by Erica Lee
That was the moment I was going to remember from my last indoor conference championship. Not my win in the hurdles, not my third place finish in the 400, and not even my team going on to win the whole thing. I would always remember how it felt when Faith Hopkins looked at me that way.
Chapter 11
“How are you feeling today?” Faith asked as I crawled into her car early the next morning.
“Sore,” I answered with a grunt.
Faith nodded. “I figured your muscles must be hurting today.”
“Ugh yeah,” I groaned. “My legs are killing me.”
Faith smiled at me mischievously. “Oh really? I was more so thinking the muscles that control your smile would be tired. I think you may have used them more yesterday than you have in your entire life; definitely more than the two months I’ve known you.”
“Well, I had a lot to be happy about,” I answered sincerely.
Faith reached over and squeezed my knee. “I’m really glad that competing makes you that happy. It’s nice to see you smile so much.”
I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t the competition that made me so happy. In all honesty, I could have won every single event before I met her and I still would have felt empty inside. I kept these thoughts to myself though. I wasn’t ready to be even more vulnerable in front of Faith.
Before we went into church, Faith asked me a few more times if I was sure that I wanted to do it and reassured me that it was understandable if I didn’t. It was sweet and just convinced me even more that I should go, mostly because I wanted to make her happy. She deserved it.
When we went in, Faith said hello to a few people before we made our way in to join the rest of her family. Both of her parents smiled at me and Susan put up her fist for me to bump. Susan’s boyfriend, Jason, was also there and he nodded politely at me. The service started out as I suspected it would with a bunch of singing. I stood there silently, secretly stealing glances at Faith as she sang. Everything that girl did sent my stomach into knots. I could have watched her all day.
After the singing, someone came up to make some announcements and then said that Pastor M was about to give the message. I looked around trying to figure out which man sitting near the front was “Pastor M” and was surprised when the woman who was in charge of the volunteering stood up.
“Wait.. that is Pastor M?” I whispered to Faith.
“Yeah. Pastor Meredith. You didn’t know she was the pastor here?”
I shook my head in utter shock. I honestly didn’t know churches were allowed to have women pastors. The church my parents used to force me to go to never let women be in charge. The only job they were allowed to do was teaching Sunday school.
Pastor M smiled widely as she stood in front of us. “Today is a very exciting day,” she announced. “We will be starting off the service with a baptism for baby Andi.”
Pastor M motioned toward someone and two men stood up, one of them holding a baby dressed in white in his arms. I looked between both men trying to figure out if my suspicions were correct.
Faith must have read my mind because she leaned in close to me. “Yes. They’re married. That’s their daughter that they just adopted.”
My eyes went wide at her words. This church truly was blowing my mind. It was nothing like what I would have suspected a church service to be like.
After the baptism, Pastor M started to preach. She talked about removing toxic people from our lives. She also said that sometimes God removes certain people from our lives because He knows that we won’t be able to do it on our own. The sermon hit weirdly close to home, literally, but I tried my best not to let it get to me. I refused to be that person who went to one church service and was suddenly sending all of my praises up to Jesus. Nope.. the big man was going to have to give me more than one coincidental sermon to make me a full on believer.
After the sermon, it was Faith’s time to talk about the meal delivery. She told the story of Fanny and how she slowly opened up to us throughout the past two months, reiterating how important it is for these individuals we’re delivering to. In the end, she asked for people to consider volunteering when we did this again around each holiday.
She was such a natural at speaking in front of everyone. She didn’t even seem the slightest bit nervous and I found myself wondering if she was legitimately perfect. Was there anything Faith Hopkins couldn’t do?
——————————————————————
“I’m not good at puzzles,” Faith informed me as she shoved a slice of pizza in her face while she spoke.
We had decided to celebrate the end of volunteering by getting pizza from the one pizza shop in town and watching Faith quickly shovel pizza in her mouth was strangely endearing.
“Apparently you’re also not very good at chewing with your mouth closed,” I joked.
She stuck a tongue full of pizza out at me before taking another bite. I shook my head in fake disgust.
“So after you’re done attacking that pizza, what do you say we go back to my place and study a bit?”
It always felt weird asking her to come over to study and actually meaning that we were going to study. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or embarrassed about how much she had changed me, but at this point I didn’t care.
“I’m down. Although I am ahead on my work for the week, so I could just quiz you on stuff if you want.”
“I actually got most of my work done on the bus ride to and from the meet this weekend. I honestly just wanted an excuse to hang out longer so I was going to study ahead.” I felt my face turning red with this confession.
Faith laughed. “Here’s an idea. If you want to hang out with me more, why don’t you just say ‘hey Faith want to come back to my place and chill?’”
I smiled across the table at her. “Hey Faith, want to come back to my place and chill?”
Once we were back at my apartment, we sat beside each other on my bed flipping through the TV guide. When we couldn’t find anything good, Faith took the controller from me and shut off the tv. “So what did you think about church today?” She asked.
“It was...interesting…” I hesitated. “If you’re asking if I’m running out to buy myself a bible tonight, the answer is no. But it was definitely better than expected and it made me think.”
“Oh yeah? Well, thinking is good.” Faith scrunched up her nose and stuck her tongue out at me.
I thought for a moment, then turned to face Faith completely. “Do you think my relationship with my parents was toxic? Is it really possible that I’m better off without them in my life?”
Faith’s face became serious. “I honestly don’t know enough about your parents to tell you that. What was it like growing up?”
I sighed. “Well, I was never good enough for them if that’s what you’re asking. From the time I was little, I was a huge tomboy. I wanted to play in the dirt with the boys rather than play with dolls. My parents had me seeing this wack job Christian counselor from the time I was five years old because they were worried about me since I didn’t follow normal gender stereotypes. The thing is, the more they pushed me to act like a girl, the more I rebelled. My parents almost didn’t even let me do track because sports are apparently for boys, but the school guidance counselor convinced them it would be good for me to socialize with other kids since I was such a loner. Were my parents proud when I was one of the best on the team? Nope. They were mad at me for spending all of my time hanging out with the guys’ team. That was until Kara Krebs started at our school. My mom was so happy that I was friends with a girl. I was happy because Kara happened to enjoy making out with me. It was the perfect scenario until someone caught us making out in the girl’s bathroom in the fall of our junior year and we were immediately kicked out of school. Apparently the school had a zero tolerance policy for homosexuality. My parents also had a zero tolerance policy. They immediately sent me to live with my grandma in the next town over. She was a nasty old woman,
but she at least gave me food and shelter.”
Faith reached over and grabbed my hand. She looked like she was going to cry as she stared at me. “Joey… I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I guess if I’m honest, it really did end up being for the best. Much to the disdain of my grandma, I joined the track team at my new public high school and I was able to get even better. It’s crazy what happens when you have coaches that actually know what they are doing. But that’s when I realized college might be an option if I could get a scholarship and Belman gave me the best offer so that’s where I decided to go. Between athletic and academic scholarships and loans, I’m able to make it through.”
Faith continued to stare at me, still on the brink of tears. “Joey… I wish I knew what to say. That’s awful. It’s absolutely terrible. But for what it’s worth, I am glad that it led you here. It gave me a chance to meet you and getting to know you these past two months has been better than words could ever describe.” She thought for a moment before adding, “But that’s a really selfish way for me to think. I shouldn’t be happy you went through that just because it allowed me to have you in my life. That’s really crappy of me. I’m sorry for even saying it.”
I looked back at her, trying to convey how I felt through my eyes. “You don’t have to be sorry Faith. The truth is, I would go through it all again if I knew that it would lead me to you. This is going to sound crazy, but meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Faith cleared her throat and looked away from me, clearly unsure how to react to my confession. When she turned back, she had a questioning look in her eyes. “So, what happened with your parents after you moved in with your grandma? Did you talk to them anymore?”
I groaned as I thought back to how hard those days were. “At first my parents came once a week to have a family dinner and ‘assess my progress.’ When they realized I wasn’t making any progress, they took it down to once a month, until they eventually just stopped all together and I never saw them again.”
“And what about your grandma?” Faith asked tentatively.
“I have more respect for my grandma than I do for my parents. That lady treated me like absolute shit, but she never once kicked me out of her house. I was so over my life at that point that I didn’t care what happened, so I would disappear for days at a time. I had a fake ID and would go home with girls I met at the club just so I didn’t have to go back to my grandma’s. She eventually gave up on trying with me, but whenever I showed back up, she let me in every time. But once I left for college, I never spoke to her again. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a family. Families don’t treat each other like that.”
Before Faith could respond, I continued my rant. I couldn’t stop myself at this point. I had held it all in for so long that it felt good to finally put it out there. “It’s so messed up though. Even after everything my parents did to me, there was still a part of me that always loved them. There’s a part of me that, no matter how much I hate them, will also love them. And the thing is - I kind of don’t blame them for disowning me. I think it’s a load of shit that they would do it over the fact that I prefer girls over guys, but I don’t blame them for thinking that I wasn’t good enough. It’s probably true. I’ve made a lot of really dumb decisions in my life. I’m honestly not a good person.”
Faith’s stare burnt right through me as she lightly shook her head. “I don’t agree with that. I’m not claiming to know what mistakes you’ve made in the past, but I honestly don’t care because I see the person you are now and that person is absolutely amazing. You have this natural beauty both outside and inside. And the fact that you don’t see it almost makes you more beautiful. Except it’s also really sad because you deserve to see it.”
Her confession sent a shockwave through my whole body. I swallowed hard and said the only word that came to my mind. “Freckles,” I just barely whispered.
Yes, I admit it wasn’t my most smooth moment. But that’s the effect Faith seemed to have on me. Luckily, my fumbling made Faith giggle and she continued to giggle as she gave me a questioning look.
“Your freckles,” I explained. “When we first met, you said your freckles were the reason you weren’t as good looking as your sister, but that’s not true. Your freckles are one of the things that makes you so beautiful.”
As I said the words, I instinctively traced my finger along the freckles on her face. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sinking into my hand that I now had resting on her cheek. I slowly leaned in, giving her a chance to back away. When she didn’t, I placed a gentle kiss on her lips. To my surprise, she wrapped her hand around my neck and kissed me back. But her kiss wasn’t gentle. It was desperate and passionate. As she deepened the kiss, I found myself moaning into her mouth.
Before we could continue, I felt a hand on my shoulder, pushing me away. I opened my eyes to find Faith slowly shaking her head, a look of despair on her face.
“Joey. We need to talk,” She stuttered, unable to make eye contact with me.
This was it. I was waiting for the moment that Faith would realize I wasn’t good enough and unfortunately it had come right after the greatest kiss of my entire life.
“It’s ok,” I sighed. “So what is it? I’m not good enough for your parents? You can’t date someone whose beliefs aren’t as firm as yours? I’m a little... or I guess I should say a lot.. rough around the edges. I get it. You can just give it to me straight.”
Faith stared at me like I was crazy, before explaining herself. “That’s not what I was trying to say at all. You really need to work on realizing your self worth. This is about me. There is something I need to just put out there before this goes any further.”
She looked toward the ceiling and I could tell she was anxious about whatever she had to tell me. She nervously chewed on her bottom lip, which only served to make her look even more adorable.
I placed my hand on top of hers, forcing her to look at me. “What is it? Just tell me.”
“Well...the thing is...I’m actually.. saving myself for marriage. Like...as in.. no sex of any variety.”
I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and a sense of relief washed over me. Never in my life did I think a hot girl telling me she didn’t want to have sex would make me feel relieved, but in this case it did. Without meaning to, I suddenly started to laugh. Before I could gain control of myself, I was rolling around on my bed and holding my sides while happy tears fell down my face. Clearly I was feeling too many emotions at one time because this was not like me at all. Until a few weeks ago, I barely ever smiled let alone laughed.
When I opened up my eyes and looked over at Faith, I noticed that she seemed hurt. Shit. Of course she did. She had literally just admitted to a big part of her and here I was laughing in her face.
I quickly sat up and put my arm over Faith’s shoulder, pulling her closer to me. “So.. could I have a quick do over here? That was a terrible reaction and it totally doesn’t mean what you think it does. This is going to sound crazy coming from me, but I was actually laughing because I was so relieved. I was sure you were going to tell me that we couldn’t do that ever again and that would suck because that was by far the best damn kiss of my entire life.”
“So you would really be ok with not having sex?” Faith asked shyly.
“Faith I’m just happy that you actually like me. I know that I’ve had a decent amount of sexual experiences in the past, but what we have means so much more to me than any of that. Unless… of course.. that kiss didn’t actually mean that you have feelings for me, in which case, I’m totally sticking my foot in my mouth right now.”
Faith started to laugh at me all over again. “Of course I have feelings for you. I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t. Honestly I’m such a prude that I normally won’t even kiss someone unless we’re officially dating.”
I felt a smirk forming on my face as I began
to lean in closer to Faith. “Well.. in that case, Faith Hopkins - will you go on a date with me on Friday night?”
Before she could respond, I put my lips back on hers and we shared a kiss that was somehow even better than the first.
Chapter 12
“Take care of my baby,” Julie lectured as she handed me the keys to her Jeep.
“I will. Don’t worry,” I promised. “Are you sure you don’t mind if I take it though? It’s officially spring break. You could head home tonight if you had your car.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Julie urged me. “I had such a long day of classes that the last thing I want to do right now is drive. Plus, this is a big night for you. You don’t want to show up for your first date ever riding a bike.”
I stuck my tongue out at her. “Faith did offer to drive, but yeah… I wanted to do this right.. so thank you. Seriously.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” Julie reassured me. “So, how are you feeling?”
“Honestly? I feel like I might crap my pants. I never even get this nervous before a race.”
“I don’t have any experience going on dates with other girls, but I have a feeling they don’t really like it if you have a bowel movement in the middle of your date,” Julie joked. “Seriously though. You’ll be fine. You and Faith have hung out quite a bit at this point. This is no different than any of those times except that there might be some extra hand holding and kissing.”