“Seems ages since we caught up. My fault, I’m sorry.” Tessa forced herself to converse normally, all the while pushing back the tears that loitered just below the surface.
“Perfectly understandable. You’re newly married, so that’s the way it should be.”
“Yes, I guess so.” But I miss relaxing together without any pressure. Tessa picked up her glass of apple cider and wrapped her hands around it. When they were on their honeymoon, she and Ben had relaxed together all the time. What had happened to cause so much friction? She could easily break down there and then and tell Stephanie exactly how she was feeling, but she wouldn’t. She’d pull herself together and focus on her friend. She straightened and lifted her chin. “How’s your new housemate going?”
“Don’t start me…” Stephanie rolled her eyes. “Hannah makes you look tidy. She never puts anything away, I have to wipe the bathroom vanity after her every time, and the kitchen’s always a mess.”
Exactly what Ben says about me… Tessa exhaled sharply. “Give the girl some rope. She’s only young, and she’s never lived away from home before.”
“And don’t I know it.” Stephanie humphed, blowing some straggly hair off her face. “Anyway, enough of Hannah and my woes. Tell me all about you. How’s your job? How’s Ben?” As Stephanie sat forward, steepling her hands, Tessa felt she was under a microscope.
She gripped her glass. If she held it any tighter it would break. Here we go…how do I get out of this? She took a deep breath. Start with the job…
Stephanie waited expectantly for a reply.
I shouldn’t have come… Tessa swallowed the lump in her throat and took hold of herself. Just talk normally. Forget you’ve had an argument with your husband and don’t know where he is. She drew another slow breath and lifted her chin. Stephanie peered straight at her. Tessa forced herself to answer. “I’m not sure I’m cut out to be in management. Fran says she’s happy with my work, but I miss the hands-on contact. I only get to do surgery when we’re really busy or when Harrison’s away. And that’s my passion—always has been. I’m a vet, not a manager.” Her shoulders slumped. Why had she let Fran talk her into taking it on?
Stephanie reached out and squeezed her wrist. “It’s early days yet. Give it some time. At least Fran gave you the option of returning to your old job if this one doesn’t work out.”
“I have a feeling I’ll be taking her up on it as soon as the six months are up.”
Tessa glanced up as the waitress delivered their meals and scurried off to the next table.
“And Ben? How is he?” Stephanie placed her napkin on her lap and cracked some pepper over her pizza.
“He’s good.” Tessa tried as hard as she could to make her voice sound normal, but it caught in her throat.
“Tessa—what’s wrong?” Stephanie leaned forward and searched her face.
Tessa pushed back the tears welling in her eyes. She was not going to break down in front of Stephanie. She was going to pull herself together and be strong.
“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” She took another sip of her cider to gain some time and to avoid Stephanie’s prying gaze.
Stephanie raised her eyebrows, but her voice was soft. “I’ve been your friend for years, and I know when something’s bothering you, so don’t say nothing’s wrong. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine, but if you need a sympathetic ear, well, here I am.”
Tessa let out a resigned sigh. A sympathetic ear would be good. Oh, why not? It might even help. She let out a wobbly laugh as she grabbed a tissue from her purse and blew her nose. “You know me too well.” She clenched her hands together in her lap and gazed into Stephanie’s caring eyes. “This might surprise you, but I’m beginning to think Ben and I argue too much, and we haven’t been married that long.” Her voice caught again. Verbalising her concerns made it all the more real, and it hurt deep down. She didn’t want to argue with Ben. She loved him. How could they be arguing this much?
“Hmmm.” Stephanie leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Ben doesn’t strike me as the arguing type.”
“I didn’t think he was either, but he’s so fussy about everything. I thought you were bad enough, but he’s something else.” Tessa pinched her lips tightly together and leaned closer. “Yesterday afternoon I did all our washing and he commented on how I folded his socks, and then he actually rearranged the entire drawer. The entire drawer!” She threw her hands in the air. “I mean, they’re just socks!”
“Calm down! Lots of couples argue over sock drawers.” Stephanie’s eyes sparkled with amusement and she let out a small chuckle.
“You’re not taking me seriously.” Tessa folded her arms and pouted. She shouldn’t have said anything.
“It’s pretty normal. I once counselled a husband and wife who couldn’t stop fighting over what shows to watch and they’d been married for over fifteen years. They finally decided to get rid of their television set.”
Tessa raised a brow.
“True story. But to be honest, I’d be more concerned about you and Ben if you didn’t have any disagreements at all. It’s absolutely normal as long as you manage it right and don’t go to bed angry or upset. And I bet the making up bit is worth it.” Stephanie’s face expanded into a playful grin.
Tessa’s eyes widened and her head jerked up. “Stephanie Trejo! Nice girls don’t talk about things like that!”
“Sorry! It’s just what I’ve heard.” She flashed another cheeky grin before growing serious again. Reaching out, she gently placed her hand on Tessa’s arm. “But something more than a sock drawer is troubling you. I can see it in your eyes.”
How does she do it? Tears stung Tessa’s eyes and she turned her head away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
Stephanie moved closer and placed her arm gently over her shoulders.
Tessa closed her eyes, and inhaling deeply, swallowed the lump in her throat.
“You’re right. There is something more.” She lifted her head. “It’s Jayden. Ben and I disagree on just about everything regarding him—his friends, his church attendance, school events, even what he wears.” She wiped her nose and turned to face Stephanie. “Jayden isn’t the easiest kid, but Ben’s so strict with him. He keeps telling me I’m too soft, but what else can I do? Most times Jayden doesn’t even want to talk to me.” She sighed dejectedly. “I often don’t know who to side with—Ben or Jayden.” And that was the truth of it. She really was in a no-win situation. “I don’t think I should have to side with either of them—we’re supposed to be a family. We should be together, but we’re not.” The pain in her chest deepened as fresh tears stung her eyes.
Stephanie squeezed her shoulder. “You are a family. I know you want to be the best wife and mother, but maybe you’re trying too hard. You and Ben are two different people and you’re still getting used to each other. And Jayden has to get used to having a female in the house again. And he’s a teenager… we all know what they’re like.” Stephanie let out a small chuckle.
Tessa sniffed as she rolled her eyes and nodded. Yes, I know what they’re like.
“And he’s still getting over having his mum walk out. It’s a big change for you all, and as with most changes, it takes time to accept and adjust to a new situation.” Stephanie brushed Tessa’s damp hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. “It might take six months or a year for you all to understand each other and to work together, but you’ll get there. I know you will.” She smiled warmly into Tessa’s eyes. “The main thing is to try not to change each other. Ask God to help you accept each other as you are, even the things you don’t like. It’d be a boring world if we were all the same. But remember, Jayden is Ben’s son, and despite how you feel, you need to respect Ben’s decisions regarding him.”
Tessa let out a frustrated sigh and slumped in her seat, crossing her arms. “What if I don’t agree with him?”
“That’s something you need to talk about togeth
er. And pray about. You’re both sensible adults, and you both love Jayden, so that’s not the problem, but somehow you’re going to have to find a way through this. But Tess,” Stephanie squeezed her hand and looked her in the eye. “Ben is Jayden’s dad, and you need to allow him to take the lead, even if you don’t agree all the time. But talk with him—don’t argue. And don’t worry too much about the small stuff. Work out what’s really important and just learn to let the rest go, as usually it doesn’t matter. You’ll work it out, I know you will.”
What Stephanie was saying was right, but it was oh, so hard. It would take time, but she and Ben loved each other. That was the main thing. Everything else, including their problems with Jayden, would get sorted, eventually. Tessa breathed in slowly, her heart a little lighter and feeling slightly more hopeful. “Deep down I know all that, but in the heat of the moment I forget it, and I say things I shouldn’t and then regret it. Like today.” The horrible words she’d spat at Ben flashed through her mind, bringing a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. She’d have to go home and apologise. And soon.
“You know you can always talk to me. I’m only a phone call away.”
“Yes, I know.” She sniffed and gave Stephanie the warmest smile she could muster. “It was silly not calling you earlier. It’s been building for a while and I stupidly let everything start to get me down. And then we had this argument this morning…”
“I only know about marriage in theory. But I know it can be the most challenging, and the most rewarding of relationships, but it takes work, especially when there’s a step-child involved.” Stephanie opened her blue, nylon tote backpack and took out three paperbacks. “Here.” She passed them over. “I ordered these books a while ago not knowing you were having problems already. Seems God might have had a hand in it.” Her eyes twinkled.
“This is very kind of you. Thank you.” Tessa smiled warmly at her friend as she took the books and inspected them. Christian books on step-parenting—just what she needed.
“My pleasure. I hope they’ll help, even in a small way. Now, let’s go watch our movie.”
Chapter 10
Several hours later Tessa drove into the carport and breathed a sigh of relief. Ben’s car was parked in its normal spot. At least he’s home. She turned off the engine and sat. All through the movie she’d struggled to keep her mind on what was happening on the big screen, although she’d been wanting to see the latest Meryl Streep movie for some time. All she could think about was her argument with Ben that morning and what she’d say to him when she got home.
It had started the night before at the dinner table when Jayden had pleaded with Ben to allow him to go to camp, but Ben hadn’t been prepared to discuss it. “No. You’re grounded, and that’s that.” Ben wore a determined expression on his face. “You can’t go to camp, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
Jayden glowered at him before he pushed back his chair and fled up the stairs to his room. The door slammed. Tessa’s heart fell. She knew how desperately Jayden wanted to go to camp. All his friends were going, and he’d told her he thought his dad was being totally unfair. She hadn’t told him she agreed with him, but she did harbour similar thoughts.
Ben rose and started to follow him. She grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “Won’t you let him go?” She was pleading, but she didn’t care. He paused. Their eyes locked. She held her breath and waited.
His expression didn’t change. He shook his head. “No. I can’t go back on what I said. He has to accept that it’s part of his punishment.”
She bit her bottom lip while she held Ben’s gaze. Why couldn’t he give in just this once? Her heart ached for Jayden. If only Ben could go a little easier on him, she was sure Jayden would be a much happier boy. But Ben seemed determined to see the punishment through, whatever the cost. She inhaled deeply and held her tongue. “Let him calm down for a while, then.”
Ben let out a slow breath and she felt the tension in his body ease. He ran his hand through his hair. “You’re right. I’ll talk to him later.”
While Ben was taking a shower, Tessa took the stairs two at a time and knocked lightly on Jayden’s door. “Jayden, can I come in?” He didn’t reply, so she knocked again, a little louder.
The door opened and she tentatively poked her head in. Jayden had flopped back on his bed. His sullen expression hadn’t changed, but the hurt in his eyes tugged at her heart.
“Hey.”
He didn’t reply. He picked at the strings of his guitar and lowered his gaze.
“I just wanted to see if you’re okay.” Her voice was soft, caring.
He shrugged. “I hate Dad,” he said, almost under his breath.
His words tugged at her heartstrings. She stepped into the room, weaving her way between dirty clothes and towels and perched on the edge of the bed. “Jayden, look at me.” She waited. After three long seconds, he slowly lifted his eyes. “I’m sure you don’t mean that. You’re just angry with him, that’s all. Your dad’s only doing what he thinks is right because he loves you. He’s not doing it out of spite or for any other reason.”
Jayden’s eyes watered. She inched closer and placed her arm gently around his shoulders. “There’ll be other camps. And your month of being grounded is almost up.”
“But I want to go to this camp.” He shrugged her away and folded his arms. His lips trembled and he was close to tears.
“Oh Jayden, I don’t know what to say, except that your dad’s not going to change his mind, so somehow you’re going to have to accept it.”
He sniffed loudly. “I’m not going to talk to him ever again.”
She let out a slow breath. God, I don’t know what to say to him. Please help him accept this. “I think your dad’s coming to see you soon, so you might need to.”
He pressed his lips together before sinking lower into his pillows and turning to face the wall.
Maybe sleep would be the best thing for him.
For the remainder of the evening she and Ben avoided the topic, but it simmered away under the surface, placing an invisible strain between them.
The following morning, before Jayden was up, Tessa sat beside Ben at the breakfast table. He read the Bible passage for the day, Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” She knew the verse well, but wondered how Ben could read it and not be showing any compassion and kindness towards Jayden.
When he closed his Bible, she knew she had to say something. Surely he could see how hypocritical he was being. She placed her hand on top of his and looked deep into his eyes. “How can you read that verse and not show compassion to Jayden? He so much wants to go to camp, and it’s just putting a bigger wedge between the two of you. Can’t you let him go? Please?”
Ben drew a slow breath and held her gaze. The determination she’d seen the night before in his eyes had eased, and instead he wore a softer look, offering hope that he might change his mind. He squeezed her hand, but as she waited, his expression altered. “It’s not a matter of showing compassion or not. Regardless of how much he wants to go to camp, I can’t go back on what I said. It’s a matter of discipline. He has to learn.” Ben leaned forward in his seat, crossing his arms on the table. “I feel sorry for him, but that’s the way it is. I’m sorry if you don’t agree.”
She counted to ten. Her heart pounded. Ben was so rigid towards Jayden. Couldn’t he show just a little leniency? She could understand Ben not wanting to back down, but couldn’t he see he was pushing Jayden further away? She inhaled slowly, but adrenalin pumped through her veins, and her body tensed. And then she said it: “Ben, you are the hardest, coldest person I know, and I doubt you care for Jayden at all.”
She pushed her chair back and fled up the stairs, just like Jayden had done the night before and she hadn’t spoken to Ben since.
Now outside the house, her heart pounded. She’d been just as guilty a
s Ben but in a different way. Where was her kindness, humility and gentleness this morning? How could she have said those words to him? She had to apologise,
Apart from her relationship with God, her relationship with Ben was the one of most importance. Yes, she loved Jayden and felt his pain, but it would do Jayden no good to see her and Ben fighting. Especially over him. But could she really put aside her own beliefs on what was right or wrong, let go of her need to make things easier for Jayden, and trust God to work everything out for good as he promised in the Bible?
She rested her arms on the steering wheel and bowed her head. God, I’m sorry for the horrible words I spoke to Ben this morning. Please forgive me, and please give me the words to assure Ben that I truly do love and respect him, and that I’m sorry for the way I keep questioning his handling of Jayden. I so desperately want to be the wife that Ben wants and needs, and I feel so bad that we’re constantly fighting. Please be with me now as I go and face him, and help us to work this out. And be with Jayden. Soften his heart, oh Lord. Thank You for your everlasting, unconditional love. Amen.
She opened the door and slid out. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she walked along the pathway and entered the house. All was quiet. Jayden must be out. She placed her purse and jacket on the couch without thinking, but then picked them up and carried them to the bedroom, hung her jacket in the closet and deposited her purse on the dresser.
She felt, rather than saw, Ben entering the room behind her. Her heart raced. What was he thinking? Those horrible words she’d said to him rang in her ears. How could she have said them? To Ben of all people? The kindest, most considerate person she knew. Just not with Jayden. Her hands shook as she slowly turned around.
His eyes were dark with pain, his jawline set rigid. She searched his face and swallowed hard. She stepped toward him, arms extended. “Ben…” Her voice wobbled. “We need to talk.”
THE TRUE LOVE SERIES BOX SET: A Christian Romance Page 17