Beautiful Redemption

by Jamie McGuire

"Shit," I said. "How much does he know?"

  Thomas took a step toward me. "Like I said, I've been suspicious of him for a while. Sawyer has been keeping track of his activities."

  "What kind of activities?" I asked.

  Sawyer crossed his arms. "Daily activities--what he eats, where he sleeps. I know what gives him indigestion, what soap he uses, and what porn sites he jacks off to."

  "Thanks for that," I said.

  Sawyer chuckled, "Surveillance, boss. I'm damn good at surveillance."

  "Like the master," Val said.

  Sawyer smiled at her. "Thanks."

  Val rolled her eyes. "Fuck off."

  Sawyer continued, "Maddox kept Grove in the dark about the Vegas case for the most part, but when the cases began to intertwine, Grove became interested...and so did Tarou. Benny is smoothing things over with Tarou, and with these guys, money can turn enemies into friends. The fights are big money. Benny wants a champion, and Travis is a sure thing."

  Val sat back in the chair. "We can control what Grove learns at the Bureau, but if Benny or Tarou mention Travis Maddox to Grove, it's all over. He'll make the connection."

  I sighed. "Travis's deal, even Abby's access..."

  Thomas nodded. "The case. All of it. We'll have to turn in what we've got and wrap it up without Travis or Abby."

  "And Travis will no longer be an asset to the Bureau. He'll go to prison."

  The weight of my words seemed to bear down on Thomas, and he used the bookshelf for support.

  I looked at the file lying askew halfway between Val and me. "The Inspector General just blew us out of the water."

  Sawyer shook his head. "Grove doesn't know yet. We need to get on the phone, delay his arrest, and drag this out just a little longer."

  "You should have told us your contact was Liis," Val scolded. "We could have avoided this."

  Thomas glared at her, but she didn't yield.

  "How?" he asked. "Telling you that Liis was keeping tabs on Grove was going to keep the IG's office from writing that report? Are you fucking joking?"

  "Knowing we could use Liis to check Grove's transcriptions would have been helpful," Sawyer said.

  "I was having Liis check them, Sawyer," Thomas said, annoyed. "You think she's been listening to Taylor Swift on her headphones in here?"

  I shook my head. "Why the secrecy?"

  Thomas held out his hands and let them fall to his sides. "It's Spy one-oh-one, kids. The fewer people you tell, the less risk you take. I didn't want Grove to know I had another Japanese translator in the unit. He needed to keep tabs on all the interviews for Tarou, and another Japanese-speaking agent could have gotten in the way. She might have ended up a target just to keep Grove in charge of the Yakuza interrogations."

  "Oh," Val said. "You needed to protect her."

  Sawyer rolled his eyes. "That's absurd. He didn't even know her to want to protect her." It took him a moment, but when Sawyer recognized the shame in my eyes, his mouth fell open. His index finger waggled between Thomas and me. "You two were..."

  I shook my head. "It was before. He didn't know I was here to work at the Bureau."

  "Discussing line of work comes right after name-swapping." Sawyer cackled. "You one-nighted the new hire, Maddox? No wonder you jumped on her ass at her first meeting. You don't like surprises. This is all beginning to make sense."

  "We don't have time for this," Thomas sneered.

  Sawyer stopped laughing. "Is that why you gave her the promotion?"

  The small smile on Val's lips vanished. "Oh, shit."

  Thomas lunged for Sawyer, and Val and I stood between them, bouncing like pinballs as we pushed them apart.

  "All right! I'm sorry!" Sawyer said.

  "A little fucking decorum, please!" I yelled. "We're grown adults! At work!"

  Thomas stepped back, and Sawyer smoothed his tie and then sat down.

  "Grow up!" I snarled at Thomas.

  Thomas touched his fingers to his mouth while he calmed down. "My apologies," he said through his teeth. "I'll call Polanski. We need to get that report buried and intercept the warrant for Grove's arrest--at least for now."

  Val straightened her clothes. "You call the S.A.C. I'll call the IG's office."

  "I'll tail Grove. See if he suspects anything," Sawyer said.

  Thomas's expression turned severe. "We have to keep a tight lid on this."

  "Understood," Sawyer and Val said.

  They left Thomas and me alone in my office, and we stared at one another.

  "You left out your key agents to protect me?" I asked.

  "Marks knew."

  I tilted my head. "Marks isn't even on this case."

  Thomas shrugged. "I can trust him."

  "You can trust Val, too."

  "Val talks too much."

  "We can still trust her."

  Thomas gritted his teeth. "I shouldn't have to explain myself. It's dangerous, Liis. These people we're dealing with, if they get a hold of your name--"

  "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," I snapped.

  Thomas blinked, surprised at my reaction.

  "I can shoot a target at eighty-five yards with a twenty-two pistol, I can take down an assailant twice my size, and I deal with your arrogant ass at least twice a day. I can handle Benny, the Yakuza, and Grove. I'm not Camille. I am an agent of the FBI, same as you, and you will respect me as such. Do you understand me?"

  Thomas swallowed, carefully thinking about his next answer. "I don't think you're weak, Liis."

  "Then, why?"

  "Something happened to me when I met you."

  "We had great sex. You're attracted to me. That doesn't mean you shut out your best agents. That's another reason it's a bad idea for us to explore whatever this is," I said, gesturing in the air between us.

  "No, it's more than that. From the very beginning...I knew."

  "You knew what?" I snapped.

  "That I would have to be careful. I lost someone I loved before, and it changed me. I gave up someone I loved before, and it crushed me. I know that when you leave, Liis, however it goes down...it will end me."

  I closed my open mouth and stuttered out the next words, "What makes you think I'm going anywhere?"

  "Isn't that what you do? Run? Isn't that your whole goal in life? To move on?"

  "That's not fair."

  "I'm not just talking about promotions, Liis. We are poking not one but two deadly mafia rings. They don't know we're onto Grove. If Grove finds out that you speak the language and can out him, they will see you as a problem. You know how these people are. They're really good at erasing problems."

  "But Grove doesn't know, and Val or Sawyer wouldn't have told him."

  "I wasn't going to chance it," he said, sitting in the chair Val had previously occupied.

  "So, now, we have two problems. He's going to notice when your brother starts working for the FBI. If you want this to work with Travis, we have to get rid of Grove."

  "And we can't get rid of Grove without Tarou knowing we're onto him and Benny. The case will implode."

  I stood there, at a complete loss. "What are we going to do?"

  "We're going to stall. The timing has to be perfect."

  "So, we don't just have to pull off one miracle but two."

  "You have to be careful, Liis."

  "Don't start. We have to focus."

  "Goddamn it! I'm more focused than I've been in a long time. When I walked into that squad room and saw you sitting there...I admit it, okay? Knowing I brought you in to expose Grove scared the shit out of me, and it still does. It has nothing to do with you needing protection or you being a female agent and everything to do with the fact that, at any moment, you could have a target on your back, and it'd be my fucking fault!" he yelled the last part, the veins in his neck bulging.

  "It's the job, Thomas. It's what we do."

  Thomas picked up the file and tossed it across the room. Papers exploded in every direction before floating d
own to the floor. "You're not listening to what I'm saying! This is serious!" He leaned down, his palms flat on my desk. "These people will kill you, Liis. They won't think twice about it."

  I forced my shoulders to relax. "We're leaving for Eakins on Saturday and attending a ceremony in the Virgin Islands on Sunday, and we have to persuade your brother to lie to his wife for the rest of his life before we leave Monday morning because our boss wants an answer. Let's concentrate on that first."

  Thomas's face fell, defeated. "Just...stay away from Agent Grove. You're not the best liar."

  "Yet you trust me to convince your family that we're a couple all weekend."

  "I know what it feels like to have you wrapped up in my arms," he said. "I trust that."

  He closed the door behind him, and after several moments, I finally let out the breath I hadn't known I was holding.

  "LET ME CARRY THAT," Thomas said, sliding my leather tote off my shoulder and onto his.

  "No, I've got it."

  "Liis, girlfriends like this stuff. You need to get your head on straight. Stop being an agent, and start playing the part."

  I nodded, unhappily conceding. We had just arrived at San Diego International Airport. I was glad we could breeze through the business-class line. On the final Saturday of spring break, the airport was particularly crowded. Dodging the human traffic on the way to our gate was making an already tense Thomas even more anxious.

  "I'm not looking forward to doing this again in the morning or again on Monday morning," Thomas grumbled.

  Noticing women taking second and third glances at Thomas made it hard not to stare at him myself. He was wearing a somewhat tight gray T-shirt with a navy sport coat and jeans, his brown leather belt matching his Timberlands. When I got close enough, I could smell his cologne and found myself breathing deeper.

  He hid his eyes behind a pair of aviator sunglasses and kept a forced smile despite being loaded down with our luggage and the knowledge that he would see his family--and Camille--soon.

  We sat in the terminal, and Thomas situated our bags around him. He'd only brought a carry-on. The rest was my medium-sized roller luggage, a roller carry-on, and a leather tote.

  "What do you have in this thing?" he asked, slowly lowering the leather tote to the floor.

  "My laptop, creds, keys, snacks, headset, wallet, a sweater, gum..."

  "Did you pack a coat?"

  "We'll be in Illinois for one night, and then we're off to the Virgin Islands. I can make it for that long with a sweater unless the bachelor party is outside."

  "I'm not sure you're going to the bachelor party."

  "Trent is proposing to Camille at the bachelor party, right?"

  "Seems that way," he said, his voice suddenly quiet.

  "If she can go, I can go."

  "She's a bartender."

  "I'm an FBI agent. I win."

  Thomas stared at me. "I mean that she might be working the party."

  "So will I."

  "I doubt other females will be there."

  "I'm okay with that," I said. "Look, I'm not leaving you to witness that alone. I'm not even in love with Jackson, and I can't imagine how awkward I would feel being present while he proposed."

  "How did the next morning go? You never said."

  "He was gone. I called his mom, and she said that he got home okay. We haven't spoken."

  Thomas laughed once. "Showed up at your place, begging. What a vagina full of sand."

  "Focus. We won't have time to drop me off. We'll have to go straight there, and I'm not waiting in the car. Just tell your brothers we go everywhere together. Tell them that I'm an overbearing, jealous girlfriend. Honestly, I don't care. But if you wanted background decoration, you should have brought Constance."

  Thomas smiled. "I wouldn't have brought Constance. She's very nearly engaged to the S.A.C.'s son."

  "Really?" I asked, surprised.

  "Really."

  "Another boat you missed while pouting over Camille."

  Thomas made a face. "Constance isn't my type."

  "Yes, because beautiful, smart, and blonde is so icky," I deadpanned.

  "Not all men are into sweet and loyal."

  "You're not?" I said, dubious.

  He looked down at me, amused. "My type seems to be feisty women who are emotionally unavailable."

  I glared at him. "I'm not the one who is in love with someone else."

  "You're married to the Bureau, Liis. Everyone knows it."

  "Exactly what I've been trying to tell you. Relationships are a waste of time for people like us."

  "You think being in a relationship with me would be a waste of time?"

  "I know it would. I wouldn't even come second. I would be third."

  He shook his head, confused. "Third?"

  "After the woman you're in love with."

  At first, Thomas seemed too insulted to argue, but then he leaned into my ear. "Some days, you make me wish I'd never told you about Camille."

  "You didn't tell me about her, remember? It was Val."

  "You need to get over it."

  I touched my chest. "I need to get over it?"

  "She's an ex-girlfriend. Stop being a brat."

  I gritted my teeth, afraid of what would come out of my mouth next. "You miss her. How am I supposed to feel about that? You still have a picture of her in your living room."

  Thomas's face fell. "Liis, c'mon. We can't do this now."

  "Can't do what? Fight over an ex-girlfriend? Because a real couple wouldn't do that." I crossed my arms and sat back against the seat.

  Thomas looked down, laughing once. "I can't argue with that."

  We waited at the gate until the desk agent called business class for boarding. Thomas loaded up with our carry-ons and my tote, refusing to let me help. We slowly stepped forward in line, listening to the machine beep each time the ticket agent scanned a boarding pass.

  Once we were through, Thomas followed me down the jetway, and then we were stopped again near the door of the plane.

  I noticed the females staring--this time, the flight attendants--looking past me to Thomas. He seemed unaware. Maybe he was just used to it at this point in his life. At the office, it was easy to pretend he wasn't beautiful, but out in the real world, the reactions of others reminded me of how I'd felt the first time I saw him.

  We settled in our seats, buckling in. I finally felt relaxed, but Thomas was on edge.

  I put my hand on his. "I'm sorry."

  "It's not you," he said.

  His words stung. Although unintentional, they had a deeper meaning. He was about to watch the woman he loved agree to marry someone else. And he was right. The woman he loved wasn't me.

  "Try not to think about her," I said. "Maybe we can step out before it happens. Get some air."

  He looked at me as if I should have known better. "You think I'm stressed about Trenton's proposal?"

  "Well..." I began but didn't quite know how to finish.

  "You should know the picture is gone," he said matter-of-factly.

  "The picture of Camille? Gone where?"

  "In a boxful of memories--where it belongs."

  I looked at him for the longest time, a twinge forming in my chest.

  "Are you happy?" he asked.

  "I'm happy," I said, half-ashamed, half-bewildered.

  Holding back now would make me gratuitously stubborn. He had put her away. I had no excuse.

  I reached over and laced my fingers in his, and he brought my hand up to his mouth. He closed his eyes and then kissed my palm. Such a simple gesture was so intimate, like tugging at someone's clothes during a hug or the tiniest touch on the back of the neck. When he did things like that, it was easy to forget he'd ever thought of someone else.

  After the passengers settled into their seats and the flight attendants informed us how to survive a possible plane crash, the plane taxied to the end of the runway and then surged forward, the speed climbing and the fuselage rattlin
g, until we took off in a quiet smooth motion.

  Thomas began to fidget. He turned around and then faced forward.

  "What's wrong?" I asked.

  "I can't do this," Thomas whispered. He looked over at me. "I can't do this to him."

  I kept my voice low. "You're not doing anything to him. You're the messenger."

  He looked up at the vent above his head and reached up, turning the knob until air was blowing full blast in his face. He settled back into his seat, looking miserable.

  "Thomas, think about it. What other option does he have?"

  He clenched his teeth as he always did when he was annoyed. "You keep saying I'm protecting him, but if I hadn't told my director about Travis and Abby, he wouldn't have to choose."

  "That's true. Prison would be his only choice."

  Thomas looked away from me and out the window. The sun reflected off the sea of white clouds, making him squint. He closed the shutter, and it took my eyes a moment to adjust.

  "This is impossible," I said. "We have a job to do, and if we have all this personal junk swimming around in our heads, we're going to make a mistake, and this entire operation will go south. But its very nature is personal. This assignment involves your family. And we're here, together, with our own...issues. If we don't figure out a way, Thomas, we're fucked. Even if--when Travis says yes, if you're not on your A game, Grove is going to sniff this out."

  "You're right."

  "I'm sorry. What did you say?" I teased, touching my fingers to my ear.

  The flight attendant leaned in. "Can I get you a beverage?"

  "White wine, please," I said.

  "Jack and Coke," Thomas said.

  She nodded and stepped toward the row behind us, asking the same.

  "I said you're right," Thomas said begrudgingly.

  "Are you nervous about seeing Camille tonight?"

  "Yes," he said without hesitation. "The last time I saw her, she was in the hospital, pretty banged up." He noticed my surprised expression and continued, "She and Trenton were driving just outside of Eakins when they were hit by a drunk driver."

  "I can't decide if your family is really lucky or really accident-prone."

  "Both."

  The flight attendant brought our drinks, setting down napkins first and then our glasses. I took a sip of wine as Thomas watched. He paid special attention to my lips, and I wondered if he had the same jealous thoughts as I did when his lips would touch things other than my mouth.

  Thomas broke his stare and looked down. "I'm happy for Trent. He deserves it."

  "And you don't?"

  He laughed nervously and then looked up at me. "I don't want to talk about Camille."