Mail Order Lila

by Patricia Pacjac Carroll

  Zandy nodded. “I’m agreeable to the marriage.”

  Lila stared at him. “I guess I am, too.”

  The pastor stood them up right there in the café. “Folks gather around. These two want to be married, and we need witnesses. As a witness, you are agreeing to help these two in their wedding duties. And as they have two children, we’ll adopt them into their new family as Griffin and Grace Smith.”

  Lila was shoved to the front to stand next to Zandy. He looked at her with that same grin as if he knew everything would work out.

  As soon as the I dos were over, Zandy looked at his bride and wondered how he could do such a thing stone-cold sober.

  “You may kiss the bride.”

  Lila smiled a sweet if not coy grin at him, daring him to take her in his arms and kiss her.

  Zandy looked at the pastor and then grabbed her and kissed her but on the cheek. “There. The deed is done. We’re married.” Without another word, he walked away from her. He should have been nicer, but he wasn’t sure about what he’d just let himself in for.

  At the door to the café, he turned to see her trying to gather the children and bags. He looked up and wondered if God was laughing at him. Then he turned and grabbed the boy and the carpetbag.

  “My wagon is by the depot. Let’s go.”

  Chapter 4

  Lila picked up Gracie and followed him. Well, she’d done it now. She’d married him. What was she going to do? Yet, it was a far better situation than she’d been in before. Yes, she had two children and a husband to care for, but she wasn’t going to be thrown to wolves every night to fight for herself in some dirty saloon.

  Of course, once he found out about her past, Zandy might throw her out. But at least the children would have a home. She hugged Gracie to her. Lila was happy about that and hoped that he was a good man.

  Remembering the letters that she and Mark had read on the stage gave her more comfort. His words were kind and caring. Too bad that Mattie hadn’t lived to meet him. She wondered what that would have looked like.

  He clearly wasn’t prepared to see any kids come along with the deal. Then again, she didn’t know anything about Mattie other than what was in the letters. The woman had taken her secrets to the grave.

  Zandy stopped at the wagon and set Griffin in the back. By the time he took Gracie from her arms, the little boy was ready to fall out. Zandy put the girl down and ran to the boy.

  “I think you better ride in the back with the children. I’m not sure what people do with children in a wagon.”

  Lila walked to the back and wondered how she would climb in when he picked her up and set her inside.

  “There. You can hold onto the little ones. I’ll put the trunk at the back. I can make a tailgate for the wagon so the next time we come to town, the kids will be safe.”

  Lila nodded. That was encouraging. At least, he was thinking ahead, and he was counting on her and the children to still be with him. Zandy was doing better with future thoughts than she was. She already had herself thrown off on the road, and the worst case would be if she had the two babies with her.

  She looked at him in a new light. Perhaps, he was a good man. He had brown hair, neatly trimmed. A mustache. Also neatly trimmed. He must have gone to the barber today to impress her.

  His eyes were a steely blue, but there was a kind playfulness about them. She got the feeling that he’d make a good father. In fact, she felt better about him with the children than herself.

  She’d known nothing about being a mother, and the little bit she did know, she’d learned from Stubby and Mark.

  “I guess we need to get to know one another.” Zandy glanced at her.

  His expression was hopeful. As if he was determined to work this all out by the time they got to his ranch.

  She smiled. “Lila Swanson. I never knew my mother or father and was raised, if you can call it that, in an orphanage. That’s about all there is to me.” Nothing. It was how she’d felt all her life. She’d left out her profession. Zandy could learn about that later.

  Zandy grinned. “Is that so. Well, looking at you, I’d say there’s a lot more. You’re pretty, but your eyes, they look as if they’ve seen more sorrow than good times. I’m sorry about that.”

  That surprised her enough to wipe the smile from her face. “You didn’t cause any sorrow. I’m surprised you married me.”

  “Well, these children need a mother and a father, and I need a wife.” He darted an amused look her way. “What about you? Did you need a husband?”

  She looked straight ahead down the road. “I never dreamed I’d have one. Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “You look like you could use a break. What did you do before you met Mattie?”

  She shrugged.

  “If I was to guess, I’d say you were a saloon girl.”

  She whirled to face him. “How did you know?”

  “Just something in the way that you carry yourself. That coy smile you gave me before I kissed you. Things like that.” He was still grinning as if he was privy to some sort of private joke.

  That annoyed her. “I’m glad you think it’s funny. Yes, I worked the saloons since I ran away from the orphanage. I suppose you will take that as some sort of leverage to treat me like a stray dog.” She glared at him. “I’ll have you know. I value myself. Nobody else in this world has, but I won’t let you treat me like dirt. So, if that’s what you have in mind, I’ll take the children and find a man that will treat them right.”

  “Whoa, simmer down. I like you, Lila. You have fight in you. And a good heart. You didn’t have to take the babies. That’s a lot for a single girl to take on. And you could have passed yourself off as Mattie. I’d have never known. I respect you for that.”

  She put a hand to her chest and felt her wildly beating heart. “Thank you. But I mean it.”

  “Oh, I believe you.” He laughed. “I’ll build a room for the young ones. And I’ll sleep on the couch until you’re comfortable. You know, God does have a sense of humor.”

  She slapped his ribs. “See, you think I’m a joke.”

  “No, not that way. I can’t really believe I married you and took on the kids. But I did. Hardly without thinking. That had to be the Lord’s doing. I can’t wait to see how things are going to work out.”

  Lila wasn’t sure what to make of him. At times, she felt a lightning bolt of heat go through her and was excited. The other times, it was a flash of fear that she’d allowed herself to be married to this man.

  But that he thought it would work out gave her a sense of peace amidst the bolts and flashes. “It ought to be interesting.”

  “Yes, Ma’am. That it will.”

  Lila wondered what his house would look like. He didn’t appear to be a rich man, but he wasn’t poor either. She’d seen plenty of his kind in the saloons. After another hour, he pulled into a drive. Over the gate were the words, Zandy’s Ranch.

  “You haven’t told me anything about you. Where did you get your name?”

  “My mother. Her father was a missionary in Africa, and he wrote her back about Zanzibar. She liked the word, and when I was born, she named me after the country. Zandy for short. She told me with the last name of Smith, she wanted me to have a memorable name.”

  “That’s interesting. I think the orphanage drew a name out of a hat for me.” She sat up, holding the children so they wouldn’t fall over as they maneuvered over a bump in the road. “That’s your house?”

  “Yes, it is. I hope you’ll like it. I have money saved up so you can pick things out to make it the way you’ve dreamed about.”

  Lila laughed. “Never in my dreams did I ever believe I would have a house. In fact, I’ve had nightmares, not dreams.”

  He glanced back at her. “I’m sorry. I hope to wipe out the sadness I see in your eyes. If you want something, you let me know, and I’ll get it for you.”

  Lila stared at him. He’d turned around and was driving the horse up to the house.
Zandy’s back was broad. By the way that he’d picked her up and put her in the wagon, he was strong. That someone cared about how she felt was a new experience.

  “Zandy, I hope I won’t let you down. I’ll do my best to make you happy.” She’d said it low almost a whisper. She hadn’t really wanted him to hear her promise.

  But he turned and smiled at her. “I’m sure you will.” He stopped the horse, jumped down, and went to her. “Hand me the kids.”

  She handed them to him, and then she jumped down from the back of the wagon. “Your house is lovely.”

  He smiled at her. “Come on in. I can see we’ll have our work cut out chasing these two around. The first thing I need to do is get the wood for that extra room. I already have a cutout where the door will be.”

  He walked up the stairs to the cabin and opened the door. “I’ll come back out and get the trunk and bags.” He set the children down on the floor.

  Lila entered the cabin. “It’s beautiful.” She took off her bonnet and hung it on the back of a chair. She’d never had a house before. She’d visited a few when she had friends, but as soon as their parents found out that she was from the orphanage, she was sent back, and her friends forbidden to see her again.

  Most of her life, she’d spent in small rooms in saloons. Not her own and usually shared with several other girls. What she saw before her today might as well have been a mansion.

  “I hope to make you happy, Lila.”

  “You already have.” She turned around and around, taking in the sights.

  Griffin walked to her and began blabbering in his baby talk.

  “Oh, dear. I think they’re hungry. Mattie has a few more cans of milk. But they can eat food.”

  “What kind?”

  She looked at him and frowned. “I really don’t know. Stubby fed them rice. I think anything we can mush up.” She sat down on the couch and smiled as the children toddled to her. “I’ll have to tell you now, but I don’t cook. That is, I don’t know how to cook. Even rice. I never had a kitchen or means to cook.”

  “Well, I can. Don’t you worry. I have some rice. Tonight, we’ll have stew, and we can mush it up for the babies.” He looked at her. “Are you going to be able to care for the children?”

  “Well, I don’t know how to do that either, but I’ve mastered a few things. Like nappies and bottles. From there, I’ll have to learn.” She felt like such a failure and on her first day.

  Zandy grinned. “We’ll learn together. I think it’s what most parents do.”

  “Good.”

  Gracie fell and bruised her lip.

  Lila ran to her and picked her up and rocked her until the toddler stopped crying.

  Zandy came over them and smiled. “You look like a natural right there. Gracie trusts you and looks content.”

  Lila was thankful for his confidence in her. Now, if she just felt as if she could be of some help.

  Chapter 5

  Zandy spent the rest of the day taking care of the babies. Bringing in the trunk and bags for Lila and trying to figure out how they were going to block the babies from getting out. He was concerned they’d escape and fall down the stairs outside.

  “We’ll have to make a corral for the little ones.”

  Lila smiled and opened the door to the bedroom. “Why not put them in here. At least until you have time to make another room?”

  “That’s our bedroom.” He blushed. “Yours until you want different. I guess if you don’t mind, they can stay in there with you.”

  “I think that’s the best thing for now.” She looked around the room and picked up an odd-shaped black mask.

  Zandy came over to her. “My grandfather sent that back from Africa.” From a bookshelf, Zandy picked up a carved animal. “This is a giraffe. A lot of his letters told of the animal life and culture of the tribes around.”

  “A giraffe. I’ve never seen one.” She rubbed her fingers over the odd knobs atop the animal’s head. “Is this what they really look like?”

  “Yes, they’re magnificent animals. Larger than any horse and colored in a pattern of dark brown patches bordered by tan. Their necks are long so they can reach into the trees and eat leaves.”

  Still holding the carving, Lila wished she knew things. “I’ve seen very little. I can read and write and do arithmetic, but I don’t know anything about the world.” She looked at the children. “I don’t want them to be ignorant like me.”

  Zandy came over to her and handed her another carving. “This one is an elephant. They’re huge and gray with big floppy ears and a trunk that they can use like a hand and drink water with.” He handed it to her. “Together, we can learn. All of us as a family. There’s no shame in not knowing things.”

  Tears burned her eyes. Lila couldn’t even remember the last time she’d cried. Maybe when she was ten, and she’d learned the hard way that people in the town thought she was more worthless than a stray dog. That’s what the little boy’s father had said after she had hit the boy for pinching her.

  It hurt to know the world thought you were worthless. And it was a constant battle for Lila to remind herself that she wasn’t worthless.

  Zandy wiped a tear from her cheek. “Trust me, Lila. I know we’ve been thrown together, but I believe God had a say in it from the beginning. I was lonely and wanted companionship. And even though I don’t know you, I like you.”

  She stared at him. “You do, don’t you?”

  He nodded, pulled her close, and kissed her proper. “That’s the way I should have done it at our wedding. Forgive me.”

  “I just don’t know what to say. I keep wanting to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming. Never did I think I could live in a house so fine. Be married to a man like you. And have children all in a day.” She laughed. “It’s all too much. I fear that I’ll wake up, and everything will be gone.”

  She handed him the elephant. “Such odd creatures but so magnificent. Think we’ll ever get to go to Africa?”

  “I don’t know. It’s a long way off. But I promise we can learn about any place you want to.”

  “That’s just as good. And then we can teach Griffin and Grace. I do want a good life for them.”

  “Then, we’ll give them one.” He kissed her again. “I could get used to that.”

  She didn’t smile but got up from the couch. “Zandy, there are things about me that you don’t know.”

  He nodded.

  “I was a saloon girl, and well, and all that means in the most wicked of ways.” She waited for him to throw her out of the house.

  He didn’t. He sat still for a time and stared at her. “Is that all?”

  “All? I helped card sharps cheat honest men out of their hard-earned wages. I poured water in the whiskey to make it go further. I tricked men out of their money.” She stared at him. “I pleasured men from the time I was fifteen.”

  Zandy’s expression didn’t change. “I told you I thought you were a saloon girl. I wasn’t born yesterday. I know what they do.” He stood and went to her. “But I see a woman who wants to be more than what she was. I see a woman with the fight in her not to go back to the old ways. A woman who wants to learn and do good. As crazy as it seems, I’m falling in love with you.”

  She turned away from him. This had to be a dream, and soon enough, she’d wake up to a nightmare. “How can you love me?”

  He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. “You’re something special. A gift that God arranged just for me. Already, I see your life expanding. You should have seen your eyes as you held the carvings. The same wonder I see when you watch the children. The same thing I hope to see when you look at me and begin to realize how much I love you.”

  She pulled back. “How can you? All my life, I’ve been told I’m worthless.”

  “But you never believed it, did you?”

  He was right. Lila had always held out some kind of hope that she was someone worth being loved. She’d never understood where that had c
ome from, but it was real and as tangible as the carving in her hand.

  “No, I never believed them. Even when they told me I was worthless, I knew deep down that I had value. I don’t even know why.”

  Zandy grinned. “I do. I hope soon that you’ll discover why. We better feed these kids. I’ll make some rice. You can watch so you know how to do it.”

  He grabbed some chairs and made a corral of sorts for the children and then led her to the kitchen. He pulled down a bag of rice. “The pots are in the cabinet at the end.”

  She pulled out a pot.

  “Get some water, then we’ll pour in the rice and let it soak for a few minutes. Then we’ll start the stove.”

  Lila watched him.

  Soon, she had water and rice in the pot over the stove. She stared at Zandy and watched how he interacted with the babies. She’d have thought he was their real father and had known them since birth.

  As the day went on, Lila felt more and more like a failure. He didn’t need her. She should have never agreed to marry him. She belonged in a saloon. That’s what she knew. All her high-sounding words and thoughts about knowing she wasn’t worthless were nothing but lies.

  Lila Swanson was nothing but a saloon girl and never would be anything but.

  Chapter 6

  Lila waited until the house was quiet. The babies were fast asleep, and she could hear Zandy snoring in the den. She pulled on her skirt and blouse, found her wrap, and held her shoes. She pried open the window, threw out her carpetbag, and climbed out careful to shut the window behind her.

  After finding a log to sit on, she put on her shoes. She figured town wasn’t but ten miles away, and she could walk in and catch the stage. It didn’t matter where it was going. Tears threatened to fall.

  Lila wiped her eyes and stiffened her resolve. She wasn’t fit to be a wife or mother, and Zandy deserved a good woman. No, he was better off without her. He could find someone far better.