Lina

by Diane Baumer

  “Did you choose the decorating yourself?”

  “Yes, I did. Why are you asking?”

  Because nothing here appears to suit you, she thought, but preferred not to say it.

  “It is very peaceful.”

  Might he be like this deep inside?

  “I’m glad it makes you feel good. I certainly chose not to see any blood red, vein blue, operating-room green...”

  Lina nodded with a smile. That made sense, of course it did.

  Doctor Ledesma gave her some guidelines to follow.

  “You take off the slings every two hours and do what I’m just about to instruct you. For the next step, you will be with the physical therapists.”

  As he showed her the movements she had to make, Lina asked him how his case was going. Doctor Ledesma was a little calmer. He had pinned all his hopes on Sergio Comares. The lawyer had carried out a thorough research, and the examining magistrate had new witnesses. Lina evoked the unforgettable moments that Belén, her husband, and she had spent together over the last few years. She missed them dearly.

  “I’m happy for you. You couldn’t be in better hands. Sergio is like a bloodhound.”

  “This weekend we are going paragliding. His girlfriend will also come. So will Belén, of course.”

  Lina did not have time to hide her surprise. “So will Belén, of course?” That looked like a double date. Come on, is that even serious? My friend no longer rides the kids’ Ferris wheel. She must find him really attractive to do this. Plus, to top it all, she doesn’t mind spending the day watching her husband with his mistress. No one in their senses would believe that. For almost two years, he had been cheating on her with a girl his daughter’s age, left Belén, broke her heart, and now she just hangs out with the couple as cool as a cucumber. I can’t understand anything. Anyway, if Belén and Doctor Ledesma like each other, I am happy for them. They are wonderful people.

  “Well. Have a good day everyone.”

  Sensing that Lina was reflecting, Doctor Ledesma clarified how the day had been organized.

  “There is nothing extraordinary about that. I told Sergio that I practiced this sport, he suggested sharing the experience one day; his girlfriend said she would like to join us, too... Belén called to tell me she had decided to stay in Spain, and also joined the trip. I know she is separated from her husband, but I don’t like to meddle in couples’ affairs.”

  “That’s best. To each their own. Well, have fun!”

  Doctor Ledesma surprised her with an invitation.

  “I’d like you to fly with me when you’re completely recovered.”

  “You throw the patients you save into the void?”

  “Indeed – once they’ve been fixed, they are no longer useful to me,” he said joking.

  The doctor’s laughter spread to Lina. When in good spirits, he was a very nice man. I must admit that today I find him captivating. Only as a doctor, of course – I’m far from interested in him as a man.

  As the check-up ended, not knowing exactly why, Lina approached the doctor to kiss him goodbye. It was on the cheek, something naïve, unimportant, childlike, yet the pianist blushed.

  “I need to go,” she said in embarrassment.

  Doctor Ledesma intended to invite her and Rosario to see his music collection, but he preferred to wait until Lina had recovered. He was not sure if her longing for the piano was making her sad.

  On her way back, Lina remained pensive. Why had Belén agreed to go paragliding? Needless to say, not to overcome her vertigo. The reason must be Álvaro. She can plan to meet her husband using any excuse – no need for her to stomach his girlfriend or leap into the void. Anyway, why I am going over this again and again? This is absolutely none of my business.

  “Rosario, can you take that detour?”

  “Where will it take us?”

  “You’ll see in a while.”

  She’ll be impressed by the monastery and the lagoon as soon as she finds out. The view is breathtaking.

  As she approached the curve where she had had the accident, Lina pointed at it and asked Rosario to slow down.

  Rosario stopped the car at the lookout.

  “Come on, get out of the car!” the caretaker said, heading the opposite direction from where the monastery was.

  “This is the wrong way. You’ll be in for a big surprise.”

  “Later. Now come with me.”

  Rosario walked toward the damn curve followed by Lina.

  “Bend down with me and carefully put your hands here on the rock.”

  “Why?” Lina asked as she followed the caretaker’s directions.

  “Say, as loudly as you can – ‘This is not the place where my life was shattered, but the one where it was miraculously saved. This is where I came back to life, and I thank you for that, rock.’”

  Lina looked at her in astonishment.

  “Are you a pantheist now, or what?” she said skeptically and amusedly alike.

  “Set yourself free – you’ll see how it will make you feel better.”

  “‘This is not the place where my life was shattered, but the one where it was miraculously saved. This is where I came back to life, and I thank you for that, rock.’”

  “Once again – louder!”

  “Why are we doing this?”

  “It will be an excuse to uncork a bottle of good wine when we get home. To celebrate your rebirth!”

  Lina could not help but laugh.

  “I don't want to damage my liver trying to heal my soul!”

  “Everything has to be taken in the right mesure. What matters is to keep the enthusiasm for living!”

  48. The journey

  Early in the morning, Belén sleepily got in the shower. As her head turned on, her nervousness awoke. What unusual day she had ahead of her! The trip had all the ingredients for a melodrama.

  Being an acrophobe, I’m about to leap into the void with the man whose heart I want to win, before the very eyes of the guy who is still my husband and his lover. What more thrills could I possibly ask for?

  Somehow she still loved Sergio. However, he showed no interest in rekindling their relationship, so it was time for her to come to terms with her loss. What she found most difficult to take in was the lie. It had been two years! For two years he had been pretending he loved me while he was dating another woman! I can understand he fell in love – nobody is to blame for that. However, cheating on me… that’s another matter. Didn’t I earn his respect after having been his wife for so long? He claimed he had decided to hide it from me to save me the pain. I think he did it out of cowardice. Anyway, I wouldn’t like to go around in circles or hold a grudge against him. I have resolved to lock that door and throw its key from the paraglider.

  In the mirror, Belén smiled at the sight of the rosy, silky skin on her face. No doubt a clear conscience was better at smoothing out wrinkles than any expensive cream. She practiced some relaxation techniques. I couldn’t really tell what makes me dizziest – either the leap or Álvaro.

  Belén had liked the surgeon from the first moment. My intuition had been right when I said to myself that he was a really upright man. Also, I find him so attractive… I feel comfortable when we speak. The thing is – does he like me only as a person or also as a woman?

  Paragliding was bound to be her chance to find out for sure. However, the physician was determined to take the plunge. She had waited until Lina had undergone her operation in order to avoid mixing things up.

  Bringing my husband’s chapter to an end is going to be helpful, too. Ugh, so many tests to be passed! I hope I’ll be successful. I think I’m well-prepared.

  The physicist had been training her brain to keep her peace of mind in any circumstance. On her board at home, all the possible situations and their variables had been written down. Keep calm –
everything is under control.

  Everything was under control and, still, as she arrived and saw Sergio with Candela, her strength wobbled. What’s happening to me? I thought I was mentally prepared!

  “Nice to meet you, Candela,” she said as she plucked up courage to make her smile look sincere.

  Candela, on the contrary, made no effort whatsoever to be nice to her.

  “Really?” the girl asked ironically. She had argued with Sergio over Belén. What was his ex-wife doing there?

  Belén said that she could not wait to leap, which could not be further from the truth. Am I dumb? Why am I trying to compete like a teenager with someone who wears false eyelashes? If she wags them, she will soar into the air! I wish Leonardo da Vinci could see her... Also, why is Sergio so tense? I think he feels uneasy about my presence.

  Candela corrected her condescendingly.

  “Leap? The appropriate verb is fly – fly a paraglider. Leaping is for parachutists.”

  Belén regretted being there. I feel embarrassed in such a grotesque situation. Plus, what does my husband think he’s doing with this girl? She’s the kind of person he has never stood.

  Álvaro asked who dared to be first.

  “I do!” Belén said resolutely.

  Sergio could not help but worry about the vertigo of the woman who was still his wife. He had seen her walk around for twenty minutes to avoid crossing a bridge! Belén gave him a dirty look. Go ahead – on top of that, you may put me to shame in front of everyone else.

  “What are you saying? I can’t remember that.”

  She began to feel dizzy as soon as the paraglide soared into the air. I’d better just close my eyes and focus on not thinking about the height, only that I’m with Sergio. Oops, I mean, Álvaro. I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long...

  Doctor Ledesma asked if everything was fine.

  “Sure, everything’s great,” she answered.

  I just need to pretend.

  “I asked Lina to fly with me when she is fully recovered,” Doctor Ledesma said.

  “Sounds good.”

  Why is he mentioning her now? Why does he keep mentioning her all the time?

  “Do you like her?”

  Belén herself became surprised for having asked such a personal question. Even though she wanted to apologize, she bit her tongue in order to find out the truth, once and for all. She thought Doctor Ledesma would never answer.

  “If I tell you, will you keep my secret?” he said.

  Belén knew this meant yes. I just want to go home, lie down, and cry. She opened her eyes instinctively. The sight of the void terrified her. This anguish is awful! I feel sick…

  “Everything’s spinning. I’m going to faint.”

  Sergio became scared when he saw that they were returning so soon.

  On solid ground, they tried to revive her, but Belén did not respond. The lawyer turned pale. He was terrified at the thought of losing her. Memories crowded his head. Seven agonizing minutes went by. Álvaro took her in his arms and ran to the car.

  “We need to go to a hospital.”

  When they were already halfway there, Belén came to her senses.

  “I don’t need to see a doctor. I just got airsick. I’m feeling much better now.”

  Doctor Ledesma gave Sergio a knowing look of concern. Both agreed. She had to be seen in the emergency room. Candela was not pleased with her boyfriend claiming to be Belén’s husband in the hospital.

  Her tests showed deviations on some values. Once her tension was under control, Belén was discharged. However, she would have to undergo further testing in her clinic.

  “This is not serious, is it?”

  “We just want to make sure that everything is fine.”

  At night, Sergio told Candela that he was going to take out the trash. As soon as he was two streets away, he called Belén.

  “Did I wake you up?”

  “No – I was reading.”

  “What are you reading?”

  “Maria: or, The Wrongs of Woman, by Mary Wollstonecraft.51 Have you read it?”

  “No. Is it good?”

  “Yes, indeed. The author died before she could finish it off. You would like it.”

  Well, at least the old Sergio; as for the new Sergio, I don’t have a clue.

  He admitted that he missed the literary suggestions of her… wife, for the time being.

  “Today I realized I’m not ready to lose you,” he added.

  Belén could not believe her ears. How was that sentence supposed to be interpreted? In the end she did not have to, since he asked her a question.

  “Is there anything going on between you and Álvaro Ledesma?”

  “Why?”

  “Just curious.”

  “Curiosity killed the cat.”

  She was sorry for her sharp answer, yet he deserved it.

  Sergio said goodnight to her in an affectionate tone – probably too affectionate.

  Belén closed her eyes in exhaustion. Her day had turned out to be a disaster. She was still feeling somewhat dizzy.

  49. The Christmas present

  Brother Bartolo insisted on driving Brother Lucas to Lina’s house. He was afraid to leave the young friar alone with his bicycle. His near-sightedness did not prevent him to see that something serious had brought the Mexican to Spain.

  “I need to go shopping. The pianist’s house is on my way.”

  “What a coincidence!” the Mexican exclaimed ironically.

  They left Cinnamon in the monastery as a punishment for having opened the door of the chicken coop again.

  “He feels like a liberator,” Brother Bartolo said and laughed as the car started.

  As she arrived, Rosario took Brother Lucas to the piano.

  “Lina is almost done with the physical therapist. She will get disappointed when she realizes you didn’t bring Cinnamon with you. I’m going to make some tea so you can warm yourself up. Or probably you prefer muscatel from my town? It’s excellent, I promise. Turning it down could be considered as sin.”

  “In that case, a sip will do.”

  The caretaker brought in a bottle and two glasses.

  “Let’s drink a toast.”

  “What are we toasting to?”

  “Here’s a toast to all who are toasting!”

  “Cheers!” Brother Lucas exclaimed with a guffaw. If everyone had the joy of that woman, the world would be a party.

  Rosario walked out of the room and left the friar alone.

  A score was spread out on the stand. He approached it as excited as if he was about to receive a gift. It was Silent Noon, by Vaughan Williams, one of the most beautiful vocal compositions in the history of music, inspired by a sonnet by poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti.

  Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass,

  The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:

  Your eyes smile peace.

  During a break, Lina came in to greet him. She was bringing a vegetable pastry along with a proposal.

  “Wow – Rosario must be around!” she exclaimed funnily as she caught sight of the bottle.

  “I don’t want to drink too much. It is already difficult for me to keep my mind in order – I am afraid of losing it.”

  Lina almost choked with laughter.

  “Do you think the choir would like to prepare a Christmas repertoire with you playing the piano? We could all get together here one afternoon and have a small celebration. I would invite Doctor Ledesma, Belén, and Rosario’s family. The friars could bring whomever they want.”

  From the brightness in the Mexican’s eyes, Lina knew that his answer would be an emphatic yes.

  Together they selected a list of pieces: Cantique de Jean Racine, a piece written by Fauré at the age of nineteen; A Ce
remony of Carols, by composer Benjamin Britten; and Ave Maria, O Auctrix Vite, by Hildegard Von Bingen.

  Lina asked him to open the table drawer.

  “There is a gift for you. I intended to give it to you for Christmas, but, for schedule-related reasons, I need to do it now.”

  “‘For schedule-related reasons’?” he repeated, in surprise.

  “Unwrap it and you’ll understand what I mean.”

  “You didn’t need to go through so much trouble for me…”

  She smiled enigmatically.

  “If you don’t like it, tell me unhesitatingly.”

  Brother Lucas unwrapped the package carefully. Inside were some handwritten scores.

  “Thank you so much! How could I possibly dislike this provided you chose them?”

  “Wait until you hear how they sound, and then you tell me what you think.”

  “Who is the composer?”

  Lina cocked her head modestly.

  “I wrote them for you.”

  “You wrote these especially for me? To me it’s... It’s such a... great... honor. Considering your hands just went through an operation! I hope you didn’t hurt them because of me.”

  “It’s only a few bruises. Besides, Rosario helped me. The lyrics are not mine. I only chose three poems among Belén’s favorites. All of them were written by women. You already know my friend...”

  “Yes, I agree with her. Sexism is some regrettable pandemic. Whoever humiliates another human being doesn’t even deserve to be called an animal.”

  “Do you believe in equality? There are passages in the Bible that say otherwise. They truly make your hair stand on end.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “And why do you still believe?”

  Brother Lucas paused. Do I still believe I believe?

  “I always felt God inside me and the devil stalking me close up – really close up. This is something I can’t express in words.”

  “The devil? You mean the lust of the flesh and the like?”