by Jaime Reese
Instead, he silently whispered the words to himself, just as he had done so many times before.
Something shifted in Ben’s gaze as he took a deep breath and eased his hands off Bull’s wrists. Ben pointed his finger to his own chest, fisted his hands, and then crossed his wrists over his heart before pointing at Bull, signing those three same words Bull had thought of endless times but hadn’t dared voice. I love you.
Bull’s breath hitched. His hands slowly fell away from Ben’s face as he took a step back and gripped the edge of the countertop behind him for balance.
Holding up his hand, Ben aimed his palm toward Bull, and then lowered his ring and middle finger as he moved his hand back and forth. Another I love you sign.
Swallowing heavily, Bull tried to remain in control as Ben pointed to himself again, fingerspelled “l-o-v-e,” and then pointed to Bull.
The mental reins he usually held to slow things to Ben’s comfortable pace threatened to snap. His breath remained lodged in his throat as Ben took a step forward, reached up, and held his face. They stared at each other. The pain, the sadness, the defeat in those green pools were replaced with an ultra-bright light of happiness and hope that brought tears to Bull’s eyes.
Ben’s lips parted on a deep breath. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He hesitated for a moment before continuing…
“I…” Ben cleared his throat as a flush of color smeared his cheeks. “I…love…you…Gabriel.”
Bull’s mind was slow catching up…
The sound of Ben’s voice.
Those words.
The raw honesty in the slow smile twitching the corner of Ben’s mouth.
It hit him all at once.
The breath sawed in and out of Bull’s lungs and his knees buckled, dropping him to the kitchen floor. He wrapped his arms around Ben’s legs and held him, replaying the sound of Ben’s voice as he said those words to him.
Over and over again.
Without question, Ben choosing to speak was the pinnacle of trust for him.
He glanced up at Ben when he moved in his grasp and knelt on the floor in front of him.
“Four times. You told me you loved me…four times,” Bull signed and smiled.
Ben half smiled, his eyes glassy as he signed. “It was too important and worth repeating. I’ll write a note out too if you want.” Ben ducked his head for a moment and trapped his bottom lip between his teeth. Glancing back up, there was a hint of hesitation before Ben signed again. “Did I say it right? I always had trouble with my Ls and I know I was probably too loud. Kids used to make fun of me in school for that.”
He cupped Ben’s face. Not only had Ben trusted him enough to speak again after all these years, but he had chosen those words to say.
To. Him.
“It was perfect. You’re perfect.” He pressed a tender kiss to Ben’s lips. “I love you,” he finally said the words—out loud—to the man he loved.
“I know,” Ben signed. “You say it with your eyes and smile.”
He struggled to swallow past the knot in his throat. He closed his eyes as Ben slowly traced a fingertip along his jawline and down his throat. The reverence in that gesture was more than a tender caress.
It was more than a casual touch.
He felt the words and signed declaration as those fingertips grazed his skin.
He took a deep breath, relishing the power of the gentle contact and its meaning.
It was another way Ben expressed his love. Their private sign that screamed louder than all the sounds humanly possible combined.
Arms slid around him, pulling him into an embrace.
He buried his nose at the crook of Ben’s neck, holding him close, not caring about the remnants of sticky syrup on their bodies, the mess that needed cleaning, or the hard kitchen floor tiles pressing against their knees.
All that mattered was Ben and the love surrounding them.
The lunch rush was dying down, but Bull still had a few customers in line hurrying to return to their offices. Midday at the shop during the rush had become part of his routine and helped break things up during his day. Focusing his attention too long on the same building plans for a security assessment often blurred details, and he worried about overlooking something important. The interaction with customers served as a reset button, often giving him a chance to return to his assessments with a more critical eye.
Ben brought out another tray as Nat made room in the display case. Bull stared at the flex of muscles in Ben’s bicep as he held the tray over Nat’s head while she ducked out of his way.
“Mmm. Those look good.”
He tore his attention away from Ben and smiled at the customer. Damn right they do. But he was pretty sure the customer was referring to the cupcakes Ben had just set in the display case and not the flex of muscles in Ben’s arms.
“Do you want to add one to your order?”
She waved her hand in the air. “I shouldn’t.” She continued to stare. Bull swore he saw her salivating. “Oh, why not. I’ll take a cupcake to go.”
He turned, giving Ben a quick peck on the cheek before he escaped to the back to resume his baking. Bull didn’t miss the smile on Ben’s face as he stepped away.
Grabbing a sheet, Bull plucked one of the bite-sized treats from the display. He held the cupcake up to the customer. “Did you want me to pack this up or did you want to sink your teeth into it now?” He waggled his eyebrows, smiling at the younger woman dressed in a business suit.
She scoffed. “I swear, you’re evil. It’s no wonder you work here. Give me that,” she said, extending her hand to take the cupcake. She popped the small dessert into her mouth and closed her eyes. “Put two more of those in the box for me.”
He rung up her order and thanked her, not missing the way she snuck her hand into the box and popped another cupcake into her mouth as soon as she stepped outside the door. After finishing with the last customer, he strolled to the back area and spotted Ben setting the timer and making a note. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, his eyes tracing every line of Ben’s body.
Ben glanced over his shoulder and smiled. Straightening, he walked over to Bull and gave him a quick kiss. “Lunch rush over?”
Bull nodded as he snaked an arm around Ben’s waist. He tugged him close, smiling at the sigh that escaped Ben. Every kiss and touch at the shop had pulled an uninhibited sound.
He shouldn’t have held back.
That just meant he had a lot of making up to do.
After a final kiss, he tore himself away and walked toward the front of the shop. He glanced over at Nat as she wiped the fingerprints from the display case.
“Leaving?” she asked, peeking up at him.
“I’ve got a project I’m working on.”
She straightened as he approached. He took the paper towels and glass cleaner from her and set them aside. He had kept his distance over the weekend while battling with what to say to his sister. But he couldn’t take it anymore.
“What did you say to him last week?”
“What are you—”
“Father’s Day dinner.”
She snapped her mouth shut and raised her eyebrows. Those pleading puppy-dog eyes weren’t going to work. “I don’t know—”
“Stop it. I’m not playing around.”
She sobered. “He’s our dad, Gabe. I’m just asking you to try.”
“Try?” He scoffed. “That’s all I’ve ever done! He’s the one who won’t budge.”
“Please,” she said, grabbing his arm. “For me. You two are the only family I have. I don’t want to lose either of you.”
His chest heaved with a deep exhale. “We’re going to the dinner.”
A huge smile split her face. “I’m so—”
He raised his hand, stopping her before she basked in her win. “You didn’t leave me much of a choice.” He gritted his teeth and clamped his mouth shut. His jaw muscles clenched as he turned and headed toward the front do
or to get to his bike parked out front.
He had to get out of there. Now.
“Thank you,” she called out. “It’ll be great. You’ll see!”
He closed his eyes and tried to calm the simmering anger. A pointless quest he had attempted whenever the memory of Ben’s pained expression came to mind. He tightened his grip on the doorknob. “Nat…”
“Yeah?”
He turned, pinning her with the glare he reserved for those behind enemy lines. “Don’t ever make Ben feel that way again.”
“Wh…” She gaped at him. “What did I—”
“He respects you. Hell, the man practically worships you. And you manipulated him.”
Nat’s eyes filled. “I didn’t…I…”
“You hurt him.” His entire body shook. Fuck. He needed to escape.
He swung the door open and stormed out of the shop, ending their conversation before he said something he might regret.
He loved Nat. He loved his father.
But his heart belonged to Ben.
= ♥ =
Ben stalked the timer as it neared zero. Nat was supposed to help keep tabs on the buzzer, but she was taking too long to wipe down the front and he couldn’t risk anything overbaking.
The moment the timer hit zero, he sprang into action, pulling out the baking pans with colored cake from the oven and setting them on the cooling rack. With the buttercream chilling in the cooler and his tools ready, he was anxious to get started. He couldn’t help smiling even though he was feeling the pressure. Things going well with the sample rainbow cake would result in an order of a dozen more for the month-end Pride celebration.
Turning, the smile slid off his face when he spotted Natalie. Her eyes were puffy and red as she swiped at a tear on her cheek. He strode over to her. Before he had a chance to comfort her, she threw her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her back. This wasn’t the strong, confident Natalie he was used to.
She pulled away and paced the room, wiping away another tear. “I’m so sorry.”
His eyebrows twitched. “What happened?” he signed.
“I promise,” she signed. “I never meant to hurt you.” Natalie exhaled a breath through her pursed lips.
He cocked his head. Waiting.
She finally stopped pacing and blew out another breath before signing. “I tease Gabe…a lot. I give him a hard time about things because we know each other so well.” She chewed her lip and swiped at another tear. “But I never intend to hurt him. Never. He’s my best friend and the one person I’ve always been able to count on, even when he’s hundreds of miles away on a trip.” She took a step closer to him. “I see how much you mean to him, how happy he is since you two have been together. I just thought…I thought it would be good for Dad to see that too.”
“Did he say something to you before leaving?”
Her eyes misted.
He grabbed the chair from the small office in the corner and motioned for Natalie to sit. Flipping one of the empty buckets onto the ground to use as a second seat, he sat in front of her.
“When I was little, I used to follow Gabe everywhere. I mean, everywhere,” she signed with a smile. “If he went to the store, in the backyard, out front to play baseball in the street with the guys in the neighborhood…everywhere. And never once…never…did he ever make me feel as if I wasn’t wanted.”
Ben’s own eyes welled. He would have given anything to have felt that wanted by his own sister.
Her entire body bounced with a sudden laugh before she started signing, “I remember once, he was going to the movies with two of his friends. He had just started in high school, but he was always really big. So he made the football team right away. We were so proud of him. It was the first time a freshman made the varsity team. Like always, he clicked right away with his teammates. And there he was, on a Friday night, getting picked up by two teammates. Seniors. They were big, thick guys. And here I was, this skinny, long-legged girl wanting to tag along with her big brother. The two guys laughed. They thought I was joking around or maybe they thought Gabe would tell me off. Pick them over me.”
She stood and grabbed one of the tissues from the table before returning to her seat and resuming with her story. “But he took my hand, yelled out at Mom to let her know I was going with them, and we left.”
“And the two other guys from the team were okay with that?” Ben signed his question, raising his eyebrows.
She nodded. “He didn’t leave them much of a choice. And when it came time to pick the movie, one of the guys had an older brother working at the theater. So he was going to sneak them into one of the R-rated movies with all the explosions and car chases they liked.” She wiped at her eyes to catch another tear. “Gabe turned to me and asked me what I wanted to see.” She threw her head back and laughed. “Of course, I wanted to see the princess movie.”
“I imagine the guys didn’t like that?” Ben couldn’t hold back the start of a smile as he signed.
“Hell no!” She shook her head as she signed. “But after Gabe talked to them, they didn’t know if they were coming or going. He told them that seeing the movie might give them a few pointers on romance. And that being the big tough guys sitting in the cartoon fairy tale would make every girl drool at the movies.”
“Did it?”
A huge wicked grin spread across her face. “That night was the premier and the theater did this big promo dress-up thing. We walked into their biggest movie room and everyone had tutus, tiaras, wands, wings…” She waved her hand in the air. “Everything you can imagine sparkling and puffy was there to horrify these guys and have them nearly running for the door.”
Ben leaned forward, hanging on Natalie’s every signed word.
“Gabe told the guys to take a seat and asked two of the teenage girls there with their younger sisters to help the guys out.” She bit her lip at the memory.
“What happened?”
She barely held back the smile as she signed. “We all sat and watched the movie while one of the guys held a glitter wand and the other wore a tiara. By the time we left the movies, the guys had about a dozen phone numbers of teenage girls in their pockets and I was suddenly their honorary little sister.”
Natalie’s joy in that moment was contagious. Ben’s cheeks were hurting from the smile he knew was plastered on his face.
She reached out for his hand and squeezed it, holding his hand as she slowly spoke her next words. “Gabe and Dad have a bumpy relationship. Every year, I ask him about Father’s Day. Sometimes he goes, sometimes he doesn’t,” she said with a sigh. She released his hand and continued signing, “That’s why I mentioned Father’s Day dinner the other day. You make him happy, happier than I’ve ever seen him. He’s more grounded and centered. He takes less risks and talks about a future that’s more than a few days or months ahead. I wanted our father to see that too.” She chewed on her lip, her gaze snapping back and forth between him and the ground. “That’s why I thought you could help me mend the break between them, but I never meant to say or do anything to hurt you.”
He leaned back, realization dawning on him. Gabriel leaving…Natalie in tears, worried she had hurt him. Ben had been surprised to see Gabriel at the store to help with the lunch rush. His mood swings over the weekend whenever Natalie or the dinner came up had given Ben whiplash. He glanced back at Natalie, her gaze pleading and remorseful.
“We’ve never really talked about personal stuff, have we?” he signed.
She shook her head.
“Do you even know why I was arrested?”
She shook her head again. “Not everything,” she signed. “I know you were originally arrested for theft and your second was a probation violation. Matt had asked if I wanted more details disclosed, but I said no. Aidan trusted you and that was enough for me to hire you. I prefer to make my own judgments. I only know about the theft charge because Matt said you weren’t permitted to work
on the register while employed through the program.”
Ben took a deep breath. During the last few months, she had become more than his mentor and employer. He had taken for granted just how much Natalie had trusted him. It was about time he did the same.
For the next half hour, he shared the history of his parents, his sister, his experience in school and with others, both while in the foster care system and afterward with the small group he had thought were his friends. She watched each sign and waited as he typed out notes when a memory became too tough to share under her scrutiny. Especially when he relived those moments of feeling like the unwanted outsider, pushed aside and hidden away.
He stilled when she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She squeezed him tight, then pulled away to grab another tissue and blow her nose.
“He would never hide you away. Neither of us would ever do that to you.” She shook her head as she dabbed her eyes with the tissue. “How do you not hate me for making you think we would do that?”
A half smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “Because your brother is a magician and spent all weekend spreading his magic all over me.”
Among other things.
Her nose was getting red from all the nose blowing. “It’s no wonder he got pissed off at me.” She pitched the tissue in the trash bin and exhaled with her entire body. “Mom was a master at giving us one hell of a guilt trip. Gabe seems to think I learned a lot from her, but honestly, it’s pure luck when I strike a nerve that works in my favor. I’m as skilled at giving a guilt trip as I am at baking a cake.”
He bit his lip, fighting a smile until she broke out in laughter. Sobering, she stared at him.
“I think you’re it for him. He’d shout it from every rooftop if he knew it wouldn’t embarrass you. Don’t let anything I say ever make you doubt that.”
He nodded, remembering how many times Gabriel had said an I-love-you over the weekend or snuck a kiss or touch that afternoon during his time at the shop.
“Can I help you decorate the cake?”