Half a World Away

by Cynthia Kadohata

  “I would like help,” Jaden said. “Ya zabludilsya.”

  The guard nodded to Jaden to follow him as he moved quickly through the maze of vendors. Eventually he spotted who he wanted, a woman selling bed linens. He spoke to her for a moment, and then she said to Jaden, “You are lost.”

  Relief flooded through Jaden—he must have wanted to be found worse than he thought. “Da,” he said. “Yes.”

  “Where are your parents?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Shopping here?”

  “No, I don’t know where they are. I’m completely lost.”

  The woman paused thoughtfully. She and the man spoke again, and then the man left. “Where do you stay?”

  “In a building, but I don’t know where it is. We just arrived today. We’re adopting a baby from the baby house.”

  “Ah, baby house.” The woman’s face became hopeful. “Do you have money?”

  Jaden reached into his pocket and pulled out the tenge. The woman’s face lit up, and she gently pulled several bills from Jaden’s hand and left some others. “My son will take you to baby house.” She called out “Arystan,” and a young man with slicked-back hair sauntered up. She spoke to him sharply, and he nodded. “Go with him. He will take you.”

  Jaden followed him to a street, and they came to a beat-up blue car. Arystan got behind the wheel, and Jaden got into the passenger side after a struggle with the dented door.

  Arystan backed up wildly, braked, and screeched forward. Jaden rummaged around for a seat belt, but there was none. His side of the car scraped against a parked automobile, but Arystan didn’t react at all.

  Neither of them talked. Eventually the car pulled up to a mural of two parents holding hands with a young child. Arystan grunted and indicated with his head that they’d arrived. Jaden said, “Spasiba, da svidanya.”

  Arystan shrugged, and the second Jaden was out, the car screeched away.

  Past a gate, Jaden saw several buildings. A bunch of toddlers were standing around a courtyard with what he assumed were a couple of baby house caretakers. He stared at the children. When he was the age of some of them, he still had a mother.

  “Amerikanets,” he said to one of the caretakers, pointing at himself. “Ya zabludilsya. My parents are adopting.”

  The woman said something to him, but of course Jaden had no idea what. She pointed to a door. Jaden went inside; all was quiet. The smell of bleach filled the air. There was also a yeasty smell, like someone had baked bread at some point in the last few hours. He peeked inside a room with an open door and saw another woman sitting behind a desk. The woman said something sharply to him.

  “Amerikanets,” he said, pointing at himself. “Ya zabludilsya.”

  “Zabludilsya?”

  “Da,” Jaden answered.

  “Did—you—go Amerikanskoye posol’stvo?”

  Jaden didn’t know what to say. “My parents are adopting from here. Adoption. Parents.”

  “Oh! Adoption! Parents, parents, parents.” She picked up a phone, punched in some numbers, and spoke in Kazakh into the phone. Then she gestured for Jaden to take the receiver.

  Jaden took it eagerly. “Hello?” he said.

  “Good day. This is Akerke.”

  “Akerke! It’s Jaden. I got lost, and someone drove me to the baby house. My parents are probably worried.”

  “Yes, I have heard from them. You may wait. I will be at the baby house soon. You must not bother the director of baby house again. She is not pleased. Maybe can you sit outside. Yes, outside is good idea. Good-bye.”

  “Good-bye.”

  “Spasiba,” Jaden said to the director.

  The woman made a motion with a hand and said, “Shoo. Shoo.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Jaden went outside and sat on the steps, where he could see the toddlers playing. The pavement was cracked and the playground was old and rusty. There were electrical wires hanging down. A pool had been installed, but it was empty and Jaden saw there was no drain. Cats roamed the grounds.

  Jaden had never really paid much attention to young kids before. Some of the ones here were cute. But some of them seemed untamed, like animals in a forest, running into one another and grunting instead of talking.

  One little boy with a severe case of bedhead trotted up to Jaden and made some grunting noises. They weren’t grunts exactly. Jaden wasn’t sure what they were. He’d never heard such noises coming from a person. They were kind of moans mixed with grunts and growls and occasional mumbles. The boy waved his arms in the air, as if trying to make Jaden understand something. He was an extremely beautiful boy, with huge slanting eyes and long, thick black hair, while the other boys had shorter hair. The kid’s skin almost glowed. But though he seemed healthy, there was also something fragile about him. For one thing, he was very thin, maybe as thin as Jaden had once been.

  All of a sudden, a woman came out and clapped her hands three times, hard, and all the toddlers went running inside. Jaden was alone. Two women dragged a mattress from one of the buildings, threw it into the swimming pool, poured gas on it, and set it on fire. Jaden had no idea what they were doing. He watched while the mattress burned. Finally he saw Penni, Steve, and Akerke. Penni ran up and threw her arms around him, and he hugged her back, which he usually tried to avoid.

  “We were so worried,” Penni said, placing her palm on his forehead as if he had a fever. “We were ready to report a missing child to the American Embassy.”

  “I decided to go with you to the market, but when I got downstairs, I couldn’t find you.”

  “Don’t wander off by yourself anymore, do you hear me?” Penni hugged him again.

  “You guys disappeared so fast,” Jaden said.

  Akerke interrupted. “We must go inside. We would not want to be late to see director.”

  They followed her into the small room where Jaden had found the woman who’d called Akerke. Her seat was empty now. There were several folding chairs along the wall, and Akerke told them to sit down while she herself rushed off. “Right after we’re introduced, we need to start this meeting by finding out what happened to Bahytzhan,” Steve said. He pushed his glasses up his nose two times, like he did whenever he was super-serious about something.

  Jaden looked around, as he hadn’t noticed much his first time in there. The room was nothing special. There was a wall of windows with blinds, and in front of another wall was a wooden desk, a shelf, and a filing cabinet. A picture of some old guy in a suit in front of the Kazakh flag hung on a wall. A boombox sat on a shelf. There was another door leading to who knows where, and the folding chairs where Akerke told them to sit. There was also a couch. Jaden wondered who got to sit there.

  Akerke returned with the woman. Jaden waited for Akerke to introduce everyone, but instead the woman said something sharply. Akerke scrunched up her forehead worriedly and said, “The director would like to know how you lost your son today.”

  “I wandered off on my own,” Jaden said. “They thought I was staying in the apartment.”

  “She would like to hear from your parents,” Akerke scolded Jaden.

  “We were going to a market I had seen on the drive over from the airport,” Penni said quickly. “Jaden said he wanted to rest after the long flight, so we left him to nap. We’d heard from our agency that when you need a ride, you can just wave your hand at any car, and they’ll drive you for a price. So we did that in the alley. Then Jaden went out on his own, and apparently he got lost.”

  “She is worried you will lose the baby.”

  “Lose the baby?” Steve said. “Tell her that’s ridicu­lous.”

  “I cannot say that to her,” Akerke said sternly.

  “Ridiculous? What is ridiculous?” the director asked. Jaden wished his phone was charged so he could take a picture of her.

  Akerke sa
id something to the director. They talked back and forth for a few minutes, and then the director nodded and left the room. Akerke smiled at last. “She accepts your answer.”

  The director shouted something from the hallway. Steve said to Akerke in his best authoritative voice, “About Bahytzhan. We have some questions we need to ask the director.”

  But he didn’t get a chance to ask questions, because a scrawny woman came in carrying a scrawny baby. The woman held out the baby casually, almost like it was a stuffed toy rather than a real person. Though the weather was warm today, the baby had two or three outfits on. The scrawny woman yawned and spoke to Akerke, after which Akerke said to Penni and Steve, “Thirteen months old. Boy.”

  Jaden, Penni, and Steve stared at one another in surprise.

  The woman spoke again, and then the director came back in. Akerke translated: “Motor skills below normal. Kidney . . . kidney is not so good . . . mother had syphilis . . . no sign of disease in child.”

  Then everybody turned to Penni and Steve.

  “Wait, are we—we’re deciding now?” Penni sputtered.

  “Yes, of course,” Akerke replied matter-of-factly.

  “Now, let’s slow down here,” Steve said. “We wanted to converse first about our referral. Are you sure Bahytzhan has been adopted? We were specifically told we had a referral for a specific baby. We gave his information and picture to a doctor in America to approve. That’s who we came for . . . whom.”

  “You must move on from Bahytzhan,” Akerke said, her voice firm.

  Jaden wondered how you could “move on” from something like this. How do you move on from a child you felt you already loved? He could see Penni and Steve were stressed. Even he was starting to feel stressed. The woman with the baby hurried out, and another woman with a different baby replaced her. The new woman had a scarf covering her hair and smiled at Jaden and held the baby close to herself. Penni’s mouth fell open. Jaden glanced at Steve; his mouth was open too. Akerke spoke with this new woman.

  “Is eighteen months old boy . . . does not crawl yet but will crawl soon . . . otherwise healthy.” Akerke seemed to add of her own accord, “Is beautiful baby.”

  This baby had a lot of black hair and was chubby and cute. His face was blank, like he didn’t see anything at all as he stared into the air. Still, as far as Jaden could tell, he was a good baby. But he didn’t really know how to judge what a good baby was.

  And choosing now? Things were moving too fast. It was all so unreasonable, it had started to feel surreal to Jaden. He didn’t see how you could decide something important like this after seeing a baby for a minute, if that long. By now Penni was digging her nails into her upper arm like she did sometimes when she was extremely tense or upset.

  But the woman was already leaving with the cute baby. The director spoke to Akerke, who spoke to Penni and Steve. “Another couple has passed that boy in hallway last week and would like to adopt him, but director has said you have first choice because other couple has already started bonding with different baby. How is my English?”

  “We comprehend,” Steve said.

  The first woman came in with yet another baby. She held it in the air as if she didn’t want it close to her. This baby was also bundled up, and he or she was wearing a beret.

  “Fourteen months old girl . . . walking . . . talking . . . is healthy baby.”

  But Jaden thought the baby looked wrong. She wasn’t symmetrical. Her right eye was noticeably higher than her left eye, and her right nostril was noticeably higher than the left. But was he being unfair? She was also blank faced.

  When Penni and Steve met eyes but didn’t speak, the woman rushed out. Akerke said, “Next will be last baby. Is one more baby to show you.”

  Jaden looked around the plain office again. Here was this completely generic office, and yet lives were being changed in here.

  The final baby was brought in. The baby’s head was falling to the side, as if it was too heavy for the neck to support. Its thin limbs fluttered in the air as if the baby had no control over them. Penni started to speak, but then the woman took the baby out of the office without talking to Akerke, as if bringing that baby in was just a formality. Jaden stared after them. He hoped someone would adopt that child.

  Penni and Steve spoke quietly to each other for a moment. Jaden heard Penni say to Steve, “What can we do? Apparently, we have to decide now. I actually read about this type of situation on a Yahoo group—they said that you hardly have any time to decide.”

  Steve stuck out his lower jaw with determination. “Then we have to decide before this gets even worse.” He asked loudly, “May we see the second one again?” Penni’s eyes opened wide in surprise, but Jaden thought it was good for Steve to act with determination and abandon Bahytzhan. Bahytzhan was gone. Bahytzhan had probably come into this room, gotten accepted, and then his path had diverged from theirs.

  Akerke spoke to the director. The director yelled out, and a minute later the second baby was brought back in. Jaden thought he was very cute, his eyes huge and gray. The woman spoke in Russian but watched Penni and Steve as she talked. When she finished talking, she held the baby extra close and smiled.

  Akerke translated. “I tell you again. Fifteen months old. Though he cannot walk yet, he can get up and hold table and stand. Does not speak yet. I think this is best baby. I would take this baby, and the director believes this is very good baby. The other couple will get this baby if you do not want him.”

  “I thought you said he was eighteen months,” Steve said.

  “Is fifteen.”

  “But you just told us—” Steve said.

  Jaden’s head was spinning. Akerke had definitely said eighteen months the first time. “How do you know the director likes him?” he piped up.

  “The nurse has told me. The director knows the babies very well.”

  “I don’t care about his age! May I hold him?” asked Penni politely, standing up.

  “Is fine,” said Akerke.

  Penni took the baby, who didn’t show any sign that he was now being held by someone new. “What’s his name?”

  Akerke said, “Is Ramazan.”

  “Ramazan,” said Penni to the baby. “Fifteen months old. Ramazan, what a handsome boy. Is Ramazan a happy boy today?”

  Ramazan stared at Penni’s lips. Jaden squeezed the baby’s leg; he didn’t feel strong like the baby from the airport. But what did Jaden know about legs?

  “You must accept him. Is no more babies,” Akerke said.

  Ramazan’s blankness made Jaden feel that the baby was vulnerable, as if nobody had ever responded to his cries, and so he had learned not to cry. Jaden knew what that was like. Ramazan was probably used to being handed off from one person to another. Poor little guy, Jaden thought, but then he immediately went full circle and felt a stab of jealousy. He could tell they were going to end up with Ramazan. How was that fair when Jaden had languished in group homes for four years?

  “Do I get a vote?” Jaden asked bitterly. Without waiting for an answer, he blurted out, “I don’t like him, Mom.”

  “You don’t?” Penni leaned toward Jaden. “That’s important.”

  “Still, you must decide,” Akerke said urgently. “Please do not anger director, or you can end up with nothing.”

  Jaden spoke up again. “Why don’t we go to a different baby house?”

  “Is no more baby house in Kyzylorda,” Akerke said. “Jaden, I must talk to your parents.” Akerke stood up to get closer to Penni.

  Penni was frowning hard. “But if none of them is right—”

  “You cannot tell who is right or wrong. Only in time you will see.”

  “But he seems so, well, vacant.”

  “What is that?”

  “I mean he doesn’t notice or respond to anything, on top of which we were ready for Bahytzhan. He’d
looked very emotional from his picture. In our minds we’ve bonded with Bahytzhan,” Penni explained. “I’m just floored.”

  “What is floored?”

  “It’s really, really surprised. We thought we were coming for Bahytzhan. And this baby, he’s so unresponsive. Isn’t that a sign of autism?”

  Jaden’s mind suddenly spun full circle again. He felt like he had no control over his feelings. “Mom, I know I just said I don’t like him, but this is the best baby. I—”

  Akerke interrupted. “What is there for him to be emotional about at this moment? Is beautiful baby, this one. Is no choice of Bahytzhan anymore.”

  “What if I would be the wrong mother for him?” Penni wailed.

  Steve touched her arm. “Now, wait a minute, Pen. I like him the best. I’m experiencing some partiality toward this one.”

  “When Jaden arrived, I was immediately filled with love,” Penni said.

  Jaden remembered her at the airport picking him up, how lit up her face was when she met him. He, on the other hand, immediately decided he didn’t trust them. He thought they would send him to another house.

  “Is not fair to compare him to your son. Each child is different,” Akerke argued. “I say to you now that you will not see any more babies. I say to you that you must decide or go back to America with no baby. Is no more babies. Only toddlers.”

  Toddlers? Jaden thought of the growling boy. “I saw a toddler that I liked,” he said.

  “Really?” Penni asked, still holding Ramazan. “Where?”

  “No,” Steve said immediately. “We want a baby. Penni, we have conversed about this for hundreds of hours. Literally. And we agreed we want a baby.”

  “Mom,” Jaden said. “Come see the toddler. Please?”

  Penni looked worriedly from Jaden to Steve. “How can I decide so quickly?” She burst into tears. “And all these babies. Who will adopt them?”

  “I feel for all the babies, all the children who’re here,” Steve said, his voice softer. “But that doesn’t make them the right one for us.” He stroked Penni’s face. “But, honey, I think this Ramazan comes the closest. I think we would bond with any of them, actually, but this one is just what we were looking for.” Then Steve went into Mr. Spock mode, like he did sometimes. “The paradoxical aspect of this experience is that the overpowering propensity is to be emotional, and yet we must also be detached and businesslike. Upon suspending one’s emotions, one finds that Ramazan is indeed the correct baby.”