Lina

by Diane Baumer

  François had felt the urge to leave because he could not stand her anymore. He had been tied to Lina for too long, feigning an absurd romantic relationship. Trying to make her happy is useless. She never feels the rope to be tight enough. If it wasn’t for her door-opening prestige… As soon as I don’t need her, I will just...

  11. The secret

  Brother Pedro stopped as he was passing by the window. Outside was the sweaty Mexican, cleaning the farmyard. In concern, the custodian observed the young man’s decline. Why could they possibly have sent him here? I guess he didn’t tell me everything. The matter must be serious enough for him to prefer being undermined inside rather than talking about it.

  Brother Lucas unwittingly assisted in reaffirming these thoughts by giving the custodian a smile full of sadness. Brother Pedro watched him from the window. Here he feels like a captive wild bird. God, what am I supposed to do about this? What do You expect from me?

  The young friar tried to keep himself busy with his task, as though he expected exhaustion to become an anesthetic for his restlessness. He had still not heard from Brother Simón, the custodian at the Mexican monastery. He’s never there when I call. It’s too big of a coincidence… What can I do? Should I reveal everything to Brother Pedro? If so, might I be getting him involved in all of this? He seems to be a brave man. Will he support me? My Lord, help me make the right decision.

  A blackbird emerged from the bell tower, perched on the window sill of the room where the custodian was, and began to sing.

  An hour later, Brother Pedro was reading in the cloister when he saw Brother Lucas approach him with an envelope in his hand. He stood up and made a gesture to his fellow friar to follow him to the east wing. They entered the meeting room. The Mexican handed him some documents.

  “I think I was forced to leave my country since I happened to have access to this information.”

  Suddenly, the custodian’s face became deprived of its usual inner peace as he glanced at the documents.

  “Who gave you this? I mean... Did you make sure the information is correct?”

  “I’ve been wondering about that since this fell into my hands. I can’t disclose the identity of the person who delivered these papers to me. I’ll just say I never doubted his honesty at all.”

  “Has anyone else seen them?”

  “Brother Simón, who is the custodian at the monastery in Mexico. Also, a judge well-known for his fight against drug dealing. We showed these to him.” After a few seconds’ pause, he went on, “I was transferred here right after that.”

  “The accusation is very serious. Probably, some enemy of the bishop forged the papers.”

  “I prayed a lot so that would be the reason. However, when Brother Simón contacted him, he refused to talk. I don’t know what the truth is. I find it suspicious to have been sent here in a hurry.”

  “The matter is definitely not one to be taken lightly.”

  “And one for which innocent people die – accepting alms in exchange for money laundering is not a way to serve God. Usually, on the pretext of committed charities.”

  Brother Pedro spent some time in silence weighing all the odds.

  “Maybe you’re here because they were trying to protect you,” he finally said.

  The young man shrugged his shoulders.

  “I don’t know... There is something else to it that makes me feel uneasy. There’s no way I can reach Brother Simón. It looks like he just vanished without a trace. I should do something. I just can’t sit back and do nothing. I have been considering taking these papers to some investigative reporter here in Spain, one that is used to dealing with this kind of issues...”

  Brother Pedro’s reaction was not the one Brother Lucas had expected. Why wait? What for? the Mexican wondered. On the one hand, making it public may cause irreversible damage provided that the data was fake, but... what if it was not? Everything that had happened pointed in that direction. He had been expeditiously dispatched to another country! Somebody had obviously posted him onto the top of a mountain in order to prevent him from keeping in touch with the outside world!

  Brother Pedro asked him to be patient.

  “Let me think this through. Rushing is dangerous and, in most cases, useless.”

  The bell rang to announce that it was time to eat. The custodian stopped before entering the dining hall.

  “Now... There’s still something I’m not able to understand. Since both Brother Simón and you had access to the information, why were you the only one they got rid of?”

  “I don’t have an answer for that one either. I have no idea. Maybe my custodian made sure I’d be in good hands. He raised me. Brother Simón is like a father to me.”

  “How bizarre all this is! Do you really trust the person who gave you the information?”

  “Fully.”

  12. The truth

  François and Endzela were arguing about Lina. The Georgian had found out that he and the pianist were together. Now, her problem had doubled – if she didn’t accept that burden, she would lose him and her job, too.

  It was so stupid of me to start dating my boss!

  “François, I don’t feel like being just your lover. Why not…?” She paused to clear her throat and continued to speak, “Why don’t we do things the right way? Let’s start over. From now on I’ll only be your secretary. Please, let’s try our best to keep our distance from each other.”

  It’s going to be an ordeal to have him around. I need to find another job at all costs.

  “Endzela, Lina and I are virtually only associates. We don’t even sleep together. I just get new clients through her. Your own decent salary is possible thanks to her contacts, too. This apartment, its power and water supplies... Everything comes from there. I’m really grateful to that woman. Until the moment I met her, I was nothing but an advisor.”

  “And what’s in it for her?”

  “I assist her as her manager. I can’t neglect my obligations. It’s just transient. We will definitely not stick together for the rest of our lives.”

  “This conversation sounds commonplace to me.”

  “It’s not. I won’t beg you to stay with me. I just told you what all this is about. I’ve always treated you excellently. I don’t intend to be mean, but I could have as many lovers as I crave, not needing to pay for their houses or support their children. There are only two ways to approach this – either feelings or common sense. You must make your choice between keeping your life the way it stands now or giving up your job. Please don’t think I’m taking reprisals against you. We don’t seem to be able to channel the situation if we get stuck all the time. You know quite well, and so do I.”

  Now, let’s wait and see how far your dignity takes you.

  Once they were done making love, the couple took a shower together.

  13. Questions

  Although Brother Lucas would succeed in remaining calm during the day, once he fell asleep at night apocalyptic scenes would take over his subconscious and torment him. Good old Brother Bartolo, who was unaware of this situation, would inadvertently add to the anguish of the former – in good faith, he would regularly have him drink infusions made out of sleep-inducing herbs. What would that entail? Longer sleep, which would equal greater nightmares. Although he was aware of the outcome, the suffering Mexican would drink those mixtures with the resignation of a Stoic. He had never actually been able to sleep like a baby, but lately his dreams had taken a nightmarish turn. Sometimes, he would picture his beloved Mexican fellows dying in a plague; on other occasions, columns of skeletons would appear in a stack by the entrance door, blocking the exit to the living who attempted to flee hellfire. The subconscious of the young friar had a wide range of horror varieties. He would be especially afflicted by the one place where most misfortunes appeared to happen – his monastery back in Mexico. Once he woke up, he would fee
l exhausted, drenched in cold sweat, and overwhelmed by an irrational, unmanageable fear that those terrible images might be the warning of a danger lurking around his brothers. Then, when Brother Lucas finally managed to calm down, he convinced himself that those were only delusions and decided to keep it to himself. After all, there was nothing he could possibly do from that remote spot on Earth. Silence, however, would prevent him from fleeing that vicious circle – not pouring off his suffering would cause his anxieties to find a way out through his dreams. Certainly, the young friar was in great distress not having heard from Brother Simón since his departure from Mexico.

  Although Brother Lucas was not aware yet, there was another phone-related mystery hanging over the monastery. One morning, the mailman had delivered a package to the custodian; there was no return address written on it. It contained a cell phone with a SIM card and a note – “Brother Pedro, please charge it and keep it on you at all times. Do not use it. I’ll get in touch.”

  However, days passed, and the phone never seemed to ring. One afternoon, Brother Pedro was writing a letter when Brother Lucas knocked on the door.

  “Come in!”

  The Mexican asked for permission to call Brother Simón again. The other friars had claimed that he would be available by then.

  Brother Lucas started dialing the number as he trembled. Why isn’t anyone answering? – he wondered in anguish. I’ll just keep calling until they pick it up. At his seventh attempt, he was finally able to hear a long-desired voice.

  “Well...” the Mexican custodian said, pretending not to know who was calling.

  “Brother Simón, it’s me – Lucas,” he replied in a childlike voice, visibly excited.

  Next, they exchanged a few shallow sentences – the kind of things people say to waste their time and avoid facing reality.

  Suspiciously enough, the person at the other end of the line began to wander around in his speech.

  “Don’t worry about anything. Here, town people are okay, as usual – everything is fine, no big news. Everyone’s life goes on just like before your departure, you know – everyday chores and routines, working, cooking beans, feeding their children and turning them into worthy adults, talking, gossiping, hanging out at the bar, playing soccer..., watching soap operas..., going out for walks...”

  “Sure – I guess lately they’re also inspiring oxygen, exhaling carbon dioxide, blinking...” Brother Lucas added with irony.

  He’s hiding something from me. I know him well. Brother Simón always does this when something serious is happening, like the time Brother Antonio died, or after the earthquake left some many victims.

  He was going to ask for the documents straight out; however, Brother Simón interrupted him by hastily uttering, “We’ll talk soon.” After that, there was silence.

  “Hello? Hello?” he asked, unable to receive an answer.

  He called again in unrest. The line was now engaged. The young friar remained in deep bewilderment for some time, holding the receiver in his hand.

  Once he managed to react, he carefully resorted to his memory in search of an alternate number which might be useful to him. He had sometimes called a doctor in the area. Probably that doctor has been visiting the monastery lately. Was it 8343187, 8343718, or 758? How I hate my messy memory... I never find what I need in there. Anxiety set in, preventing him from thinking straight. Nothing – I definitely can’t remember. He reached out, hoping that his fingers would press the correct keys out of habit, but he did not succeed. He made one last attempt to contact the monastery. The phone seemed to be out of service. A devastating feeling of orphanhood led him to the chapel virtually sleepwalking. Without a mother, a father, a homeland, or Brother Simón, Christ was all that was left to him. He fell down to his knees on the prie-dieu. The dizzy speed of the speculations revolving around him caused his own whirlwind to turn into an impure white veil. He felt the need to close his eyes to avoid collapsing because of the dizziness. He rested his head between his hands to keep it upright. Lord, please do not make me lose my mind, for I serve You with it.

  Minutes later, Brother Lucas made a mistake by half-opening his eyes. The young friar needed to make sure that he still belonged in the world of the sane. His frightful inside crying gave way to dry weeping. He looked around but didn’t manage to see anything. No crucifix or altar there. Where are You? Why can’t I see You? You too are hiding from me? Let me feel Your presence. A slight caress over my soul will suffice to calm me down.

  The touch of a hand on his shoulder startled him. It was Brother Pedro. He had just solved the riddle of the mysterious cell phone.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you. Brother Simón needs to talk to you,” he said, holding out the phone.

  Brother Lucas raised his head dazedly, not understanding. Little by little, shadows emerged out of nowhere; after those, came the silhouettes and, eventually, the figures.

  “Are you okay?” the custodian asked.

  “Yes. I’m feeling a little better now. Can you repeat what you just said?”

  “Brother Simón is on the phone. Do you think you can walk to the office? There, you’ll be able to speak more calmly.”

  “I’d do that even if I was made to crawl.”

  He walked down the corridors, concerned that the conversation might turn out to be even more unpleasant than the previous one. Uncertainty vanished as soon as the Mexican custodian started to speak. His voice had regained its usual warmth. The man apologized for his recent reaction. He feared that the phone line in the monastery might be tapped.

  “From now on, I’ll be the one calling. We’ll use these phones. If you ever write, please just talk about everyday stuff.”

  Brother Lucas sighed in relief. He had so many questions to ask that he was unsure where to start.

  “Brother Simón, don’t you find it weird myself being sent into exile, since we both were familiar with the content of the documents? My departure was so sudden I didn’t even think about it, but I’ve been losing my mind lately, unsuccessfully trying to come up with a reason – unless you were the one who sent me here in a praiseworthy attempt to protect me.”

  Brother Lucas could feel the regretful, sustained breathing of the Mexican custodian. Not receiving an answer, he insisted.

  “I need to know the truth. Doubts are keeping me from living at peace. Please tell me if you were the one who got me out of there – if so, I’ll be back right now even if I have to swim.”

  “You sound as impulsive as usual. I look forward to the day when you finally restrain yourself a little – that will indeed make me happy. No, it wasn’t me. Some days after the documents were delivered to the judge, we both were assigned outside Mexico. When I refused to leave, I got suspended. There’s something fishy about the whole thing, don’t you think? As you will understand, knowing you, I kept silent. If I had told you, you’d have decided to stay with me.”

  “Wow, Brother Simón, you turned out to be more stubborn than I am.”

  “Being a little rebellious at my age is rejuvenating.”

  “Look at you – enjoying beauty treatments while I’m living on a remote hill,” Brother Lucas said, using a light-hearted tone for the first time.

  Brother Simón could not help but laugh.

  “I was taking about the rejuvenation of the soul.”

  “I understand your reasons, but you should have let me choose. I’m not a kid anymore.”

  “If something happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Give me your word that you will stay for as long as I tell you to and won’t do anything stupid. The very day I lifted you in my arms from that basket, I promised myself I would protect you from evil.”

  “Are you still living in the monastery?”

  “Yes. At least for now.”

  “I’ll go back. I don’t care if I get suspended as well. We need to get to the bottom
of this. If the bishop is using the Church to launder money from drug dealing, he’ll have to be dismissed and atoned for his fault.”

  “What if that never happens? Maybe the person who gave you the information wanted to use you. No one else knows who that is. I’m pretty uneasy about this.”

  Brother Simón could not see the disgruntled gesture on his pupil. According to Brother Lucas, Diego was a flawless, pure, idealistic guy. Whether the information was true or not, his friend giving it to him meant its authenticity could be presumed. The judge must have betrayed us. Soon after we handed over the papers, I was sent by the Archbishopric thousands of miles away.

  “By the way, did you have the chance to talk to the magistrate again?”

  “That man is just too busy,” the friar said just to make an excuse.

  “If he was interested, he would have contacted us.”

  “Wait for a little while. The judge is fearing for his own life, overworked... We should allow him some time. Let’s presume he’s not guilty. He may have told the bishop, since he found out the data is fake, so it may be for that reason that we were set aside.”

  “I’m sorry for spawning all this mess. Plus, you were forced to pay for my fault.”

  “I have no regrets whatsoever, Lucas. We didn’t accuse anyone – just wanted to cast some light on the issue, and that’s certainly not a sin. Please wait, I beg you. One way or another everything will be solved, eventually. Picture this as a challenge to put your patience to the test.”

  “That’s definitely not my greatest virtue – but I’ll give it a try for you.”

  “How are you doing with music? Do you have a piano there?”

  “No. So far, they only heard me sing.”

  “What a shame. Why don’t you get one? Even an old one would do.”