by S. Massery
“That’s all, thank you,” he says into the phone, then hangs up and tosses it away from us.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I say slowly. “I have money. Not my parents’ money, either. I worked. I could’ve—”
His eyes soften. “It’s noble that you’re clarifying. And that you think you forced me to do it. You didn’t. I want you here, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”
“I should be freaked out by this,” I admit. “I should… I don’t know. When I left, you had practically shooed me out the door. This is a one-eighty.”
“Because you leaving stomped on my heart.” His hand slides around my neck, cupping the back of it. His fingers move slightly, massaging my tense muscles. “I hate, I hate that it took you leaving to realize how much I need you in my life.”
Tears fill my eyes for the second time. I haven’t had to harden myself against emotional warfare in two years—not that this is anything similar, but I’m just saying I haven’t had to practice self-control.
“You waited for me.” I meet his gaze. “You didn’t think you could love anyone before, you hated our connection, and then I left and the whole thing shifted for you.”
“Yes.”
“But me, Theo? I’m still the same unlovable person. There are plenty of people eager to prove me right. Ask me how many times my parents got in contact with me? Ask me how many friends I made? None. You might’ve gone through some big healing process, but I was living as someone else.” I put my hands on his shoulders and hope he understands me. “I didn’t work through my issues. I ignored them for two years. I’m still in denial that they exist.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay, because you’re telling me you’re better and I’m still fucked up.”
“I’m still plenty fucked up,” he says quietly. “I just came to the realization about you. One that, honestly, Lux? You knew all along.”
My eyes go wide. “And what’s that?”
“You love me. You’ve loved me.” He holds me captive, his fingers still working the muscles at the back of my neck, the base of my spine, and the other hand across my lap. “There’s no big healing process. It was just realizing how fucking crazy your absence made me.”
I hiccup. My love always seems to be one-sided. My parents, my sister back in high school, Theo. Everyone I ever chased after just seemed to want me gone. Sure, my relationship with my sister has improved, but she’s half a world away.
“Lucy. Lux.”
I find his eyes again.
“It’s not one-sided anymore.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay, what?”
“I’ll stay here tonight.” I wipe my eyes. “I feel broken.”
He pulls me closer. “I know.”
I let him hold me for a little while, then I have to move.
I need to do something, so I rise from the couch. I have a craving for him, one that lay dormant all these years. But it woke up when I first saw him again today, and it’s been prickling me ever since. I stand in front of him and slowly peel my shirt off, dropping it at my feet.
His eyes darken. “Lux.”
“How much have you thought about this?” I ask. “About me? About sex?”
“Too much.” His voice comes out strangled, but he remains seated.
I run this show for now, and I should enjoy it while it lasts.
The room is dark. We stayed on the couch, dozing, until the streetlights flickered on outside his window. That’s the only light source now, streaming in and bathing us in a bluish white glow.
I rotate, giving him my back, and bend. I take my pants with me, sliding the material over my butt, down my thighs. My underwear isn’t sexy—black boy shorts and a bralette—but I don’t think it matters.
“Lux,” he repeats.
I nod, kicking off the leggings and backing away. “Do you want the chase?”
He barely inclines his chin when I bolt.
I never expected to make it far, but my fingers just grasp his doorframe when his arms wrap around my torso. He lifts me, my back cemented to his front, and carries me into the room. He tosses me on the bed, and I scramble backward.
“Afraid?” he asks.
I shake my head, shoving the comforter off the bed with my heels. “Are you?”
He doesn’t reply. I don’t take that as an affirmation—I take that to mean he doesn’t deem the question worth a response.
First his shirt goes, then his jeans. His strip tease for me.
“Are you wet for me, little monster?” Even his voice is dark.
In the back of my mind, I knew we wouldn’t be able to do this the normal way. Not us.
I dip my hand under my panties and touch myself, nodding at him. He’s beautiful. He’s more muscular than I remember, his abs standing out even in the dim lighting. He sheds his boxers, and then… well.
He’s hard already. It points straight at me, and now I do feel the first tendril of anticipation—although it tastes a lot like fear.
I climb off the bed and go to meet him. Our lips clash. We’re hungry for each other. He nips my lower lip. The sharp taste of blood lands on my tongue, and I automatically stiffen. This will put an end to us. His memories will come roaring back, and he’ll…
He does stop, leaning back slightly and swiping his thumb over my lip. A wordless question, but no horror.
“I want everything,” I say.
Theo removes my bralette, then kneels in front of me. He hooks his thumbs in my panties and drags them down. Carefully, he places a kiss to my abdomen.
I go still.
He guides me back, his hands on my hips, until I hit the bed. I sit heavily, and he parts my knees. He’s right there, staring up at me like this is my last chance to escape. I don’t look away.
And then his mouth is on me, and oh my god, it’s better than I could’ve imagined. His tongue works my clit, sucking and nipping my flesh, until I think I might explode. It doesn’t take a lot to get me there—I’m stimulated on his presence alone, it seems.
“Theo, oh god.” I arch backward, squeezing my eyes shut. An orgasm rattles through me. I can’t move for a moment, the bliss crashing around my body.
“That’s the one I owed you,” he says.
I choke on my laugh. “From two years ago?”
He hauls me back into a sitting position. “You okay?”
“I want to feel you,” I say shyly. My pussy pulses.
He hesitates, looking around, but I put a stop to it.
“I want to feel you.” I raise my arm, letting him feel the birth control implanted under my skin. “It’s okay.”
His eyes heat. Hell, I’m already on fire, but I let out a shriek when he grabs me and rises, putting my back to the wall. I automatically wrap my legs around his hips, and his erection nudges at my entrance. He’s already right there.
I’m slick from coming, but…
“I’ll go slow.” He watches me. “Lux. I’m not kidding when I say I’ve dreamt of this moment. A lot.”
I nod. “I’m not afraid of a little pain.”
He claims my lips again. It’s different. Always different, always shifting. I don’t mind it. He shows me his aggression, his teeth tugging at my lower lip. His tongue claims my mouth, and I fight right back.
He shifts his hips forward, pushing into me. I gasp against his lips, holding on to his shoulders. The pain is sharp, at the center of my mind. It’s all I can focus on, then he presses through it.
And…
“Oh my god,” I whisper.
We’re not kissing anymore. Our lips hover millimeters apart, sharing air. We’re connected—truly, physically.
Finally.
“Are you okay?” he grits out.
I take in his clenched jaw and nod. “Fuck me.”
He pulls out and slams back in, and both of us gasp. I stare into his dark-blue eyes.
“I dreamed about this, too,” I say.
H
e shifts and withdraws again. It’s an experiment for both of us, and that means more to me than Theo could ever know. He didn’t race ahead and have sex without me. He waited. For me. Just like I waited for him, hinging all my hope on the slightest chance.
“You’re tense.” His lips latch on to my neck.
A lick, a suck, a bite. I tilt to give him better access, and I do what he wants: I relax. He moves in and out, and the pleasure aspect of sex finally hits me. Every time he thrusts in, it strokes a spot deep inside me. I let out an unexpected moan, my head falling back.
He bites my neck harder—hard enough to break skin, maybe.
“Fuck, Theo.” I rake my nails up his back, into his short hair.
When his pace becomes more frenzied, I tilt to meet him. My back hits the wall in rhythmic thumps, and I lock my legs around him harder. My heels dig into the backs of his thighs.
He stills suddenly, coming with a gasp. He spills into me. I clench around him, holding him tight, until we can both breathe again.
Theo pulls out. The wetness between us shouldn’t be a surprise, but it is. He doesn’t let my legs drop, though. He lifts me and carries me into the bathroom.
“What—?”
“Let me,” he says quietly.
He sets me on the counter and steps back. There’s a fair amount of blood, which twists my stomach. My face heats. How can he even look at me like this?
But he doesn’t shy away from it. In fact, he swipes his finger up my center, through his cum and my virgin blood. Virgin no longer, I suppose I mean. He rubs my clit, watching my face.
“I already came,” I protest. I don’t tell him that I’m almost desperate for him to keep touching me. I want it to go on and on, even through my embarrassment.
He smirks. “You did. You came with my mouth on you.”
We both watch his hand. The movement against my clit builds me up again before I can resist it, and he plunges a finger into me as I break apart.
His gaze is filled with wonder—and lust. “Shower. Then bed. And we’re not leaving.”
I laugh, and then we do exactly that. And, well, we have a lot of lost time to make up for.
33
Lux
Theo hasn’t let go of me yet. Well, there was a brief moment when he released my thigh and hopped out of the car, circling around it before I could even unbuckle. Then his fingers laced with mine, and he led the way to Moe’s.
It’s a bar near Ashburn College, where Liam goes. And apparently Felicity works here.
“Kind of far to go for a job,” I comment.
He shrugs. “I think the professor lives around here.”
That… makes more sense.
It’s the middle of the day, when a restaurant-slash-bar should be dead. Instead, it’s packed with college kids.
“Who knew brunch would be such a big deal?” Theo asks.
I shake my head.
“So, what’s your plan?”
This morning, we stopped and got the photos printed. I can’t get control of my emotions. Every time I think I have an idea how I’m feeling, everything scatters.
“Does she deserve the same as Sebastian?”
He hums. “I don’t know.”
I nod. I figured as much—he decided what to do with Sebastian. I have to decide about Felicity.
We get a table in her section and wait. She finally reaches us and pauses, her eyes widening.
“Oh, she remembers me,” I say to Theo.
She exhales. “Shit.”
“Did they fire you?” I appraise her. “After you let a stranger into my room?”
“No.” She’s pale. Her eyes dart everywhere but at us, and I can’t take it anymore.
I slam my hand on the table. “Look at me.”
She flinches. “I’m so sorry. I was pissed—”
“Because of the photos?” I retrieve the stack from my bag, letting them scatter across the table. “I didn’t even know who he was.” I can’t keep the bitterness out of my voice.
She cringes backward, pressing her hand to her stomach.
Her… rounded belly.
Theo’s eyes nearly pop out of his head, and I follow his line of thought right to: oh shit, he knocked her up.
And all at once it hits me how ridiculous this is.
To hold a vendetta for years.
“I didn’t deserve what you did,” I say. “And you might not have realized the full implications of your actions, but it still affected me.”
She nods. Her chin wobbles.
I stand abruptly and motion to the prints. “I don’t have any more copies. And for the record, I wasn’t going to share them with anyone.”
“I’m sorry.”
It’s too late, but I let it go anyway. “Come on, Theo.”
There are a few more people who need a reckoning, but it isn’t going to happen in Boston.
He follows me out and loops his arm around my shoulders. “For the record, I’m proud.”
“Oh, yeah?” I nudge him. “How proud?”
He practically drags me back to his apartment. We barely make it to the couch before our clothes are off, and he slides inside me.
This time feels different—it’s physical. A few minutes in, he pulls out and flips me onto my stomach, grabbing my wrists and stretching them above my head. He covers me from behind and pounds into me. His free hand rolls my nipple between his finger and thumb, and I writhe under his weight.
I shatter first, but he follows only a minute later. He flips my hair over my shoulder and kisses the crook of my bare neck. I shiver, completely satiated. This is only day two, but I’m pretty sure this could be classified as our happily ever after. We fought for this moment. This time together.
“I want this to last forever,” I say.
His hum of agreement vibrates in his chest.
He twists so we’re on our sides, spooning, and we both drift off like that.
A phone rings, bringing me back into awareness. I flop onto my front, away from Theo, and sigh. It isn’t mine, I don’t think. I actually can’t remember what I set mine to, but I would bet it’s still in my jeans by the door.
He fumbles for his cell and grabs it, groaning quietly.
“What?” he snaps.
Pause.
“Oh. Yeah, um, okay.” He hangs up.
“Fastest phone call ever?”
He rolls me toward him. “Everyone is on their way here.”
I stare. “What? Why?”
He explains what they went through last week: Skylar being kidnapped, Liam and Caleb facing off against Detective Masters. I’d heard of his death—suicide surrounded by an army of cops, and at least two dead girls on his conscience—but I didn’t realize it was connected to them.
“Shit,” is all I can say.
He nods. We climb to our feet and look at each other. He seems steady, but I’m full to the brim with uncertainty.
“I’m about to say something cliché,” I blurt out. “And I’m just prefacing that I know it’s cliché but I’m going to ask it anyway, because I’ve never done this before and I have to know.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“What if your friends don’t like me? And by everyone, do you mean their girlfriends, too?”
He grins. “They’ll love you. And yes, I presume so.”
I narrow my eyes. “Caleb and Margo?”
“Yes.”
“The same Margo you pretended to date?”
He bursts out laughing. “Surely, you can’t be serious.”
“I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley—”
“You’re quoting a movie?”
I cross my arms and huff. All those two actions do is raise and press my breasts together. Theo’s eyes drop to my chest.
“Don’t be jealous,” he says. “I’ve only ever felt your boobs. Or made you orgasm. Or threatened to choke you with my cock.”
Speaking of, the little—er, big—devil twitches at his words.
�
�Later,” I mouth, backing away.
His eyes light up.
I scoop up my clothes and hurry to clean myself up. Moving around Theo’s space is easy. Natural. I’m convinced that this is how it should be—that my whole life I felt awkward and out of place because I wasn’t here.
But now I am, and it’s like a perfect puzzle piece clicking into place.
Weird.
If I had a better relationship with my sister, I’d call and ask her for advice.
If I had friends who knew my real name, I’d check with them. But as it is, I’ve always been the loner. I burned too many bridges at LBU West between Ruby, Sebastian, and Felicity. I don’t even know if I want to go back to school… if I should.
I don’t need it. I have my camera and I can get started in private investigation…
“They’re coming up,” Theo says through the door. “You good?”
I inhale and exhale. “Yeah, all good.”
“You’re not nervous?”
I yank the door open and meet his teasing gaze. “Of course I’m nervous,” I inform him. “But someone very smart—”
“And sexy.”
“And sexy,” I allow, “told me that I don’t have a reason to be jealous. Or nervous.”
He lifts one shoulder. “Eh, I don’t remember telling you not to be nervous. All of them together can be intense.”
I narrow my eyes.
“Skylar straight up ran,” he offers. “So… you’ve just got to not run, and I think you’ll have her beat.”
I snort and start to close the door again.
He stops it with his foot and leans in, cupping the back of my neck. Tingles shoot down my spine, and I go with the pressure. He places a kiss on the corner of my lips, grinning when I frown.
“Later,” he says.
I turn around, and he swats my ass. I squeak in response, and his laugh answers. I knock the door closed with my foot and breathe.
It’s fine.
I can do this.
Meeting the friends…
I hurry to brush out my hair and twist it into a bun, then pull my clothes back on. Only a minute’s passed, and the apartment is still empty when I step back out.
Theo winks and opens the front door.
Caleb and Margo walk in first—of course. Even from a distance I know that those two are the king and queen of this circle of friends. It used to sit poorly with me, how Margo managed to slip into their ranks. The boys all liked her. She even got along with Theo, Mr. Grumpy.