From Best Friend to Fiancée

by Ellie Darkins

  Pfft. What was the point of having a fake boyfriend instead of a real one if it didn’t get you out of talking about your commitment issues? Besides, those commitment issues had been doing them both a favour ever since they’d met. You didn’t meet a man as pretty as Jannes—and if anyone doubted a man could be pretty, she’d simply produce him as evidence—without being ever so slightly tempted to know what it would be like to get naked and sweaty with him, just the once. Besides, he was a nice boy, and she was a disaster with nice boys. She wasn’t consigning Jannes to the ‘do not drunk dial’ group in her phone over a couple of nights of fun and then a major freak-out on her part. Or his, for that matter.

  It wasn’t worth losing him over an orgasm or two. However tempting he looked.

  She could manage those all by herself.

  No, she’d learned just not to think of him like that. It hadn’t been easy at first, what with the cheekbones and the muscles. The lithe hips and blond hair and the general wholesome Swedishness of him. But Lara was more than just her libido. And Jannes was more to her than just a pretty face.

  * * *

  They were just doing each other a favour, Jannes told himself sternly. There was absolutely no reason to feel hesitant about agreeing to keep Lara company at her sister’s wedding and then take her as his plus one to an awards ceremony. They had eaten dinner together plenty of times. Been out drinking. Dancing together. This wouldn’t be any different really.

  And they’d both been very clear that this didn’t change anything between them. They had been friends for three years and never even set a toe over the line between friendship and something more. Because Lara was special and he was a mess, and she deserved so much more than that.

  He hadn’t always felt this way about relationships. There’d been a time in his early twenties that he’d wanted it all. Someone to love. To settle down. And every time that he’d tried, the fear had started to creep in. The closer he got to someone, the darker the shadow hanging over him, waiting for the moment that they’d inevitably leave him.

  He at least had the advantage of knowing what he was afraid of. He’d been left behind so many times that the scars that it had caused were etched deep into his soul. Every time he’d watched his parents drive away from his boarding school, the wound had gone a little deeper, past the point where it physically hurt to the place where it broke down who he was.

  That feeling when they’d walked out of the door and he’d watched their car drive away was something he’d sworn he wasn’t going to allow to happen again. And the safest way to ensure that he didn’t have to watch anyone leave? He didn’t exactly need a degree in psychology to see the connection with a career that kept him constantly on the move. He’d taken up sailing at boarding school; it needed enough concentration that he couldn’t think about much else while he was out on the water. And schoolboy competitions had led to life as a professional competitive yachtsman.

  Maybe that was where the playboy image had come from. The few attempts that he’d made at relationships had fizzled out over the months that he’d been away sailing. The people he’d been with hadn’t liked being left any more than he had, and he hadn’t liked the thought that he had been hurting someone as much as he had been hurt. So it had made sense to stop trying to make relationships work. There had been a few short-term things over the years, when he’d been in one place long enough to see someone for more than a night or two. But knowing a relationship wouldn’t last put a dampener on things, stopping them from ever really taking off.

  And when it came to Lara, there was just no way that he could start something with her, knowing how it would end. Knowing that he would hurt her. Which was why it was so important that if they were going to do this thing, they were completely open with one another. There wasn’t room in this for misunderstandings. They had to trust one another.

  ‘There’s something we should talk about,’ he said, wondering whether she could hear his doubt in his voice. He had planned to bring this up nearer the time, but if they were going to go to Pip’s wedding next weekend, they were going to have to do this now.

  ‘Everyone knows that we’re friends. We’ve been photographed plenty of times before; it never stopped me dating other people. If we want people to believe that things are different now, that we’re together, then we’re going to have to look as if we’re...together.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Well, we should probably agree to some of the details before the wedding,’ Jannes said, ‘if we’re telling people that I’m your boyfriend. Get our stories straight. Agree to our ground rules.’

  ‘For goodness sake, Jannes. We don’t need a contract. I’m not going to make you sleep with me!’ Lara said with a laugh.

  He frowned before he could catch himself. He hadn’t thought for a second that she would, but was the prospect really so appalling? He certainly didn’t think so. In fact, if Lara wasn’t one of his best friends, he’d find the thought of it rather...appealing. But she was one of his best friends. She was one of the people that he liked best in the world, and that meant that he wasn’t willing to risk having her in his life over something physical and meaningless. They were more than that.

  ‘I know that,’ he said. ‘That’s not what I meant at all.’

  She laughed, and he wondered whether he was blushing. He felt as if he was probably blushing. ‘Ha, well, I guess dating me is going to be full of surprises.’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m not sure I’m able to...’ How were they meant to have a serious conversation when she was so...disarming? He needed to tiptoe through this, and she was forcing him to leap.

  ‘You wanted to get our stories straight,’ Lara said, changing the subject. ‘How complicated are you expecting our origin story to be?’

  He shrugged, going with it, because what else could he do in the face of Lara’s enthusiasm? He’d never been able to resist. ‘I don’t know. Not complicated, but if someone asks us where we went on our first date and we don’t know, then the gig is going to be up.’

  ‘Fine.’ Lara crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, leaning closer to him and fixing him with a mischievous look. ‘Where do you want me to take you on our imaginary first date? Knock yourself out. Choose something fancy—I’m buying.’

  He raised one eyebrow. ‘So generous.’

  ‘Well, I like to treat you like a princess,’ she said, lifting one corner of her lips in a smile. ‘You deserve it, baby.’

  ‘Baby?’ He gave her a strong look, trying not to laugh.

  ‘Babe?’ she suggested.

  He shook his head. ‘Absolutely not.’

  ‘Darling? Sweetheart? Cutie pie?’

  He was in so much trouble.

  She turned and pressed an impulsive kiss on his cheek and he just knew that that smirk on her face was because he was blushing.

  ‘So. There are other things that we need to talk about if our story is that we’re together now. Not just friends. Like kissing,’ he said, blurting the words out as he rubbed at his cheek, his fingers catching where her lip balm had left a shimmer of stickiness. ‘We might have to do that. Would it look weird if we didn’t?’

  ‘It might do,’ she agreed. ‘If you need the story in the press to be that we’re together now, they’re going to want the pictures to go with it.’

  He nodded slowly. That was what he had been thinking too. But kissing Lara... That would... It wouldn’t just be a kiss. Would it? With his best friend? Maybe it could be. Maybe he was making all this just too damn complicated. They had just said that this wouldn’t change anything about who they were to each other, after all. If the kissing wasn’t real, it shouldn’t be a big deal. ‘Do you think we should...practice?’ he asked.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘How complicated do you normally make it?’

  He pulled her to her feet, took a step towards her, bringing his body
right in front of her so she had to tilt her head back to look him in the eye.

  ‘Depends on the occasion. And who I’m kissing. But the last thing we want is a picture of us that makes it obvious we’re faking this. If we feel awkward just talking about it between ourselves, how’s that going to come across to anyone else?’

  * * *

  ‘That’s a fair point,’ she said, not moving any closer. ‘So...’ she said, hesitating slightly. Up this close, standing like this, she felt less like laughing. This was serious. Suddenly, as Jannes’s tongue moistened his lower lip, she felt her teeth close around her own. She wasn’t sure this was a good idea. Was equally sure that it didn’t matter because she was going to do it anyway.

  This was Jannes. Lovely, safe Jannes. Who would never hurt her, who couldn’t hurt her, because they both knew exactly what this was: fake. And she couldn’t hurt him, because faking this was his idea.

  ‘All right, then,’ she said, eyes fixed on his mouth, noticing for the first time how the light caught at the top of his cupid’s bow, the touch of shadow below the fullness of his bottom lip.

  He tucked her hair behind her ear, a light, friendly touch. Something that wouldn’t ordinarily make her pulse stutter, make her draw in a breath and hold it, not sure when she’d get a chance for another. His fingers lingered behind the curve of her ear, hit a sensitive spot that made her bite down harder on her lip.

  This was nothing. It was friendly. They were friends and this was a friendly kiss. Not even that. Just a practice run at a friendly kiss.

  Until his hand threaded in her hair, tightening at the nape, and she found herself swaying into him. She put a hand out to steady herself—felt considerably less steady when it landed on Jannes’s hip. She held on, fingers curling round the jut of his hipbone, and let her eyes leave his mouth to flick up to his eyes. His lids were half-lowered, long blond lashes catching sunlight, glinting gold at the tips. Pupils blown wide, deep blue irises barely visible.

  ‘Jannes...’ She had just managed the word when his head lowered, eyes sweeping shut, tongue darting to moisten his lips one more time.

  For a second she couldn’t move, could only absorb the soft drag of his lips over hers, until instinct took over and she started to move against him.

  Her other hand found his waist and she lifted to her tiptoes, hands anchored on Jannes, using him to push herself closer, higher.

  Her tongue flickered out, tasting his bottom lip, just as Jannes’s hand in her hair tilted her, changing the angle so their noses brushed together. So that when he bowed his body closer to hers, her head tipped back and her mouth opened, deepening the kiss and letting out a low moan as his tongue stroked along hers, hot and confident in her mouth.

  His other arm was a vice in the small of her back, pinning her to his body with the strength of muscles built and honed as a professional athlete.

  This was a kiss.

  Her brain scrambled to catch up while her body took liberties. One hand in Jannes’s hair now, slipping through her fingers where he’d let it grow longer. Fingers digging into his hip. Legs tangling with the scratch of denim of his jeans. Belly pressed to the hardness of his belt buckle, his...

  She pulled away suddenly, Jannes’s hand still in her hair, his arm still solid against her waist. His cheeks were flushed, his lips red, swollen, bitten, and his eyes still closed as he pulled in a shuddering breath.

  CHAPTER TWO

  ‘NOW AREN’T YOU glad that didn’t happen at a family event?’ Lara asked, laughing shakily. They could joke about this. They should joke about this. It wasn’t serious. It wasn’t real.

  He glanced around them. Somehow, life in the park hadn’t ceased to exist just because they’d been...swept away. ‘This is very public.’

  ‘Safer, I think. Imagine if we’d been...’ Alone. She could imagine it. Was imagining it right now in fact. And frightening herself knowing where it could have ended up if they hadn’t come to their senses.

  It was just the shock, the novelty of it that had made it so explosive, she told herself. And now they had it out of their system, knew what to expect, they’d be better prepared next time. Would guard against getting carried away.

  ‘So.’ She uncurled her fingers from his hip, leaned back against the arm clasped at her waist. ‘Now we have a first kiss story.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose we didn’t need to get too creative after all.’

  ‘We tell people...friends, feelings for one another, kiss in the park. Here we are.’

  ‘That sounds plausible,’ he said, with an expression that it didn’t seem safe to interpret just yet. Of course it sounded plausible: if she wasn’t so scared of hurting him, of being hurt in return, that was the reality they would be living right now. But she couldn’t lose him, so they both pretended that it hadn’t meant a thing to either of them. At least, she thought he was pretending.

  ‘Should we walk?’ Lara said, taking a deliberate step away from him, needing this friendship back on familiar ground before one of them said something that they couldn’t take back. ‘I could do with a coffee.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Jannes said, avoiding eye contact.

  They turned back towards the park, followed a path past squealing toddlers on the playground, a group of teenagers gathered around a speaker, dodged pairs of runners sweating in the late spring warmth. She startled when she felt Jannes’s fingers thread through hers and she looked up at him, surprised.

  ‘What’s this?’ she asked, lifting their linked fingers with trepidation. Was he...did he think that kiss was real? That it had changed something between them? Because she thought that they had been clear. If she wanted to know why he was holding her hand, she could just ask.

  ‘Practice,’ he said, and shrugged as they let their hands drop.

  ‘You need to practice holding hands?’ she asked, forcing a laugh, trying to make light of this. ‘How long has it been since you last dated properly, more than a first date?’

  She thought back, tried to remember the last time he’d introduced her to a girl. More than a year ago, at least.

  ‘I need to practice holding hands with you,’ he clarified. ‘Need to make it look like we do this all the time. Not like we’re—’

  ‘We’re walking through the park to get coffee,’ she cut in on a nervous laugh, not wanting to hear the end of that sentence. ‘We do do this all the time.’

  Jannes shrugged. ‘I don’t want to walk in there unprepared.’

  ‘Fine,’ she said, sighing. ‘You’re right. If you want to practice, we can practice. Now, do you need to practice my coffee order? Because I’m hot and this shady bench is looking very tempting. It’s still five minutes to the coffee stand.’

  ‘Fine,’ Jannes said, and she knew his expressions well enough to recognise relief when she saw it. ‘You sunbathe, I’ll get the coffee.’

  * * *

  That was...intense.

  Jannes stalked off towards the coffee stand, walking faster now that he didn’t have to slow for Lara’s shorter frame.

  He had meant it to be a quick peck on the lips, to prove to himself if no one else that he and Lara were good enough friends to fake being an item without things becoming weird. He hadn’t been prepared for the chain reaction that the merest brush of her lips against his had triggered. He hadn’t been thinking at all when he’d pinned her body flush against his. When he’d arched into the kiss, wanting to be closer, to lift her higher, to bring every inch of her body into contact with his own. It had taken every gram of strength that he’d had to pull away from her, to remind himself that the reason he’d been resisting her since the day that he’d met her was because he didn’t want to hurt her. Because she deserved better than that.

  Jesus, it had been a while. Perhaps he could pretend that that was why he had felt so desperate for her. Far from having a girl in every port, the last year he’d been...ci
rcumspect. Aware that every date he had would inevitably end up in the tabloids or going viral. A version of his life gaining traction that he just didn’t recognise. He hadn’t left a string of broken hearts in his wake, regardless of what the papers wrote. It was the opposite, in fact. He’d avoided getting involved past a first date, knowing that he would only hurt someone if he let himself get closer.

  The holding hands—where had that come from? He’d given Lara a convenient excuse to cover up the fact that he’d done it without thinking. The kiss had broken through all the defences that he’d constructed, and he’d just acted on instinct. Forgot, for a moment, that he had to resist taking what he wanted. His skin had wanted hers and he’d reached for her before his brain had caught up with what his body was doing.

  He reached the stall and ordered their coffees, realising after he’d done it that he hadn’t even had to think about what she wanted. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been with a girl long enough to know her coffee order. But this was different. Lara wasn’t a girlfriend. She was a friend. A good friend. Probably the best one he’d had, in fact. It was perfectly understandable that he knew what coffee she liked. He spent more time with her than just about anyone else.

  And now he had kissed her and his head had exploded and all these years of keeping their relationship carefully platonic had gone up in smoke.

  It was friendly, he told himself again. They were kissing and pretending to date because that was what a good friend did when they were asked.

  He walked back towards where he had left Lara on the bench and found her stretched out, thumbs tapping at her phone, face screwed up with concentration. He stood and watched her for a moment. She looked focused. No hint that she shared in the roiling anxiety he’d been fighting since their kiss. He was making a big deal out of nothing. To her, it had clearly been what they’d intended: a practice kiss between friends. No feelings involved. She knew the score, and he did too.