“I don’t know when things got so messed up between us. When being my mam became a chore for you and a burden for me, but I want a different life for the both of us, and I hope you want that too. If you like going to bingo, then go! Enjoy it, don’t hide the fact. Perhaps, when I have a day off, we could even go together. Maybe get a bag of chips afterwards like we used to.
“I know you worry about me. You get scared when you think you’re losing me or that I’m making wrong decisions that mess up my life, but I’m all grown up now. Clinging onto me so hard just made me crave independence. Now I have it, I crave a closeness that other daughters have with their mothers. Part of growing up means that I’m going to make the wrong decisions from time to time. I know you worry that I’ll make the same wrong decisions that you did, but if I do, that’s on me. You’re my mam. You’ll always be my mam. But maybe we could try at being friends too?”
I was shocked when I saw tears rolling down her cheeks. I struggled to think of a time when I’d ever seen her genuinely cry.
“I think, I’d like that. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with. My mother was a hard woman. I think her example, and a lifetime of living with the consequences of my bad decisions has left me hard as well. I can’t pretend I’ll change overnight. Thomas Riordon has a way of fraying my last nerve. He’s rude, uneducated, ill-mannered…”
“And mine,” I said, interrupting. “Whatever you think about him, you need to keep it to yourself. And more than that, when other people are bad-mouthing him, you need to defend him. That man would give his life in a heartbeat to save mine. Yours too come to think of it. There is nothing more important to him than my happiness and he never says a cross word about you in front of me, because he knows it would hurt me. Even if we live in sin for the rest of our lives and never marry, Tommy is everything to me. Loving me, means accepting him as well.”
“You’re asking for the impossible, Evelyn. That man and I were born to dislike each other.”
“You know it goes both ways. He’ll have to defend you to other people as well,” I pointed out, and she actually smiled.
“Well, that would be something to see. Whether I like it or not, it’s clear you’ve made your choice. I hope to God you don’t live in sin, but when the alternative is marrying him, I’m not sure which is the lessor of two evils. I can’t promise that Thomas and I won’t bicker or disagree from time to time. He rubs me up the wrong way simply by breathing. But I’ve missed you, and if the alternative is losing you altogether, then I’ll try.”
“Thanks Mam. I’ve missed you too,” I replied, grinning.
“But for the sake of my sanity, can you please ask him to cover up those awful tattoos when he’s out in public. They’re positively evil and I feel like I need to make the sign of the cross every time he crosses my path,” she added, the tears having long since dried up.
I sighed, but kept smiling as I perused the menu, knowing Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
TOMMY
The week that passed since I’d learned the truth about Danny, had been brutal. You could’ve knocked Ma down with a feather when I turned up to take her out for lunch. Da, who was now semi-retired, was out on a plumbing job, so it was just the two of us. Watching her excitement at the prospect of a meal out with her boy turn to devastation when I broke the news, absolutely gutted me. We never did make it out.
“It’s so awful them both going the same way,” Ma said, between crying and hiccupping. “He knows exactly what’s in store for him as well.”
“Are you talking about his wife, Lily?” She nodded in agreement, blowing her nose loudly into a tissue. “He never really talked about her. At least not to us boys.”
“There was quite an age gap between them, so it was all a bit of a scandal at the time.” Ma said. “But Lord did he love that woman. He was absolutely smitten from the minute he clapped eyes on her, and she was the same. They were so different, nobody thought it would work. Not even me if I’m honest. I thought they were rushing into marriage, and not having her parents’ blessing devastated Lily. But they did it anyway.”
“And she got cancer too?”
“One minute she was the laughing, joyful Lily we all knew and loved. Next, she was this tiny shell of the girl she’d been, and we were saying our goodbyes. Part of Danny died with her I think. She wanted children as soon as they got married. She was devout like Evelyn you see, and she wanted a big family. But Danny was just getting the gym off the ground and he didn’t want them putting too much pressure on themselves. She was still young so he thought there was plenty of time.
“I suppose we all think that, don’t we? By the time her breast cancer was diagnosed, it was too late. She had a double mastectomy and chemotherapy, but none of it worked. In a matter of months, she was a shadow of the person she’d been. Seeing her go through all of that just about killed Danny, and then to lose her anyway was too much.
“He told me later that not having children was his biggest regret. At least then he’d have a part of Lily with him. We all mourned her, but it was like he lost the will to live after that. For weeks, I expected a phone call telling me he’d taken his own life. I suspect that fear he wouldn’t see her in the afterlife if he did was the only thing that stopped him.”
I couldn’t reconcile her picture of him with what I knew. Ma had mentioned that he’d been married before, but I never really gave it much thought. Danny was always an ox. Despite his size, he was never anything other than a giant of a man to us. If he was vulnerable, grieving or in pain, it was a side he never showed.
“What happened?”
“The bank was going to repossess the gym. With the doors permanently closed, it wasn’t making any money. But Driscoll’s had been Lily’s idea. She found the place, and they fixed it up together. She was always hanging around there. Bringing him in lunches and working in the office. He knew she would’ve been devastated to lose it, so he opened it back up and most of his old fighters came back.
Took him a long time to build the business up to what it is now, and once you boys were old enough to train, it took on a whole new lease of life. Now you’d have to prise him away from the place. But I think he feels closer to Lily there than anywhere else.”
“I remember him giving us so much shit when we started. Made us clean toilets, collect the dirty towels and empty spit buckets. I’d’ve jacked it in, but Con was fucking obsessed with the place. Can’t imagine what we’d all be like now if he’d kept it closed.”
“You were always so little compared to the other boys, your Da and I laughed when you said you were boxing.”
“Thanks Ma,” I replied, sarcastically.
“Well, you were,” she said, chuckling. “Turns out you were the scrappiest one of them all. You just needed a little discipline, and that’s what Danny gave you. He’s a good man, Tommy,” she said, breaking down into another round of tears.
“I know, Ma. He’s the best,” I replied, giving her a shoulder to lean on, while she let out all the pain I couldn’t.
The following day wasn’t much better. I met the guys at Driscoll’s for a training session, but for the first hour we all just sat around.
“How’s Em taking it?” I asked Con. The expression on his face answered my question.
“She wouldn’t even get out of bed this morning. I had to take little Dan over to Kieran’s ma. I never seen her like that before. She’s my rock. If she hurts...” He didn’t need to say more. Em meant more to him than anything. We were all hurting, but he’d feel it worst of all, watching his girl suffer. For me, it was hard to feel anything other than anger. Despite Evie’s advice, my fears for Danny were still tied up with my fucking hatred for Declan Murphy. In my head, he’d tried to rape my girl and was responsible for killing my hero. Maybe that wasn’t how things actually were, but it was how I felt. He delivered the news so he was responsible for the fucking anger that came along with that shite.
“What the
feckin’ hell d’you lazy little feckers think you’re doing? This is a professional boxing gym, just in case you accidentally wandered in here thinking it was some kind of fancy spa!” Danny yelled, walking through the gym in his heavy winter coat and trilby.
“You’re smokin’,” I observed, noticing the cigarette that hung from his mouth. As much as I should hate the very thing that had made Danny sick, the familiarity of it was comforting.
“Yes. Yes, I am,” he said. Inhaling deeply, he took the offending article from his mouth, stared at it and then put it back between his lips for another puff.
“Em’ll kill you if she sees you,” Con pointed out.
“If the cancer doesn’t kill me first you mean?” he replied, chuckling. We all smiled reluctantly. The truth was still too raw to just shake off, but seeing Danny standing there, same as he ever was, made it easier to believe in the lie. That he was well. That he’d go on for years before we had to deal with the reality that one day, much sooner than we’d like, all we’d have left was the echo of his gruff bark and the faint smell of his tobacco.
“I’m not joking. She’ll skin you alive if she catches you, and that was before you told her about… Well. You know,” Con said.
“Say it boy. Cancer. It ain’t like the word is some kind of feckin’ hex. It won’t spread just ’cause you call its name. Anyway, it’s my gym and if I want to smoke, I’ll smoke.”
“I dare you to say that to her face,” I challenged him, feeling unusually brave.
“Don’t ruin this for me,” he ordered, shooting me daggers. “She ain’t here, there’s no kids about, and I’ll be coughing and hacking for the rest of the day.” Taking a seat in front of the ring, he took a couple of puffs, before throwing the butt in the spit bucket. It wasn’t my imagination that he was wheezin’ afterwards. Maybe he’d always been that way, only now we were seeing the signs we’d been so fuckin’ oblivious to before.
“Right. It didn’t escape my attention that you lazy fecks never answered my question. Any particular reason we’re seven weeks out from a title fight and you’re laid out on the floor?”
“Don’t you think we should call off the fight?” Kieran asked “It ain’t like any of us are gonna want to train while you’re getting sick!”
“What else you gonna do? Sit round and watch till I pop my clogs? That ain’t how things get done round here. When my round is up, it don’t mean the fight is over. You boys pick up and carry on, or what was the feckin’ point in everything I’ve taught you? Turnin’ you into fighters has been my life’s work. Don’t make it for nothin’.”
Con was the first to get up. The stone faced fucker didn’t give anything away. Just gave Danny a nod, then climbed up into the ring. Kieran was next.
“Well, damn. There goes my excuse for a bit of time off,” he said, moving to follow Con.
“Hold up there, Kieran,” Danny ordered, focusing his gaze on me. “Tommy. You’re sparring with Con today.”
“Fuck. Why me?” I asked, knowing Con would be in a piss poor mood, making his right hook extra fucking lethal.
“You’ve got some Murphy baggage you’re holding on to, and Con might be the only one big enough and mean enough to unpack it for you. Best you leave it here boy. Ain’t fair on that girl of yours to take it with you.”
He stared at me, like he was willing me to argue with him. But his words had flipped a switch, and I was ready to give Con a run for his money.
“This should be good,” Liam muttered under his breath.
Climbing into the ring, I squared up to the fucker.
“What? No smart arsed remark?” Con asked. He was so used to me talkin’ the talk and giving him shite, he didn’t know what to do with himself when I didn’t.
“Danny’s got cancer and Declan Murphy tried to rape my girl, so if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather save my energy for knocking you out. You don’t need to cry or be weird about it after. I gotta lot of rage I wanna take out on someone big and stupid, so don’t take it personal.”
“Is the big and stupid Declan, or me?” he said.
“The fact that you need to ask, don’t exactly bode well for your IQ,” I replied. It was the first time I’d seen the fucker smile all day. He didn’t look too worried, but I wasn’t lyin’ about the rage.
“Shields,” Danny shouted, reminding us to spar with our gum shields in. Kieran laced Con into his gloves, while Liam helped me into mine.
“You sure you wanna do this?” Liam asked me.
“Where was the fuckin’ worry the million other times I sparred with Con?” I asked him.
“You seem particularly sensitive today. Just wanna make sure you don’t get your manly knickers in a knot if he knocks you around a bit.”
“He’s gotta catch me first,” I replied. Liam smiled, then patting me on the shoulder, I assumed for luck, climbed out of the ring.
For the first minute or so, we danced around each other. It weren’t about gettin’ the measure of each other’s size. We’d had our entire lives to do that. This was about sizing up each other’s moods. Figuring out who would pull their punches the most.
“Some of us are dyin’ over here,” Danny shouted. “I ain’t got time to waste, watchin’ you two fairies foxtrot around the ring. Now get on with it, or fuck off out of it.”
Con glanced over at Danny, and it was all the opening I needed. Flying across the ring, I gave him a hook combination to the ribs followed by an uppercut to the chin.
“Like getting’ bitten by a gnat,” Con taunted, smirking. Fuck him I thought, and went back for more.
A few rounds later, and I could see what he was doing. Protecting his core, he defended, but never really attacked. He was lettin’ me wear myself out. I was fit and fast, but Con was fitter, if not faster.
“Fuck you for goin’ easy on me. Either fight, or take off the gloves and let Kieran have a go,” I said between rounds. Humour gone from his expression, he stared at me like I was a bug under a microscope, and I got a sense of how his opponents must feel.
“Be careful what you wish for little grasshopper,” he said, nodding to let me know it was on.
“Fuckin’ grasshopper,” I muttered to myself.
“Ding, Ding,” Kier said, signally the next round. This time Con held nothing back. Neither of us did. What I lacked in finesse and technique, I made up for in fury. With every hook and jab, I poured out more and more of my anger and frustration. Finally, Con caught the side of my face with a beautiful right hook. I hit the canvas like a sack of shit, and I knew that I was spent.
“You done?” Con asked. Fucker was barely breathin’ hard and I was fuckin’ dying.
“Just let me get my breath back, then I’m kickin’ your arse,” I promised.
“Uh huh,” he replied. He didn’t sound too worried as he stepped over my prostrate, pain-ridden body, so Kieran could take off his gloves.
“Evelyn’s gonna kill us when she sees the state of your face,” Liam said, pulling me up to sit against the ropes like I was weightless.
“You couldn’t have gone for the body shots?” he accused Con.
“It ain’t my fault he bruises easily!” Con protested. “And we both know he was probably gonna go after Murphy unless he let off some steam.”
“Who says I still won’t go after him?” I stretched the kinks out of my jaw, realising I was probably gonna be chewin’ on the other side of my mouth for the next week. Nothing was broken, but it sure felt like it.
“I feckin said, and last time I looked my word around here was law! Ain’t that right?”
“Yes Danny,” they all repeated. All except me that was.
“What if it was Em he’d try to rape?” I said, looking over at Con. “Or Marie, or Albie or Lily if she was still alive? Are you all telling me you’d sit round and do nothing?” Kieran sucked in a deep breath, and I knew it was because I’d mentioned Lily. They all knew better than to say her name, but there was no other way of making Danny realise he was askin
g the impossible. To allow Murphy to go unpunished for what he did, felt fucking cowardly. It was a bitter taste in my mouth I couldn’t swallow.
Danny stood up and walked a little closer, leaning on the ring across the other side of the ropes to me.
“If any man did that to my Lily, I’d slit his feckin’ throat from ear to ear and throw his body in the Irish Sea for the fish to snack on. But you’re a better man that I am lad. You ain’t always the smartest tool in the box, but you’ve a big heart. You’ve managed to trick ya self one of the prettiest, sweetest Irish girls I know. So do yourself a favour and use that big heart of yours to take care of her. Holding on to that need for retribution will tear you up inside. Until, eventually, it’ll tear up your girl as well,” Danny said.
“And the next time he tries it? He got away with it the first time, who’s to say he won’t have another go?”
“A good beatin’ won’t keep this fucker down. He needs disappearin’ permanently. We might not be able to put him away for what he did to Evelyn, but prison is prison nonetheless,” Danny replied, looking over towards Liam as he spoke about his brother.
“I don’t get it,” I admitted. “The police said they weren’t pressing any charges.”
“Aye. For this crime. But it turns out that Declan Murphy has more than a little of his old man in him. After the pub incident, I asked a private investigator friend of mine to take a look at him. You know, tail him a bit and see if he could catch him doing anything shady. It was a long shot, but I figured the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
“Did he find anything?” I asked, hopefully.
“A lot of photos of him shaking hands. And one of two where you can actually see the little white bag,” Danny replied.
The Fire (Hurricane Book 4) Page 26