by S. Massery
Her obsession runs deep.
“Lux.” My finger is still on her skin, running back and forth. “Two weeks.”
She eyes me. “What?”
“Ignore them for two weeks—Sebastian and Hale and everyone else. Suffer the consequences of just going to class and the dining hall and studying. That’s all I need.”
“Why?”
My chest tightens. “Because that’s what I promised.”
Break your promise. I can hear her say it. It’s on the tip of her tongue. Oh, how she wants me to break all the promises in the world. The one where I agreed not to kiss her. The one that doesn’t let me speak with her. Yet we keep finding ways, it seems.
She yanks me closer suddenly, her hands on the back of my neck. She pulls me down and touches her lips to mine.
My whole world screeches to a halt.
I can’t move. Can’t breathe.
Her lips on mine freeze me from the inside out—and shouldn’t it be the opposite? Shouldn’t she breathe life into me?
We’re immobile, the pair of us. Caught in a sliver in time. I don’t know how long we stay like that before I stumble back.
Betrayal fills my chest, and for a moment all I can see is blood.
“Go home,” I growl.
Terror flits across her expression, but she doesn’t argue. She runs.
Fury takes over as soon as she’s out of sight. I smash my fists into a tree, choosing to focus on that pain rather than the hurt lancing my heart. Sometimes I just want to destroy everything around me.
Eventually, I pull myself together. Blood runs down my knuckles, and sweat covers my body by the time I stop. I’m bone-tired, but I force myself to move. To pick up the jog and bypass Lux’s campus, heading back to my apartment.
I don’t slow until I’m on the sidewalk in front of my building.
Inside, unlock the door, toss the keys on the hook. I turn on the shower and set it to ice-cold, then shed my clothes and step in. The water pounds at my skin, and I break out in chills.
But this is the price to pay.
14
Lux
I kissed Theo. The action, the reaction, plays in my mind over and over. The lack of reciprocation. I’m sure first kisses aren’t meant to go like that. So disastrously.
You promised him. And he promised me.
I turn off all the lights and hide under the covers, hoping Ruby doesn’t look for me. I went with her and then absolutely bailed, and now guilt is warring with my disbelief.
Theo and I have been doomed from the start. From the first time we laid eyes on each other, to the first time we actually met. He rejected me then, too. He didn’t recognize me—but I knew him. He still had little scrapes on his face from the car accident.
I had a broken arm.
I’ve tried to think back to when the happiness in me slipped away, when my brain became fucked up. And the answer is now obvious: it all stems back to the accident.
My grandmother and I were going to the store close to her house. I was six or seven, riding my bike ahead of her on the sidewalk. A motorcycle roared up the road, flying through the intersection. Trying to run the red, or just not paying attention—
I was moving too fast to stop. Half in the crosswalk, I would’ve been flattened. I threw myself off the bike and landed with a sickening crunch on my arm. The motorcycle swerved, a belated attempt to miss me, and another car slammed into it from the side.
There was a lot of blood.
I remember staring at the fallen motorcyclist. He was in a pool of his own blood, the dark liquid spreading out on the asphalt.
My grandmother kept screaming, trying to drag me out of the road. But I was fixated. When I realized he was dead, I choked on my sobs. A life gone, torn from the body faster than my mind could process. I couldn’t stop the outpouring of emotions, the endless sadness in my brain that I desperately wanted to disappear.
I fell backward. My grandmother couldn’t catch me, couldn’t stop my downfall. My head hit the concrete, and for a moment, everything blanked out. No noise, no grief, nothing but the dead man and silence.
It must’ve been at that point that everything fell out of me, and the demons crawled in. Because I wasn’t the same after that.
And the other car… A man and two boys. They looked equally traumatized. Confused by how fast everything had happened.
I thought their faces would be burned into my mind forever—but I forgot about them until I met one of them a year later. Theo Alistair.
And it took him some time to remember me.
But once he did, he couldn’t unsee it.
Kissing him reminds me of blood. I know that thought.
“Promise me,” I remember begging him outside his house just before high school. “Promise you won’t find someone else at that school.”
He nodded. We didn’t touch back then. Our interactions were just slights, glancing off each other before disappearing. The impact didn’t hurt as much as it does now.
“And promise me one more thing.” I balled my fists. “That you won’t kiss me until you can forget about what happened.”
The man on the motorcycle died in front of us.
That’s what ties us together.
That is the day darkness clawed its way inside us.
“I promise,” he agreed.
What’s breaking a promise worth to you?
I shudder.
I didn’t know then. I didn’t know that he’d crawl deeper into me. That the obsession would give way to something else entirely—something much more fragile. If I was deserving of love, I would say it’s that. If Theo could accept it, I would, too.
We’re too broken for that.
So I close my eyes and set my plan for the next two weeks: time enough for Sebastian to get his fill of me, for Theo to realize he can’t do this, for that murder to be resolved. I can do two weeks. Fourteen days.
I’ve gone longer without seeing him.
15
Lux
Day three: Theo is nowhere to be found.
And yet, I can’t stop thinking about him.
Ruby helps me chart my course around campus to get to all my classes. For some reason, I have three back-to-back-to-back Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I’m already stressed about it. My Tuesdays and Thursdays are easier. They’re all general education classes to help me narrow my field of focus, but I will say right now: Biology is not it for me.
I manage to make it through the day without seeing anyone I know, not even Sebastian.
Weird, since I figured he would be all up in my space.
Maybe that drink I threw sent the message.
Day seven.
I go to class and study, and most of the time Ruby reminds me to eat. She drags me to the dining hall with her, either on the West campus or the main campus. She studies with me in the library, although sometimes she pulls a disappearing act.
I’m too busy to notice.
Too busy hunting for signs of Theo.
Sebastian, though, has manifested. He sits with Ruby and me at dinner or lunch—or both, if we’re unlucky—and tries to get me to agree to a date.
Ruby usually storms off during those barrages, leaving me to either follow her or fend for myself. And honestly, it’s a bit tempting to try to toss my drink in his face again. My drink always seems to be low when he slides into the seat next to me, though…
And I’m beginning to suspect it’s on purpose.
Day eleven.
I spot Theo—just a glimpse.
Three days left.
Sebastian has badgered me. Every. Fucking. Day.
So you know what? I agreed. It took him eleven days to wear me down, and I’m ready to punch him for it. But he asked if I would go to the movies… and I said yes. Movies can be innocent. I’ll hold a tub of popcorn in my lap and keep my drink in the cup holder between us. Maybe we’ll go to a thriller—something to keep us occupied and not bored.
Ruby watches from her b
ed as I choose the ugliest sweatshirt. It’s brown-and-white tie-dye, the strings in the hood long gone, and about a size or two bigger than I should wear. I save this sweatshirt for lounging around, but not today.
“I don’t get it,” Ruby says. “Why go at all?”
I pause in removing the day’s makeup, turning to appraise her. “Because if I keep saying no, he’ll think chasing me is fun. I don’t want him to chase me—I want him to fuck off. So we’ll go on a crappy date and he’ll lose interest.”
“Not with the bet,” she mumbles.
I stare at her, not sure if I heard correctly. “Excuse me? What bet?”
She pales. “Um…”
“Ruby.” I drop the wipe and cross the room, sitting on the bed beside her. I grab her hand for good measure. “Please tell me.”
She shakes her head. “This can’t get back to me.”
I roll my eyes. “Who am I going to tell?”
Her expression says everything: the people who placed the bet, probably. And I can guess who they are, too. I set my jaw and wait her out.
“Fine.” She exhales. “Sebastian and my brother talked Theo into letting Seb have a fair chance at you. From what I understand, the bet was that Seb had to kiss you within two weeks, or else he would leave you alone for good.”
I swallow, suddenly sick to my stomach. “And if he won?”
“Then…” She grimaces. “I can’t repeat it.”
“Ruby.”
“Something about sex with an audience of one…”
Oh God. They didn’t just want to hurt Theo—they would’ve wanted to torture him after the fact. Bastards.
“I don’t love that look on your face,” Ruby says.
“It’s because I’m going to murder them.” I set my jaw, and my mind goes down too many paths to keep track of. How to hurt Sebastian. “Why would Theo even agree to that?”
“Because… they threatened to blackmail him.”
My eyes go wide. My heart might pound right out of my chest at this rate. My body keeps going hot and cold. “What?”
“With cheating.” Ruby clings to my hands. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you this days ago, but Hale swore me to secrecy. And you’ve just been so quiet, I thought those fourteen days might pass quickly. But then—”
“I agreed to a date,” I finish. “Like an idiot.”
I stand suddenly, pulling her up with me. “Get ready.”
“Lucy—”
“Rubix Cube,” I say sternly.
She narrows her eyes at me, then smiles. “I told you not to call me that.”
I dig into her closet. She’s usually the one that digs through mine, but this feels better. Less invasive. And for one, she has a much cooler wardrobe. Second, she actually rocks the stuff she owns. Sometimes I feel like a fraud.
“Here,” I say, thrusting a gold-and-silver shimmery shirt at her. I quickly find a pair of ripped skinny jeans and throw that on her bed, followed by sharp stiletto heels.
“You want me to stand out, huh?”
“I want you to appeal to Sebastian,” I counter. “And be a little distraction.”
She sighs. “Fine.”
Perfect. We finish getting ready in silence—her applying makeup, and me removing mine. I braid my hair back and remove my contacts. I don’t usually go around in public in my glasses, but it’s nice to have the option.
“I didn’t even know you wore glasses,” she comments.
I shrug. “I usually put my contacts in first thing and take them out right before bed. It’s easy to miss.”
She smiles. “I like them. They work well with your face.”
“Thanks, I think.”
She just rolls her eyes. “Let’s go. We’re going to be late.”
I link my arm with hers once we’re in the hallway. “Do you think he’s ever been on a date with two girls before?”
“Is that what he’s doing now?”
She must see where I’m going with this. Or, at least, have an idea.
“I’m not trying to set you up or anything,” I say in as innocent a voice as possible. I mean, sure, if Sebastian realizes how cool Ruby is, then maybe he’ll forget me and chase her. “But yeah, I’m totally going to bail.”
She snorts. “You owe me.”
“No, this is payback for keeping the bet from me.”
We step outside. Sebastian waits for me—us—on the sidewalk, and his eyebrows shoot up. He takes in me, in all my leggings-and-giant-sweatshirt glory, to Ruby.
“Ready?” My tone is chipper.
“You going somewhere, Ruby?” Sebastian asks.
“Of course. She’s coming with us.” I tighten my grip on her. “She didn’t have any plans. Right?”
“Right,” she confirms. “And a movie sounds great. I love popcorn.”
“And those chocolates with the sprinkles.”
Sebastian’s gaze bounces back and forth between the two of us, and then he seems to accept that this is happening. He motions for us to go ahead of him, and the three of us head to his car. I claim the backseat, ignoring the glare my roommate shoots my way. I smirk to myself when Sebastian opens her door, then closes it gently behind her.
Without twisting to face me, she says, “This was your plan.”
I shrug and buckle. I’ve always been a little leery about random people driving me—probably because of the accident I witnessed as a kid. I don’t know if it counts as trauma, but it certainly left a mental scar. One that happens to twinge sometimes.
We get to the theater in record time. Ruby and Sebastian keep glancing at each other, and I’m positively smug about it. I knew they had chemistry. They just needed some time away from her overbearing big brother.
On second thought, Hale might be why they are standing at least three feet apart.
I trip on the entrance, falling into Sebastian. He grabs me and plants me back on my feet, frowning.
“You have quick reflexes,” I manage.
He smirks. “Thanks.”
“Shall we?” I gesture to the ticket counter.
He buys us tickets, popcorn for Ruby, and a box of snowcaps for me. I pocket them and follow them into the theater. Sebastian negotiates his way between Ruby and me, and under normal circumstances I might be worried.
Instead, I check my phone and do my best dramatic gasp.
“What?” Ruby asks.
“I’m so sorry. Family emergency.” I rise, frowning. “This was fun, but I’ve got to go.”
Sebastian half stands. “Do you need a ride—?”
“No, thanks.” I pat his shoulder and get the hell out of there.
Once I’m outside the theater, I dig his keys out. He didn’t notice me take them when I ‘fell’ into him, and didn’t think to even check for them while he paid. That was the riskiest part, but now I’m free and clear.
And I have a vehicle.
My fascination with cars has to be understandable, right?
Metal and glass and plastic, all put together with some gasoline, seemingly indestructible. But they’re not.
Anyway, I’ve stolen Theo’s cars more than once. Gotten into trouble a handful of times by my grandparents, worse by my parents when they found out. There was the time I crashed my dad’s car…
So, sliding behind the wheel of Sebastian’s Audi doesn’t feel wrong—it’s the opposite. I lock myself in and release my breath, taking a moment to appreciate the purr of the engine. I adjust everything: the seat, the mirrors, the height of the steering wheel. I change his preset radio stations to my favorites, clear his saved GPS locations.
This is the first time I’ve relaxed in seven days.
Since I kissed Theo and everything shifted.
I narrow my eyes. My plan isn’t to go marching up to Theo and demand he pay attention to me. My plan is to make him come to me. As we’ve always done, time and again. Our push-and-pull will be the death of me, one way or another. I may as well stop fighting it.
And fucking with Sebasti
an just seems like a grand idea, with three days left until their bet expires.
I find Theo’s street and spot his car. I scout the windows of the brownstones, wondering which one he lives in. I was able to narrow it down, obviously, but he didn’t let me in.
With a sigh, I park Sebastian’s car in a grocery store lot a few blocks away and lock the keys in it. I’m sure he’ll figure out a way to get it back—it’s got GPS enabled, anyway, and he’s surrounded by Devereuxs. If he can’t afford to find it, Ruby or Hale can.
I hop out and pull my hood up, slinking into the shadows. No use going to all this trouble just to get caught on the store’s shady security camera.
My nerves are on red alert when I reach Theo’s car. I run my finger along the passenger side, eyeing the lit-up windows. If he catches me, I’m dead.
Nothing comes between Theo and his cars—nothing except me. When I want something, or need something, or am feeling extra ornery.
I put a dish of hardboiled eggs under his seat once. They’d been left to sit in the sun for most of the day, and then trapped in his warm car. He had been particularly upset with me, even threatening to leave and never return.
Joke’s on him. He left, but he did come back.
That’s what I focus on as I open the driver’s door. The alarm shrieks, lights flashing. I quickly duck down and fumble with the keys. It only takes me a few seconds to shut the alarm off. I close myself in the car and stay low, holding my breath.
Adrenaline pumps through me, and I grin. If I’m going to get caught, it’ll be now. When people are drawn by the noise, hunting for it. People are predictable with their worries: that the alarm could be their car. That someone’s stealing it.
Theo knows I still have his spare key—knows, but seems to have forgotten about it. He might just not care that I have it. Either way… I start the car, and it roars to life. I let out a little whoop and fix the seat, the mirrors, then get the hell out of dodge.
Lucy Page—car thief.
Sebastian will find his car. Hell, he might be pissed.
But Theo… he’ll be furious. And that’s what I need. That’s who I want.