Gabriel nodded at Tony and started to make polite small talk with him. Maddie turned to Maria. “Did you know?” She kept her voice low.
“Not until I got here. I was texting you when you walked in,” Maria whispered. “What is your mother thinking, querida?”
“I don’t think she is.” Maddie smiled at the waiter as he approached. “A lemon drop martini for me please.”
Tony smiled at Maddie, apparently completely unaffected by her less than enthusiastic welcome. “So, Layna, your mother tells me you work for a big company. What do you do?”
Maddie noticed how his eyes had strayed to the cleavage peeking out from her collared blouse before returning his gaze to her face. She tried not to shiver in revulsion. “I’m the Executive Assistant to the Vice President for an advertising and public relations firm.”
“So, like a secretary?”
Maddie heard Gabriel snort as she shook her head. “No. It’s a little more involved than that. A degree is required for my position.”
Maddie heard Julia’s voice in her head, telling her that she was an impressive woman, that she was a real catch and how much she enjoyed her company. She was suddenly overcome with a desperate longing to hear Julia’s sexy raspy voice.
Tony’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I own my own business ya know…a cleaning company. They call me the ‘King of Office Cleaning’.”
“Tony does well for himself,” her mother chimed in with a tight smile.
Tony nodded. “Yeah, I make good money.”
Maddie heard Maria stifle a horrified gasp and felt Maria’s hand tighten against her thigh beneath the table. Maddie managed not to roll her eyes at the boastful statement.
“How nice for you,” she managed to say. The waiter placed a large martini glass in front of Maddie and she reached for it, sipping deeply.
“You like this place? I can take you out to dinner to a place way nicer than this, just the two of us,” Tony said, smiling as his gaze once again strayed to her cleavage.
Maddie wondered if Tony realized he had just insulted her parents and she smiled when she heard Maria mutter a profanity in Portuguese under her breath.
With the taste of the lemon drop on her tongue and thoughts of Julia in her head, Maddie managed to find her backbone. “I’m sorry, Mr. Salvador, but I’m not available to have dinner with you…or for anything else.”
“But your mother said−”
“I’m sorry, my mother is mistaken. I’m seeing someone.” Maddie glared at her mother as she rudely cut him off.
“O quê? Você está namorando quem?” Her mother displayed her fury by hissing at Maddie through her teeth in Portuguese, demanding to know who Maddie was dating. No one dared to challenge her mother, and certainly not publicly like Maddie had just done.
Maddie inhaled deeply, thinking about what Julia had said to her about not selling herself short and she turned to her mother to say what she had never before dared to say to her. “Ma, I have asked you over and over again to stop doing this. Since you have absolutely no respect for my feelings, I’m going to excuse myself for the evening.”
Maddie heard her mother gasp as she finished the rest of her drink in one long swallow and pushed her chair back. Gabriel instantly got to his feet and followed his mother as she walked briskly across the restaurant, heading directly out the door without looking back. Maddie had never before openly defied her mother and she wondered where the courage to do so now had come from.
Once seated in their car, Gabe turned to his mother. “Let’s get out of here. Did you see Vavó’s face? She is off-the-hook pissed at you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m off-the-hook pissed at her.” Maddie could not insert the key into the ignition and realized that her hands were shaking.
Gabe reached over and held her forearm gently. “Let me drive, Mom. Okay?”
Maddie simply nodded and they both exited the car, switching places quickly. “Be careful, Gabe,” she reminded him as he pulled out into traffic. “Let’s go to the pub. You can get a burger and I can get drunk.” She noticed Gabe’s eyes widen at that, since she rarely drank and certainly never got drunk.
As soon they were seated across from each other in a back booth of the pub near their home, Gabe looked at his mother. “You okay, Mom?” She simply nodded. “That Tony was a real creep, wasn’t he?” Gabe asked.
Maddie nodded again, and waved a server over, ordering herself another lemon drop martini and Gabe a Coke. Maddie tried to stop the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling inside her. Hiding her true self from the rest of the world had always been something that Maddie had simply done unconsciously, without thought or question. Since being with Julia, she had done nothing but question every little thing that she automatically did to keep up the charade. She realized that she had not been completely honest with anyone in her life, not with her own son and not even with herself. To her intense mortification, Maddie could not blink back her sudden tears and they spilled over her lashes and down her face.
Gabe reached for her hands across the table. “Mom, c’mon, you don’t have to go out with him.”
Maddie quickly wiped her face. “I know. It’s not that.” She gathered her courage and inhaled a deep breath, looking directly at her son. “Gabriel, would you freak out if I was gay?”
Gabe blinked and shook his head in confusion as he threw himself back against the leather seat of the booth. “Whoa. What? Gay? Uhmm, okay, no, I don’t think I would freak out. Jesus, Mom, please explain yourself.”
Maddie smiled as Gabriel used her own words on her. She often used that exact phrase with him when she wanted him to give her details.
Maddie inhaled deeply. “When you were visiting your father, I picked up a shift at the hotel and a woman came into the bar. She was very high-end, attractive, but not showy, just…classy. She was alone and she just wanted to sit and have a drink but men kept bothering her, trying to pick her up, so I offered to sit with her when I got off shift. She was smart and funny and we hit it off right away. She invited me to have dinner with her…in the hotel.”
“At the Essex? You ate at the Essex?” Gabe asked, his eyes wide.
“Yeah, I felt underdressed so she let me wear her very expensive designer jacket and she took me to the Essex and it was amazing. The food…the wine…her company. I had the best time. We talked for hours and I realized that I liked her. A lot. More than a lot.” Maddie looked up and met her son’s gaze squarely. “More than I have ever liked any man.”
Gabriel swallowed hard, watching his mother carefully. “Was she…hitting on you?” He asked quietly.
“No, Gabe, no, she wasn’t. She was more than respectful. She actually treated me better than any man I’ve ever dated. We just…I don’t know…had a connection. After a few glasses of wine, she said some things that let me know that she was feeling the same way I was feeling.”
“So, what happened? How did you leave it? She’s too high-end to date a mina?”
Maddie smiled at her son’s use of the slang word for a Brazilian girl. Instead of being upset by her revelation, he was being protective of her. “No, she wanted to see me again, but I said I couldn’t.”
“Mom, why? You haven’t dated anyone in a long time, but I know you get offers all the time, from men and from women. I’m not blind to that. If you finally met someone you like that much, even if it’s a girl…I mean a woman, you should do it.”
Maddie inhaled a deep breath. “I’m afraid.”
Gabe’s head jerked up in apparent surprise. “I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”
Maddie nodded. “Everyone is afraid of something and I’m afraid of this, of what this would mean, of what your grandmother would do if she found out. I…Gabriel…I was involved with a woman before you were born…and I didn’t have the courage…to live that life.”
Gabriel watched his mother carefully. “Wow. I’m really surprised at that.”
“That I was with a woman?” Maddie asked,
her stomach dropping at the possibility that her son might disapprove of her true self.
“No, that you were afraid. What happened to my mother, who told me you can only be brave when you’re afraid?”
Maddie smiled at her son. “I love you, Gabriel, but sometimes I hate it when you pay attention.”
Gabriel returned the smile. “I always pay attention.”
“You’re really okay with this…if I’m…you know…?”
“Gay? Well, as okay as I can be. I’d rather see you with a nice woman than with someone like the ‘King of Office Cleaning’ that’s for sure.” Gabe shrugged. “It’s just a little weird because you’re my mother.” Gabe leaned forward. “Seriously, if you like this woman…what’s her name?”
“Julia,” Maddie said and smiled.
“If you like Julia that much, I think you should go for it.”
“I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Have you talked to her since then?”
“No.”
“She hasn’t called you?” Her son asked with a frown.
“I didn’t give her my number. She gave me hers but…”
“Jeez, Mom, you just left her hanging?” Gabriel asked, his voice high.
“I told her I couldn’t see her again,” Maddie admitted quietly.
“Was she okay with that?” Gabe asked.
Maddie paused. “No.” Maddie had been so absorbed in her own personal struggle that she had not really spent a lot of time thinking about how she may have hurt Julia. “Shit…maybe she doesn’t even want to see me again.”
“You won’t know…” Gabriel began the statement that his mother often repeated to him.
Maddie smiled. “…until you try.”
Maddie stared down at Julia’s number in her phone. She looked up at her son and he smiled at her in encouragement.
“What should I say?” Maddie asked him as she held her phone.
“Just say hi, Mom.”
She inhaled deeply and slowly typed out a text.
Hi. It's Maddie
Maddie stared at the text, trying to think of something else to say, something meaningful or witty. She decided that the brief message was enough if Julia wanted to hear from her. If Julia did not want to hear from her, then there was nothing more to say. She pressed the send button.
Chapter 9
Julia sat on her deck in the dark, wrapped in a blanket against the spring night air, sounds from the nearby marina and an occasional distant voice carried over the water on the cold breeze. It was chilly and Julia knew she should go inside, but the house was too quiet, so she sipped on her Absolut Citron and pulled the blanket closer around her. She shook her head. She would usually relish some time alone, but all she could dwell on was what Deb had said about Maddie.
She heard her phone vibrate against the coffee table in front of her and she sighed as she put her drink down to pick up the phone. It indicated that it was a text, the number unfamiliar, but she opened it. She read the short message and blinked.
Hi. It's Maddie
Julia inhaled sharply, stunned at the words in front of her. She had hoped every day for weeks that she would hear from Maddie and when she finally decided to let her go, this happens. Julia had no idea what to do or what to text back, if anything. She cursed the amount of alcohol she had consumed with Deb but then she laughed at herself for feeling like a nervous teenager. She stared at the text and sensed the hesitancy in those three little words staring back at her, or maybe she was simply imagining things. She remembered telling Maddie to get in touch if she ever needed anything or if she just wanted to talk and maybe it was as simple as that.
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” Julia muttered to herself. She saved the phone number, carefully typing in “Maddie” before she inhaled deeply and texted back.
Hello Maddie.
A response was almost immediate.
How are you?
Julia smiled. Now what? Julia stared at the message. Deb’s words from earlier in the evening echoed in her head. You are not the kind of woman who can be someone’s dirty little secret. Liquid courage made Julia throw caution to the wind and simply be honest.
Other than missing you, I’m fine.
Maddie looked down at her phone, excited and frightened. She smiled so widely her eyes nearly closed. She could hear Gabe laughing quietly as she stared at the text message. She texted back.
I miss you, too. Can I see you?
Maddie waited long excruciating moments and she thought that Julia might not respond before a return text appeared.
I’d like that
Maddie stared at the message. She had not thought this through. Would Julia be willing to travel into the city, or should she head to Fairhaven, where Julia lived? Maddie considered the constant calls from her mother that she had been ignoring since she had left the restaurant, how she had avoided going back to her own home to escape from dealing with the pressures of her family. She wanted to see Julia where she could relax and be herself. She made a quick decision and went with it.
Are you free tomorrow? I can come to you
Julia breathed deeply, staring at the offer. As well as the overwhelming desire to see Maddie, she also liked the feeling of being pursued, but she did not want to seem anxious. Julia texted back.
You know where I am.
Deb’s voice was a nagging reminder at the back of her mind. It may have meant something to her, but it meant everything to you. Julia took a deep bracing swallow of vodka, shuddering slightly as she wondered what it had meant, what she had meant to Maddie. Something or everything?
“I guess I’ll find out.” Her quiet words were carried off by the cool ocean breeze.
◆◆◆
Once Julia faced the stark reality of the morning, she did not change the tentative plans she had already made for her Saturday, not quite convinced that Maddie would actually make an appearance. Julia was a great believer in keeping her expectations within reason so she wouldn’t be constantly disappointed and this situation seemed tailor-made for that. She did have a moment of optimism, though, and dressed in a lightweight short-sleeved sweater and a pencil skirt, swallowing deeply when she pulled stockings up to attach them to the garters she decided at the last minute to wear beneath the skirt.
Since Eleanor was with her Dad until the following morning, Julia had planned to head into the office and get some work done. Julia’s plan was to catch up on e-mails and return some calls. Being out and about on this sunny spring day was also doing wonders for her frame of mind. Julia parked her car near her office and forced herself to walk over to get coffee on the next block. The brisk walk, as well as interacting with people seemed to help her mood and once she was inside the office she opened all the blinds, cracking a window for fresh air in the conference room that she liked to work in as she sat down to check her e-mails on her laptop.
She could not help but glance down at her phone regularly, checking for any contact from Maddie, but she did manage to get a bit of work accomplished. She was just hanging up from confirming an appointment for a showing later in the week when she heard the sound of the tiny bell on the front door.
“Hello?” Julia called out.
“Mom?” It was Vivienne. Julia had not expected to see her in the office today.
“In the back,” she said.
Vivienne strolled in and smiled and Julia marveled at the beautiful combination of her father’s long leanness, dark hair and eyes with Julia’s own features. “I didn’t think I’d see you today,” Julia said quietly.
Vivienne looked at Julia. “I came in to print the price sheets for today’s open house and…Mom?”
Julia had covered her mouth with her hand. “The open house. I almost forgot.”
“You almost forgot an open house?” Vivienne asked. “Since when?”
Julia scrambled mentally. “Since Deb and I went out for too many cocktails last night.” She rubbed her forehead. “Shit…shit.”
“It’s under control, Mom, relax.” Julia’s cell phone vibrated and she jumped, shaking her head in embarrassment as she checked the message. When she looked up, Vivienne had her arms crossed. “Why are you so jumpy and why are you so dressed up if you forgot about the open house?”
Julia sighed, annoyed at Vivienne’s perceptiveness. “I’m not…really dressed up.”
“Yes, you are. You always look professional, but this is…more than that. What’s going on? You’ve been so…prickly lately.”
“Prickly? I’m not prickly. What does that even mean?”
“Touchy…cranky…and evasive. Also, your attitude has been very ‘glass half-empty’ instead of ‘glass half-full’ so spill it. What’s going on?”
Julia rolled her eyes. “Nothing, really. I just…I did something a little crazy and very unlike me, Vivie, that’s all, and I feel a little foolish and embarrassed about it.”
“What did you do? Buy discount Chardonnay?” Vivienne smiled, knowing her mother’s love of a good glass of wine.
Julia laughed. “I wish it had been that kind of crazy, but no.”
“Well, what kind of crazy was it?” Vivienne asked.
Julia sighed. “The kind of crazy that should not be discussed with one’s daughter.”
Vivienne’s eyebrows rose in what Julia knew was a fairly accurate impersonation of her. “We discuss everything.”
Julia smiled. “Yes, usually we do and I love you, Vivie, but we are not discussing this.”
“Why? Oh my God, did you— “
Vivienne stopped talking as they heard the tiny bell over front door jingle. Vivienne turned to head out. “Probably a walk-in. I’ll take care of it.” She turned back to her mother. “But we are not finished with this conversation.”
Julia heard quiet voices in the front before Vivienne came back and popped her head in the doorway. “Mom, there’s someone here for you.”
Julia put a professional smile on her face as she walked out and through the cubicles that separated the conference room from the reception area. As she cleared the last desk, she froze mid-step.
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