A Life of Secrets

by Margaret Kaine

  On the actual morning, there was much excitement in Grosvenor Square. Abby’s twins, Fiona and Morag, immediately took charge of the pageboys, who rebelled at being told what to do ‘by girls’. Eventually, their nannies managed to calm them all down by threatening to fetch their mothers. The four visiting matrons of honour were dressed by their maids in adjacent bedrooms, while Julia preferred to remain in her own.

  Deborah, in her own apartment, stood quietly as Ellen brushed her hair until it shone, then slipped the cool silk of the wedding dress over her bare shoulders. She fastened a gleaming pearl choker around Deborah’s neck and clipped on the matching drop earrings. And lastly the late countess’s lace veil, which was held in place by its diamond tiara, fell into long soft folds.

  ‘My lady, you look absolutely beautiful.’ Ellen’s eyes were misting over. ‘I’m not going to cry, I’m really not.’

  Deborah gave her a tremulous smile, then let her own gaze wander over her reflection. It was actually happening. Was she nervous? Was there a bride anywhere who wouldn’t be? But her overwhelming feeling was one of joy. Because in a few hours from now, she would no longer be Lady Deborah Claremont, but Lady Deborah Field. And she wanted that more than anything in the world.

  And so she arrived at the church to the stirring notes of the ‘Trumpet Voluntary’. The fashionable congregation stood, but as the bridal procession moved slowly down the aisle, Deborah’s eyes sought only the man she loved.

  tatler

  The wedding of Lady Deborah Claremont and Mr Theodore Field, MP, took place at St Margaret’s Church, Westminster. The ceremony was attended by many members of the aristocracy, and well-known political figures.

  The bride was given away by her brother, the Earl of Anscombe, and wore a French couture gown of ivory silk and guipure lace, a family tiara, her late mother’s veil, and carried a cascade bouquet of pink peonies, stock, jasmine and ranunculus. She was attended by five matrons of honour, the Countess of Anscombe, Lady Claudia Faversham, Lady Frances Bentwood, Lady Abigail Mackintosh, and Mrs Jennifer Manston, who wore pale blue satin with fresh flower headdresses. The two small bridesmaids looked exquisite in sashed white organza with baskets of rose petals, accompanied by two small pageboys in white silk shirts and grey knickerbockers. A reception was held at the Savoy Hotel.

  Three weeks later, in the Italian Lakes, or more precisely beside Lake Garda, the honeymooning couple were lying entwined in their sumptuous four-poster bed. ‘You, my darling,’ Theo murmured, ‘are the most beautiful woman in the world.’

  Deborah turned to him, ‘And you,’ she said softly, ‘are the most loved.’

  He smiled at her. ‘Now those words could lead to our first marital row. Because you can’t possibly love me as much as I love you.’

  She kissed her finger and placed it over his lips. ‘I think you are going to have to convince me.’

  ‘What again?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘Lady Deborah Field, I have said it before, you are a minx.’

  She held out her arms, loving the feel of his bare skin against her own. ‘Don’t worry,’ she murmured, ‘We won’t be disturbed, I haven’t yet ordered breakfast.’

  When much later the breakfast trolley was wheeled out to the sunny balcony, Theo, who had enjoyed his croissants and coffee, watched Deborah bite into a ripe peach with amused indulgence. He thought how lucky he was. Deborah had delighted him on their honeymoon, not only with her passionate response to their more intimate moments, but by her positive attitude to everything. With her privileged background, she could easily have become blasé, but there was no hint of that. And her happiness was contagious. He had been able to banish from his mind all thoughts of Parliament, in fact of any problems at all. Instead they had lost themselves in each other, enjoying boat trips to other lakeside towns, taking picturesque drives, merely strolling around Riva del Garda itself. And of course, taking the opportunity to go to Verona, to gaze up at the fourteenth-century residence with its tiny balcony overlooking a courtyard, which was said to be ‘Juliet’s House’.

  But now, as he finished his coffee, he said, ‘I can’t believe that we’re due to return home tomorrow.’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘And we each have to do our own packing!’

  He grimaced. ‘Still, we didn’t want servants around on our honeymoon.’

  She laughed. ‘At least we could be as carefree as we liked, and spend illicit hours in the bedroom.’

  ‘Not illicit,’ he protested. ‘We’re husband and wife.’

  ‘You know what I mean. We didn’t have to obey any social conventions.’

  He reached out to hold her hand. ‘It’s been wonderful, thank you, darling.’

  Deborah smiled across at him. All the hours they had spent together had been wonderful. She had tried, and most of the time succeeded, in subduing her concerns about the young boy in Wiltshire, wanting, longing, to think only of Theo and their passionate love for each other.

  But now within her was rising a desperate urge to see the young Robbie again. Had it been her imagination that had turned a passing resemblance into something much more sinister? Gerard might have an obsession with the reputation of the Claremont name, but surely …

  ‘A penny for them, darling?’ Theo broke into her thoughts. ‘You’ve drifted away from me.’

  She was swift to reassure him. ‘Not at all. How could I?’ Deborah held out her hand for him to take. ‘It’s just that with us leaving tomorrow …’

  When she hesitated, he said, ‘What is it, sweetheart?’

  ‘I just wondered whether we might be going to Felchurch Manor quite soon?’

  Theo didn’t answer immediately. Then he said, ‘Is this something to do with that boy?’

  She nodded. ‘I need to see him again, Theo.’

  ‘It would set your mind at rest?’

  Again she nodded.

  He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘Then that is what we shall do.’

  Chapter Forty-Five

  A week later, in Grosvenor Square, Gerard opened one of the drawers in his desk and, searching at the back for a particular document, felt the outline of the blank but sealed envelope. Since receiving it from Freddie Seymour as an insurance in case anything happened to him, he had so far left it unopened. But since Deborah’s refusal to say whether or not she was going to reveal her past to Theo, Gerard had been fighting an underlying uneasiness. After a moment’s hesitation, he picked up his paperknife and slit the envelope.

  Inside was a single sheet of paper with the present address of the boy.

  Robert Waters,

  c/o Mrs Bagshaw,

  No. 4, Bluebell Cottages,

  Felchurch,

  Wiltshire

  Gerard stared down at it aghast, while the sheet of paper slid through unsteady fingers. Seymour had managed to secrete the child in the one village where Deborah could possibly encounter him! Whether or not Theo’s home was close by was of no consequence. Gerard didn’t want the boy to be even in the same county. Nobody was to blame, Wiltshire hadn’t figured in the list of counties to avoid that he’d given Freddie; at that time neither he nor Deborah were acquainted with the area.

  Fraught, Gerard rose and began to pace around the study. He could only thank God that he’d opened the envelope. It was imperative that the boy be moved. At least to another county, somewhere like the wilds of Northumberland would be even better. Panic was beginning to rise in him. What if there was any sort of resemblance? The scandal of that brat’s existence could never be known. That blasted maid, Waters, with her threat of revealing Deborah’s scandalous behaviour; her blackmail had lasted all these years. He’d made a huge mistake in telling her the baby was destined for the workhouse! And now the boy knew too much to be confined to one.

  Opening the door, Gerard strode along the hall to the morning room.

  Julia turned as he came in. ‘Darling, it’s not quite time for coffee, but shall I send for some?’

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bsp; He forced a smile, shaking his head. He needed something stronger than coffee, but he would take it in his study. ‘I was only wondering – did you say that Deborah and Theo are back from their honeymoon?’

  She nodded with a smile. ‘Yes. You know, Gerard, I miss her. It took some time, but I really think we have become friends. And I have you to thank for that, by suggesting that first trip to Paris. You are a clever old thing.’

  ‘Not so much of the “old”, my sweet.’ His reply was automatic, while his mind feverishly continued to plan ahead. Already walking towards the door, he added, ‘We should invite them to dine. I’ll come and join you later.’

  Julia smiled and was returning to her magazine even before he’d left the room.

  Back in his study, Gerard poured himself a stiff brandy, and sat in one of the leather armchairs, trying to think.

  Several minutes later, he rose to pull the bell cord and when the butler entered, said, ‘Fulton, would you tell Cook I shall be dining at my club tonight.’ And, he thought, every other night until I’ve spoken to Seymour. The man must act immediately. And if it took the threat of blackmail to give him the necessary impetus, Gerard was prepared to use it.

  It wasn’t until two nights later that Gerard, with a profound sense of relief, saw at the opposite end of the dining room the familiar features of Freddie Seymour. And it was only after suffering an agony of impatience that afterwards he managed to speak to him.

  Glass in hand, he went over to where the young man sat alone in a quiet corner of the lounge. ‘Good evening, Seymour, may I join you?’

  Freddie looked up. ‘But of course, sir.

  Gerard sat in one of the brown leather club chairs. ‘I trust you are well?’

  ‘In the best of health, and yourself?’

  ‘Indeed.’ Gerard leant forward. ‘I need to talk to you.’ He glanced over his shoulder. ‘I think we’re out of earshot, and I’d prefer it to be here rather than at Grosvenor Square.’

  Freddie nodded, but kept his voice low. ‘I hope there isn’t a problem with our arrangement?’

  Gerard didn’t answer. ‘Tell me, what made you send the child to Wiltshire?’

  ‘I didn’t. The woman who took him had been recommended as an honest woman who wasn’t prone to gossip. She was living in Dorset at the time.’

  Freddie shrugged. ‘I think there was some sort of illness in her family, and I was notified that she’d moved to a new address. Wiltshire wasn’t on your list, so I didn’t think it mattered.’ He gave a sharp glance at Gerard. ‘But obviously it does.’

  Gerard stared at him. So Seymour hadn’t yet made the connection with Theo and Felchurch Manor. ‘It has significance, yes.’ He paused. ‘I need you to move the boy elsewhere.’

  Freddie looked startled. ‘I say, sir, it isn’t that easy. I doubt Mrs Bagshaw will wish to leave her present location.’

  ‘Then find someone else.’ Gerard’s tone was sharp. ‘I don’t care how you do it, use bribery if you have to. But you must take action immediately. Don’t forget that we’re in this together, Seymour. I’m willing to settle another of your gambling debts. But you’d best remember that I’m not a man to cross.’

  It was shortly after they’d returned to London when Theo drove Deborah to Felchurch Manor. As well as fulfilling his promise, it served another purpose. Redecorating was going to begin in their new home and he had no desire to spend his precious weekend among noise and confusion. Bertie and Jennifer Manston had already invited them to dine on Saturday night, and as the car purred along the country roads, Theo thought that everything was working out really well. Except for one cloud on the horizon.

  He glanced at Deborah, sitting quietly in the car. He thought he knew what was going through her mind. It would be the matter of the young boy. At least this time she would know what to expect, what to look for. In a calmer state of mind she would be able to study the child’s features in more detail. Surely the resemblance she’d seen was simply a vague one?

  Deborah’s distraction was not about the boy, at least not at that precise moment. She hadn’t forgotten Father Keegan’s comment about Evan’s political potential. And being enclosed in the car with Theo gave her the perfect chance to raise the subject. She was also aware that she needed to present Evan’s case in a way that would impinge on his memory, even make him more likely to want to support him. After all, they were of a different political persuasion, but despite that she was certain that he would have the necessary contacts.

  And so Deborah forced herself to dredge up the ‘ugly incident’.

  ‘Theo?’

  ‘Yes, darling?’ He slowed down and indicated right.

  ‘You remember when we went to hear Evan Morgan speak at Battersea Town Hall?’

  He smiled. ‘Of course I do. It was our first outing together. I suppose one could hardly call it a date.’

  She laughed. ‘It wasn’t what you’d call a romantic evening, I admit.’

  ‘And your point is?’

  ‘There is something I’ve never told you about him.’

  ‘What is that, then?’ His tone wasn’t especially encouraging.

  ‘He once did me a great service.’ Slowly and carefully, her voice at times trembling, she related to him what had happened in that alleyway several months earlier. She heard his sharp intake of breath, saw his hands clench on the steering wheel, and after a moment’s hesitation carried on, ‘There was no doubt of the thug’s intention, I was terrified, and if it hadn’t been for Evan’s interference …’

  He reached over to grasp her hand. ‘Deborah! Why haven’t you told me this before!’

  She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the shock, her terror, her feeling of being defiled. ‘At first I couldn’t bear even to think about it. I never did have the heavy cold that prevented my seeing you, Theo. I was so ashamed, unwilling to let anyone see my bruised face because of questions.’

  ‘You reported it, of course!’

  ‘That was Evan’s reaction. But how could I? The constabulary would have wanted my details, my address. I couldn’t risk my true identity being revealed. Think of the scandal, the humiliation if it were reported in the press.’

  ‘I see what you mean. And you were right, of course.’ Theo’s voice was tight with fury. ‘I cannot bear to think of you being subjected to such an ordeal.’

  ‘I just thanked God that Evan happened to be in the area. I tried to repay his support by finding him some employment.’ She told him about the Colonel, adding, ‘He feels that Evan could have a career in politics.’

  ‘Does he now? Recalling how he held that audience in the palm of his hand, I think he could be right.’ Theo drew up at a junction, then after pulling away said, ‘I’ll give it some thought. I’m certainly in the man’s debt.’

  A few minutes later, he said, ‘What I can do is to mention his name to one or two people. Much as I hate to give any advantage to the Opposition.’

  ‘I’m afraid success in life too often depends on having the right contacts,’ she said.

  ‘That’s always been the case, no matter how unfair.’ He turned to smile at her. ‘But let’s see if we can open a door for Evan Morgan.’

  She looked out of the window. In all honesty, should she admit to Theo the attraction that had lain between herself and Evan? Deborah didn’t want there to be any secrets in their marriage, but surely a feeling, and that was all it had been, didn’t constitute a secret? What if Theo didn’t understand? Mentally she shook her head. No, it wasn’t worth taking the risk.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  ‘I’m sure it was a good idea for us to come on a weekday.’ Theo turned into the long drive that led to Felchurch Manor. ‘The laundress is much more likely to be here. I expect she probably lives in the village and the boy comes to see the horses after school.’

  ‘Won’t the grooms consider him a nuisance?’

  Theo laughed. ‘If I know Harry, he will make use of him.’

  ‘At least enquiring aft
er the collie’s welfare will give me an excuse to visit the stables.’

  They were now approaching the house itself, and almost as soon as Theo drew up outside the front door, the butler came out to meet them, followed by a footman.

  Theo was greeting them both when his father appeared, smiling.

  ‘I can see married life suits you, daughter-in-law,’ he said as he kissed Deborah’s cheek.

  ‘It suits both of us,’ Theo shook his hand.

  ‘I believe the Blue Rooms have been prepared for you. Come down for tea once you’ve freshened up.’

  The young maid, Cotton, came forward to bob a curtsy, and led the way upstairs, opening the door into a large pleasant room, decorated and furnished in a style to suit its name. Another door stood open to an adjoining bedroom, although Deborah doubted Theo would actually sleep in there.

  But welcome though the later refreshment was, she found it an effort to join in the conversation, her mind acutely attuned to the precious minutes ticking away. Now that she was actually here, within walking distance of possibly seeing Robbie again, her impatience was almost painful. It would be impolite for Theo to leave his father so soon after they’d arrived, but surely she could?

  ‘Do you know,’ she said. ‘I’m feeling rather uncomfortable after the journey. Would either of you mind if I went out for a breath of air? I could take Emma with me.’

  Theo turned to her. ‘Not at all, darling. Shall I come with you?’

  She shook her head. ‘Thank you, but I’m sure you and your father have much to catch up on.’

  She took the same route as before, walking around the garden with Emma trotting beside her, before turning towards the stables. As they neared, the retriever didn’t gallop ahead, but remained by her side. A sign, perhaps, that the boy wasn’t there and waiting to pet her?