want anything happening to Ben. Lucky was the most feared inmate there. Had to be him. Don’t hate on me for doing something nice.”
“I don’t think I want to know what you bartered for Ben’s safety.”
“I had to deliver a cat.”
“That’s…it?”
“Bubbles was a mean son of a bitch. Lucky wanted his ex to have it.”
His body shook with the laughter he held back, imagining Aidan dealing with a hissing cat. “Thank you.”
“That’s not what his ex said.”
Most times, he couldn’t accurately profile whatever shaped Aidan’s thoughts. That was definitely a good thing.
They ended the call just as the ding of a new email sounded. Bull spun in his chair to face the computer and saw Anthony’s message. He opened and printed the items, preparing to start work on the new project. All the while smiling as snapshots of Ben flipped through his mind.
June
Ben wiped down the last counter as Natalie sorted the mixing bowls into the cabinet, readying things for the next morning. Days had rolled into weeks, and during that time, they had established a routine. That first week alone at the bakery had proven Ben could run the shop without Natalie at his side. After being on her own for years on a never-ending seven-day schedule, she finally felt as if she could take a day off and her sweet world wouldn’t end. They took turns working weekends and switched off their morning and late-night schedules to give each other a chance to recharge.
In the last month, they had become partners, just as Natalie had promised.
Ben tossed the paper towel in the garbage bin and exhaled a deep breath, ready to call it a day. Natalie still had to do some grocery shopping, but she preferred to do it on Friday nights rather than battle the weekend crowd.
Natalie walked over to his perch against the table. “Next weekend is Father’s Day,” she signed.
“Are you expecting a lot of orders?”
She shook her head and busied herself, folding and refolding the towel in her hand.
He took the towel from her and set it aside, needing her attention. “Then why the announcement?” The randomness of the comment surprised him, especially since Natalie was a stickler for rules, structure, and having a plan. He touched his thumbs together in front of his chest, then moved both hands forward, signing for her to continue, hoping she’d answer his question.
“I’m going to make my dad dinner that day and I want Gabe there. They’re the only family I’ve got. I have to try to mend this break between them.”
He stared, not really sure how Natalie would manage that. Gabriel couldn’t even watch a movie with a father-son relationship on screen without his body tensing.
She took a step closer. “And you’re going to help me do that.”
He shook his head and waved his hands in the air before signing, “Absolutely not. I’m not going to make Gabriel do anything he doesn’t want to do.”
“You guy
s have been together for months. You don’t think he’d want you to meet the only other member of his family?”
He wasn’t sure how to respond. If his own parents were still alive, he would have jumped at the chance to introduce Gabriel to them.
He worried his lip, wondering. His supposed friends had kept him hidden away, except when it had worked to their advantage or they had needed a scapegoat.
Shaking his head, he needed to dispel those thoughts. Gabriel wasn’t like them. No. Gabriel kept the physical contact to the bare minimum while he worked at the bakery to help up front, but Ben assumed it was his way of keeping things professional in front of the customers.
Now, the doubt began creeping in with the resurrection of his memories and Natalie’s words.
A hand on his forearm jolted him back to the present.
“It’s like you were a million miles away,” she signed, the concern etched in her expression.
Shaking his head, he forced a smile. “I’m fine,” he signed and waved a hand in the air, brushing off her concern. “I think we can call it a day. And you’ve got some grocery shopping to do.”
As they double-checked all the ovens and doors before locking up the shop, Ben was thankful Gabriel had insisted on taking him to renew his driver’s license. He needed the drive home alone to clear his head.
Stuck in traffic, his thoughts kept looping. Memories of his sister never wanting to introduce him as her brother. Never bringing friends over to the house. His friends leaving for a late-night party, claiming he wouldn’t get past the bouncer at the door. The kids in the group home rolling their eyes whenever he entered the game room, not realizing how deep their words cut into his heart. “We don’t want him on our team.” Back then, he hated being able to read lips. Ignorance would have been blissful. Instead, their words haunted him—back then and still, after all these years.
He tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he made the last turn into the parking garage. No. He shook his head to himself as he parked the SUV. No. Gabriel wasn’t like the others. He would never do that. Every instinct in Ben’s mind and soul yelled in protest. Gabriel would stand guard and even sacrifice himself before letting any harm come to him.
But memories were a bitch and had a way of sneaking in and taking over.
And they had pitched a tent in his mind, determined to take him down.
= ♥ =
Bull swiped his finger along his bicep, picking up some of the lingering chocolate syrup. Chocolate, caramel, and strawberries had been the dessert toppings on the menu. He just hadn’t expected to be the dessert getting topped.
He sucked the chocolate off his fingertip as he stared at Ben, remembering how every inch of his skin had been licked, and how relentless Ben had been with him bent over the kitchen counter. Bull loved it when Ben didn’t shy away from his feelings. Confident-Ben was captivating, sexy as hell, and strikingly beautiful.
But confidence hadn’t been driving Ben’s thrusts.
“We made a mess,” Bull signed, keeping his eyes trained on Ben, hoping for something to reveal what was spinning in his mind.
“You did say the perk of living in a hotel was the housekeeping,” Ben signed with a shrug.
“They’ll know we were messing around in here. We’ll be at the top of the list of hotel gossip.”
Ben worried his lip. “I can clean it up. I’ll—”
The hair at the back of Bull’s neck prickled when everything shifted in a split second—Ben’s body language, his expression, and the sudden pallor of his skin. He cupped Ben’s face, drawing his attention. “What did I say wrong?”
Ben shook his head and rubbed his arms as if fighting a sudden chill. “I can clean this up,” he quickly signed. “No one needs to know.”
Bull snaked his arm around Ben’s waist, not giving him a chance to escape. “Wait a minute,” he said once Ben’s gaze was fixed on his lips. He refused to release his grip to sign and risk Ben escaping this conversation. He searched Ben’s features, hoping for some tell. “C’mon. It’s just us here.”
“I know,” Ben signed, his shoulders slumping.
Maybe he was reading too much into Ben’s body language. But it wasn’t just the words he signed. It was in the pained expression in his eyes before he looked away.
Bull’s mind raced, recalling every word that had been signed. “They’ll know we were messing around…”
Bull grabbed Ben’s chin and forced him to look at his face as he spoke. “Do you think I’m ashamed of you? Of us?”
Ben shrugged.
“Did you forget how I introduced you to everyone we ran into when you first moved in?”
Another shrug.
“Do you want me to wear a shirt that reads ‘I’m HIS’ when we go out? Because you know I would.”
“I know you would. And you’d smile the whole time.” Ben dropped his hands and lowered his head.
Bull tucked his finger under Ben’s chin and pulled up his face. “Where’s this coming from?”
Ben heaved a sigh as he signed. “Father’s Day is coming up.”
“Did you want to make a drive up to the cemetery next weekend?” He knew Ben preferred to remember the good times with his parents rather than feel the sinking sorrow of a graveside visit, but the desperation to decipher what was churning in Ben’s heart had him reaching for just about anything to gauge his reaction.
Ben shook his head. “I don’t like going there. It’s too sad.”
He released Ben from the embrace and cupped his face. He searched for the tiniest hint in his expression, some tell as he stroked his cheek. “You’re killing me here. Just tell me what’s going on.”
“Natalie is making a Father’s Day dinner for your dad.”
He scowled, hoping this wasn’t headed in the direction he feared.
Ben stared at him, waiting for some sort of response, but he refused to say a single word until he knew Nat’s endgame. He loved his sister, but she had a blind spot where their father was concerned. His mother had kept the peace and had been the glue that held their family together. But after she passed away, things had fallen apart. And Nat was determined to glue the pieces back together with tape, spit, and whatever else she could gather.
Including guilt.
It was a wicked weapon she wielded with almost as much precision as their mom.
“Family is important. She wants you to be there.” Ben scraped his teeth along his bottom lip. “You don’t…have to take me with you if you don’t want to.”
Bull’s scowl deepened as the movement of Ben’s hands slowed. Family was paramount to Ben, and he still ached at the loss of his relationship with his sister. But that last comment was what struck Bull the hardest.
“It has absolutely nothing to do with you. My dad thinks he can force me to be someone I’m not. The friction between us has been there for years, and it’s gotten worse since Mom died.”
“Family is important,” Ben insisted, his signing fast and strong. “You should go to the dinner. I can stay here.” And there it was again, the wash of sadness across Ben’s features.
Nat had officially topped his shit list.
It took every ounce of strength and control from his reserve to keep his shit together. “If I go…” Bull couldn’t stress the if any more if he tried. “Do you want to go with me?”
The spark of hope in Ben’s eyes squeezed his heart.
His father would be on a mission to snuff out that joy in no time flat. But if Bull didn’t go to that dinner or chose to go but didn’t take Ben with him, Ben would find some way to blame himself. And that wasn’t an option.
“Fair warning…” he said, waiting for Ben’s full attention. “My dad comes off as nice and polite, but he’s real smooth about jabbing a knife in your heart when he says things. If he turns that knife on you, we leave. Period. I don’t want you to argue with me on that.”
He closed his eyes when Ben reached up and flattened his palm against his cheek and nodded. Tur
ning his face, he kissed Ben’s palm, then leaned into his touch, reveling in the contact. He stared into those green eyes, knowing he would do anything for this man.
“I’m proud of you and of everything you’ve accomplished in the last few months. I’m grateful every single day you choose to be with me. Don’t ever let anyone make you second-guess that. Okay?”
A slow nod was his reply.
He slid his arms around Ben’s waist and pulled him closer as he spoke, keeping just enough distance between them for Ben to read his lips. “I promised we would move at your speed, so I hold back sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you by my side.”
Ben pulled his hands away to sign, “I don’t want you holding back. If you want to kiss or touch me at the shop, I would be okay with that.”
“Just…okay?” He arched an eyebrow.
Ben’s lips thinned, hiding a smile. “More than okay.”
Bull leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ben’s lips. “I’m going to be that annoying itch that doesn’t seem to go away.” He pressed another kiss to the side of Ben’s neck, smiling at the chuckle he drew. He inched back, his pulse spiking at the playful spark that had returned to Ben’s green eyes. “I’m getting His and His shirts for us this week. It’s going to be part of the shop uniform.”
The huge beaming smile aimed at him was breathtaking.
“I want you to take that chocolate syrup again and write ‘he’s mine’ across my chest before I call housekeeping up here so they see it and know exactly what we were doing in here.”
The hysterical laughter was music to his ears.
He held Ben’s face, stroking his cheek. Ben hooked his hands around Bull’s wrists, holding him in place as they held each other’s gaze.
Bull wanted to say the words out loud. Wanted to scream them, sign them, and write them on every inch of the room so Ben never questioned how he felt about him. But doing that now would appear as if he were only saying them because of what had happened. And there was no way he was fueling any more doubt in Ben’s mind.