Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken)

by Michelle Heard

  “Okay,” she breathes.

  When everything is ready, we sit down at the table. I give Quinn’s hand a squeeze, saying, “Thank you for making dinner.”

  “It’s the least I can do,” she murmurs. After taking a sip of her water, she mentions, “My dad will be back in town tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, he told me.”

  “He said I should stay here?” Her eyes flit over my face, and the fist tightens around my heart as the worry resurfaces.

  The asshole in me wants to tell her she doesn’t have a choice. I’m never letting her move out. Instead, I ask, “How do you feel about staying here?”

  Quinn shrugs, then an awkward expression settles on her face. “I’ve been visiting for two months already. I guess at some point, I have to go home.”

  My heartbeat speeds up. “Is that what you want?”

  Instead of answering me, she asks, “What do you want?”

  Reaching for her hand, I wrap my fingers around hers. “I want you to be happy, Quinn. If you like living with me, then stay.”

  Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips. “You’ll be okay with that?”

  “Baby, this isn’t just some sleepover for me. I love coming home to you. I want you here, not for a visit or a couple of months, but indefinitely.”

  Quinn stares at me for a moment, and then a smile explodes over her face, and for the first time in months, the sun shines again. “I’d like that too.”

  My mouth curves up as I drink in the sight of her, “Yeah?”

  She nods, and leaning toward me, she presses a kiss to my mouth. When she pulls back, she says, “You’re an amazing man, Eli. Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome,” I murmur, and then I turn my attention to the food. “Let’s eat.”

  She grins, and picking up a slice of grilled cheese, she sinks her teeth into it. Closing her eyes, she moans as she enjoys the bite.

  Shamelessly, I stare while wondering if she’ll have the same reaction when she’s naked beneath me.

  Christ, help me if she does because I won’t last long if she moans like that.

  QUINN

  It might just be my imagination, but it feels like things have changed between Eli and me today.

  The conversation we had over dinner was something that’s been worrying me, so I’m glad we discussed it.

  I’m glad I don’t have to leave. I thought I liked living alone, but that’s changed since I came to live with Eli.

  I’ve been feeling better since I talked with Nina. It’s as if hearing her story gave me some strength to fight my own demons.

  I let out a contented sigh, thinking today almost felt normal. It’s as if I’m becoming aware of things around me again. Like Eli’s intense stare. The fluttering in my stomach when he’s nearby. Lying in his arms… in his bed.

  Some of the excitement I felt before the attack trickles back, and it feels as if I’m waking up after being stuck in a nightmare.

  I know tomorrow things might be bad again, but I savor the good moment that’s come my way.

  Lying in bed, Eli shifts his body down and props a pillow beneath his head. I take full advantage, and snuggling against his side, I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder.

  He moves his arm from between us and wraps it around my shoulders. When his fingers start to brush over my bicep, my skin’s invaded with goosebumps.

  I let myself enjoy his touch, inching closer to him until my body is pressed against his side.

  He tightens his arm around my shoulders, and I move my head to his chest. Closing my eyes, it feels like home. I take a deep breath, letting Eli’s masculine scent fill my lungs.

  I become aware of his breath stirring my hair while his fingers continue to move up and down my arm.

  Eli turns us onto our sides, wrapping both his arms around me. Pressing a kiss to the top of my head, he moves one hand down to my lower back.

  I’m so focused on him, all the trauma and pain fade away, and for a blessed moment, there’s just us.

  Then Eli shifts the hem of my t-shirt out of the way, and he lays his palm over my skin. My stomach flutters, and slowly my breaths begin to speed up.

  His hand starts to move up my back, lifting the fabric along with it.

  My heartbeat increases until I’m pretty sure he can feel it pounding against his chest.

  Lying in the dark with him, I feel braver than I’d normally be. I flatten my hand on his chest and take a deep breath before I trail my fingers down, drinking in the feel of the dips and swells of his muscles beneath my fingertips.

  I hold my breath as I push my hand beneath the fabric of his shirt, and then my heart leaps to my throat when I feel his warm skin.

  Eli pulls his hand out from under my shirt, and I freeze. But then he frames my face, nudging me up until I’m looking at him.

  From the moonlight shining into the room, I can see the intensity in his blue eyes, and it feels as if a whole hive of bees is buzzing around inside of me.

  His eyes dance between my mouth and my eyes, and I wish I knew what he was thinking right now.

  Nervously, I wet my lips, and it makes his eyes drift to my mouth.

  When his head starts to lower, anticipation makes me hold my breath until his lips press against mine. Tingles rush through my body, and my heart hammers behind my ribs.

  Just like before, when Eli kissed me for the first time, I’m highly aware of him. His masculine scent fills my lungs. His touch is warm on me, and his body is solid against mine.

  His tongue brushes over my bottom lip before he pulls back, his eyes caressing my face. “You okay?”

  I nod, and pulling my hand from beneath his shirt, I lift it to his jaw and brush my fingers over the dark bristles. Pushing myself up, I press my mouth to his.

  Eli rolls onto his back, tugging my body on top of his. I bring my hands to his face, and cupping his jaw, I tilt my head and let my tongue sweep over his lips.

  He opens for me, and the moment my tongue touches his, Eli lets out a groan. Placing a hand behind my head, he takes over, and the kiss quickly grows hotter than anything I’ve shared with him before.

  Slowly I burn up with need for Eli, wanting more touching, more skin on skin, more of everything.

  The kiss becomes intense and wild, and it feels as if my stomach is soaring, dipping, and making flips in the sky. Eli turns us until I’m on my back, and then my heart explodes as his body covers mine.

  It feels overwhelming and perfect… and protected.

  He slows the kiss down, then lifts his head. “You okay with this?”

  Staring up at him where he’s bracing himself over me, I know I couldn’t be more okay.

  When I don’t answer quick enough, he asks, “Quinn, you okay with us being intimate?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper. I brush my fingers up Eli’s jaw, taking in the rough feel of the bristles before I find the softness of his hair by his temple.

  He leans closer to me, and his eyes are so piercing it sends shivers racing over my skin. “I love you, Quinn.”

  My lips part as emotions crash over me.

  “You love me?” I whisper in awe.

  “I want to spend every second of every day with you. You’re my now and forever.”

  “Eli,” I breathe his name, unable to express in words what I’m feeling right now. So I do the next best thing and kiss him.

  Eli’s tongue thrusts into my mouth, twisting fast and hard with mine, making dizzying pleasure course through my veins.

  He growls softly, and the vibrations tingle my lips.

  I move my hands down his back until I can slip them beneath his shirt to push the fabric up.

  “Wait, Quinn,” he says hoarsely. “I only have so much self-control.”

  I quickly pull my hands away from his back, feeling a little confused.

  “I just want to kiss you, baby,” Eli explains. “It would be the easiest thing to rip your clothes off and fuck you, but I don’t want it to be like th
at for our first time.”

  My mind zooms in on the ‘rip your clothes off’ and ‘fuck you’ parts.

  Not thinking, I blurt out, “I’d be totally okay with both.”

  Eli chuckles, and he pulls me tightly to his chest. “There’s still a lot I want to do before I take your virginity. Okay?”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  Eli lowers his head again, this time brushing his mouth along my temple and cheek. “Christ, baby, do you have any idea what you do to me?”

  I shake my head, and then Eli pushes his pelvis against mine, and I feel every inch of his hardness beneath his sweatpants.

  The air leaves my lungs in a whoosh right before Eli claims my mouth in a scorchingly hot kiss.

  I don’t know for how long we lie in bed just making out, but every second of it is perfect.

  The world doesn’t feel as dark.

  My pain isn’t as raw.

  And for the first time in weeks, I want to stay awake instead of drifting off to sleep where Katie’s waiting.

  Chapter 17

  QUINN

  Katie smiles at me, her eyes shining like stars. “Tell me what I’ve missed.”

  A soft smile curves my lips. “Eli kissed me again.”

  Her face lights up. “Oh yeah? Was it as good as the first time?”

  I let out a chuckle. “It was better.”

  “Ooh-la-la… look who’s head over heels for Eli Jackson,” she teases me.

  “Yeah,” I grin at her. “He also told me he loves me.”

  “Quinn!” Katie grabs hold of my hands, and I soak in the warmth of her touch. “Really? He said the actual words?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  She hugs me to her, whispering, “I’m so happy for you.”

  Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I close my eyes.

  After a while, Katie murmurs, “I’ll have to go soon.”

  I shake my head. “Just a little while longer.”

  Katie takes hold of my shoulders, pushing me back, and tilting her head, she locks eyes with me. “No, Quinn. I mean, I have to leave for good.”

  “No,” the word bursts over my lips as my heart cracks open. “Why can’t you stay here with me?”

  She shakes her head, her eyes filling with tears. “You know I don’t belong here, Quinn. You have to let go of me and move on.”

  “No.” Panic floods my veins, and I yank her back into a tight hug. “No, Katie. I can’t let you go.”

  “You have to,” she whispers. “Besides, I’ll always be in your heart.”

  “I’m not ready,” I whimper as a sob drifts up my throat. She begins to fade in my arms. “Wait!” I cry out. “Wait, I’m not ready, Katie.”

  “You are…”

  It’s been six months since the attack, and I haven’t dreamt of Katie in the past nine days.

  Now I dread falling asleep, scared another night will pass where I won’t get to see her.

  Walking out to the gazebo, I sit down on one of the benches and bring my legs up, wrapping my arms around them before resting my chin on my knees.

  Come back, Katie.

  Just one more time.

  It was too soon. I wasn’t ready.

  I hear footsteps, and then Eli comes to sit down across from me. He leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs before staring at me. “Want to talk about it?”

  The heavy weight in my heart doubles, and I have to swallow hard as tears start to burn my eyes. “I haven’t dreamed of Katie in nine days.”

  “Maybe it’s because you’re healing?” he mentions.

  “I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that would be my last time with her.” I lose the battle against the tears, and one spirals over my cheek. I brush it away against my knee.

  Eli takes a deep breath, and getting up, he comes to sit next to me. He wraps his arms around me, and when I feel his breath skim over my ear and hair, he says, “Katie died six months ago.”

  His words hit hard, ripping a sob from me.

  The dreams made it feel like I didn’t lose her, not entirely.

  “I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I cry as my body begins to jerk.

  “I know, baby.” Eli pulls me onto his lap, cradling me as he wipes the tears from my cheeks with his knuckles. “But maybe it’s time you accept Katie’s gone?”

  Suddenly everything stills in me until it feels like there’s only a vast empty space in my chest. “How do I do that, Eli? How do I accept Katie was murdered, that she died such a horrible death, that her last moments were of a guy raping her?”

  Eli’s hold on me tightens. “Maybe it would be better to just accept she’s in a better place where she doesn’t remember any of that?” His breath skims over my ear again, “Maybe she’s happy and safe from all the hurt?”

  His words are strangely comforting, making the emptiness retreat.

  “Dying doesn’t have to mean Katie’s journey ended,” he continues. “She’s just moved on to the next phase of her existence.”

  “Do you really believe that?” I ask as I burrow deeper into his embrace.

  “I do. With all my heart.”

  “Katie’s in a better place,” I whisper, feeling the sting of loss.

  Katie’s gone.

  Silence falls between us for a while before Eli brings his hand to my chin, lifting my face to his. When our eyes lock, he asks, “What about you, Quinn?”

  “What about me?”

  “You were attacked as well. You’ve never talked about it. What about what you went through?”

  I pull my chin free from his hold, and climbing off his lap, I stand up. “I’m fine. It happened, and I survived.”

  I begin to walk back to the house, but Eli grabs hold of my arm, darting in front of me to block my way. I keep my eyes fixed on his black t-shirt.

  “Quinn,” he murmurs, his voice sounding strained.

  I shake my head. “I’m really okay.”

  “Then look at me,” he challenges me.

  I manage to lift my eyes to his neck before they stop, refusing to go higher.

  I’m okay.

  What happened to me wasn’t half as bad as what was done to Katie and her parents.

  They died, and I survived.

  I was lucky.

  “Quinn, look at me,” Eli urges.

  Instead of doing as he says, I close my eyes. “I was the lucky one, Eli.” My voice quivers, and I swallow hard.

  Eli brushes some hair behind my ear, and I feel him leaning down. “Open your eyes, baby.”

  My lashes lift on his command, and the moment my eyes meet his, the breath’s knocked from me.

  The shock.

  The fear.

  The blow to my head.

  My heart breaking as Katie screamed.

  A blow to my side, cracking my ribs and making fire lick at my insides.

  My world shattering.

  The terror as I ran from them.

  The hopelessness when I was shot.

  Thinking I was going to die with the second shot.

  It all hits like a tsunami, rocking me on my feet.

  “I was so scared,” I whimper.

  Eli presses his forehead to mine. “I know, baby. I was terrified as well.”

  “I felt helpless and trapped. I couldn’t get away.” A breath shudders from me. “I thought I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.”

  As more sobs burst from me, Eli wraps me tightly against his chest. “I’ve got you. Let it out, baby.”

  I begin to cry harder, distraught by what happened.

  “You’re safe,” Eli whispers. “I’ll always protect you.”

  Feeling his strong arms around me, I cry for myself, purging my soul to Eli.

  ELI

  I held Quinn all night as she finally opened up to me. It was a long time coming, and I knew it would be upsetting as fuck for both of us, but it was needed.

  I’m hoping it helped Quinn in some way so she can take a s
tep toward healing.

  Ready to head to work, I tuck my gun safely behind my back, covering the weapon with my shirt.

  I’ve been carrying the Baretta since Dad told me to without Quinn noticing. I’m not sure how she’ll react.

  I find her in the kitchen as she reaches for her apron. She glances at me, then asks, “You heading out?”

  I nod as I lean my shoulder against the doorjamb. “Yeah, but I was hoping you wanted to come along for the day.”

  Just as I expected, Quinn freezes. Nervously her tongue darts out to wet her lips before she says, “Ah… I thought I’d stay home and bake.”

  “You’re always here or visiting my mom. I think it will be good for you to get out a little.” When she just stares at me, I add, “We can also stop by your dad’s place to check on everything.”

  I can see she wants to say no, but then she whispers, “Okay.”

  I hate pushing her, but she hasn’t been in town since the attack, and I don’t want her to lock herself up at home.

  Pushing away from the doorjamb, I hold my hand out to her. “Come on, baby. Let’s go.”

  Quinn places the apron on the hook against the back door and reluctantly comes to take my hand. The corner of my mouth lifts at the victory as I pull her out of the house. I lock the front door behind us before we walk to the truck.

  Opening the passenger door, I wait for Quinn to climb inside, then I lean over her and press a quick kiss to her lips. “Proud of you,” I murmur before pulling back and shutting the door.

  When I slide in behind the steering wheel, I say, “Seat belt.”

  Her lips curve slightly as she straps the belt on while I start the engine.

  Driving toward town, my eyes keep going to Quinn. She’s staring out the window, looking a little surprised as if she expected things to look different.

  When I pull up to the hardware store, her eyes lock on the empty store across the street. I turn off the engine, and reaching for her hand, I give it a squeeze.

  I give her time to process that The Green Leaf is no longer there, then ask, “Ready to head inside?”

  “Yeah.”

  Climbing out of the truck, I wait for Quinn before I walk to the door. Unlocking it, I say, “How do you feel about stocking the aisles?”