The Reality Slap
Page 19
RFT adds a new level of analysis that now allows ABA practitioners to write programmes that effectively target the issues mentioned above, while also maintaining ABA’s scientific rigour, solid evidence base, and measurable evidence of out -comes. As a result of RFT analysis, we can now see deeper into a child’s developmental needs and design interventions that are faster, more efficient and have much greater impact. More importantly, RFT and the ‘third wave’ behavioural interventions (such as ACT) have articulated what the requirements of normal develop ment are: the capacity and skills to be flexible, experi -entially aware, and empowered to move in valued direction.
Any ABA therapist wishing to learn about RFT and its applications to autism would do well to start with the introductory textbook Learning RFT: An Introduction to Relational Frame Theory and Its Clinical Application by Niklas Törneke. Then, once the basics of RFT are understood, you could move on to Derived Relational Responding Applications for Learners with Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities by Ruth Anne Rehfeldt and Yvonne Barnes-Holmes.
Psychologist Darin Cairns is arguably the world’s leading expert on the use of RFT with autism; he can be contacted at: darincairns@gmail.com.
RESOURCES
Books by Russ Harris
The Happiness Trap (Robinson, 2008)
Many popular notions of happiness are misleading, inaccurate and will actually make you miserable if you believe them. The Happiness Trap is a self-help book written for everyone and anyone on how to make life richer, fuller and more meaningful, while avoiding common ‘happiness traps’. Based on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), it is applicable to everything from work stress and addictions, to anxiety and depression, to the pressures of parenting and the challenges of terminal illness. Widely used by ACT therapists and their clients all around the world, The Happiness Trap is currently translated into twenty-two languages. Go to www.thehappinesstrap.com for free resources to use with the book.
ACT with Love: Stop Struggling, Reconcile Differences, and Strengthen your Relationship with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 2009)
ACT with Love is a self-help book that aims to inspire and empower readers through applying the principles of ACT to common relationship issues, and shows how to move from conflict, struggle and disconnection to forgiveness, acceptance, intimacy and genuine loving. There are many free resources to use with this book at www.thehappinesstrap.com.
The Confidence Gap: From Fear to Freedom (Robinson, 2011)
Is there a gap between where you are right now and where you want to be? Is a lack of confidence holding you back? We’ve all been stuck in the ‘confidence gap’: we want to find a better job, pursue a romantic relationship, enrol on a course, expand our business, or pursue our greatest dreams, but fear gets in the way and we don’t take action. Using the principles of ACT, I have helped thousands of people overcome fear and develop genuine confidence — and this book reveals how it is done. The Confidence Gap will help you identify your passions, succeed at your challenges and create a life that is truly fulfilling.
ACT Made Simple: An Easy-to-read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 2009)
This is a practical and accessible textbook for psychologists, counsellors and coaches that is equally useful for experienced ACT practitioners and total newcomers to the approach. ACT Made Simple offers clear explanations of the core ACT processes and real-world tips and solutions for rapidly and effectively implementing them in your coaching or therapy practice. Reading this book is all the training you need to begin using ACT techniques with your clients for impressive results. There are many free resources to use with the textbook, available from www.thehappinesstrap.com.
CDs and MP3s by Russ Harris
The Reality Slap: Exercises from the Book
Available as a downloadable MP3 file from www.thehappinesstrap.com, this volume includes all-new recordings to accompany the written exercises from the book. You’ll find a range of powerful exercises to help you develop mindfulness skills, self-compassion, forgiveness and loving kindness. Except for one track (mindful breathing), these exercises are all very different to my first two ‘albums’: Mindfulness Skills: Volume 1 and Mindfulness Skills: Volume 2.
Mindfulness Skills: Volume 1 and Volume 2
Available as either CDs or downloadable MP3 files, these two volumes cover a wide range of mindfulness exercises for personal use. You can order MP3s via www.thehappinesstrap.com. The CDs are only available in Australia and must be ordered through www.actmindfully.com.au.
Online Resources
The Reality Slap is linked to the website www.thehappinesstrap.com. On this site, under the Free Resources section, you can download free copies of the exercises and worksheets within these pages. You’ll also find some valuable online training in the form of e-courses and webinars.
Newsletter
The Happiness Trap Newsletter is a regular, free e-mail, packed with useful information, tools and tips relating to ACT. You can register for the mailing list under the main menu at any of the websites mentioned above.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First and foremost, I am deeply indebted and incredibly grateful to my wife, Carmel, for all her love, support, patience and encouragement; for her many useful ideas and suggestions; and for keeping the family living and thriving when I was so bogged down in my work.
Next, a planet-sized amount of thanks to Steven Hayes, the originator of ACT, for not only introducing this amazing model to the world, but also for all his help and encouragement with my books and my career. And that gratitude also extends to the larger ACT community worldwide, which is always very supportive, giving and caring.
Third, a huge amount of gratitude goes to my agent, Sammie Justesen, for all her continuing good work.
Fourth, my thanks to Joe Ciarrochi and Ann Bailey for allowing me to use the goal-setting materials from our ‘Weight Escape’ programme in Appendix 4.
And last but not least, several truckloads of thanks to the entire team at my Australian publishers, Exisle Publishing — especially Benny Thomas, Gareth St John Thomas, Penny Capp, Anouska Jones and Monica Berton — for all the hard work, care and attention they have invested not just in this book, but also in my earlier works.
INDEX
ABA (Applied Behaviour Analysis) 163–5, 223–5
acceptance
ACT meaning 75
practising 30, 157, 159
stage of grief 11
as value 213
see also expansion; resilience
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
acceptance 75
areas of effectiveness 16
clarifying values 136
concept of 5
diagnostic labels 119–20
forgiveness 168–71
fusion and defusion 48–51
mindfulness 19
resources 226–7
values 144
workshops and training 229–30
ACT see Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
actions
plan for 217–22
vs thoughts 150–1
advantage see ‘privilege’
advice
lacking compassion 29–30
timing of 31–2
‘Allow Your Emotion’ exercise 86
anger
controlling 68
mind’s role 39
‘not good enough’ story 92
purpose 79
reality gap 2, 111
resentment 167
stage of grief 11
‘stories’ about 45
underlying fear and love 106
unjustified 65–7
anxiety, curiosity about 83
Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) 163–5, 223–5
appreciation
lack of 22
of life 15, 20–3, 179–86
auditory neutralisation techniques 20
7–8
autism
author’s and son’s experience 194–5, 198–9
author’s reaction to diagnosis 10–11, 72–3
coping with diagnosis 162–6
diagnostic labels of 120
son’s diagnosis 10–11
avoidance 68, 83
B
‘bargaining’ stage of grief 11, 12
‘Be Like A Tree’ exercise 40–2
‘Be Present’ exercise 99
beating yourself up 33–4, 98, 106, 117, 126, 169, 170
behaviour and values 136–7
benefit (‘privilege) 20–3, 179–86
Bible 60
blame 30, 32, 34, 45
Blind Men and the Elephant story 4–5
blue-ringed octopus analogy 77–8
body, relating to 152–5
‘Breathe Into Your Emotion’ exercise 85–6
breathing
exercises 61–4, 85–6, 185, 209–11
mindfulness of 125–6, 209–11
spirituality and 60–1
Buddhism 19
C
Cairns, Darin 165
calmness 62
caring
for children 146–7
emotions and 199–201
relationships 147–9, 152, 153
results of 134
as value 144–5, 213
see also self-compassion
centering 62
change, accepting 175–6
changing a bad situation 157–9
‘Changing Scenarios’ exercise 206–7
children
death of 15
love for 146–7
presence and 195
‘special needs’ 224–6
choices 161–2
closing the gap strategy
‘Drop the Anchor’ 14
‘Find the Treasure’ 14–16
‘Hold Yourself Kindly’ 13–14
‘Take a Stand’ 14
‘Clouds in the Sky’ exercise 207
cognitions see ‘stories’ comfort food 69, 72
common humanity 107
compassion
amidst pain 140–1
expressions of 28
result of 134–5
timing of comments 31
as value 146, 162, 213
‘Compassion for the Younger You’ exercise 103–4
‘Compassionate Hand’ exercise 34–6
‘Computer Screen’ exercise 205–6
confidence, resources for 227
connection
amidst grief 15
exercise 40–2
interpersonal 153–4
loneliness 117–18
love and 146
with our experience 39–42
with our mind 152
relationships 148–9
as value 144–5
‘contribution’
to children 147
relationships 148, 153, 154–5
as value 144–5, 213
control
or be controlled 68–73
by our emotions 74–5
strategies 88
‘creating a space’ 72
criticism, self 13, 98
curiosity
connecting with 153
daily practice 88–9
healing role of 83
as value 213
D
Davies, William Henry 187–8
death
child 15
dealing with 23
facing own 58–9
inevitability 3
reality gap 12
self-blame 34
defusion
exercises 203–8
from labels 120
main strategies 203
naming thoughts 56–9
neutralization and 59, 203–8
process of 48–51
relationships 149
steps 54–9
‘denial’ stage of grief 11
‘depression’ stage of grief 11, 12
detachment 53–4
see also defusion
diagnostic labels 119–20
disconnection
loneliness and 117–18
from patients 133
Doctor, The (movie) 133–4
‘Drop the Anchor’ exercise 112
‘Drop the Anchor’ strategy 14, 61, 111–22, 166
E
Elephant and Blind Men story 4–5
emotions
accepting 78
control of 68–73, 74
exercises 84–7
mindfulness 87–9
modifying 82
observing 79–81
opening up to (‘expansion’) 73–6
painful (see pain)
physical effect 79
relating to 153–5
treasuring 201
engagement see presence
envy 2, 92, 113–17
exercise, healthy use of 70–1
exercises
‘A Compassionate Hand’ 34–6
‘Allow Your Emotion’ 86
‘Be Like A Tree’ 40–2
‘Breathe Into Your Emotions’ 85–6
‘Changing Scenarios’ 206–7
‘Clouds in the Sky’ 207
‘Compassion for the Younger You’ 103–4
‘Computer Screen’ 205–6
‘Drop The Anchor’ 112
‘Expand Your Presence’ 86–7
‘Finding Appreciation’ 183
‘Four-step Experiment’ 73–4
‘Karaoke Ball’ 206
‘Leaves on a Stream’ 207
‘Mindful of Sounds’ 190
‘Mindfulness of the Breath’ 209–11
‘Name Your Emotion’ 85
naming stories 93–4
‘Notice Your Emotion’ 84–5
‘pause, breathe, notice and name’ 93–4
‘Presence with People’ 192–3
‘Presence with Pleasure’ 193
‘Self-compassion’ 99–102
‘Singing’ 208
‘Slow and Fast’ 207
‘Take a Beath’ 61–2
‘The Sweet Spot’ 142–3
‘Thoughts on Paper’ 204–5
‘Expand Your Presence’ exercise 86–7
‘expansion’
application 77–89
basis of 78–9
definition 72
exercises 73–6, 77–89, 99–102
relationships 149
vs acceptance 75
external fulfilment 3
F
fear
controlling 68
curiosity about 83
‘depression’ stage of grief 12
‘not good enough’ story 116
purpose of 79
reality gap 2, 111
‘stories’ about 45
underlying anger 106
‘feel good’ activities 70
feelings see emotions
‘fight-or-flight’ response 111
‘Find the Treasure’ strategy 14–16
‘Finding Appreciation’ exercise 183
‘five stages of grief’ 11–12
flashbacks 38, 113
‘flight’ response 111
forgiveness 168–71
‘Four-step Experiment’ exercise 73–4
Frankl, Victor 182
frogs, sound of croaking 191–2
fulfilment
amidst grief 15
definition 3–4, 72
external 3
increasing 186
need for change 175
relationship with self 32
sense of purpose 132, 135, 136
fusion and defusion 48–51 see also defusion
future, pre-judgement of 92
G
giving up 159–60
goals
setting 158–9, 217–22
vs values 136–7
Greek mythology 60
grief, five stages of 11–12
grounding 14, 62
guilt
curiosity about 83
reality gap and 111
H
Hayes, Steven C. 5, 106, 115, 116, 188
helplessness 14
His Master’s Voice logo 45
‘Hold Kindly’ exercise 100–1
‘Hold Yourself Kindly’ strategy 13–14
holding on 62–4
honesty as value 146
human condition, reflecting on 107
I
improvement 91
inner fulfilment see fulfilment
insensitivity towards patients 133
intention see purpose intimacy
father’s fear of 172–5
fear of 92
as value 146, 214
J
jealousy 2, 113–17
job, relating to 153, 154–5
judgements 90–6
K
‘Karaoke Ball’ exercise 206
kindness
amidst pain 140–1
as a value 146, 214
see also self-compassion
Kübler-Ross, Dr Elisabeth 11
L
labels 119–20
learning from bad experiences 196–201
leave the situation 157, 161
‘Leaves on a Stream’ exercise 207
Leisure (poem) 187–8
‘letting go’ 62–4
Levi, Primo 181–2
‘Lisa and the Frogs’ story 191–2
loneliness
curiosity about 83
examining 117–18
Lovaas Program 163–4
love
explaining 146
as goal 136–7
underlying anger 106
as a value 215
M
Mandela, Nelson 160–1, 181
meaning
discovering 134–5, 141
sense of 80
meaninglessness 131–2
memories 38–9, 80
mind
accepting 15–16
effect of evolution 94–5
hijacking our attention 38–9, 42, 44–9
negative reactions of 32, 33–4
noticing activity 54–7
noticing voice inside head 93–4
reaction to envy and jealousy 116
reaction to pain 18–19
refusal to appreciate 179–81
relating to 152–5
resistance to change 176
response to mistakes 97–8
response to presence 37
training 52–3
see also thoughts