Trials

by Marion Dess

  I flinched as the cup warmed up. There is something about your hand being so close to where you 're peeing that it is disturbing. I heard the cup overflow and trickle into the water. I pulled it slowly between my legs. Off yellow hot liquid filled it to the brim. I poured some back into the toilet and set it down in the bottom of the sink. I wiped myself, and the toilet seat, then flushed. I could hear the front door slam shut.

  "Honey?" She called to me.

  "Yap. Give me a second," I said through the door. "Ok, baby."

  I stared at the contents in the cup. I needed to drink more water. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a small paper mouthwash cup. Beside it were various prescription bottles. I took out a small orange bottle. Alprazolam. 20 MG TABLET. Common Brand(s): Xanax TAKE 1 TABLET EVERY DAY REFILLS REQUIRE AUTHORIZATION.

  I stared at the label. CAITLYN KITT. A funny name. A mother's name. I pushed and turned the lid slowly against my palm so she wouldn't hear it open. I slid my finger down the powder on the inside of the bottle and tasted it. My stomach lurched at the bitterness. I remembered I hadn't washed my hands. I read the bottle again. Alprazolam.

  MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. USE CARE WHEN OPERATING A VEHICLE, VESSEL OR MACHINE.

  "Honey." I could hear her muffled by the door. "You ok?"

  "Yes Ma. I'll be out-give me a sec will you?"

  "Alright, alright you don't have to get an attitude. What's taking so long? It's past five and they're waiting for me at the doctor's office."

  I gently put the bottle back in the medicine cabinet. A muffled knock at the door was answered. The pills dissolved under my tongue. A horrid taste. I grabbed the full warm Styrofoam cup and opened the door.

  "Ma?" I called as I crossed the threshold into the kitchen. "Yeah, baby?" she came around the corner smiling.

  "Pizza got here really quick," She said holding the pizza box. The pee seemed to bum through the Styrofoam onto my palm. I stared at her. Her face, her lines, the age spots, the dyed red hair, the knee length signature jean skirt, her bare feet, then back down at my bare feet. I set the cup on the kitchen counter. Its yellow the same as the paint on the walls. My stomach growled.

  "Are you alright Angelbug? You were crying?" She looked at me intently.

  "I did what you asked. Can I eat some pizza?"

  I didn't look her in the eye. She set the pizza box on the counter beside the cup. Then grabbed the cup and poured it in a baggie and sealed it up. She then put it in one of her lunch boxes from under the kitchen sink.

  '"Ok, thank you, Mommy is so happy, you sit and eat pizza. There should be Tabasco in the cabinet, Mommy remembered to buy you some. I' II be right back, gotta get it to the doc right away. Mommy loves you, honey--thank you."

  She grabbed the sides of my head and kissed my cheeks then my forehead. I could smell the cigarette smoke on her rough stubby fingers with chipped red lacquer and then she was out the door. I stood in the window and watched her pull out of the driveway.

  Note

  Distributed with all rights and permissions required. All rights reserved.

  The End

  A story by Marion Dess.

  Thanks for reading!