Remember Fate

by Ginny Sterling

  Jamie

  Lucy crammed a knuckle between her lips to keep any sound from slipping from her. She wasn’t sure what she was holding back, but it was there.

  Would she cry out against the pain that she felt for him in her heart? His words meant that they had starved him from something so personal… that should be absolutely normal. It made her ache to think he was missing out on affection.

  Protest the fact that he felt he had to ‘thank her’ for hugging him?

  Or worse yet—scream out in rage at the neglect he’d learned to deal with in his life. She’d wondered why he’d simply held on to her, thinking that maybe there was some other unknown reason or facet to him—and now she knew. He was lonely and a big ol’ huggy-bear of a man.

  Replying to his email, she read her response several times hoping it was simple and not misinterpreted in any way. Part of her was wary that she was in over her head. Maybe there was more to him and a reason that Annabelle had pulled away? Instead, she had confidence in her gut instincts that had guided her for so long. She felt he was being honest and letting down his guard—it was time to let down her own just a bit and see where it went.

  Jamie,

  Hugs are truly wonderful—and a favorite.

  See you Friday.

  Lucy

  Just when Lucy was completing her notes, she heard a knock at the door. She’d been trying to keep busy today to make the time fly by a little faster. Last night had been the biggest surprise from Jamie so far.

  She’d arrived home, worn out and utterly exhausted from walking all over town in her overly hot burqa. While it allowed a breeze in under the layers, the fact that she was in black—in the sun—in the middle of a crowded bazaar, all day long, wore her down. Her feet hurt, she was beyond thirsty, and ready for the weekend.

  On her doorstep was a small bag that looked like almost nothing. If she’d have been back home in Norfolk, she would have wondered at who’d bothered to leave the Wal-Mart bag on her stoop. She wasn’t back home—and she knew exactly who’d left something in the cellophane shopping bag.

  Glancing around, she looked for the run-down automobile he’d borrowed once before. Was Jamie hiding somewhere, awaiting her reaction? She leaned down, picking it up, and saw that her hand was trembling with excitement. The bag fluttered in the breeze just seconds before she grasped it – hesitating. Was there a rock in the bag? Was this a joke?

  Peering inside, Lucy laughed… then gulped as her eyes about popped out of their sockets at the gift inside. Reaching in, she pulled out a piece of jewelry. It was a large cuff bracelet that had been hammered into shape, then tooled with intricate patterns all over the surface.

  She’d seen several women in the marketplace wearing jewelry and knew this was a traditional piece that Jamie had picked up for her somewhere. It wasn’t encrusted with large pieces of colorful glass or blue stonework like some pieces she’d seen. Instead, it was elegant in its simplicity, and she immediately slipped it on her wrist.

  It had fit exquisitely and Lucy had worn it into the office Friday morning. It was a reminder of their upcoming date tonight. The presence of it, knowing that Jamie had been thinking of her, and the fact that she couldn’t wait to see him—made her smile all day long.

  Yanking open the front door to her apartment, before Jamie could move a muscle – Lucy hugged him. His breath caressed her hair as he sighed happily, smoothing her hair with his hand.

  “You didn’t have to get me a bracelet.”

  “You didn’t have to hug me.”

  “Maybe I wanted to,” Jamie breathed.

  “And maybe I wanted to too,” Lucy admitted, repeating back his words to him before stepping back and waving awkwardly. “Hi.”

  “I think we are past that,” he grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her back into his arms—kissing her. Lucy laughed against his lips, then winced as he leaned forward and accidently stepped on her toes.

  “Shoot. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s all right,” she quickly assured him, trying to keep her expression neutral. He looked so alarmed that he’d done something as simple as mistakenly stepping on the tips of her shoes. Accidents happen, didn’t he realize that—or was this another instance he’d been hurt in the past?

  “You aren’t mad?” he asked, looking surprised and wary. Yep, the man may look brave and tough but she was finding out quickly that on the inside he might be just as insecure as she was.

  “Should I be?”

  “It was a mistake.”

  “I think I can figure that out easy enough,” she teased, trying to remove the worried frown from his face. “Relax, Jamie. You promised me a movie and I don’t want to be late.”

  “It’s nothing special,” he quickly amended, looking concerned again. “They are setting up a room on base for a few hours.”

  “Will you be there?”

  “Well, yeah—we both will be, if you still want to go?”

  “I do,” she smiled, holding out her hand towards him. He didn’t hesitate, immediately grasping her hand with his own, relief in his eyes.

  “Let’s go,” she prompted, and it was obvious she didn’t have to say it twice. They drove out to the base, parking the car. Jamie pocketed the keys and waved to several guys that were filing into the building eagerly. Lucy felt a little out of place as she saw that there weren’t many civilians there. There were a few couples—but she could count the number of people out of uniform on both of her hands.

  This had to be such a strain on the people there, saying goodbye to their loved ones for an indeterminate amount of time unless they had the freedom—and ability—to move to a foreign country for a limited amount of time. Few could do that and with the language barrier, the looming threat of danger, and having to break up the time due to constraints on a work Visa… it was no wonder that families remained back in the United States.

  The smell of popcorn made her smile as she saw the joy in Jamie’s eyes. Something as simple as a movie made him—and others—feel almost normal out here in the desert. He quickly got two small bags of popcorn for them as they moved to take their seats. The folding chairs weren’t the most comfortable thing, nor did she know what movie they were about to watch… but Lucy didn’t care.

  What mattered now was finding joy in her time here and now… with Jamie.

  A projector sat perched on a tray extended from the ceiling. It was an older building they were inside of and it was obvious that they had modernized it a bit. Some things never changed though, she mused, as the lights were cut off and the movie started to play. She’d always loved being able to watch a film during class growing up, no matter how dull they were.

  “Remember watching those films in Mr. Humphrey’s science class?” Jamie whispered, leaning his head towards her. “I remember thinking they were boring and never realized how much I would come to enjoy just getting a break from the norm of everyday life, you know?”

  Lucy glanced up in surprise at how close his words were to her own thoughts just seconds before a few guys nearby began to shush Jamie. She saw his smiling face in the shadows as the lights on the far wall of the room flickered, revealing that they were watching one of the Star Wars movies.

  “Great minds think alike,” she whispered, expecting to be shushed as well—and a little pleased that she wasn’t, “but this is a billion times better than those film reels.”

  “Ten billion,” Jamie nodded, ducking his head down and kissing her cheek. A morsel of popcorn immediately smacked her in the cheek, quickly followed by an apology.

  “Sorry miss! I was aiming for Post,” a soldier nearby grimaced, quickly turning back around. Jamie smirked, plucking the popcorn off her collar and popping it in his mouth noisily.

  “If you wanted to feed me popcorn, Murray—the chair on my other side is open,” Jamie teased loudly, causing several men nearby to snicker in amusement. Lucy couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, as she quickly covered her mouth. Murray turned around, tossing sever
al more kernels back towards where Jamie sat, making a complete mess.

  Jamie tried to catch them in his mouth as they flew through the air. He managed to catch two, chewing obnoxiously and winking at Lucy as someone shushed them all again. The easy camaraderie between the team was clear. He was one of the ‘boys’.

  As they settled in, Jamie put his arm around the back of her chair—inviting her to move a little closer. It was just so wonderful to cuddle with him like normal people did when they went on dates back home. This felt normal and utterly wonderful, something she couldn’t imagine ever sharing with anyone else. They snacked on popcorn, cheered, and groaned as the movie played.

  At the end, the lights came on as they started clapping in applause. Lucy winced at the bright lights and couldn’t help the smile on her face. It had been so nice to step back into something that felt like what she was used to instead of the bleached and bombed buildings, the disrepair, and the smell of fear in the air that seemed to come with being here in a war zone. It made her appreciate what she had back home so much—and made her treasure this time with Jamie so much more.

  Getting to their feet, they filed out of the building into the open. The sun was setting, casting a bright russet colored orange across the landscape. Afghanistan had its beautiful moments in a raw, natural way that seemed to be hidden by what was going on around them. They ambled back towards the car, feeling almost sad that their date was over.

  “Do you have some time?”

  “I’m in no rush for our evening to end,” she admitted, as he took her hand in his. She saw Jamie look down at their hands, his expression relaxed.

  “How about some falooda?” he asked, opening the car door.

  “What’s falooda?”

  “A strange type of ice cream that is superb.”

  “You sure know a lot about the area,” she mused, smiling at him as he continued to hold her hand, standing by the car door.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “I know a lot about it because I’ve been here forever, it seems,” he admitted softly, meeting her eyes. There was something in his gaze that made her catch her breath.

  “You look more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen, Lucy. I thought the bracelet was pretty—but seeing you here, smiling at me, is more breathtaking than any piece of jewelry I could have ever bought you.”

  “Oh Jamie,” she breathed tenderly, reaching up to touch his face. He didn’t say a word, only turning to kiss her palm that lay against his cheek. Lucy knew at that very moment that she was falling for him faster than she could have ever known, giving him the ability to break her heart.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The attention that Jamie was showing her awed Lucy, as well as how open he was with her. It was as if they starved him for attention and he really needed a friend. One of their dates was just them hanging out together. He’d appeared on her doorstep unexpectedly. She’d opened the door, completely surprised at his arrival.

  She’d been working on notes for a big break that was coming up soon. She had befriended one worker in the marketplace only to find out that her brother was one of the rebels. He’d agreed to meet with her to plead his side of the fight and why the fight was ongoing.

  “What’s this?” Lucy asked, opening the door. “Did I miss an email or phone call? I look terrible.” – And she did.

  She had been sitting cross-legged in her favorite chair, hidden away in the privacy of her home in leggings and a worn-out T-shirt. She never wore leggings in public because of her job and couldn’t wear them here because of the culture. If she wore them out, she found out the hard way that people back home took photos and put them on social media - not flattering in the least.

  “You look great and this is dinner,” Jamie had offered sheepishly, smiling at her as he walked inside. “I wanted to see you again and managed to swap duty shifts with one of the guys. I picked up some aushak and lavash.”

  “And what is aushak and lavash? I’ve been sticking with kebabs when I order because it’s relatively safe to order. I’ve seen it on menus back home. Should I be worried at what you are about to feed me?”

  “It’s dumplings – that happen to be great. I also got some haft mewa because I’m not too brave when it comes to my food.”

  “What is that? Haft mewa?”

  “Fruit medley. It just sounds more impressive if I say it like that.”

  Laughing at his wry expression, Lucy grabbed two plates. They quickly divided up the steaming dish and sat down on the divan that served as a small sofa in the furnished apartment. Try as she may to make things normal to her, it was still a foreign country with different ideas and customs.

  She was excited to be expanding her knowledge of the area since she would be here another month—but what would happen then? How would she communicate with Jamie once again? Email? She would have to bring it up eventually, having put off the discussion because things still felt so new between them, even though she’d known him forever.

  “What are you up to when you have downtime? Do you contact your parents via email? Have you heard from anyone else?” Lucy winced as soon as she asked the question, knowing she had unwittingly referred to Annabelle. She couldn’t help it, falling for the guy she’d always had a crush on and then being dumped ate at her.

  Jamie put down his lavash bread and set his plate down onto the side table before turning towards her. She met his eyes and saw the concern in his dark gaze. He took one of her hands in his, lacing his fingers with hers. She was trying to balance the plate on her lap while the television news played in the background, subtitles scrolling across the top bar of the screen in English.

  “Lucy…” Jamie began, and she quickly interrupted him.

  “Jamie, look—I can’t help…”

  This time, Jamie interrupted her—his expression fierce. He wasn’t angry, but rather intensely calm about bringing up the subject.

  “Annabelle is part of my past and something I can’t erase, nor would I want to. I’ve made mistakes in my past, done things that have embarrassed me or made me upset—but all I can do is live my life. Yes, Annabelle was important to me but in a way that I don’t think anyone can understand,” Lucy sat there silently, watching him take a deep breath before he continued.

  “Everyone, including my family and the guys on the post that knew about Annabelle, they all assume that I am distraught over what happened—and I was at one point. I was more hurt and angrier about the fact that I’d been so stupidly naïve. I didn’t see what was happening in front of my very eyes,” Jamie shook his head and then did something that surprised her—he smiled and pulled her hand up to his mouth, kissing her knuckles.

  “I’m one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason, teaches you something, and you grow from there. Annabelle taught me what I don’t want, what I don’t need, and that is priceless. I wish her well, but as a distant acquaintance. I don’t want her in my life because I don’t need the drama, stress, or strain that comes with being around her. This…”

  Jamie hesitated.

  He looked at their hands and then back at her.

  “This is so easy between us and I need that. I feel like it has lifted a weight off my shoulders and that I am being given a second chance to learn what I really want. Does that make sense?”

  “I don’t know what to say,” she breathed, unsure of the emotions rolling through her. He seemed so earnest, so vehement, like he was trying to convince himself and her.

  The flare of hope in her chest hurt almost as much as the raging doubt that welled up. She’d been so afraid of being second to him but now he was telling her that maybe he was still in a transition – still trying to see what he didn’t want in his life. Was she ready for what was to come when he realized that or decided that?

  “You don’t have to say anything,” he said, squeezing her hand gently. His eyes were warm and concerned, like he was worried at what she was thinking.

  “I don’t ever wa
nt you to feel like we can’t talk about anything. It’s part of my past, our past, and I don’t want it to affect our chance at a future. I realize now that being part of any relationship is friendship. I didn’t have that before with Annabelle and I see that now. This is different for me. You are my friend and you’ve always been so strong—rely on that strength, because that is what I admire so much about you.”

  Lucy felt so overwhelmed, knowing the tears were close to falling. Her eyes were burning and blurry, even Jamie’s eyes were shiny. His eyes had gone from being so hopeful to another unspoken emotion - they were full of love. A hot tear streamed down her cheek as she stared at him beside her.

  “A little ‘overwhelming’ - isn’t it,” he asked thickly, wiping his eyes and then laughing at himself. Lucy smiled, recognizing that he was referring back to her words after they’d kissed in the cave. “It seems that I get a little emotional too when I feel overwhelmed.”

  This wasn’t a declaration of love, but then again, she would have rejected that almost immediately, doubting the sincerity. It was too soon for love—wasn’t it? What was unsaid by his statement, the sheer honesty and brutal truth of his expression, meant more to her than any three words spoken at the wrong time, in the wrong place.

  “Are we good?” he whispered, squeezing her hand again, “I need us to be okay, Lucy.”

  “We are great,” she admitted, feeling herself smile at the relief in his expression. She wiped her eyes and nodded, unable to say more. He chuckled nervously and cleared his throat, glancing back at the television—using it as a distraction to break the intensity of the moment.

  “Good thing there're subtitles, isn’t there?”

  “Yes… and Jamie?” she smiled at his attempt to change the subject. They were both afraid of how fast things seemed to move with them and recognized it for what it was. She looked at their joined hands between them, appreciating the silent gesture more than she ever could have before.