Murders on the Edge

by Andie Alexander

  “Can you hear what’s going on with me?”

  “No. If we wired you, they’d figure it out. This way, they may not, and you’ll look completely normal. If they run a wand over you, try to discourage it. Make something up.”

  “I understand.” I went out to the kitchen. “Have fun, Vic. I’ll see you later.”

  “Yep. Probably when we save you tonight.”

  I grinned. Potentially being kidnapped got my adrenaline pumping, and considering I knew they wouldn’t kill me right away, this was going to be a piece of cake.

  Jim and I headed back into town. He parked behind the mortuary and both of us went inside through the back door.

  “So who’s first?” Jim asked, entering the lobby.

  At least thirty people stood around, waiting for the first funeral.

  Chris looked up at him. “Alana.”

  “The hooker?” Jim whispered. “This many people?”

  “And all men,” I muttered. “Go figure.” I leaned down to Chris, still sitting in the chair. “Why are they burying her so soon? She just died.”

  “From what I’m hearing, Willy Nilly wanted her buried so no one would try to break in and use her body.”

  “Use?” I asked. “As in for her profession?”

  “Yep.”

  “How weird is that?”

  Mr. Moody entered the room and stared at the people with his hands on his hips. “This always happens with celebrities. They’re over an hour early.”

  A hooker was a celebrity? “How many celebrities have you buried?”

  “Quite a few. That’s beside the point.” He sighed his frustration. “I guess we let them go upstairs early and take the body up later.”

  “Open casket?” I asked.

  “Yes. By the family’s request.”

  I could only imagine what kind of family Alana had.

  “The flowers just arrived.” Mr. Moody turned toward me. “Can you take them upstairs?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’m with you,” Jim said.

  Just as we turned, the front door opened. Tilvin, Assam, Vladimir, and Jordan all walked in, laughing and making noise. Both Jim and I moved to the front counter for a moment. I saw Jim lean down to Chris while I kept an eye on the guys.

  “Call Archie,” Jim said. “His mark just walked in.”

  Chris looked up over the counter and lifted the phone.

  “Is that her?” Jordan asked his friends.

  Vladimir looked over at me. “Yep. Go for it.”

  I could only imagine. I headed for the back room to get the flowers when I heard Jordan speak. “Jane? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

  I spun around. He walked closer to me with a grin. “I hear you’re single.”

  I glanced toward Jim. “Not really, but what do you have in mind?”

  “Want to go out with me tonight?” He winked slightly.

  I lifted an eyebrow. “Where to?”

  “Just the diner. My friends and I want to talk to you about your job here.”

  “Can I bring Jim with me?”

  “Nope. Just you.”

  I checked my watch. “I have four funerals back-to-back. What time?”

  “Six. On the dot.”

  “Six, huh?”

  He nodded again, trying to convey something to me. But I wasn’t getting it. However, the more I thought about it, his nod made sense. It sounded like they were going to kidnap me from the diner. It made no sense. Out in the open like that? They’d have witnesses.

  I had to play hard to get. “I really can’t. I have to be here to help with the last funeral at six. Can I meet with you tomorrow?”

  He grabbed my arm. “Six. Tonight, at the diner.” He glanced behind him with a grin, and then moved closer to me, determination in his eyes. “They’re onto you,” he whispered.

  “I know,” I said, also in a whisper. “Four is the release of the drug and they’re kidnapping me at six.”

  He let go of my arm with a confused look. “How do you know?”

  “Long story. Tell them I won’t meet you. It’ll make me look like a challenge and I’ll have my butt covered here with Jim.”

  He nodded slowly. “I understand. You’re taken and need to work.” His voice was getting louder as he grinned. “I guess you’re more of a challenge than we thought.” He reached out and touched my chin, rubbing it up and down. “You’re beautiful, so I’ll keep an eye on you.”

  “What’s going on?” Jim asked.

  “Thanks,” I said to Jordan. “What’s your name?”

  “Jack.” At least he’d changed his name. Smart man. Wish I’d have been that smart.

  “Well, Jack, maybe some other time. Right now, I’m kind of busy.” With Jim flanking my side, we went into the back room with Mr. Moody. We grabbed the flowers, stepped through the throngs of men, and took them up the stairs.

  “What was that about?” Jim whispered.

  “They’re onto me,” I said, also in a whisper. “They want me to be at the diner at six, but I told them I have to work.”

  “Jordan?”

  “His name’s Jack and he wants to take me out.” I turned toward Jim. “Do you mind if I go out with him?”

  “Of course I mind. You’re not going out with anyone else but me.”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “You’re jealous?”

  “You’re mine.” He’d even lowered his voice. He really was jealous.

  We placed the flowers on the stands beside where the casket would go.

  “That’s the normal response for a jealous boyfriend,” he whispered.

  “So you trust Jack?”

  “Yep. He knows I’ll hunt him down, otherwise.”

  “I see.” I found it amusing that Jim was jealous. Hunting Jordan down was the same as jealousy in my book.

  Chapter 33

  We heard a noise behind the stage and looked at each other. A doorway opened, and Mr. Moody wheeled in the casket.

  “How did you get that thing up here?” I asked.

  “Secret elevator.” He moved it up to the stage. “No one knows about it but me, so they won’t try to sneak out without paying up here.”

  “For the brothel?”

  “Yep.”

  I couldn’t believe it. This place was just too weird.

  Mr. Moody moved the casket slightly to line it up, and opened the top. The woman looked pleasant and almost alive. It amazed me that someone could look better in death than they did in life. I remembered this lady—emaciated and sickly looking. But now, she looked more alive than ever.

  “Ready for the mourners?” I asked.

  Mr. Moody checked his watch. “Might as well. We have about forty-five minutes until the service starts and half an hour for the preacher to give the eulogy. Once that’s over, the casket is wheeled out to graveside and we move in another casket.”

  “Same flowers?” I asked.

  “Different flowers. That’s what I need you for. Make sure the next set of flowers get upstairs in time, along with the casket. Let me show you the elevator.”

  He walked toward a secret door in the back and I followed. Jim was right behind me.

  “You don’t have to come along,” Mr. Moody said to Jim.

  “Yes, I do. Some guy downstairs tried to hit on Jane. I need to make sure she stays with me.”

  I almost laughed at him. That was so lame, anyone could see through it.

  “That’s fine,” Mr. Moody said, in his high voice. He showed us the elevator, taking it to the first floor, and then loaded the next body inside, ready to go. We all rode it up to the second floor, letting the casket stay on the elevator to wait its turn.

  I looked down at the casket beside us. “Who’s this?”

  “That’s Mrs. Highland. She died last Thursday.”

  “Who’s after that?” I asked.

  “Well, we have Jerry Krumpet and Sheriff Tucker.”

  “How did Sheriff Tucker get buried so fast?” Jim asked.

 
; “His wife has connections.” Mr. Moody took us into the big room. “Besides, we don’t want him vandalized. It seems that some of the women think it’s funny to use the dead bodies on party night.”

  “Use?” I asked.

  He shot me a knowing glance. “The men have the brothel, and the women who don’t have private parties…get creative.”

  “Dead bodies?” Jim asked. “Isn’t that against the law?”

  “Yes, it is,” Mr. Moody said. “But no one can prove it. They’re really quick about it. I’d have buried Homer today if I’d known he was going to die. But with four other funerals, I couldn’t guarantee a fifth, considering the family has people coming in from out of town. The other deceased are all scheduled for their own churches.” He headed toward the stairs. “Keep an eye on these people and keep them away from the deceased.”

  “I’ll do the best I can,” I said. What a weird place. I was ready to arrest everyone in town, just because.

  Mr. Moody went downstairs and I heard a commotion heading toward me. At least fifty men ran up the stairs at the same time, all headed for the casket. They crowded around it, pushing, and shoving.

  “I’ve never seen such a thing,” Jim said. He grabbed my hand and we both walked up to the crowd. “Back up,” he yelled. “Give the lady some respect.”

  I pushed my way in beside the casket, and saw all the men kissing her and touching her body, all over. “What’s going on here?” I asked.

  The man who had just kissed her looked up, with lipstick covering his mouth. “We were saying goodbye.”

  “Kissing a dead body?” I asked. “Are you nuts?”

  “She’s warming up,” the same man said. “Maybe we can revive her?”

  All the men agreed and started rubbing her arms and legs.

  “Stop it,” a demanding female voice boomed from the back of the room. All the men turned and stared. Shirley and her entourage of working women stood at the back near the stairs, wearing very sleazy black dresses with plunging necklines and hems so high up, nothing was left to the imagination. However, on each of their heads sat very stylish black hats, with thin black material draped over their faces. I felt out of place and underdressed because of their attire.

  The men turned into mice, almost crawling back to the seats set up for the funeral. None of them sat in the front, and it immediately became obvious why. All of the women from the back took seats front and center.

  Jim and I moved to the side of the stage, just watching. “This should be good,” he whispered.

  I agreed. It was a study in people that I didn’t want to miss.

  An old man and woman entered the room, followed by a young woman and a young man. The young woman reached over and pounded on the young man’s arm, making him howl in pain.

  He rubbed his arm. “Why did you do that?”

  “It was your job to make sure our sister lived and you failed. That’s for failing,” the woman said. “If you’d have been with her that night, she wouldn’t have died.”

  “I don’t sleep with my sister,” he said. “She’s not my type.”

  I grimaced toward Jim, who hid his laughter.

  The woman leaned up closer to him. “Then have your boyfriend do it.”

  “Quit picking on him.”

  The group of four headed toward the casket on the stage. Once they passed by, the prostitutes made room for them in the front row. Jim and I moved to the other side of the room and sat down, watching the people while whispering comments about the town.

  Music played until three o’clock, when a man, dressed in black with a black hat and a pink bowtie approached the front of the room. “My dearest friends. We’re here to celebrate the life of Untamed Alana. She serviced this town for years, and we’re so grateful. But now, it’s time for her to rest…”

  I leaned over to Jim. “I should put this on the Internet. No one would ever believe it.”

  “It’s definitely one for the memory book.” He looked toward the back. “Our friends are here.”

  I turned and watched Vladimir, Jordan, and Assam take seats in the back. They all stared at me and I knew why. Thankfully, Jordan was with them, so it would be okay. Archie walked into the back and looked out over the crowd, joined by Damon. They were both wearing their police uniforms, making it a very interesting funeral. Hookers and cops in the same place…and no one was going to jail.

  The man finally concluded his boring, drawn-out eulogy, and the men all ran to the front.

  “I want to carry her casket,” one man said.

  “No, me,” another man said.

  They started a shoving match while the other men joined in. A fight broke out, and chairs were lifted and thrown. Archie and Damon ran to the front of the room, pulling men away, while the hookers helped.

  “Time to leave,” Jim said. He grabbed my hand and we made our way to the back of the room.

  As I passed Jordan, he grabbed my arm and whispered into my ear. “I need to talk to you alone.”

  I nodded, and leaned toward Jim. “I’m going to go talk to Jordan.”

  He nodded. “I’ll join you.”

  “Alone,” Jordan said.

  Jim kept his gaze on Jordan’s face. “No, I go with her.”

  He looked toward his friends. “Fine. Meet us outside in a few minutes. I have to get away from here.”

  Jim sighed. “Understood.”

  Jordan took me by the arm and directed me downstairs. Chris looked bored while at the front desk.

  “You guys getting a break?” he asked.

  “I think so.” Jordan’s grasp was firm. “Tell Jim we’re outside.”

  “Got it.” He looked up the stairs. “But it sounds like he might be busy up there.”

  “He’ll be down,” I said while being dragged outside.

  Jordan took me to the side of the mortuary near the cemetery, and we stood in the grass.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “They know who you are. Vladimir called his people and they know your name. They’re headed here to get you.”

  “Who?”

  “The Russian embassy. You killed Natasha six months ago, and they want revenge.”

  “But I didn’t kill the Russian ambassador’s wife. He had her killed by his own guard who was sleeping with her. It wasn’t me. Don’t they know that?”

  “No. And they’re going to get you, Harley. Carry a gun and I mean it. They’re playing for keeps.”

  “Did you tell Kent?”

  “Not yet. I can’t call out or I lose my cover.”

  The sprinklers came on in the grass and I moved away, but Jordan took me further back, checking the front door. The sprinklers were getting us wet, but he didn’t seem to care.

  “I have to go,” I said. “I’m getting soaked.”

  He leaned toward my ear. “It’s not safe right now. Vlad and Assam are at the front door looking for you.”

  “I’ll just go in the back, then.” I started to walk away, but he held me still.

  “No. Just stay here with me. We’ll both dry in a bit, I’m sure of it. It’s hot out here, anyway.”

  I studied his face. “Something’s not right.” I spun around. “Where’s Jim?”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s being detained.”

  I heard a commotion and saw all the people running out of the mortuary and toward the cemetery. They played in the sprinklers, even in their best outfits, and everyone was soaked. The casket was carried outside by six men to the graveside, through the water being strewn about.

  “I have to get back,” I said.

  Jordan checked his watch and grinned. “Me too. I’ll see you at the next funeral.” He let go of my arm and ran to the front of the building. I walked into the back of the mortuary, meeting Jim who was talking to Mr. Moody.

  “No, I have to go,” Jim said. “I can’t do an autopsy again right now.”

  “Miss me?” I asked with a grin.

  Jim turned toward me. “I’m s
o glad you’re back.” He raked his eyes up and down over me. “What happened to you?”

  I ran my hand down over my black dress. “They’re watering the lawns, and everyone’s outside at graveside getting wet.”

  “Water?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  His face lit up, like a light bulb had just gone on over his head. “Water.”

  I reached out to put my hand on his forehead, but he backed away, not letting me touch him. “You need a shower, right now,” he said.

  “I do?”

  “Yep.” He pointed toward a bathroom. “There’s a shower in there. I’ll bring your clothes from the car.” He ran out the back, shutting the door behind him.

  I faced Mr. Moody. “Is he nuts?”

  “Yep. I’ll put the next body in place.” He walked away and I entered the bathroom. It would’ve been nice to know there was a shower in the place. I was just glad to have brought another outfit with me.

  I stripped down and stepped into the hot water, letting it cover me. The soap smelled like something from a funeral home, but I used it anyway and shampooed my hair. It actually felt good, and when I turned the water off, Jim was standing in front of me with a few towels.

  “Harley,” he whispered. “The water. Do you think the water for the lawns might be on a different system than the drinking water?”

  “I don’t know, but it wouldn’t make sense.” I dried my hair. “It would involve a lot of extra pipes.”

  “Yes, it would, but it also makes sense. I was looking at the daily newspaper and there are these ads telling people to ‘sprinkle themselves,’ giving out the times to go outside to cool off in the sprinklers.” He seemed agitated. “I wish I could stay here with you, but I have to take your clothes to the lab to find out. I’ll be back. Don’t let Archie out of your sight.”

  “Jordan was with me outside. He told me the Russians are after me for killing Natasha back in New York.”

  “Was he in the water with you?”

  “Yeah. He stayed there with me because Vlad and Assam were at the front of the building, looking for us. He was protecting me.”

  “The water was supposed to hit at four. They probably set it off early so you could get wet. He kept you in the water for a reason.” Jim stared at me for a moment. “Where was the rest of the town?”