Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken)

by Michelle Heard

  “I’m making your made of honor dress bright orange or purple,” she jokes.

  “Don’t you dare,” I gasp. “Can you imagine me in bright orange?”

  We burst out laughing.

  “Wouldn’t it be awesome to have envelopes like the ones in Harry Potter delivering the invites?” Katie asks. She makes her voice all regal as she says, “You’re herewith invited to the betrothal of Katie Conley and Jason Shepard. You have one minute to accept before this envelope self-destructs.” She lets out a burst of laughter. “And then the envelope sticks out its tongue and rips itself to shreds.”

  I laugh with my friend, then turn onto my back again.

  “Eli kissed me,” I blurt the words out.

  Katie darts up with a shriek, and then she yanks at my arm until I sit up. “Tell me everything. Don’t dare leave out a single detail.”

  “It was perfect,” I sigh, but then the smile drops from my face as Katie begins to fade. “Katie?” She keeps fading, and then everything else disappears, leaving me in the darkness.

  “Katie!”

  I startle awake, my breaths exploding over my lips.

  Dad’s face comes into focus. “Quinn?”

  My lips part, but no sound comes out.

  “Can you hear me?”

  I manage to nod.

  The bright lights register. Then the bed I’m lying on. Then, that I’m in the hospital.

  Like shards of broken glass, memories begin to cut through my mind, soaking me in unbearable horror.

  “Daddy?” I croak.

  My breaths keep speeding up until I’m unable to take another. It feels like my throat clamps shut, my heart thundering and causing my chest to burn as if I’ve been set on fire.

  “Daddy!”

  Everything spirals out of control. My thoughts. My body. My emotions.

  It all hurts too much, and then I’m sucked into the black vacuum where I last saw Katie.

  When I come to again, someone’s gripping my hand tightly. It takes a lot to pry my eyes open, and then my vision focuses on Eli.

  “Baby?” He gets up from the chair he was sitting on and leans over me.

  Just like before the nightmare returns, ripping through me with merciless claws.

  Mr. Conley, beaten to death.

  Mrs. Conley, being shot.

  Katie…

  Katie.

  I gasp for air, the gruesome memories too unbearable.

  Eli lets go of my hand and frames my face with both of his. “Look at me, Quinn. You’re safe.”

  I try to shake my head.

  Katie.

  The cruelty.

  “Eli,” I whimper.

  He presses a kiss on my cheek. “I’m here, baby.”

  I shake my head. “I… can’t… Katie.” An aching sob tears through my chest, robbing me of my breath. “Katie…”

  “God, baby, I’m so sorry,” he says, his eyes flitting over my face.

  “I can’t,” I gasp, unable to handle the trauma and grief.

  Eli presses his forehead to mine. “Try not to think about what happened. Just breathe.”

  I shake my head again, a strangled sound coming from me.

  “Christ!” Eli darts away from me, and seconds later, I’m taken back to the peaceful black meadow where Katie is.

  “Tell me everything. Don’t dare leave out a single detail,” Katie says, a happy smile curving her lips.

  I stare at my friend, drinking in every inch of her pretty face.

  A tear spirals down my cheek. “You’re not really here, are you?”

  “Don’t be silly,” Katie laughs, the sound filled with bubbles the color of the rainbows. “I’m sitting right in front of you.”

  Lifting a hand, I reach out to her, but then she begins to fade again.

  Her laughter echoes around me until there’s only the darkness.

  ELI

  It’s been three days, and Quinn never wakes up for longer than a couple of minutes.

  Dr. Pickens says Quinn’s wounds are healing at a satisfactory rate, but it’s her mental state they’re worried about. The shock might’ve been too much for her to handle.

  Harry, the sheriff, came by to talk to Quinn, but he left again. He said the funerals can’t be held until the coroner is done with his inquest. Things are taking longer because of the nature of the Conleys’ deaths.

  I’m not sure whether Quinn will be able to attend the funerals and what it will do to her if she can’t say goodbye.

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as my eyes drift over her face.

  Dr. Altman, a psychiatrist, has been assigned to Quinn, but until she wakes up, there’s nothing else we can do but wait.

  Just like before, Quinn stirs, and then her eyelashes flutter open.

  “Hey,” I murmur.

  Expecting another panic attack, I get up from the chair and sit down on the side of the bed, careful not to jar her body.

  Quinn just stares at me, and then tears begin to shine in her eyes. Her chin quivers, and I hate that I can’t hold her to my chest.

  I let go of her hand and rest my forearms on either side of her head as I lean over her. “I’m here, baby.”

  “Eli,” she gasps, and it’s unbearable to watch as the traumatic nightmare guts her.

  I move my hand to her hair, and caressing the strands, I press a kiss on her mouth. “I’m here.” I don’t know what else to say.

  Mom comes in with Mr. Drake, and I move back so he can see Quinn.

  Quinn lets out a sob, and then Mr. Drake leans over her as she breaks.

  It rips my heart clear out of my chest, and when Mom takes hold of my hand, I grip hold of her for dear life. I turn my face to Mom’s, whispering, “I don’t know how to help her.”

  “Just be there for her. There’s not much more you can do. Only Quinn can get herself through this,” Mom whispers back. Then she adds, “Just give her a safe place where she can heal.”

  I nod, glancing back to Quinn, who’s still crying, the sound heartbreaking.

  “It’s okay, my sweet girl. Daddy’s here,” Mr. Drake coos.

  “It’s… not… okay,” Quinn sputters. “Nothing’s… okay.”

  Mr. Drake pulls back, and I’m able to see Quinn’s face again. She lifts her left arm, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

  I dart forward, and grabbing a couple of tissues from the box on the bedside stand, I hand them to her. Quinn’s eyes flit to mine, and again I have to suppress the urge to just grab her to my chest.

  “Are you in any pain?” Mr. Drake asks.

  Quinn shakes her head, and then all emotion drains from her features until she just stares blankly at the ceiling.

  “Quinn?” I take a step forward, but Mom grabs my arm.

  “It’s normal. She’s processing.” A couple of seconds later, Mom adds, “She’s taking her mind to a safe space.”

  Frowning, I glance down at Mom. “How do you know that?”

  She pats my arm. “Experience.” Mom looks at Mr. Drake. “Josh, can I get you some coffee?”

  “That would be great, Nina.”

  Mom glances up at me. “You want some?”

  I shake my head and take a seat on the chair next to the bed. Picking up Quinn’s hand, I bring it to my mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of it. “You okay, baby?”

  Quinn just stares as if she’s completely checked out from reality.

  “I’m getting the doctor,” Mr. Drake says, hurrying out of the room.

  A tear sneaks from Quinn’s right eye, and I quickly brush it away. “I’m here, Quinn. I can’t imagine how you must feel, but I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  A sob flutters over her lips, and then emotions crash through her, ripping her breath from her. I’m up and leaning over her within the next second. “Christ, Quinn. What can I do?”

  “Eli,” she whimpers brokenly. “I can’t…”

  “I know, baby.” Unable to stop myself,
I carefully push my arms beneath her and pull her to my chest. Then, moving a hand behind her head, I hold her as I press my mouth to her temple. “It’s okay to break, Quinn. You don’t have to be strong. I’ve got you.”

  Her body begins to shudder, and her breaths hit my chest in hot bursts as she breaks. Closing my eyes, I fucking take every sob as she shatters in my arms.

  Chapter 12

  QUINN

  I stare at Katie, too scared to move because I don’t want her to fade away.

  “Why are you so quiet?” she asks, her voice sounding like musical notes.

  “I just want to look at you,” I whisper.

  She lets out a chuckle. “Why?”

  “Because I miss you.”

  “But I’m right here,” she says, and then she reaches for my hand. Her fingers curl around mine, and feeling warmth in them makes tears rush to my eyes. I shoot forward, and grabbing her to me, I cry, “Don’t leave me, Katie.”

  Her arms wrap tightly around me. “I won’t. I’ll always be by your side, Quinn.”

  “Promise,” I beg, sobs shuddering from me.

  “I promise,” she says.

  A coldness begins to creep into me, and I tighten my hold on her, letting out a broken cry. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

  “I’m right here, silly. I’m not…”

  My arms slump to my lap, and I keep my eyes pinched shut, not wanting to open them.

  “The Conleys will be missed,” Mayor Richardson says, from where he’s standing by the podium in the front of the church. “Southport mourns the loss of our own that’s been brutally taken from us.”

  I stare blankly at the tissue between my fingers while a storm rages inside me, and then Eli’s hand covers both of mine.

  Dad’s sitting to my left, and Eli’s on my right. Dr. Pickens and Dr. Altman allowed me to attend the funerals, and then I have to return to the hospital.

  I could’ve been discharged already, but I keep having panic attacks.

  I know what they think. I’m unstable and a suicide risk.

  I’m not. I’m just traumatized and heartbroken.

  “I grew up with Keith and Debbie, and I was there when Katie was born.” Mayor Richardson shakes his head, sorrow drawing deep lines on his face. “My life was blessed having known them.”

  One by one, people get up to say something nice about the Conleys.

  It’s been eight days.

  It feels like it happened a second ago.

  When I had to give my statement to Sheriff Miller, it felt like I was talking about other people… strangers. My mind couldn’t connect the horror to the Conleys.

  I told him it was the same guys from the bar, but they don’t know who the guys are, so the investigation is ongoing.

  Eli’s thumb brushes over the skin on the back of my hand, and he leans into me, whispering, “You still holding up, okay?”

  I manage to nod, the storm spiraling out of control inside me. Winds carrying Katie’s terror-filled cries rip through me.

  Pastor Clayton takes the stand and says something about the Lord giving and taking… and it obliterates the last of my strength.

  The Lord picked a flower for his own garden.

  Another angel has earned their wings.

  What a load of crap!

  I grab hold of Eli’s hand, and grinding my teeth, I whisper, “Take me outside.”

  Eli darts to his feet and pulls me down the aisle and out into sunlight that’s too bright.

  I close my eyes, wanting the darkness where Katie is, then I feel Eli standing in front of me.

  “What can I do?”

  “Nothing.” I open my eyes and stare up into his blue ones. “Nothing will bring them back.”

  And nothing will be the same again.

  Eli sits down on the steps, pulling me onto his lap, and then he cradles me against his chest. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my hair.

  Eli’s the only one who’s given me permission to break. Everyone else keeps telling me it will get better. I must be strong. Time heals all wounds. A blur of empty words.

  Turning my face into Eli’s chest, I take a deep breath of his earthy scent. “Don’t let go.”

  “Never, baby.”

  The nightmare overwhelms me, and my voice is hoarse as I whisper, “I can’t deal with it.”

  “I know, and you don’t have to. I’ve got you.”

  My body shudders from the storm raging inside me, and it has me admitting, “I hear Katie’s screams.”

  Eli tightens his hold on me, pressing another kiss to my hair. He doesn’t offer me empty words.

  “I can’t stop seeing it.”

  I feel a hand on my arm, and lifting my head, I see Nina crouching in front of us. Eli’s mom doesn’t look at me with pity, but instead, there’s understanding on her face.

  “Let me take Quinn for a walk,” she tells Eli.

  We get up, then Eli murmurs, “I’ll be right here.”

  Nina takes hold of my hand, and we walk a short distance from the church, stopping beneath a tree.

  “I know what you’re going through. I know it too well.”

  My eyes lock on hers, and I see my pain reflecting in them. “How did you survive?”

  “I didn’t. Not at first. When it became too much to bear, I’d switch off. I’ve seen you do it, and that’s fine, Quinn. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to deal with it. You don’t. Not now.”

  I nod as my chin begins to quiver because I needed to hear that.

  Nina gives my hand a squeeze. “The memories will become bearable with time, but until then, if you need to cry, you can come to me. If you need to scream, you can scream at me. I’ll take all your anger.”

  “It’s hard,” I whimper. I take a step forward, and wrapping my arms around Nina’s neck, I cry, “They were so cruel. What he did to Katie…”

  Nina holds me tightly. “I know, sweetheart. Some people are monsters. There’s no trying to understand why they did such a horrible thing.” Her hand rubs up and down my back. “Focus on today. Just today. Say goodbye to Katie and her parents. Trust me, you need to say goodbye.”

  I nod, and pulling back, I wipe the tears from my face.

  Nina tilts her head, and locking eyes with me, she says, “One day at a time, Quinn. Don’t think about tomorrow.”

  I nod again, and then we hear people as they start to file out of the church. Nina takes my hand, and we walk back to where Eli’s waiting.

  Standing by the three open graves, it feels like my heart is hemorrhaging.

  I might’ve survived the attack, but how do I survive this?

  Surrounded by loved ones, I’ve never felt more alone. There’s a soft touch to my back, and glancing over my shoulder, I see Nina where she’s holding Jason’s hand.

  Unable to cope, I turn into Eli, looking for shelter in his arms.

  Pastor Clayton reads something from the scripture, and my eyes drift over the coffins. Stopping on Katie’s, my chest shudders, making my healing ribs ache. My eyes burn with tears, but they don’t fall.

  We were supposed to grow old together.

  I was going to be your maid of honor, and you’d be mine.

  We’d be there for each other when we had children.

  We’d arrange play dates and cookouts.

  We were going to work at The Green Leaf until we retired.

  You weren’t supposed to leave, Katie.

  The heartache flays me until I’m raw and struggling to take my next breath.

  When the coffins are lowered into the ground, my chest grows tight, and my throat strains.

  Katie.

  Hearing a strangled groan from Jason, my legs go numb, and Eli quickly wraps an arm around me before I can sink to the ground. My body leans heavily against his, the silent strength pouring off him somehow keeping me standing.

  I suck in a painful breath, and then my eyes focus on Katie’s gravesite.

  Bye, Katie.

  A sob
shudders from me, making Eli hold me tighter.

  I’ll miss you every day of my life.

  Eli helps me to the grave’s side, and I take one of the white roses. Pressing a quivering kiss to it, I look down at Katie’s coffin and drop the flower on top of the dark wood.

  Sobs wrack through me, and this time there’s no keeping myself standing.

  Once again, Eli’s there, catching me as I crumble to dust. He carries me to where the truck is parked, and opening the passenger door, he sets me down on the seat. He frames my face and begins to kiss the tears away.

  “I’m so sorry, Quinn,” he murmurs. “I wish I could turn back time.”

  Me too.

  I don’t know how I’d stop it, but I’d give my life if I could save Katie.

  My thoughts are inundated with nightmarish flashes. I hear Katie’s screams. The way her body jerks. The terror in her eyes. The gunshot.

  Switch off, Quinn.

  Mr. Conley being hit over the head with the baseball bat. The blood trickling from his hairline.

  Don’t think about it.

  Switch off.

  My body jerks as the shot rips through Mrs. Conley.

  “Baby?” Eli tilts his head, catching my eyes. “Christ, Quinn.” He turns me on the seat and then quickly straps the seat belt over me. “I’m taking her to the hospital. She’s having a panic attack,” I hear Eli shout.

  Katie lets out a devastating…

  ‘Katie,’ I whimper…

  Seeing the guy pressing the gun to her forehead.

  ‘No!’

  No

  Chapter 13

  ELI

  Holy. Fucking. Christ.

  The past three weeks have been the worst of my life. Still, it’s nothing compared to what Quinn’s been through.

  Knocking on the front door, I wait a couple of seconds before Mr. Drake opens for me. “Hey, son.”

  “Morning,” I murmur as I step inside the house.

  “I wish I could stay home with her,” he says, the guilt weighing on him, evident on his face. He has to return to work seeing as he’s the only one bringing in an income for them.