A Life of Secrets

by Margaret Kaine

  Deborah was staring in astonishment at her maid. ‘Oh, Ellen, congratulations, that’s wonderful news!’

  Ellen was blushing, but her smile was one of pure happiness. ‘I know it’s only a few months since we met. If you remember, it was on the train back from Paris. When John proposed you could have knocked me down with a feather! But we’re right for each other, I’m sure of it.’

  ‘Any young man who can make you look like that has my approval.’ Impulsively, Deborah hugged her. ‘I’m so pleased for you.’

  Looking a bit sheepish, Ellen said, ‘Down on one knee he went, in Hyde Park in broad daylight. Said he couldn’t wait any longer or he’d lose his nerve.’ She paused, ‘Lady Deborah, I know we servants aren’t supposed to wear jewellery,’ shyly, Ellen undid the top button of her black dress and took out a thin chain with a ring threaded on it, ‘but look …’ Deborah saw a gold ring with three of the tiniest diamond chips she’d ever seen. Ellen’s eyes were shining with pride. ‘He must have saved up for ages to afford it.’

  ‘It’s beautiful, Ellen.’

  ‘I know, my lady. Ain’t it exciting? Both of us, I can’t believe it.’

  ‘You’re not planning to get married just yet, are you?’ Deborah felt a pang of panic. How could she possibly plan her wedding without her loyal friend? Because that was how she thought of Ellen. She was more than just a servant, she was her confidante.

  Her maid shook her head. ‘We’ll have to wait until we can afford it. But John doesn’t want to wait too long.’ Her cheeks became even more pink.

  Deborah laughed. ‘Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.’

  ‘Oh, my lady, whatever would people say?’

  ‘I don’t care what anyone else thinks, but perhaps I’d better just come to the church. I shall miss you, terribly.’

  ‘I shall miss you, too, Lady Deborah, I shall cry when I leave, I know I will.’

  ‘But you’ll have lots to look forward to. Your own home, for instance.’

  Ellen beamed. ‘That’ll be the icing on the cake. John says he’s good at decorating and such and he’s going to make it a little palace.’

  Deborah smiled at her, having already decided that a generous cheque would be the best engagement present she could give the young couple. ‘Well, I think it’s time I took myself off to the agency. And congratulations again, Ellen. But I would like to meet your John one day. How dare he steal you away!’

  ‘That would be a real honour, my lady, thank you.’

  Romance seemed to be in the air Deborah thought when, coming out of the front door, she noticed a young couple holding hands walking along the pavement.

  ‘Good morning, Brown,’ she said as she took her place on the back seat of the Daimler. On realising that her change of routine was causing comment, she now only used a cab service on leaving the agency.

  Early that afternoon Father Keegan telephoned to say that his housekeeper knew of a local vacancy for a kitchen maid. ‘She reports that the cook there is a comfortable sort of woman, so it might suit your Millie quite well.’

  ‘Thank you, Father, that’s really helpful.’ Deborah made a note of the details. She sat back in her chair, thinking that her relationship with the priest would be one aspect of the agency she would really miss. And what of Elspeth, her right hand and good friend? Would it mean that their paths would no longer cross? Deborah, whose mind had taken second place to her emotions since Theo’s proposal, was only now beginning to realise that making the decision to relinquish the secret life she’d built was going to be far from easy. She had enjoyed so much knowing that she was helping people less fortunate than herself.

  She glanced down at the third finger on her left hand. It was bare, devoid of her glittering engagement ring. Neither was she wearing it on a chain around her neck as the outline of the large stones could be seen beneath a silk blouse. Deborah suddenly felt angry. She hated this necessity to hide her pride and joy in being Theo’s fiancée. Why didn’t she face the fact that in three months’ time she would not only be married, but to a public figure. Within twelve months she could even have a child. Hadn’t she learnt that life was all about compromises, sacrifices? Although, she thought with a touch of asperity, the latter did seem to apply mainly to women.

  And Deborah’s last thought as she heard someone enter the outer office, was that this was not a decision she could, or should, make alone. She needed to talk to Theo.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Abby sent a swift reply to Deborah’s announcement.

  Debs, at last, at last! And wasn’t Theo worth waiting for? You, my dearest friend, are going to be ecstatically happy, I just know it. Congratulations from Angus who thoroughly approves of your choice. But the most excited inhabitants of this chilly great house are the twins. They are clamouring to be your bridesmaids, and have talked of nothing else since. Please say they can, because they’ll be drowning in tears if not.

  You say that the ring belonged to Theo’s mother, but haven’t described it. So, another letter as soon as you can, and most importantly some indication of the date, so Angus can write it in his diary.

  Written in haste and happiness,

  CONGRATULATIONS,

  Love

  Abby xx

  Deborah put pen to paper immediately. She invited Fiona and Morag to act as her bridesmaids as they were her favourite little girls, and described her engagement ring.

  There is one person I especially want to be my chief bridesmaid but because you’re married, apparently you would have to be my chief matron of honour. You are far too young and attractive to fit that description! Would you mind? Will you do it?

  Love

  Debs xx

  When Theo telephoned to suggest they dined at the Savoy Grill that night, Deborah was glad to have a chance to talk to him. The agency dilemma was threatening to overshadow her thoughts of the coming wedding, which should be uppermost in her mind. She decided to wear an ivory silk dress with sequinned fringes, one that Theo had previously admired. But instead of ebony long beads, Deborah twinned it with pearls, wanting to see the overall effect. Drop pearl earrings completed the picture, but after Deborah suggested this combination might be ideal for her wedding dress, Ellen hesitated.

  ‘It does suit your colouring, my lady, but …’

  Deborah gazed at her. ‘You thought I would wear white?’

  Ellen nodded. ‘If I didn’t, people wouldn’t half talk …’ She gasped and put a hand to her lips. ‘I didn’t mean …’

  Feeling uncomfortable, Deborah merely said, but with a reassuring smile, ‘Our circles are very different, Ellen.’

  At Grosvenor Square, after greeting Gerard and Julia, Theo went over to Deborah and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’m missing you already,’ he murmured.

  She smiled up at him. ‘Me, too.’

  ‘My warm congratulations, Theo,’ Julia said, as he accepted a dry sherry from the butler. ‘Deborah and I have been making all sorts of plans to celebrate.’

  Deborah laughed. ‘Don’t worry, darling, only a smallish party, although we are planning to go over to Paris to shop.’

  ‘There you are, Field, one of the penalties of having a wife,’ Gerard said.

  ‘This will be a special trip.’ Julia’s eyes were sparkling. ‘To visit the fashion houses and arrange for Deborah’s wedding dress. And I can hardly return from Paris without finding something delightful for myself.’

  Theo laughed, turning to Deborah. ‘Speaking of parties, my father seems to feel that an engagement party will be expected in Wiltshire.’

  She smiled. ‘I’d better make sure I’m in the country, then.’

  Theo took another sip of his sherry and turned to Gerard. ‘Are you dining out this evening?’

  ‘At the Hamiltons. You know them, of course?’

  Theo nodded, thankful he wasn’t joining them. This particular couple had a reputation for holding dinner parties where the guests were as tedious as themselves.

  When t
hey were comfortably seated in the Bentley, Theo said, ‘Why Paris, darling? We have some excellent fashion houses here in England.’

  ‘I made the suggestion on impulse, I’m afraid.’ As they drove, she told him the reason: that she had wanted to lift Julia’s spirits.

  ‘Such an altruistic gesture is typical of you.’ He turned to smile at her.

  ‘Is there anyone in your family who I should invite to be a bridesmaid?’

  ‘You mean nieces? No, I’m afraid not.’

  ‘How about close friends?’

  ‘Well, Bertie and Jennifer, who you met at Felchurch Manor, have children, but they’re both boys.’

  ‘How old are they?’

  He shrugged. ‘I’d imagine around seven and five.’

  ‘Perfect,’ she said with delight. ‘They could be pageboys.’

  He laughed. ‘I can’t imagine those two dressed up like little Lord Fauntleroy.’

  ‘I think we can do better than that. Would you ask Jennifer for me?’

  ‘Of course. It’s a good feeling, isn’t it, planning a day that will be the beginning of our life together?’

  ‘It’s wonderful.’ Deborah held up her hand so that the square-cut emerald and surrounding diamonds glinted in the late sunlight streaming through the windscreen. ‘I do love my ring.’

  Later, their happy, light-hearted mood continued but once their coffee and liqueurs were served, Deborah at last mentioned the agency. She spoke hesitantly. ‘I’ve been wondering, Theo, what to do about the agency. Once we’re married, I mean.’

  He leant back and held her gaze. ‘I suppose you mean the question of whether marrying me will mean that you have to relinquish it?’

  She nodded.

  ‘And how does that prospect make you feel?’

  ‘Sad. Yet I can see that perhaps it might be the right thing to do. Not only because you are a rising star in the government,’ she held up a hand as he was about to demur, ‘yes, you are, darling. It’s common knowledge. But everything has now changed. My time will no longer be just mine, to spend how I wish.’ She smiled at him. ‘I shall have a husband.’

  ‘I’d hate to think that falling in love with me had resulted in you losing your independence.’

  Deborah put out a hand to cover his on the table. ‘Theo, you are now my life, as our marriage will be. I’ve done my best to help people more unfortunate than myself, but nothing lasts forever.’

  ‘I would never put pressure on you, you know that.’ He frowned. ‘I admit that I don’t want to have to compete with a business; I’d like you to be able to join me whenever possible. But how about your assistant? Would she have the expertise to manage the agency for you?’

  Deborah gazed thoughtfully at him. ‘Elspeth has the experience to do so. However, I’m not sure whether she would want the responsibility.’

  ‘Darling, you won’t know unless you ask.’

  Deborah said slowly, ‘So, you are suggesting that I retain the agency. It is in the name of Miss Deborah Claremont. And you wouldn’t mind?’

  ‘I would imagine that you already hold private investments; this would just be an additional one. Why should I mind?’

  ‘Theodore Field, I love you!’

  And so it was that on her very next day at the agency, Deborah, after glancing in the diary to view the day’s appointments, said to Elspeth, ‘Are you free to have a chat?’

  Elspeth nodded. ‘Shall I make tea?’

  Deborah shook her head. ‘We might be disturbed later, and there’s something I wish to discuss with you.’

  Elspeth followed her into the inner sanctum, and with an apprehensive expression took the seat on the other side of Deborah’s desk.

  ‘I thought you might be worried about the future of the agency,’ Deborah said. ‘Once I marry Theo, I mean.’

  Elspeth nodded. ‘Yes, I confess that I am.’

  ‘The subject has been much on my mind, too,’ Deborah admitted. ‘Obviously, I won’t be able to carry on as before.’

  ‘Yes, I can understand that.’

  ‘So I wondered how you would feel about sitting on this side of the desk − in other words, running the agency yourself?’

  Elspeth gasped. ‘In view of Theo’s political position, I’ve been preparing myself to hear that you were going to sell it.’

  Smiling, Deborah shook her head. ‘Actually, it was his suggestion that you may like to manage it. As far as I’m concerned, it would simply be viewed as an investment. Even married women are allowed to have those, I believe.’

  Elspeth was gazing thoughtfully at her.

  ‘There would be a higher salary, and you would, of course, have to appoint an assistant. And I wouldn’t interfere, Elspeth. Although it might be helpful to both of us to perhaps have the occasional lunch together.’ Deborah smiled, ‘I confess that I would hate us to lose touch.’

  ‘I feel the same,’ Elspeth said. ‘I’ve been feeling quite sad about it.’

  ‘You will think it over then?’

  ‘I don’t need to. My husband used to say that one should never shirk extra responsibility. Mind you, that was when he was trying to persuade a parishioner to help out.’ She smiled. ‘My answer is a definite “Yes”, Deborah. And thank you for having such confidence in me.’

  The telephone’s loud ring in the outer office then summoned her, but Deborah noticed with pleasure that Elspeth’s step was light, and knew the right decision had been made.

  She sat for a moment, musing over some of the clients who during the past few years she had enabled to have a second chance. It was then that Evan came into her mind. Without the help from herself and Father Keegan, would he still be unemployed?

  Chapter Forty-Two

  It wasn’t until two weeks later, that Evan met Father Keegan again. Once more the priest and the Colonel had arranged to have a chess evening together and Evan had already completed his employer’s dressing routine. He thought it a sign of the mutual esteem between the Colonel and his visitor that the former was happy to relax in his burgundy silk pyjamas and dressing gown, a cravat neatly tied around his neck.

  When he came into the sitting room, Father Keegan, having first greeted his host turned immediately to Evan. ‘I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed listening to you speak, Evan. You raised several points with which I entirely agree, and it was good to hear someone express them so vividly.’ He turned to the Colonel. ‘This young man’s talents are being wasted. Although I don’t mean to denigrate the valuable service he gives you.’

  Evan was frowning. ‘I’m grateful for the work, Father. It’s a hostile environment out there as far as employment is concerned.’

  ‘And that’s a crying shame. But even so, when the good Lord’s given you the gift of eloquence, Evan, and a deep social conscience, it’s a pity you can’t use that attribute more widely.’

  The Colonel smiled. ‘I can tell you were accompanied by my niece. If Geraldine was a man, she’d be described as having a fire in her belly as far as injustice is concerned.’ He turned to Evan. ‘She too, was full of praise for you, wasn’t that so?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’ Evan smiled, thinking of Geraldine’s rapt expression as she’d sat in the audience. Rather than being nervous because of her presence, he’d even smiled at her almost successful attempt to disguise her distinctive appearance. ‘I shall be getting a swollen head.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ the priest said, ‘you’re not the type. And by the way, Colonel, when are you going to show me the “holy of holies”. In other words, this railway layout you’re so proud of.’

  ‘So that is why you wanted to come earlier! But Evan is due to go home.’

  ‘I could stay later, sir. I don’t mind a bit. That’s if you feel ready to reveal how far we’ve got?’

  The Colonel shrugged. ‘Then, why not. Carpe diem was always my motto.’

  ‘I’ll fetch the shawl for your shoulders, and a rug.’

  Watching Evan walk out of the room, the Colonel commented, ‘A fine military
bearing too. Your thoughts are in line with mine, Father. That young man could have a future in politics, and in a wider field than trade union work.’

  Bronwen found Evan in a thoughtful frame of mind the following day, and said impatiently, ‘You know, boyo, I might just as well eat on my own for all the company you are. What’s on your mind?’

  He glanced up. ‘Oh, sorry.’

  ‘Well come on, then. Or is it something personal? As you know, I’m not one to pry.’

  He stifled a grin. ‘It’s just something that Father Keegan said. You know, the Catholic priest who came to hear me speak?’

  She nodded, then frowned. ‘He’s not trying to convert you, is he? That lot have a reputation for trying to increase their flock.’

  He laughed. ‘No, nothing like that.’ He repeated the conversation.

  Bronwen’s shoulders stiffened with pride. ‘And what else happened?’

  ‘We all went out to look at the model railway.’

  She sniffed. ‘Honestly, grown men playing with trains.’

  ‘It’s much more than that, Aunt Bron. It will be a mechanical marvel after I’ve finished with it.’

  ‘So you keep saying.’ She began to collect their used plates. ‘Pudding? It’s syrup sponge.’

  ‘Do I ever say no?’

  She went out smiling, and Evan’s thoughts drifted back to Geraldine. He’d never met a young woman like her, or even an older one for that matter. The extent of her interest in the workings of the model railway was surprising. An image came to him of how she bit her lower lip when concentrating, and he smiled. He was enjoying his job far more than he had anticipated, although he knew this was because of the personalities involved. If the Colonel had, for instance, been typical of his kind, or at least the officers Evan had encountered before, and if the staff had resented his senior status in the pecking order, then daily life would be very different.