Falling for Faith

by Erica Lee

  When it came time to pray, I found myself desperately reaching out to God. Dear God. I want you in my life. I want to experience you in the same way that Faith experiences you. Come into my life Lord. I’m ready to give it up to you.

  When I finished praying, Faith squeezed my hand and stared over at me. I didn’t know what she was staring at, until I realized that I had tears running down my cheeks. I suddenly felt the need to get away and quickly made my way out to the lobby.

  Faith followed me out and grabbed ahold of me as I felt my body start to shake. “Joey, what is going on?” she asked, concern visible over her whole face.

  I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes, willing myself to calm down. “I did it Faith. Something came over me and I just decided to give my life to God. I get it. I finally get it. Everything I’ve heard about God and faith in the past just seems to have clicked into place. But now I’m freaking out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or who I’m supposed to be. I’m not sure how to be good enough.”

  Faith held onto my cheeks and brought my face closer to hers. “Joey. Shh. Calm down. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself. God loves you exactly as you are. All that He asks is to have a relationship with you. That’s all He wants.”

  “But what if I mess up?”

  Faith laughed at this question. “Then that just means you’re not perfect and you’re like every other Christian in this world. If there is ever a Christian who tells you that they don’t mess up and fall short countless times a day, they are lying to you. We don’t keep God in our lives by being perfect. We need God in our lives because we aren’t perfect.”

  I nodded my head like I understood even though I wasn’t sure if I actually did. “There’s no way I’ll ever be at your level though. Just so you know. You set like an unattainable standard.”

  Faith laughed again. “Believe it or not Joey, this is one part of life that can’t be made into a competition. There’s no such thing as being a better Christian than someone else. We all are at different places in our walk with God and we all have different relationships with Him. That relationship can’t be judged by anyone else.”

  “Well, I’m really bad at relationships,” I pointed out.

  Faith smiled sweetly at me before kissing me on the cheek. “Is that so? Because I happen to think you’re pretty darn good at this relationship thing.”

  The words that came out of my mouth next shocked both me and Faith. “I want to be baptized.”

  Without saying a word, Faith took me into the church office.

  I wiggled both eyebrows at her. “Did you bring me in here so we could make out on the desk? I’m a woman of God now so I don’t know if I should be doing that, but I would totally make an exception for you.”

  Faith cackled loudly at my joke. “You’re something else Joey McGolden. As tempting as that sounds, I actually brought you in here so we can talk to Pastor M once she’s done greeting everyone after the service.”

  We sat for what felt like hours before Pastor M came into her office. She looked surprised to see us, but greeted us both with a smile. “Faith. Joey. It’s nice to see both of you. What can I do for you today?” She asked cheerfully.

  When I became tongue tied, Faith took my hand and began to speak. “Joey actually felt led to invite Jesus into her heart today and she told me that she is interested in being baptized.”

  I gulped as Faith said those words. Invite Jesus into my heart? I never thought of it that way. That made it sound much more intimidating. I never let anyone into my heart. I was even fighting against the girl sitting beside me making her way in there, although if I was being honest, she already had made it.

  Pastor M directed all of her attention on to me. “Is this true Joey?”

  I nodded my head in response. “Yes ma’am.” Man, I sounded like such an idiot right now.

  “Well it turns out that next week, we are doing a special baptism service as part of our 11AM worship time. If that is not too soon for you, we can set up for you to be a part of it.”

  I put one hand in the air and shook my head. “Hold up. You mean to tell me that you guys do an 11AM service every week and she drags me here at 8.”

  I pointed to Faith as I said the words and she gave me a guilty smile. “My family likes to have the whole day open,” she said with a shrug.

  I rolled my eyes at her, then looked back to Pastor M who was laughing at us. “That sounds perfect. I’m in.”

  Pastor M became serious and looked me straight in the eye. “I just have one question for you.”

  “Yes?” I answered with a gulp.

  “You’re not just agreeing to do this so you get to come to the late service, are you?”

  With that, we all broke into laughter.

  “No ma’am,” I assured her. “I really want to do this. That’s just an added bonus.”

  Later that night, after we had finished eating dinner with Faith’s family, her dad asked if he could speak to me privately. He hadn’t given me the you better treat my daughter right speech yet and I had a bad feeling that I was about to endure it.

  “So Faith tells me that you want to get baptized,” he said after we both sat down on opposite sides of the couch.

  “That’s right,” I replied.

  Mr. Hopkins studied me for a few moments before speaking again. “I just wanted to ask you one question and please don’t take it the wrong way. Are you doing this for Faith?”

  His question surprised me. “For Faith? No, of course not. Because of Faith? Yes. She changed my life. She showed me just how beautiful this world is. It’s become impossible not to believe now that I have her in my life.”

  A relaxed grin made its way onto Mr. Hopkins’ face. “I’m very happy to hear that. And now that we have established that, I wanted to let you know that our family would like to have a little get together for you after the baptism.”

  “Oh sir you don’t have to…” I began, but he put his hand up to shush me.

  “We want to Joey. You’re not just important to Faith. Over the past few months, you have become an important part of this family and we want to celebrate this occasion with you.”

  I tried not to cry as he said part of this family, willing myself not to think into it too much. He gave me a hug, then we went to join the rest of the family. The rest of the night, I couldn’t focus on anything. Those four words just kept running through my head. Who knew four simple words could mean so much?

  Chapter 21

  When the day of the baptism came, five of us lined up at the front of the church by the baptism pool that had been set up. One by one, each person went up and made a few promises before being lowered into the water. When it was my turn, Faith came up front to stand beside me. I repeated the promises that Pastor M said and found myself smiling as I was dipped under water. Once it was over, I wrapped Faith in a wet hug and was surprised when tears came to my eyes.

  After the service, I was surprised to run into coach R. She informed me that she attends the later service every week, which is why I didn’t realize she went to the same church. After talking to her for a few minutes and inviting her to the gathering, we headed back to the Hopkins’ house. Faith’s parents had told me that I could invite anyone I wanted so I invited a few girls from the track team, as well as Paul, Frank, and Tony.

  When Julie arrived, she pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you roomie. Watching how much more content you have become these past few months has been amazing. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you Julie,” I said sincerely. Then I shook my head as the need to say more washed over me. “No seriously. Thank you for everything. You’ve been the one constant in my life since high school. I really haven’t been deserving of how well you have treated me through the years. A lot of the time, I was a flat out nightmare, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

  As I said the words, Julie’s eyes traveled across the room and came to a stop by the door. “Honestl
y, it was nothing. You really aren’t as bad as you think. But I can think of one way you could make it up to me. Introduce me to that hunk of man candy who just walked in the door.”

  I followed her eyes and saw Paul standing there. Frank and Tony made their way in behind him. “You mean Paul?!” I asked, aghast.

  Julie’s eyes went wide. “Wait. That is your friend Paul that you’re always hanging out with? Girl, you’ve been holding out on me.”

  Without saying another word, I yelled for Paul to come over and join us. He nodded his head, then casually made his way over.

  “Congrats Joey,” he said while putting his arm over my shoulder. His eyes quickly left me and landed on Julie.

  He reached his hand out toward her. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Joey’s friend Paul.”

  Julie accepted his hand, batting her eyelashes while she shook it. “I’m her roommate Julie.”

  “So you’re the infamous roommate,” Paul said through a smirk. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  Julie put a hand on her chest in mock surprise. “Who knew? She really does like me.”

  “Now let’s not go jumping to any conclusions. I never said I heard good things about you,” Paul joked.

  I slipped away as their flirtatious banter picked up, knowing that neither of them would miss me. At that moment, I felt a hand land on the bottom of my back.

  “Do you think I could steal you away for a few minutes pretty girl?” Faith whispered into my ear, causing goosebumps to spread across my whole body.

  When I agreed, she took my hand and dragged me up to her room. Once we were inside, she let go and walked to her closet to get something out. She put the mystery item behind her back and sauntered up to me. “I have a little gift for you, but before you can open it, you owe me a kiss.”

  “You drive a hard bargain,” I joked before leaning in to claim her lips.

  I deepened the kiss and allowed myself to enjoy the taste of her lips for a few minutes before backing away.

  “I believe you said something about a gift,” I smirked.

  “Such a tease,” she joked while bringing a small wrapped item out from behind her back.

  I unwrapped it slowly to find a personalized leather bound journal. As I ran my hand over it, Faith put her hand on top of mine.

  “Since you said how much it helped writing that letter to your parents, I wanted you to have something that you could write all of your thoughts down in.”

  I pulled Faith close to me and breathed her in. “It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. You’re perfect. Faith.. I…”

  The moment was interrupted by one of the track girls yelling up the stairs. “Hey Joey! Your phone is ringing. It might be important because they have already called twice.”

  I pulled back and gave Faith an inquisitive look. Anyone I talked to was at the party right now. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, my teammate was holding the phone out for me.

  “It says home so I’m guessing it’s your parents,” she said nonchalantly.

  The few people in the room who knew about my history with my parents looked at me with mouths agape. I felt like all of the air had been pushed from my lungs as I stared down at the phone that said home - 3 missed calls. Without saying a word, I walked out the front door. I crumbled at the edge of the porch and sat with my head in my hands.

  “Are you going to call them?” Faith’s sweet voice brought me back to reality.

  I squinted up at her. “I think I have to. It’s going to eat away at me until I figure out what they want.”

  Faith sat down next to me and took my hand in hers. “I’m right here. You can do it.”

  I took a deep breath then hit the button to redial my parents. After just three rings, I heard my mother’s voice on the other end.

  “McGolden residence, how may I help you?” She answered cheerfully.

  “Oh. H-Hi. Umm…” I stuttered.

  “Joey? Sweetheart? Is that you?” Sweetheart? Really?

  “It’s me,” I answered shyly.

  “Oh honey! It’s good to hear from you. We got your letter. You found the Lord?”

  “I did. I was actually baptized today,” I said proudly. I cringed as the words left my mouth. We had just started talking and I was already reverting to that little girl who would do anything to make her parents proud.

  “That’s so wonderful darling. Your father and I would love to meet up with you to discuss everything.” Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She was talking like we were old friends meeting up for dinner, not a family that had been broken for years.

  “Oh umm…”

  “I’ll let you think about it! No hurry. But tell me… Was it a nice boy who showed you the light?” Of course.

  I felt all of the anger I had harbored for my parents over the years coming back up to the surface. “No mother. I didn’t meet a boy. It was my girlfriend. Her name is Faith and she is absolutely…”

  My mother interrupted my words by sighing loudly. “So you’re still suffering with homosexuality? That is the devil’s disease you know, which means you haven’t actually become a Christian. Was this all just some ploy to get our attention?”

  “How can you even ask that?” I asked as my anger boiled over. “That’s an awful thing to say.”

  I could almost hear my mom shaking her head on the other end of the phone. “It’s not awful. It’s the truth. Believe it or not, your father and I love you and just want what’s best for you.”

  “You don’t love me mom. You love the person that you want me to be, but I’m never going to be that person.”

  “I guess this is goodbye then,” my mom said solemnly.

  I took a deep breath. “I guess it is. Please lose my number and never call me again. I meant what I said about forgiving you, but it’s time for me to move on. As far as I’m concerned, you’re not my family.”

  Before she could respond, I ended the call. My head was spinning and I felt the phone drop out of my hand at the same time that I heard Mrs. Hopkins walk out onto the porch. Without thinking, I stumbled over and collapsed into her. She held me quietly as I soaked her shirt with my tears. Once I started to calm down a bit, I backed away from her. She held onto my arms while Faith put an arm around my waist and leaned into me.

  “I don’t have a family. Not that they were ever much of a family to me, but it’s official now. I don’t have one at all,” I whispered.

  “Oh honey,” Mrs. Hopkins soothed. “You do have a family. It might not be the same as blood, but you’re part of our family.”

  Faith squeezed my side as she said the words and it felt like some of the weight from the conversation was being lifted off of my shoulders. Mrs. Hopkins excused herself back inside and Faith and I took a seat back on the porch, sitting silently for a few minutes.

  “Are you ok?” Faith asked as she lightly scratched my back.

  I smiled over at her. It was barely a smile, but it was sincere. “No I’m not,” I admitted. “But I will be.”

  Chapter 22

  The week following the phone call from my mom was strange. I expected the pain that I felt from her words would continue to sting, but as the days passed, I actually felt better than I had in a really long time. The phone call ended up helping even more than the letter had. It also helped that Faith was being so wonderful. She had spent any free time she had with me. Most of the time was just spent studying or eating meals, but it meant a lot to me that she was so supportive.

  The Friday following my baptism, Faith asked to take me on a date but wouldn’t tell me what we were doing. After driving for a few minutes, we pulled into the parking lot of the playground.

  I lifted an eyebrow at her. “You really love this place, don’t you?”

  She giggled at me in response. “I do actually, but tonight is about you. Not me.”

  “Sure,” I answered, while rolling my eyes.

  She ignored my sarcasm and hopped out of the car, going to the back to retrieve a few
blankets. She also grabbed two champagne flutes and a bottle of sparkling cider. I watched Faith lay down a large blanket then pour the sparkling cider into the glasses.

  “You’re not trying to seduce me, are you? I’m not sure how well that apple juice is going to work,” I joked.

  Faith glared at me playfully while taking a seat on the blanket, then motioned for me to sit down next to her. “I’m trying to be romantic,” she explained. “I would have gotten champagne, but I know you don’t drink during season. This was a big week for you.”

  “The week that I officially let go of those demons I used to call my parents?” I asked, only partially joking.

  Faith cringed at my words. “I was talking about the fact that you got baptized on Sunday, but speaking of your parents, how are you feeling about everything?”

  I sighed loudly and looked toward the sky. “I’m a lot better than I expected actually. I feel like I can finally let go and, believe it or not, that’s actually a good feeling. Throughout all of these years, I think there was always a small part of me that believed my parents would come around. Even when I was at my most cynical point, there was this hope in the back of my mind that they would call me up one day and say that they had a change of heart. Now I realize that’s never going to happen and I don’t mean that in a bitter way. I actually think I’m better off this way.”

  Faith nodded knowingly and took my hand in hers. “That makes sense. I’m glad you feel that way. It breaks my heart when you feel pain.” She hesitated, then added, “And where do you stand with God after having all of these realizations?”

  I found myself chuckling at her question. “Are you asking if my mom’s words caused me to spiral back into a pit of non belief? Because the answer to that is no. I prayed a lot this week. I finally understand what you meant all those times you said God helped you through your struggles. Every time I prayed, I could feel his presence. I probably sound crazy right now.”