Her hand reached involuntarily up to the pouch that held the woman medicine, as her heart thrummed louder in her chest. She had seen their looks exchange as they piled the rocks and it occurred to her that Gray Wolf had no intention of taking her as his wife any longer. He had taken her to the river for one reason only, and that was to use her, just to know what it would be like to touch a white woman. Throwing the woman medicine had been a ploy, an excuse to get her to let down her guard.
That was why he wanted her to believe he had chosen her. That was why Merry Morning seemed happy because he had explained it to her. That was why Merry Morning was waiting close to the river for their return. Merry Morning knew what he was planning to do, and she had given him her blessing! She wanted him to humiliate Little Flower. He had told Little Flower that Merry Morning approved of their relationship, however short-lived it turned out to be. Merry Morning wanted Gray Wolf to use her, spoiling her for any future husband. Only for some reason, he was not able to go through with it. Maybe he felt guilty, or maybe he had been repulsed with her once he discovered what a white woman felt and looked like. Whatever the reason he had stopped, she now felt she knew the choice he was speaking of which he would share with her after the Sun Dance. He just wasn’t brave enough to be honest with her yet. Probably for fear she would tell his father what he had done before he turned her away.
The gravity of the thoughts that whirled through her head, caused Little Flower to cover her eyes, and jump to her feet, sprinting away from both of them. Gray Wolf rose to follow her, but Merry Morning reached her hand out and restrained him.
“Let her grieve,” she whispered. She bent over and picked up Lucky, hugging the pup to her. “I will take care of her puppy for her,” she offered, knowing it had been Gray Wolf who had given Little Flower the puppy. She wished he had given it to her.
CHAPTER FOUR
Little Flower watched as the braves gathered, preparing for the hunt. Gray Wolf was among them. The chief of the hunt had gone out earlier to scout for buffalo and now he would lead the best of the hunters to the herd. She could see the excitement dancing in the brave’s eyes. They had been cautioned not to head out alone. Many young braves wanted to be the first to shoot the buffalo and had to be restrained from sneaking ahead of the rest to accomplish it. It could easily result in the herd becoming spooked and stampeding away before the rest of the hunters could arrive. The penalty for frightening the herd away was death. It was too important for the survival of the tribe to allow one anxious brave to make it harder to track down the herd, out of their own self-indulgence.
Little Flower felt proud of Gray Wolf, as he sat straight-backed on Wind Rider’s back. The spotted horse was prancing impatiently like many of the other horses, picking up on the excitement that spread like wildfire in the air. Matching the brave’s enthusiasm, the horses were eager for the run that would carry their riders dangerously into the herd of buffalo in order to get the best shot.
Lightning bolts were painted on the horses legs to assist them and keep them surefooted. Circles were placed around their eyes to assure good vision. Other markings that depicted the owner of the horse were added, so a horse that lost its rider would be recognized as belonging to a certain brave. The drag-rope was tied about the horse’s neck, ready for the brave to grab, to prevent himself from being left and trampled on, were he to fall from his horse when they were mingled among the buffalo. Then the well-trained horse would stop in its tracks, and let the rider clamor back upon its back.
Gray Wolf turned, and glanced at Little Flower. He gave her a parting smile. Little Flower’s heart swelled, until she noticed that Merry Morning was standing next to her. Maybe it was her Gray Wolf had smiled at, Little Flower thought, causing her heart to shrink again.
“When they return, there will be much to do,” Merry Morning sighed. “When the work is done, though, they will prepare for the Sun Dance.” Merry Morning gave Little Flower a knowing look. “Then Gray Wolf will choose one of us.”
“You know he is choosing me!” Little Flower almost hissed defiantly, hoping she was right, but worrying she may be wrong. “Gray Wolf said you understood that.”
“Sometimes there are changes in plans,” Merry Morning stated. “For all we know, Gray Wolf could be killed during the hunt.”
“Why would you say that?” Little Flower screeched. “Then it would mean he could not choose either of us.”
“If he isn’t harmed during the hunt, it will sober him so he realizes his true duty. You are a white girl. I hear your father is looking for you, and if he finds you, he will take you home. Then you will never see Gray Wolf again. It would be better if you weren’t his wife when that happened.”
“What do you speak of? Where did you hear this? It has been years and my father has never discovered me.”
“I heard it at the fort,” Merry Morning said slyly. “I told one of the white people where they could find you. Your father has been looking for you ever since you got lost. Now, he will come and get you.”
“And you didn’t say anything to me?” Little Flower bellowed.
“I didn’t want Gray Wolf to think he could take you and hide you from your father. You do want to return to your white family, don’t you?”
Little Flower stared unbelievingly at Merry Morning. That was why she had looked so happy that day. That was why she didn’t seem to care that Gray Wolf had chosen her. She had been sure he would not be able to have Little Flower, if her father showed up to take her home.
Waring emotions raced through Little Flower’s body, causing her entire form to shiver. She had hoped for years that her parents would find her, but now, the situation had changed. Her heart felt gripped, as though a strong fist was squeezing the life out of it. She was torn. Did she want to remain here to be with Gray Wolf, who may not even want her anymore, or did she want to join her family again? She knew she couldn’t have both.
She thought of how Gray Wolf had seemed so distant to her. Maybe he had changed his mind about wanting her. He hadn’t touched her or kissed her since that day at the river. Suddenly, Little Flower bolted forward, and ran up to Gray Wolf, seated on his horse. Wind Rider gave a startled jump when Little Flower came to an abrupt stop beside him.
“Do you still love me and want me for your woman?” Little Flower called up to Gray Wolf.
Gray Wolf looked as startled as his horse at her approach. Women had their place. He was about to go on the hunt and she had disrupted the tradition as though trying to detain him.
“Go back and wait for me to return,” Gray Wolf stated. “After the Sun Dance we will speak of this.”
“Just tell me!” Little Flower begged.
Gray Wolf looked around. The other braves were laughing at him. He tried to shake Little Flower’s hand off of his ankle she was grabbing, to gain his attention.
“I will tell you my choice when I return. Go now. You will shame me, looking as though you do not wish me to go on the hunt.”
“I may not be here when you return,” Little Flower breathed, her heart galloping away with fright.
“Why do you say that? Where are you planning to go?”
As he spoke, the chief of the hunt raised his hand and the band of hunters started to take off, horses were leaping in excitement, eager to be on the hunt. Gray Wolf’s horse bolted, anxious to follow the others, and Little Flower’s hand lost its grasp on Gray Wolf’s ankle. He seemed to be frowning down at her, and then he let his horse have its head, leaping away from the woman he would leave behind.
What did she mean, she may not be there when he returned, he wondered. Had she stopped loving him? Was that why she asked the question? There was no time to ponder on it now. The hunt was upon them and he had a job to do.
Little Flower was left in a cloud of dust as the stampeding horses headed for the hunt, throwing sod up in their wake. She sank to the ground, turning her head to glare at Merry Morning. Merry Morning merely smiled back at her. Little Flower could hardly breathe
. She wasn’t even sure if Merry Morning had been telling her the truth, but if she had, it would change Little Flower’s life. How could she choose between rejoining her family and following her heart to be with Gray Wolf? The thought that her father had been looking for her for all this time was heartening, only had she known, she would have protected her heart and not fallen in love with Gray Wolf. Now she didn’t think her heart could change directions, and yet…
She tried to remember the big house she used to live in, all the toys she had piled in her room, never having to turn a finger because there were maids and nannies there to care for her every need. It was nothing like the life she was experiencing now. It had a certain draw, coupled with fear… fear of leaving her adopted people behind…fear of never seeing Gray Wolf again…fear of living a life she wasn’t used to. She didn’t even know if Gray Wolf still loved her. He seemed irritated with her when she asked him. The hunt was more important to him than she was.
Little Flower straightened her back. She had to admit the hunt was important. It would furnish them everything they needed to survive on, yet there was still that nagging feeling that after the Sun Dance, Gray Wolf may choose Merry Morning instead of her. Was she willing to take that risk? If her father came and got her before Gray Wolf returned, would she refuse to go on the hope that Gray Wolf still wanted her as his wife? Would she have a choice?
Fear simmered in her blue eyes. Uncertainty crept through her body like an unwanted disease. Insecurity strangled her. She could barely breathe as worries encroached upon her. This was all Merry Morning’s doing, she hissed under her breath. She wanted Little Flower to be taken away by her parents so she could have Gray Wolf to herself!
For the next day, Little Flower started at every unfamiliar sound within the village, wondering if it indicated her father had arrived to claim her. The path into the village was located across the span of the village from Chief Beaver’s teepee. She wouldn’t even know when her father arrived… if he arrived.
The hunters may not be back for days. After the kill the cut meat would be brought back to the village on travois by the women who accompanied the hunt, skinning the buffalo and transporting the meat back to the village, a portion to be used for drying and for every other purpose the body of the buffalo served. The rest would be eaten as a feast to the success of the hunt.
Once the meat arrived, she would have to help the others cut the meat in thin strips and place them on the drying racks. She would have to scrape fat from hides, to prepare them for tanning. Stomach contents would be scooped out to be used for medicine for the skin. Then the stomach pouch used to cook food in, hanging on a tripod over the fire. Bones and sinus would be set aside to make tools out of. Hooves would be melted into glue. Scrotums would be set aside to make sacred rattles with. She would have to occupy herself with any task handed to her, as her part of working with the village and dedicating her energies to assure the survival of the Sioux tribe, just like all the others there.
It was hard work, but she had become accustomed to hard work. All tribe members worked hard for a joint goal, just to live from one day to the next. There was no time for anything else but special ceremonies, until winter, when they could rest and enjoy their hard work, which would keep them alive over the long bleak days of winter.
She had hoped by winter, she would be Gray Wolf’s wife. They would spend those winter days under the buffalo robes making love. They would sit in the sweat huts breathing in the steam rising from the hot rocks as water was poured over them, soaking up the heat before returning to their lodge again. They would grow closer together, learning to trust one another in the way a husband and wife should trust. Now she didn’t know who to trust.
For the first time since she had realized she was at the mercy of the Sioux tribe, Little Flower felt utterly hopeless. She felt alone and almost like an outcast, in spite of the smiles that both Chief Beaver and Sky Lark gave her. Sky Lark had always treated her as her own daughter. She had been happy to take the child under her wing, so Little Flower did feel her love, but now that didn’t seem to be enough.
“Do not worry,” Sky Lark was saying to Little Flower as she cooked over the center fire. “Gray Wolf will be safe. He is a good hunter.”
Little Flower licked her lips. She knew it was forbidden to ask, but she had to know. She directed her gaze at Chief Beaver, who was puffing on his pipe, watching Sky Lark with protecting eyes.
“Has Gray Wolf approached you?” she asked.
“What do you mean, my child?” he returned, stopping and contemplating the smoke that ringed around his head.
“I mean, has he said anything about me,” she persisted, not really wanting to ask the question that burned in her brain.
Chief Beaver merely stared at her, his expression blank. Perhaps it was not permitted to say one way or another until Gray Wolf had become a man. Maybe Gray Wolf couldn’t ask for her until after the Sun Dance.
“We speak of you often, taking pleasure at the way you have grown and become a part of our tribe,” Chief Beaver finally mentioned.
“Is that all?” Little Flower asked in a small voice.
“Gray Wolf is very fond of you,” Sky Lark added. “He loves you like the sister you are to him. Have you and Gray Wolf argued? You look worried.”
“No. We barely talk anymore,” Little Flower admitted.
“Is that why you ask about him?” Chief Beaver inquired.
“Yes,” Little Flower lied, “I have felt his feelings for me were changing. I just wondered if he spoke to you about it.”
“He has not mentioned that he is angry with you,” Chief Beaver assured her. “Yet he has many things to think about. Soon he must prepare for the Sun Dance. When he becomes a man, he will be honored among the men. He can join one of the societies that only men can attend. He will play a bigger part in the function of the tribe. He will take a wife and start his own family. I am sure all these things weigh on his mind and that is why he does not have time to visit with you as often.”
“Yes,” Little Flower agreed, “that must be the reason.”
“Then do not worry, Little Flower, soon you must accept whoever chooses you to become their wife. Only he must offer many horses for such a fine woman as you have become,” Chief Beaver winked.
“No one has offered for me, yet?” she asked hesitantly.
“I would tell you if they had,” he told her. “You too would have to agree to become his wife,” he assured her.
Little Flower’s heart fell. Gray Wolf had not mentioned his feelings for her to his father. He hadn’t even mentioned it to her, ever since that day at the river, after he had thrown the woman medicine at her. She clutched the pouch in her fist, feeling like ripping it from her neck, but she managed to restrain herself. Instead, she jumped up and fled from the Teepee.
Her progress was stopped when she stumbled into someone, caused by her blinding tears. Her head jerked up as she felt the person grasp her arm. It was Talking Dog.
“Why aren’t you on the hunt?” Little Flower asked, trying to brush past him.
“I injured myself falling off my horse and my ankle has not healed enough to be helpful on a hunt,” he explained. She realized he was walking with a slight limp as he kept pace with her.
Little Flower had never liked Talking Dog because when she was growing up, he often teased her with the other Indians that made fun of her because of her blue eyes. He still insisted on calling her Crazy Eyes.
“I am sure your help is needed elsewhere,” she mumbled, trying to brush him aside.
“Why are you crying?” he asked bluntly. “You will never become a true Sioux if you insist on crying all the time.”
The statement grabbed Little Flower, putting her off guard. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she was never meant to be a true Sioux, she chastised herself. Maybe that was the reason Gray Wolf’s feelings were cooling for her.
“It is not important,” she said so softly she didn’t think Talking Dog would eve
n hear.
“I will walk with you,” Talking Dog informed her, taking her arm in his again. “You seem troubled.”
“I don’t’ need you to walk with me,” Little Flower insisted.
“I wish to,” he countered.
Little Flower turned and studied Talking Dog’s features. When he was younger, she had never liked the look of him, but now he seemed to have grown up into a nice-looking brave. It was just that she couldn’t forgive him for his treatment of her since she joined the tribe. After a moment, she continued walking.
“Whatever suits you,” she mumbled, as she tried to walk faster so Talking Dog’s limp became more pronounced. She hoped it would discourage him from following her.
“Gray Wolf will never take you as his wife,” Talking Dog said abruptly. “I heard what you said to him, when you tried to prevent him from going on the hunt!”
Little Flower stopped and glared at him. What difference did it make to him she wondered.
“Why do you care?” she asked. “It is none of your concern.”
“It is my concern because I plan to ask for you, after the Sun Dance.”
“You?” Little Flower started to laugh. “What makes you think I would agree?”
“Because no one else wants you, Crazy Eyes,” Talking Dog stated almost cruelly.
“Which is a good reason why you shouldn’t want me either,” Little Flower strained, trying to hold back more tears that threatened to spill at the feeling of rejection his statement brought to her.
“Only I do want you,” Talking Dog admitted. “Gray Wolf and I have spoken about you often. He tells me how sweet you are. He tells me what a good sister you have been. He has made me see you differently than the others do.”
“Then why wouldn’t Gray Wolf take me as his wife? He threw woman medicine at me. He told me he wanted me for his wife.”
“His father is Chief of the village. It would not be right to ask for his sister to be his wife, even his adopted sister. He must know this. He should never have thrown the woman medicine at you.”
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