Blackie started to feel excited about the baby. Boy or girl, he would love it with his whole heart and soul. Even now when he saw little girls, he melted and wished he were still young enough to have one of his own. And boys? He yearned to teach a little guy how to throw a ball. He instinctively knew he’d been born to be a dad, the kind who read stories, played with dolls, and wore out the front lawn playing tag football. He still wasn’t too old for all that, and if he and Julie had their kids over the next couple of years, he wouldn’t be too old when they were teenagers if he worked out and stayed in shape.
Blackie grabbed the jacket he’d tossed over the back of his chair and bolted down the stairs. If he begged and pleaded, Julie would forgive him for what he’d said. She had to, because he couldn’t contemplate living the rest of his life without her.
* * *
* * *
Julie lay on her bed in a fetal position, which she thought was fitting since as her baby grew, it would lie within her uterus in the same position. From here on out, it would be just the two of them. The thought brought fresh tears to her eyes, and she started crying again. She wished Blackie were beside her and holding them both in his arms. But he’d made his choice, and she had to live with it.
The doorbell pealed, the loud musical notes bouncing off the walls of her home and snapping her body taut. With a glance at her watch, she saw it was almost eight o’clock, way too late for solicitors, and she knew it couldn’t be Erin, who knew Julie needed to be sound asleep by nine. She groaned and sat up, her heart leaping with hope that it might be Blackie. How stupid was that? He had run with his tail between his legs, and right now he was probably thanking his lucky stars over a beer that she’d let him off the hook.
She finally felt better, at least. No nausea now that it was bedtime. She grabbed her robe and slipped it on as she hurried to the front door. After looking through the peephole, she stood frozen on the entryway rug and hugged herself. It was Blackie.
“I heard you come to the door, Julie. Please, just let me in. Please.”
A part of her wanted to tell the man to get lost, but another, more civilized part of her couldn’t do that. She took a deep breath and disengaged the dead bolt. As the door swung open, Blackie pressed closer and put his foot on the threshold. In that moment, he looked large, forceful, and so masculine she ached to throw herself into his arms.
“What do you want, Blackie? I have to be at my shop at five in the morning.”
He held her gaze. “I want to beg your forgiveness. I know what I said was awful and uncalled-for. I think I knew it when I said it. But there’s this other side of me, Julie, a side that can’t believe you’re truly in love with an old guy like me. You’re so young. So beautiful. And, damn it, I don’t think I can live the rest of my life without you. Knowing that scares me half to death and makes me feel—I don’t know—inadequate, I guess, and insecure. I can’t help but ask myself what the hell you can possibly see in me, and for just an instant, it did cross my mind that maybe you used me to get pregnant. I’m so sorry for allowing a thought like that into my head. The words were out before I could stop them. If you’ll forgive me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I—am—so—sorry.”
Tears rushed to Julie’s eyes again. She hadn’t looked in a mirror, but she figured her eyes were already red and swollen. She’d cried over him long enough. “You’re forgiven,” she said stonily. “Thank you for stopping by to apologize.”
When she started to close the door, he pressed the flat of his hand against the exterior side of the portal. “Please. I’ve been thinking about the baby. About what I said about not wanting it at my age. And then about how scared I was when you got so upset. I was afraid for you. I won’t lie about that. But mostly, Julie, my first instinct was to be afraid for our baby. It’s got such a fragile grip on life right now.”
Julie just stared up at him. She felt so empty inside, so horribly empty.
“I love it already,” he said softly. “God only knows how, but the feeling’s there, Julie. I told you before that I’d always wanted children. All my adult life, I wished I could meet the right lady and raise a family. You just hit me with it so suddenly. I didn’t have time to think it through or absorb what it meant. And I just blurted out my first reaction, that I didn’t want a baby at my age. Which was true. In that moment, it was true.”
“We’re a package deal, Blackie. I’m having this baby, and I’m keeping it.”
“I know, and I understand that. I’m just asking you to forgive me for what I said and allow me to be a part of this.”
Julie remembered her first reaction when the doctor had asked if she might be pregnant. She’d been appalled at the mere suggestion. And she’d actually thought, I don’t want a baby. She hadn’t said the words aloud, but after the shock wore off and she had a moment alone, she fell in love with the baby. Maybe, she thought with a tiny glimmer of hope, Blackie had, too.
“I’m sorry I dumped it on you the way I did. I planned to tell you after dinner, or maybe during dinner. But I was so afraid of your reaction, and I’ve felt so sick all day. If you were going to dump me over it, I just wanted to say it and be done with it, no matter what happened.”
Blackie passed a hand over his eyes. “Dump you? Julie, you’re a dream come true for me. The joy of my life.” He turned his palms upward like a supplicant. “I know you can’t forget those first words that popped out of my mouth, but I swear to you and before God that I didn’t really mean them. In fact, I’m feeling really excited now. About the baby, I mean. And I’m even thinking about more kids. If we have them soon, I’ll be young enough when they’re teenagers to still be a fairly good father.”
Julie placed a hand over her abdomen. More children? She was just getting her mind wrapped around having one. “Maybe you should come in. I need to sit down.”
Blackie looked vastly relieved. “Does this mean you really do forgive me?”
“Not necessarily. It mostly means I feel weak from not eating much today, and I need to sit.”
She turned and Blackie closed the front door before following her to the living room. Julie chose to sit in one of the recliners. If she took a seat on the sofa, she was afraid he would sit beside her, and she didn’t trust herself not to throw herself into his arms.
Blackie sat on the couch and braced his arms on his knees with his hands folded. “I honestly didn’t mean what I said. It was my insecurity talking. And . . . well, Julie, the news did take me off guard. It was a bit of a shock. I had no time to think before I spoke.” He sighed. “I’m as responsible for this pregnancy as you are. I could’ve worn a condom. I didn’t even ask about protection until after the fact. So where was my head that first night when you told me you were protected? I saw you hurl but didn’t consider the possibility that you might have missed doses, and that was as much my responsibility as it was yours.” He met and held her gaze. “We did this together and we should deal with it together.”
Julie wanted to hug him, not because she intended to resume their relationship, but simply because he was now being a stand-up guy. “Blackie, I appreciate your sense of obligation, but the truth is, you never wanted to be a dad at this stage of your life, and I don’t want my baby to be a mistake that you feel obligated to deal with.”
He sighed. “I had that coming. I know I didn’t react well to the news. But now that I’ve had time to think about it, I’m excited about becoming a father. I’ve always wanted kids. Granted, I wouldn’t have made this decision for myself or for the baby, but it happened. I can’t help but think that maybe it’s God’s way of taking the decision out of my hands and giving me one of the most beautiful gifts of my life, a wonderful woman to love and a child to raise.”
Julie realized she was staring at him through tears, and she was unable to hold them back. The moment her shoulders started to jerk with suppressed sobs, he shot to his feet, pulled her up
from the recliner, and enveloped her in his arms. His embrace felt so hard and warm and safe. Unable to resist his solid strength, she sank against him.
He held her until she stopped weeping, and then he continued to hold her. “I love you. I knew that long before you told me about the baby. I even told you before we made love. The baby doesn’t change that, not one iota. You need to know you’re the most important thing in the world to me, and you need to believe that our baby has also become one of the most important things to me.”
“Oh, Blackie,” she said in between sniffles. “How could you think I might toss you over for a younger man? You’re the man I love. You’re the only man I want. And I can’t really blame you for how you reacted. When the doctor first suggested I might be pregnant, I was appalled. And then the test came back positive, and I was so terrified of your reaction and of losing you. The thought of an abortion flitted through my mind, and then, in a flash, I felt this rush of love for my baby, and I knew I would have it no matter how upset you were. I was frightened about raising it alone. I won’t lie about that. But I also knew, way deep down, that I could raise it alone and that I would.”
He started to sway with her pressed against him. “You won’t have to do it alone. Nothing, except death itself, is going to stop me from being a part of our child’s life. I swear to you, Julie, I don’t see this as an obligation. It’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me.”
She gave a wet laugh. “I know. Right? I didn’t want this baby, either. For all of ten minutes. And then, wham, the reality of it all sank in. A baby, Blackie. It was the last thing I expected, and yet it’s the most wonderful thing, too.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I feel exactly the same way. It’s like, wow! I’m going to be a daddy.”
“Parents, we’re going to be parents.”
“Big question. Are we going to be parents together?”
She twisted in his arms to look up at him. “Are you absolutely sure you want that?”
He released a breath and smiled. “I’ve never wanted anything more. I know this is old-fashioned, Julie, and you’re always giving me a hard time about that, but I want to do this right. I think we should get married right away. I don’t want my kid to grow up believing he was an accident. And kids do that, you know. When they’re old enough, they do the math and realize their parents had to get married.”
Julie gazed up at him. Her feelings of love for him ran so deeply that they were an ache within her. “Is that a proposal?”
He smiled. “Yes, and I know it’s a poor excuse for one, but the circumstances don’t allow for me to do it the romantic way. I’m also at a disadvantage when it comes to an engagement ring, because I know you always wanted to wear your grandmother’s. Only it doesn’t seem right. I should provide the ring. That’s the traditional way.”
All of Julie’s resentment and anger had washed away during their talk, and she smiled shakily up at him. “I guess you can buy it back from me. We shouldn’t depart from tradition. It’ll always bother you.”
“Can I take that to mean you’re saying yes?”
“You’re the only man in the world for me, Blackie. Of course I’m saying yes.”
He grinned. “Good. Because I never cashed the check you made out to me, and now I just won’t. All we need now is the ring. You said you were going to wear it, but I’ve never seen it on you.”
“I need to get it resized. I was afraid it might slip from my finger and go down one of the shop drains.”
“We’ll take it to a jeweler tomorrow. I want a ring on your finger.”
Julie went up on her tiptoes to hug his neck. “I never wanted to get married again. Until I fell in love with you. And just so you know, Blackie, I would have married you even without a child factoring into the equation.”
“And I would have asked you to marry me, anyway. Like I said, you’re a dream come true for me.”
She tightened her hold on his neck. “Oh, Blackie, how will we ever manage? My shop keeps me so busy, and you have your own business to run. I don’t want our baby to have exhausted, overtaxed parents.”
“It won’t. I’ve saved a lot of money over the years. Maybe we can sell our individual businesses, pool our funds, and start up the brewery we’ve both dreamed of. Then we can take care of the baby while we’re working. We’ll both be around. And neither of us will be exhausted or overtaxed.”
“A brewery? You mean it? That would be so awesome!”
He chuckled, set her away from him, and ruffled her hair. “Plans for that have to come later. Right now we need to sort out our lives. I think we should live here with the understanding that I’ll pay off the mortgage. I don’t want a house payment hanging over our heads. Until I sell my shop, I can rent out my apartment.” He grabbed her by the hand and led her upstairs. “While I was taking care of you, I toured the house. I wasn’t thinking in terms of a baby at the time, but now that I am, I suggest that we should knock out a wall between two of the bedrooms up here to create a large master suite. Then we can turn one of the other bedrooms into the nursery. That will still give us two spare bedrooms in case we have more kids.”
“Put on your brakes, Blackie. Let me get through this pregnancy before you start talking about having more kids.”
When they reached the landing, he gathered her into his arms and kissed her. As always, Julie felt as if she were melting into him.
When he came up for air, he smiled down at her. “This is right, you know. We were meant to be together.”
Julie couldn’t have agreed more. “Let’s go look at the bedrooms and choose our baby’s nursery.”
* * *
* * *
After dinner, Kennedy helped clean up the kitchen at the bunkhouse, then walked over to the main house to speak with Slade and Vickie. He’d waited to tell them about Ginger, the female bear, until Jen checked into it further and was absolutely certain that an adoption could occur.
Vickie answered the door, narrowed an eye at him, and then grinned. “Your sense of smell is absolutely phenomenal. I made lemon meringue pies today, and now, here you are.”
Kennedy couldn’t help but laugh. “Actually, I came to talk to you and the boss about something. But a piece of my favorite pie will be a really nice perk.”
Vickie led him to the kitchen where Slade sat at the table eating a piece of pie. He smiled when he saw Kennedy. “First come, first serve. At least I’ve gotten one piece this time.”
Vickie stepped over to the work island and served up another slice onto a dessert plate. “Coffee, too, Kennedy?”
“Please.” Kennedy sat down across from his boss. “I’ve got some really awesome news. At least, I hope you’ll be excited. Jen worked last summer at a bear shelter, and after meeting Four Toes, she inquired to see if the shelter has a female bear suitable as his life partner. As it happens, the facility is really crowded right now, and they have a one-year-old female the administrator thinks will be perfect for him. Her name is Ginger.”
Slade stopped chewing and struggled to swallow. “Are you serious? Is it a sure deal? Last time when we didn’t get the bear at the very last minute, Vickie was so upset she cried.”
“It’s a sure deal,” Kennedy said. “They’re really strapped for space. All you have to do is call them, prove that you have a permit and adequate facilities to keep a wild animal here, and they’ll deliver her here within a week.”
“Oh, how fabulous!” Vickie cried. “I feel so sorry for Four Toes. We all try to keep him from feeling lonely, but it goes against nature for an animal to have no contact with others of its species.”
“I just hope they like each other,” Kennedy said after he swallowed a bite of filling. “There’s a chance they won’t, you know. Female and male black bears don’t normally hang out together in the wild. Ginger may not want Four Toes around her until she’s ready to
breed, and then she may give him the boot.” Kennedy really didn’t want to say the next part, but he had no choice. “Jen also learned that altering Four Toes may be required for the adoption to occur.”
“Altering?” Slade looked none too happy at the suggestion. “I really wouldn’t want to do that.”
“I know,” Kennedy commiserated. “But we have to look at it practically, Boss. If Four Toes is left intact, he’ll impregnate Ginger. Your aim isn’t to raise black bears. And the shelters won’t want you to. Then there’s the temperament issue. As Four Toes continues to mature, he’ll become more aggressive. If he’s altered, he’ll be a lot mellower and a better companion for Ginger. They’ll just be friends.”
Vickie reached down to pat Pistol on the head. “You had Pistol neutered, Slade. Controlling the population of a wild species isn’t usually a practice, but due to no fault of his own, Four Toes is no longer wild. He’s been habituated to humans and can’t be free as God intended. Do you really want him and Ginger to have cubs?”
Slade sighed and pushed away his dessert plate. “You’re right. I know you’re right.” He glanced at Kennedy. “Does it have to be done right away?”
“I don’t think so. Ginger won’t be old enough to breed for a while, so you’ll have some time to get used to the idea. I’m pretty sure the shelter will give you a deadline, though. If you don’t get it done by then, there’s probably a clause in the adoption papers saying they can take Ginger back.”
“Maybe we should just get a male cub,” Slade suggested.
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