Counting the Days (Counting the Billions, #1)

by Timms, Lexy

  “So you decided to go full Mary Poppins on me?” I teased, wishing I could feel amusement inside of me. Instead, I just felt curiously numb. It felt as though I had been through all the different emotions that a person could feel since the previous night. Horror at the careless way that Daniel had beaten up his former advisor, pain at the way that he had so carelessly been using me, loss at the thought of what might have been between us, confusion at how things had gone so wrong.

  How could I ever have thought that Daniel was someone else, someone good, someone I should be with? And how could I ever have doubted what Leanne and Matt had tried to tell me?

  I felt embarrassed. I should never have let him trick me into believing that he was any different from what the tabloids said. What’s more, though, I never should have believed Austin when he had told me that Daniel clearly cared about me. Austin was Daniel’s best friend, and he had probably played his part in countless different acts like this.

  I had felt like getting to know Austin was a sign that Daniel really cared about me. But who knew how many of Daniel’s flings Austin had already met. Maybe it was all just a scheme to get me out in public with him, where the paparazzi could see both of us, and still leave Daniel with plausible deniability at the end of it, since surely he wouldn’t want me to be angry with him.

  I couldn’t believe I had fallen for it. I was sick with myself for it.

  So really, my emotions had run the whole gamut. And now, I just felt empty. Lost. Alone.

  “What happened?” Leanne asked again. Her voice was gentle, but there was an edge to it as well. I knew that if I asked her to, she would march right over to Daniel’s and tell him what an asshole he was.

  But I didn’t want that. I just wanted to forget that any of this had ever happened. Unfortunately, I knew that as soon as I saw him next, I would be stuck remembering every gory detail of the previous night’s encounters.

  I brought up a couple of the worst articles on my phone, passing them over to her without comment. Leanne grimaced, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Oh honey,” she said on a sigh, finally putting my phone down and pushing it back toward me. Then, she got up and came around the table to give me a hug.

  “I feel so stupid,” I told her. “I feel like I’m in way over my head. You and Matt were right all along—he was just using me.”

  “How was he using you?” Leanne asked in surprise. “There’s nothing in those articles that says that. In fact, it looks like he really cares about you. I mean, I know they all say that you’re just the flavor of the week or whatever, but he fought for you, didn’t he? Not that I really want you to be involved with a guy who will fight for you, with his fists, but it sounds like...”

  She trailed off as I sharply shook my head. “He doesn’t care about me,” I told her. “He was just trying to get his picture in the paper. That’s how he keeps his company relevant.”

  “What?” Leanne asked in surprise. “He said that to you?”

  “He mentioned it once, but I didn’t think he was serious, and I definitely didn’t think that was why he was interested in me,” I said sadly. “But his former advisor showed up last night at the bar and just confirmed it. And now, well...” I put my head down on the table. “I’m never going to get anyone in the business world to take me seriously ever again.”

  Leanne was quiet for a long moment. Then, she sighed. “I hate to defend him, but plenty of people take Daniel McGregor seriously, and he’s the one who is always in the papers,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah, but not as some floozy on the arm of someone else,” I reminded her. “It’s different. There’s different expectations, even in today’s day and age, for a man and a woman in the business world.”

  “That may be,” she agreed, nodding at me. “But still, I’m sure it’s all going to blow over. None of these articles mention you by name, right, so it’s not like they’re going to affect your future job prospects by letting anyone see any of this stuff about you when they search your history.”

  “I guess not,” I said. I sighed. “I just feel so stupid. I thought that he was different than that. I don’t know why.”

  “You wanted to believe that he was different from that,” Leanne said, shrugging.

  I sighed. “Here I am, making the same mistakes I always make. Trusting a man who isn’t any good for me. You guys were right—there was no reason for me to get so involved with him so soon. It was stupid.”

  “It wasn’t stupid.” Leanne shook her head. “I get it—you wanted him to be different. There’s no shame in wanting a sexy guy to want you back.” She paused. “And Daniel is the full package; he’s smart and business savvy and whatever else. I hate that he’s done this to you.”

  “You should be happy,” I said bitterly. “It means you get what you wanted, doesn’t it? Now I won’t be with him.”

  “That’s not what I wanted,” Leanne said. “And you know it. I just want the best for you. I never wanted him to hurt you.” She sighed. “Are you absolutely sure that that’s all he wanted from you? Like, did you talk to him about it after the fight?”

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t stay there any longer,” I said. “And I mean, no point in talking about what I already knew. Last thing I needed was for the paparazzi to snap a picture of me crying or something stupid like that.”

  “True.” Leanne gave me another hug. “I just wish there were something I could do to make everything better. I know how much you wanted this to work out.”

  “Yeah,” I said, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Everything is going to be okay.” I just wished I could believe that was the truth. Instead, I felt overwhelmed by everything. There were so many questions now. Could I still go back to work for him? Should I?

  And if I didn’t go back to work for him, what would my reputation look like? Could I ever hope to get hired again?

  Moreover, what about love? Was I ever going to be able to trust another man again? I had felt, the last time, like I wouldn’t be able to, but then I had let myself fall for Daniel. It had been so easy that way. But how many times could you keep repeating the same mistakes before you realized what you were doing was really stupid?

  “What are you going to do?” Leanne asked, as though echoing my thoughts.

  I sighed and shook my head. “I have no idea,” I told her. “Just no idea.”

  I knew that confronting Daniel about any of it wasn’t going to help me. If anything, that would only make matters worse. I didn’t want him to know he had hurt me. But I couldn’t just not show up at work. I had to face him at some point.

  Or I had to quit. But I didn’t like that prospect either. I didn’t want to be the weak kind of female who couldn’t cut it at a job because of her male boss. I didn’t want the drama to be what got to me.

  It seemed like either way, I was going to lose. But at least I wasn’t going to lose my best friend. I should never have doubted her advice in the first place.

  Chapter 27

  Daniel

  I STARED UP AT THE ceiling of my room, hating the emptiness of the room, the house, my life.

  I was still seething about what had happened the previous night at the bar. I couldn’t believe that Gerrard had shown up there like that. It couldn’t be a coincidence. The guy must still be following me around even though I had fired him. I wondered if he still hoped to violate that contract he had signed, if he still thought that he could make a living off following me around and selling my information to the media.

  It had to be trickier for him to do that no longer having access to my schedules and without having me telling him where I was off to every evening.

  Not only that, but it wasn’t like I had been doing much in the way of partying lately. I had everything I wanted in those late evenings with Abby, back at the office. Sure, I had gone out a couple times with the daughters of some of my business associates. But that was just what was expected of me. That was just part of my job, really.

  Every free evenin
g I had, I had been spending with either Abby or Austin. No one else. There wasn’t much for the media to latch onto there.

  Except Abby. I knew the stories had to be out there about last night. Gerrard wouldn’t have made a scene like that if he wasn’t sure that the media was catching every minute of it. He’d get a nice paycheck from someone, I was sure.

  Should I take him to court over it? It suddenly seemed like so much trouble. I just wished that none of it had ever happened.

  I wanted to call Abby. I wanted to make sure she was okay and that she knew I wasn’t just using her to get into the papers, whatever Gerrard had said, whatever I had stupidly joked that one time. I had only made that joke because Gerrard had accused me of doing that once upon a time. I hated that it had come full circle to this.

  But I doubted that Abby would pick up the phone and actually talk to me, not after the way she had stormed out of the bar the previous night. I couldn’t blame her. It was the same thing I had told her, when the previous news stories had broken about how I had fired Gerrard just so that I could replace him with a young and attractive female. My reputation drove people away from me.

  At the time, just a week ago, she had said that it didn’t matter, that she wasn’t running. But there were only so many times a person could deal with this crap. She had reached her limit. I couldn’t blame her.

  I had tried asking Austin for advice, and even he believed that I probably needed to give her some space. It had been a lot for him to handle, even, and he was my best friend. He’d been there with me through years of this crap. So if he felt like she probably needed space, he was probably right. He understood better than anyone.

  I wished I knew what to do. But I couldn’t promise to keep her away from the paparazzi if we continued to date. There were bound to be stories about the two of us, and stories about how she was my advisor as well as my lover, and vice versa. People would talk.

  I didn’t want to lose her as my advisor. But selfishly, I was more loath to lose her as the woman I was dating. I didn’t think I was ever going to be able to find another woman like her. Not in this lifetime. I couldn’t exactly ask her to give up her job just so that I could date her, though. Especially not since the media already knew that she was my advisor. They’d have a field day if I fired Abby over this.

  HR would murder me, too, I was sure. It might be my company, but I was pretty sure it was a legal issue for me to fire a woman I had been sleeping with. Abby would be well within her rights to take me to court over it. That was more publicity that I didn’t need.

  In another lifetime, what could things have been like for us? What if I were just some other employee of McGregor Enterprises? But then we probably wouldn’t have gotten to know each other the way we had. Things would have been different.

  Besides, I liked that she worked alongside me as my advisor. That was just what made this all so difficult. I didn’t want to have to hire someone else. I knew no one else would do the job the way she had.

  I sighed and hauled myself out of bed. I couldn’t just spend the whole day wallowing, as much as I might want to. Maybe I’d call Austin and we could go out for drinks again that night. Just to get me out of the house. But I had a feeling I would be a maudlin drunk that evening, and I didn’t really want to subject him to that.

  I forced myself to go into my home office and do a little bit of work, but I was having a hard time concentrating on any of it. And not only that, but every time I had to make a decision on anything, I found myself wishing I could talk to Abby about it, to get her advice on things.

  It was hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago, I hadn’t even known her. Now, it felt like everything I did had me thinking about her.

  The doorbell rang, startling me. I frowned, wondering who it could be. I didn’t get door-to-door salesmen or politicians in this nice neighborhood, and as far as I knew, I didn’t have any packages to be delivered that day.

  I froze when I saw, through the peephole, that it was Abby standing there, as though my thoughts had summoned her. I took a deep breath and pulled open the door. For a moment, we just stared at each other. “About last night,” I began. Then I paused, shaking my head. Where were my manners? I was so desperate to convince her that I wanted her that I wasn’t even thinking. “Do you want to come in?”

  Abby stared at me for another few moments and then slowly shook her head. I knew right then, with a sinking heart, that this wasn’t going to be a good conversation between the two of us.

  “I just feel like maybe we need to pump the brakes,” Abby blurted out. “You know, take things back down a few notches. I’m your employee. Nothing more. I can’t be anything more. That’s just how things have to be.”

  I grimaced, looking out over her shoulder, having a hard time meeting her eyes. I was sure that if she saw my eyes, she would see just how upset I was. And I didn’t want her to feel any pressure. I wanted her to do what she felt like she needed to do, regardless of what that meant for me.

  “I want you to be something more, though,” I said, before I had thought through the words.

  Abby made a face of her own. “But I can’t be,” she said, shaking her head. “I can’t be a part of the drama that is your life.” She paused. “It’s not just about me. I have a niece and a nephew who will be starting to read this stuff sooner or later. Kids who will look to me to be an example. I can’t let them think that their aunt is just another in a string of floozies who the whole fucking city is laughing at.”

  “You’re not just another in a string of floozies,” I said, more to convince myself of it than her. No, she was different than all that. Different than anyone I had ever had before. Couldn’t she see that? I didn’t know how to explain it to her, though. I didn’t know how to tell her that I never brought women back there with me; I didn’t know how to explain to her that she was special.

  Because as much as I wanted her, I understood what she was saying. She couldn’t be mine. And I had to live with that. I had to let her go, if that was what she wanted. Regardless of what I might want. Regardless of how much it hurt.

  Abby sighed. “It doesn’t matter if I’m not just some floozy to you,” she said. “I’m afraid of what I saw last night.”

  “The paparazzi?” I asked. “Or Gerrard? I know it seems like he’s angry with you, but you have to understand that it’s just to do with me. He just wants revenge or whatever. I’ll make sure he never touches you again.”

  “That’s not it,” Abby said. “The violence. Watching you beat him up like...” She trailed off. “Just, I don’t know if I can deal with that. If I can handle that. It was scary, Daniel.”

  I was quiet for a long moment. Of course that was what this really came back to. In my head, I could still hear her pleading with me to stop, and I wished I had just listened to her. I wished I had proven to her that I wasn’t just like any other guy, that I knew when to stop. But at the same time, I knew that Gerrard deserved every hit he had taken. I knew that he deserved worse for fucking things up between me and Abby. We had been having a great night until he showed up.

  Now Abby was sure that she couldn’t be anything more to me. That we needed to take a step back, to remember the fact that she was just my employee. I hated Gerrard for that. Even though I recognized that it was all my own fault.

  When had everything gotten so confusing?

  “I never wanted you to see that side of me,” I said in a low voice to Abby. “You have to believe that I would never hurt you. That I wouldn’t ever even dream of it.”

  Abby sighed. “I believe that,” she said, but there was something in her eyes that wasn’t so sure. She had to be rethinking everything she had ever thought about me before. She had been so sure that I wasn’t just like the man the tabloids made me out to be, but what was she thinking now? I had gone and proved that I was exactly like they said.

  I hated that about myself, more than anything else.

  “The trouble is, I have seen that side of you,”
Abby continued. “And now that I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it.” She paused, looking away from me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But this is how it has to be. This is what’s best for both of us.”

  “Are you going to keep working for me?” I finally managed to ask. But honestly, I didn’t hold out much hope.

  Abby looked back at me. “I don’t know just yet,” she said honestly. “I want to, but I have to think things through. I have to do what’s best for me.”

  “Of course you do,” I said. I cleared my throat, looking down at the ground between us. It was only a foot or two, but it suddenly seemed like such an immense gap, a space I could never cross. “For what it’s worth, all I want is the best for you.” More than she could ever possibly understand.

  Abby stared at me for a long moment, her face softening slightly. “I want the same for you,” she told me. “All the best. I just don’t know what that is yet.”

  I nodded, and it seemed like that was all there was to say. She lingered there for another moment, and I kept waiting for her to say something else. I kept waiting for myself to say something, to betray my real feelings for her. To tell her that I loved her, that I wanted to work things out, that, I don’t know, things didn’t have to be this way.

  But neither of us said anything, and after a long moment, she left.

  I stood in the doorway, watching as she disappeared in a cab down the long and winding driveway. Then, I finally closed the door, hanging my head.

  Here I was. Right back where I had started. A man whose name was known by everyone in the city, but a man who came home to the same empty house every damned night.

  A man who was completely alone.

  And maybe that was how it was meant to be. But for one moment, there had been a glimmer of something else, a possibility of something more. I cursed myself for having lost that. But there was nothing I could do about it now.