by Angel Devlin
I was a fool. A naïve, teenage fool.
We'd arranged to meet at our usual hotel. The one that up until that last date I had always thought of fondly. As the date was two days before Valentines, I was excited and had bought Ezra a watch that I'd had engraved on the back to say, 'You have my heart'. I'd walked into a room with a red rose on the pillow and chocolates on the bedside table, and towels folded into a heart on the bed and I'd thought Ezra had arranged it as a romantic gesture. I sent him a text.
I'm here and waiting. Room 162.
A knock came at the door and I let him in. He took in the room and his shoulders slumped. Then I realised this was not a romantic reunion. I picked up the towels and threw them at him.
"Say what you came to say then, Ezra."
He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Fuck, the date. I didn't realise."
My voice went several octaves higher and several decibels louder. "You didn't realise? It's everywhere. They have the whole front of the hotel lobby strung up in heart shaped lights. It's in all of the shops, all of the television adverts."
"I don't remember the last time I went in a shop or watched TV and we're currently filming scenes for way beyond February, so, fuck." He kicked his foot into the base of the bed.
I turned the chair in front of the dressing table around to face him and sat down in it. I mentally pulled up my big girl panties and faced him.
"Say what you came to say, Ez, yeah? Get it over with."
He slumped onto the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He swore several times under his breath and when he looked up his eyes were glassy, which at least meant he was suffering too. I was glad. I wanted him to hurt like he was hurting me.
"Westside want to extend my contract after the role has been such a hit."
"Congrats," I said sarcastically.
"But in the meantime, my agent had been contacted by a television company in the states. They sent someone to meet with me yesterday. They've offered me a contract for a movie. Not the main part, but a significant part. The money offered is incredible, but it means I'd be moving to New York. For up to six months."
"That's great, Ezra. I'm really happy for you. Genuinely. You're going to be a star; I just know it. You already were getting there here in the U.K. but a movie role. That's huge."
He was leaving me, leaving Willowfield, leaving the U.K. I would be supportive, even though inside I was dying, my heart shattering.
"I don't want to miss the opportunity. It’s the break actors dream of, and also, things at home… They've not been good since Mum left. You know me and my dad don't really get along, and the press dredging it all back up. It's made it worse. I need to do it, Lisa. I need to leave, but it leaves us…"
"At an end."
"I was hoping we could say, 'paused'." The words hung in the room like an unsettled spirit.
"But what does that mean? Do you want me to wait here and not date until you finish filming?"
He dropped his head into his hands again. "I don't know what I want."
I knew I needed this conversation over and to be alone. "Take the contract, Ezra. Go do the movie. Make the most of the states and then let's see where we both are when you've finished, okay? Let's make no promises either way."
Getting off the bed, he dropped to my knees and placed his head on my lap.
"I’d ask you to come with me, but I'll be in a trailer. You don't get much free time apparently."
"My life is here." I trailed my fingers through his blonde hair, relishing the feel of him through touch, because I knew this was goodbye.
Ezra Waite was too large a star for Willowfield and being with me would hold him back, and so although it broke my heart, I let him go.
He left the hotel room with a final kiss to my forehead and I spent the night crying in a room set for romance, the watch still in my luggage.
I was broken out of my memories by a sentence that shocked me even more than the one from Geoff saying Alice Waite had returned.
"My mum is dying, Lisa. I need you. If not as a date, then at least as my friend. As the one person who really knows me. You're the only one I can talk to."
Goddamn him and goddamn fate. Would it ever let me cut the strings tying me to him?
"I'll meet you for a coffee. Not for a date. I'll be your friend for as long as you need me. But I'm done waiting for you, Ezra, as anything else. You need to know that."
He nodded and walked away. I watched him until the next customer asked if I was going to serve him anytime soon.
Chapter Five
Ezra
I'd hit a new low. Using my terminally ill mother as an excuse to get Lisa to spend time with me. But I was desperate.
It was true. I did need her, like I always had. It was just sometimes in the past I'd made decisions I thought were for the best and I'd been wrong.
So very wrong.
Placing the drinks down on the table, Juliet's hopeful eyes were focused on me.
"What did she say to you?"
"I asked her on a date, and she said we were done." I picked up my pint and drank a third of it down.
"Oh, Ezra. Maybe she just needs time?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "When I told her about Mum, she did offer me a shoulder to lean on," I lied. "So at least I get to spend time with her. I just need to use some of that time to make her see I regret what separated us in the past and that it's not too late for us."
"There was no wonder she showed no interest in me," Cal said.
"Sorry, bro. You'll meet someone."
"He has. He's all loved up with the woman you bought your house from," Milo announced.
"Pardon? The widow?"
Callum's expression went all dreamy. "Yeah. Not had chance to tell you yet. It's early days, but we're together now and it feels right."
I sat back in my chair. "Okay, enough about me. I want updates on all of you."
Callum brought me up to speed on how he'd met Becca a long time ago and their rocky path to love, and how he and his ex, Tali, had talked things through. My sensitive souled younger brother looked genuinely happy and that made me happy.
Milo was still head over heels for Violet although he couldn't understand why she wouldn't budge on their proposed wedding date of summer 2022.
"You can't bulldoze your way through everything," I told him.
"We've all told him that, Ez." Juliet shook her head.
"She's mine for life, so what the fuck is the point in waiting to be Mrs Waite official? I wish I was actually the caveman she accuses me of being so I could club her over the head and drag her to wherever they had their weddings back then. Some cave with drawings maybe?"
"Don't actually say that out loud to her, Milo, hey?" Callum grimaced.
"Yeah right. I like my bollocks where they currently reside. Anyway, then we have Juliet, who keeps poor Quinn from next door dangling while she refuses to accept the inevitable, that they're perfect together."
"I can kick your balls, you know? It's not just Violet."
"I don't know why you continue to deny what is staring you in the face?"
"Which is?" I asked him.
"She's in love with him. She's just scared of getting hurt. So she gives him the brush off and treats him mean. Except actually it probably turns her on, cos she wants him. I saw her staring at him at bowling. Like he was the last slice of bacon available to carnivores on a vegan island."
"Shut up. I do not look at him like that and I'm not in love with him."
"You know who else protested all the time? Violet. Look what happened there. You just need to ask him if he can tend your bush. Owwwwww. Fucking hell, Juliet. I want babies with Violet." He clutched his groin.
"Then don't fucking accuse me of being in love with Quinn Hanson," she snapped.
Milo sat forward, his hands around his knees. "I think the lady doth protest too much."
"Stop winding her up, and Juliet, sit down." Callum was standing between them. "We've come for a drink
to get away from tension, not to make some more. Anyway, that's you up to date with us. Now I need to give you another love life update." He turned towards Juliet and Milo. "Just before Mum turned up with Ezra, I caught Dad and Angela in the kitchen kissing."
"What?" Juliet’s eyes were on stalks. "Seriously? Dad and Angela?"
"The sly dog. Wonder how long that's been going on?" Milo smirked.
"I actually don't think for that long. I know he'd been on a date recently and he'd said he was out of practice," Callum added.
"So Alice and Dan run off together and then their respective exes hook up. This could make things awkward if it doesn't work out in terms of communication about Eli," I said. "Does Eli know?"
Callum shrugged. "I don't know whether she's told him since we left, but just think if it works out. Dad would become Eli's stepdad, the father of the son his ex-wife and her lover had. He’d be the next Bob Geldof."
"I wonder if the producers of Westside want our family history for future plots?" I drank down some more of my pint. Real life could be stranger than fiction.
"Yeah, we could make a fortune. Think about it," Milo swept his hand through the air in a dramatic arc. "Granddaughter returns to her family home and uncovers a secret child. Then a man dies and is found to be a child abuser."
"Who the fuck is that?"
"Becca's dead husband. A story for another time," Callum answered me, with a look towards Milo that clearly said, 'shut the fuck up'. But Milo wasn't finished.
"Then a sick mother who left all her family returns home seeking redemption from those she left behind so that she may die in peace."
We all went quiet. Lost in our thoughts.
Juliet spoke first.
"I'd like to talk to her tomorrow, Ezra. Would you stay with me while I spoke to her?"
"Of course."
"I want to know why she left in the first place. How it all started between Dan and her."
"Huh, what difference does it make? She made her choice and fucked off. She's only back now because she'll have no one to look after her while she's sick." Milo remained bitter.
"I hate what she did to us all, Miley, but if she is indeed dying, then these are the only chances we get to have our questions about the past answered. So I'm going to ask my questions." Jules' eyes sparked with fury.
"Fair enough, sis," he said. "But I'm focusing firmly on the future."
"There's no pressure on anyone. Tomorrow I'll also be ringing a private doctor to make sure she's telling the truth and to see what she needs in terms of medicines for pain management and anything else."
"So you're prepared to look out for her, despite everything she did, until the bitter end?" Milo questioned.
"I can only take one day at a time, Milo, to be honest. There's more to this than me and my feelings. There's what Dad wants to do. If Silas or Finn want to speak to her. If Eli changes his mind. If she's in my house, then I know where she is. Like Jules says, these are our last chances for answers.”
My eyes flickered across to the bar and settled on Lisa who was busy serving. She looked at me and looked immediately away. I turned back. I could only hope that my mother and her illness didn't get in the way of me getting Lisa to see she was all I wanted.
But the tide hadn't flowed with us very often. We'd always been swimming against it.
We finished our drinks and walked back towards our houses, finally walking down Redwood Road where Milo and I now lived. Juliet and Cal could cut across Milo's back garden to get back home. It seemed strange to think that I was going home, to this small two-bedroomed semi, when I could afford a large mansion on the outskirts of London, but this was what I wanted for now. Just to be near family, and to be near Lisa.
As we got closer to Milo's, Juliet groaned. "Oh, for fuck's sake, does that man have a spy cam on me?"
Milo turned and screwed up his face at her. "It's black bin night. He does this every two weeks, Juliet. He's no idea you're even approaching."
"I might walk back the other way to the house."
"Don't think so, Miss Waite." Milo threaded his arm through Juliet's. Though she struggled, Milo was well built and strong from his construction work. She had no chance against him. He dragged her up the street. As she got nearer, she had no choice but to act normally or she'd have looked ridiculous. Milo let go of her arm as we reached Quinn's house.
"Hey, Q."
"Oh hey, Milo. Want me to put yours out?"
"Nah, I can do it now. Not sure if Ez will do his or have some staff come do it for him."
"Sod off." I pushed my brother in the arm, then turned my attention to Quinn. "I bought Becca's place. Moved in today."
His mouth opened for a few seconds before speech caught up.
"Oh, right. So where did Lise go?"
Lise? This man gave my woman a pet name. I felt my shoulders and neck tense.
"She was just a sitting tenant, so she moved out."
"Oh. Well, great for you anyway. I'll miss seeing Lise about though. She was a lovely woman."
Milo was now holding my arm.
"Okay, we shall let you get on, cos there's a bit of a nip in the air tonight and it’s made me realise how much I've had to drink and how much I need to take a leak. Night all," he said, and he walked me up to his front path. "Down, boy. He wants Juliet not Lisa."
I looked over at my house. "Tell me I did the right thing coming back here, Milo."
"It's your story, Ezra. Make it the right thing."
"There's so much history. Perhaps I'm too late." I sulked.
Milo's hand squeezed my arm and he nodded towards Cal who was still chatting with Quinn while Juliet stood behind him. "You heard what he and Becca's pasts have been and they look like they've made it. Don't give up now. I wouldn't have given up on Violet until my dying breath."
"It's good to be back, even with it being in the strangest of circumstances." I hugged him.
Cal and Juliet came up to us to walk up the side of Milo's. We all said goodnight. I'd noticed that despite Quinn supposedly being in love with my younger sister, I'd not seen him even look at her once.
"I thought he was desperate to date you? He didn't say a word, did he?" I couldn't help my mouth blurting out its questions. I needed to make sure the guy's attention hadn't switched to Lisa.
"Oh, it'll be him treating me mean to keep me keen. He switches approaches to see which will work."
"Maybe he's realised none do and he's decided to focus on someone else?" I said.
Juliet looked back over but Quinn was just closing his front door.
Seemed my little sister was interested after all, no matter how much she denied it.
Chapter Six
Lisa
That goddamn man.
I couldn't believe he'd just walked up to the bar and asked me out on a date.
Like the past had never happened. He really did believe that every time he came back, we could just pick things up again.
Then as I finally got up the courage to draw a line under us and say enough was enough, he told me his mother was not only back, but dying, and that he needed me.
And I gave in again.
I was lying on the sofa in my parents’ place. It had taken me ages to unpack my belongings from the car. Ezra had never thought to ask if I needed any help, like a removals van, or to lend me a brother with biceps like Milo.
Again, a last thought, until he needed me.
One-way traffic on a destination that always led to a dead end.
I took a sip of my too hot tea and burned my tongue.
Ezra was like too hot tea. Irresistible, but I suffered for every taste.
When he'd asked me to take care of his home, saying he'd pay off my tenancy early on the flat I was in, I'd leapt at the chance. A house instead of a crummy flat was too good an opportunity to miss and it put me back in contact with him once again. Oh my foolish, foolish heart. Flattered he'd thought of me, my vivid imagination imagining him coming home and telling me I
may as well stay. The reality had been a bucket of cold water on my heated passion.
Why did I stay in Willowfield in a job in a bar, when I could use my qualifications to do more?
I resolved there and then that this was the final time. I'd be his friend while he needed a shoulder to cry on and when the moment came—and I knew it would—when it was over and he rejected me again, then I would leave. My parents were hardly ever in the same country as me, so I didn't need to stay nearby, and I had no house to sell. I was free to leave at any time. To turn my back on Ezra once and for all.
Close the final curtain on this theatrical production with no happy ending.
I flicked on the television watching a Tattoo Fixers programme to distract me from thoughts of Ezra until I was tired enough to go to bed.
Of course he featured in my first thoughts. Sometimes I hated my own damn brain. My whiny, pathetic inner voice wondering when he'd call me to get that coffee. But then the whole day went by without a phone call and I scoffed at myself for being a doormat and an idiot. How much rejection could a person take before they woke the fuck up once and for all? I switched on the internet and began looking for jobs in the catering industry regardless of where the job was based. It didn't matter. I’d go where fate intended.
December 2014
I lived what I felt was a 'safe' life. I dated men casually. I chose to stay in my bar job, working full time where I knew everyone and felt at home. I rented an apartment, having finally moved out of the family home. George had married Bronwyn and I was an auntie now to the most gorgeous baby boy.
If I had thoughts of wanting my own family, I closed it all down.
And then Dale Hunter walked into the bar. He was tall, dark, and a little bit nerdy looking, but his eyes were pools of chocolate and he refused to take no for an answer.
"So on our date, where are we going?" he asked me.