Tiffany was confused as to why her grandmothers were arguing so aggressively and loud. And then, it was as if someone turned on the light switch in her brain, Tiffany remembered May had had her fair share of Miller Lights before bed. She was definitely the ‘yes woman’ before bed! The “yes woman” is what Tiffany would call May when she drank because she could do and get anything she wanted from her. Tiffany jumped from the bed with all intentions to help May in any way including, but not limited to, helping with an ass whooping that she would surely be passing out if Sandra didn’t get her disposition together and quick! Standing at the corner ready to leap in at any given moment, Tiffany listened to her grandmothers yell back and forth at one another and took note of everything. Her brain was going so fast she was unable to process all the information she was getting.
“Sandra, when are you going to get your shit together? You are my only child and it kills me to see you like this. I’m tired of the collect calls, bringing money to the jail, sending care packages to the prison, and waiting on the phone call no parent wants but I’m going to get it if you stay on the path you are on! You need to get yourself together so you can help your own children- they need you! They are headed down the same dead-end road as you. Tell me what to do, how can I help you? I have tried to be there for you every time you needed me. I sent you away for a while thinking it would help and yet you came back the same, if not worse. I don’t know any more. I didn’t raise you this way. You don’t even look like my child anymore.” Sandra was sitting in the chair in front of her with a blank look on her face as if she was in the twilight zone. She quickly snapped out of it when May slapped the shit out of her which caused Tiffany, in her Miss Piggy onesie, to leap in like a frog ready to defend May’s honor.
“Tiffany if you don’t take your little ass back in the room and go to bed!”
“I was in the bed, Granny, but you were yelling.”
“Tiff, don’t make me say it again.” As Tiffany turned to go back into the bedroom, she saw Sandra’s praying hands turn into balls of fire. One thing’s for sure, if she valued any part of her life, she would surely keep them right where they were! As soon as she disappeared into the hallway, Sandra began to speak.
“I am sorry that I am a disappointment to you, Mother, but here I am; the heroin, crack, cocaine, weed addicted prostitute that will lie, cheat, and steal to get what I want and need. There! I said it! What can I possibly do for my kids except what I do now and show them how to survive in the street? But, I guess I have to remember who I’m talking to; the one who tries to sweep everything under the carpet and move on like she has the perfect family. But God forbid your skeletons come out of the closet. Just like you drink your beer on Friday night for whatever reason, I do what I do to make myself feel good. When I am high, I’m on top of the world! I can do or be anybody I want at that moment. And I love it!”
“Do you hear yourself, Sandra? Yes, I drink in the comfort of my own home and I can afford my habit and still take care of my responsibilities. Can you say the same? What would happen to you, your kids and grandchild if something happened to me, Sandra? Who would take Tiff? Definitely not you and clearly not her mother who we haven’t seen or heard from in weeks! Have you seen your child, do you know if she is dead or alive because I sure don’t! Do you realize that every time you come here like this, not only does it kill a piece of me, but Tiffany sees you and she is confused and asks questions for days on end? I have tried to keep her reality from her, but it’s becoming harder with each passing day. Do you have any suggestions on how to explain to her why I can’t take her over her mother’s house or why she can’t talk to her on the phone on demand? And then there are the questions about you! Why you look excited all the time and how many cats you have at your house. Shall I go on?”
“Like I said, I’m doing me! I couldn’t care less if you accept another collect call or step foot in another visiting room. I have had the good job, owned a house on a hill with the picket fence, drove the Caddy, and had the dream marriage, two kids, and a dog, but yet, those things have amounted to nothing but failure. I can’t help but to pray for my own death sometimes so that I can have a peaceful rest. One where I’m not sleeping with one eye open and one eye closed for fear of one of my drug addicted peers trying to force themselves on me or beat me up looking for their next hit. But everyday God continues to wake me up in the midst of my bullshit. So, I get up and start all over, but one day He will answer my request. Now, if there is nothing else, I’m going to take a bath, eat and get in the bed.” And as if there wasn’t, she got up from the chair, walked into the bathroom directly across the hall, shut the door, and started running her bath water. With tears in her eyes, May walked toward the hallway, turned the light off, and headed to bedroom where she sat in her rocking chair and prayed until she fell asleep. Although May thought Tiff was sleep, she was wide awake listening to May weep and because of the connection the two had with one another, Tiffany silently wept with her.
It was around 9:30am and as she did every morning, May woke Tiffany up singing, “Good morning to you, good morning to you, good morning my Tiff’ny, good morning to you”. Tiffany poked her head up out of the covers and smiled because it was a new day.
“Good morning, Granny. I love you more than life.” ‘I love you more than life’ is something May has said to all her girls starting at birth. But May and Tiffany also had their own little game they played in which one would try to beat the other by saying “I love you, I beat you.” Of course, May would always let Tiffany win. May had been up long enough to fix Tiffany’s breakfast and erase any physical trace of Sandra being there the night before in hopes that it may deflect the 1001 questions she would get from her great-granddaughter.
Tiffany took a minute to gather her thoughts before she climbed out of bed, slipped on her house shoes, and headed to the bathroom to relieve herself and wash her face and hands for breakfast. Making her way to the kitchen, she peeked into her own room to see if she could catch a quick glimpse of her sleeping grandmother. To her surprise, her bed was just as she left it the night before, neatly made with every pillow and stuffed animal in place. It was like Sandra was never even there. Exactly the way May wanted it. Walking up to the table, Tiffany’s wheels were turning so fast she couldn’t get her words to connect, let alone form a complete thought that made enough sense to ask a reasonable question. So, she stored her thoughts and focused on what was in front of her, her breakfast. Before she could put the last spoonful of rice in her mouth, May said, “Now get your clothes on, we are going to Showbiz!” Tiffany’s mood instantly changed and she cheered in excitement. She rushed to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and washed up. May had already ironed her clothes and laid them neatly on the bed. Although Tiffany had an overflow of questions to ask, she allowed her mind to ignore them because she now had much more important things to think about-like how many tokens she would have to spend, if her favorite cousin Man was going, and if she was going to eat her favorite supreme pizza followed by the normal stop at Dairy Queen for ice cream after her visit at the kiddie club.
In less than an hour, the two ladies were on their way to a day of fun. As soon as they got in the four-door, gold Impala, Tiffany turned the radio on and her favorite song “Candy Girl” was playing. Her singing quickly filled the car as May’s heart overflowed with love. When they arrived at their destination, Tiffany was quick to pull the lock up and jump out of the car, but May quickly grabbed her by the arm just before she hopped out. “I know you are excited, Tiff, but you know better than to jump out of the car. If something happened to you I don’t know what I would do!” Tiffany quickly said, “Sorryyyy...” and tried to wait patiently for her great-grandmother to come to her side of the car. Then they skipped hand in hand into Showbiz.
Three hours and over 200 tokens later, the two were played out and full of supreme pizza and salad. May gathered up their things, took Tiffany up to the counter to cash in her tickets for a few cheap toys that will
be thrown away in a few days, and then led her outside taking Tiffany’s hand as they crossed the street to the car. “Granny, I want ice cream with caramel today.”
“Ok baby, ice cream and caramel it is.” After retrieving their treats, May decided to stop at the carwash because she knew that Tiffany loved to use the change machine and see the soap suds pile up on the car. On the ride home, Tiffany dozed off and May rode in silence thanking God for a peaceful day with her great-grandchild. “Tiff, wake up we are home.” Tiffany scooped up her toys, got out of the car, and started her journey up the stairs. The day had gone by so fast that it was time to take a bath and go to bed before she knew it. Once May and Tiffany both were in their pajamas and comfortably in bed, it was close to 9:30. The two said their nightly prayers and were off to sleep.
Just as the night before, around 2am, they were awaked by the repeated ringing of the doorbell and banging on the door. May sat straight up in the bed, “Tiff stay here, I’ll be right back.” She could feel the anger boiling over in her body. Unlike the night before, she didn’t say a word as she walked down the stairs. But she had the words ready for when she opened the door! But, to her surprise, when she flipped the porch light on and peeked out the shade, she saw two frail statures in front of her.
***
As fast as Tiffany went to sleep waiting on her cupcakes to cool, she was awakened by the sound of the timer going off. She jumped up as if she were late for work, totally forgetting what she was before her nap. Once she gathered her thoughts, she finished up the cupcakes, and went upstairs to shower and join her husband in bed. Only to be up in a few hours to start yet another hectic day in the life of Mrs. Tiffany Newton.
CHAPTER 3
I t was 8am and just as any other day she had her gospel playlist blasting. Tiffany had already finished up her morning chores; beds were made, rooms were clean, and the morning load of laundry was in the washer. Just before she stepped into the shower, her phone started to ring. Tiffany picked up her phone to see who the caller was but it was an unknown number. She immediately became sick to her stomach, worry filled her thoughts, and she was in a full level 10 panic attack.
“Hello.”
“Yes, may I speak with Tiffany Newton please?”
“This is Tiffany, may I ask who I’m speaking to please?”
“Hi Tiffany, my name is Angela Howard, I am recently engaged and looking to hire a wedding planner and you were highly recommended by more than one person. Would you be willing to meet with me to go over a few things and see if your schedule would allow you to take on this task?”
“Absolutely! And thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to assist you on your very special day. How does tomorrow evening sound?”
“Sounds great, what side of town is best for you?”
“I’m open.”
“I’m east, how about Starbucks on East Washington Street around 6 o’clock?”
“That is perfect, I live out east as well, see you then. Look forward to meeting you, have a blessed day.”
“Same to you.”
As soon as Tiffany hung up the phone, the tears started to roll and her hands began to shake uncontrollably. It was a trigger for Tiffany, the unknown caller. Tiffany went weeks, months, and now years not hearing from her mother, so the tears were that of fear, heartache, and love. Although she knew the reality of her mother’s situation and circumstances, she still loved her, always had, and always would, which, in her mind, was crazy because as much as she had tried to hate her, she couldn’t. As much as she tried to wash away and dismiss every thought of Tammy, they would not go away. And even now in her mid-30’s, Tiffany still longed for Tammy’s love and affection. The worst part for Tiffany was knowing it was something she may never experience. Tammy had walked in and out of Tiffany’s life so much that it was impossible for her to keep track of anything Tammy did or who she did it with. In fact, it wasn’t until Tiffany got to be a teenager that she realized it was a waste of time to ask May any questions about her irrelevant, nonexciting relatives as she had come to know them. So, she kept her whys, hows, and what ifs to herself. Besides, after years of asking, May still answered the questions with one or two answers, “Only God knows baby” or “Lord knows I wish I had the answer to that question.” But what May had instilled in Tiffany was that God was in control of everything and that he hears the faintest cries for help and the smallest and quietest prayers. Although they were the weekly occupants of the 8th row back from the front, far right side, end of the pew at Mount Vernon Baptist Church’s 11:45am service at that time, Tiffany didn’t have a clue of just how much the love of God had covered her already.
After yet another soul cleansing shower cry and moisturizing her body, she put on her grey pencil skirt and white long-sleeved button up collar blouse. She added a red blazer, slid into her red Jimmy Choo pumps, and glazed her lips with M.A.C Lip Glass. She finished by unwrapping her hair, grabbing her favorite Louis Vuitton bag, and was off to make her meetings with her clients and make her deliveries for the day.
With deliveries and meetings done, it was on to Phase II of the day; mom duties. It was 2:30pm and the school day was coming to an end. Cash and CJ, Tiffany’s twin boys, had football practice and, of course, Cori, Tiffany’s youngest and baby girl, had basketball practice. She had about 3 hours to get dinner ready, fold the clothes in the dryer from this morning, and prep for her meetings the next day; she had two potential new clients. About an hour into getting home, she had gotten the fried corn and green beans done and was just about to get the chicken in the oven when her oldest walked in the door with an arm full of books.
“Hey, ladybug”
“Hi Mommy.”
“Doesn’t look like college life is going to be fun for you this weekend.” Caden was in her 2nd year of college with a double major in biology and Spanish and a minor in fashion. You see, the one thing Tiffany didn’t accomplish was graduating from college. Not that she couldn’t, but she took on the role of mother at the tender age of 16. She had dodged a lot of bullets, yet, getting pregnant was not one of them. Tiffany and Chris met in the hallways of their junior high school. Neither of them thinking of anything other than kissing on the steps during passing time. Little did they know that kissing would produce their first child a year before Chris graduated from high school and the end of Tiffany’s junior year of high school. The parents promised themselves that no matter, what they would always talk to their children about the consequences of their actions and how it can and will affect their futures. They knew, ultimately, all they could do was talk to them and supply them with all the tools they needed to be successful and productive citizens in society. And so far, all is well in the Newton household.
“Mommy.”
“Yes, Ladybug.”
“Would you please wake me up in an hour so I can start on my research paper that’s due next week?”
“Of course, I’ll wake you up as soon as I get back from picking up your brothers and sister from practice.”
“Ok love you.”
“Love you too,” and watched as Caden dashed off. Tiffany had gotten all the food on and moved on to the task of folding her morning load. When the kids get home, she immediately sends them to the showers and all uniforms go into the washer. Thank God Chris’ job provided dry cleaning for his uniforms. Tiffany soon lost track of time while folding and had about 30 minutes to get to the school. She turned the corn and green beans off, whipped up the Jiffy cornbread, added a spoonful of sugar, popped it in the oven, and was off to the school to pick up the Newton crew. Tiffany got to the school with about 5 minutes to spare so she took advantage of the time and sent out a quick text to her family just to say ‘hey’ and that she loved them, something she tried to do often. No sooner than she hit send, Cori, was opening the door.
“Hey Mommy.”
“Hey Ladybug, how was your day?”
“It was ok, it’s school.” Tiffany smiled and laughed at her youngest as she watched her sons
walk toward the van.
“Hey, Mommy,” they said in unison.
“Hello, Sons, how was everyone’s day?”
“Fine,” they both replied.
“Good!”
As soon as they turned into their sub division, the kids started to gather their things and hopped out almost before the van was in park. Tiffany retrieved the cornbread from the oven and went upstairs to wake up Caden as promised.
It was 8:30, the kids had bathed, eaten and finished homework. Tiffany had washed, dried, and folded uniforms, cleaned the kitchen, and was sitting at the kitchen table on her laptop working, waiting for her husband to get home from work. And just like clockwork, the garage door started to open at 9:00. Soon the door opened and the man of the house appeared.
“Hey Love,” as he would so often call her.
“Well hello baby, how was your day?”
“It was hard, I had to do some work today.”
“Chris, you do know that’s what people do at work?”
“Not me,” he responded.
“Would you like for me to fix your plate?”
“No, I’ll get it, you look rather good sitting there working.”
“Is that right?” Tiffany said, with a smirk on her face. The two sat at the table and conversed about the day and its obstacles. Once Chris finished eating, Tiffany got up to clean his dishes and they were off to shower and get in bed. The two had not been in bed ten minutes before Chris was off to sleep and Tiffany was still up watching Law & Order and playing on her phone-as usual. But soon after the third episode came on, Tiffany dozed off into her dream world and just as always, memories of her childhood appeared and started just where it had left off the night before.
***
“Oh, my God, Tammy! Baby, is that you?” As she opened the door she saw that it indeed was her granddaughter and as soon as May locked eyes with Tammy, the tears and emotions took over both of them. May took her in her arms and Tammy wept.
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