The Rising

by L F Seitz

  My head throbbed with the beat of my heart as I walked the shock off. I worked to ignore the frigid wind as the urge to scream came over me. He lied. He was so upset, so angry, but one kiss from her, and he surrendered. She expected that. She won, like she wanted and like I knew she would. Tears kept falling one by one, freezing to my face as the blasting air rushed through me. It felt like it was below freezing out here with the wind, but no matter how cold, I refused to be in there with that. I was done. The ups and downs, the constant roller coaster. He was the most emotionally unavailable person I’d ever met. Unbelievable.

  As I made it to the apartments, I could see the front gates in the distance. I wiped my wet face and noticed my hand, smudged with black makeup. I probably looked like a raccoon – a sad, frozen raccoon. My fingers and toes were numb. I didn’t even know what I was going to say to the guards, but I’d think of something. Maybe I’d say someone’s coming to pick me up and then make a run for it. I tried focusing on tomorrow. On killing some Cambions and proving to myself that I could do everything on my own.

  “Lamia!” I heard someone call my name. Dread leapt into my throat, and I refused to stop. I was nearly frozen solid, and my brain was the drum now as it pounded. I needed to get home. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?” Micah was next to me now.

  “Yeah,” I said. I continued to trudge forward. I was going to make it, and I was going to do it alone. Without this trader.

  “What’s wrong?” He asked.

  I laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

  He walked in front of me, blocking me, but I was a train with the right of way. “Lamia, just stop and talk –”

  “Why don’t you stop acting like an asshole?” I yelled, shoving past him. “I’m done with your, your asshole-ness.” I panted as I walked, shivering. I felt like my brain was overheating, yet my body continued to go numb from the cold.

  “I don’t understand why you’re mad –”

  “I saw you kiss her back, Micah,” I yelled. My voice echoed over the compound. His face went slack. “You knew what she did to me, and you were defeated by a kiss. I can’t deal with this; I’m going home.”

  I winced as the headache raged on, making it hard to function as I tried to get away from him. I turned toward the main gates and was just about to pass the second apartment building, the one where Jimiah’s apartment was located. I could see the guards now, and getting to them was my goal. We were in the middle of the compound, so there was no going back, not if I wanted to keep my dignity intact.

  “If you saw, then you must have seen me shove her and tell her to ask for reassignment to another team.” His face was there again in front of me, my tears blurring it as the armor of anger I held before me cracked.

  “I don’t care.” I tried to go around him, but he cut me off.

  “Are you serious –”

  “Please!” I gritted threw my teeth as I stopped. It was sensory overload: My mind was on fire, and I was frozen to the bone. Micah’s words were on repeat in my head, and when I looked up, there he was, watching me. He was everywhere, a part of everything in this new life, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get away from him. The sickest part is that I didn’t want to be away from him; no matter what he said or did I couldn’t shake the affection I had for him. The image of him kissing her was there, taunting me in my head, but I felt the pull to him regardless. Ever since I saw those eyes, they have bewitched me, and nothing could ever tear me from this spell. ​

  I’ve never let myself feel anything for anyone because I feared the future beyond it: beyond dating and love and marriage. I feared loving someone so much I’d want to have a family, and I feared wanting to have kids. There is always that chance that my child could end up like me: orphaned and utterly alone in the world. Wondering their purpose and why they deserved it. I would never let that happen, and living without love seemed the only way. I saw his face and I couldn’t get rid of this love, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I’d never wanted this so much before – I’d never wanted love like this. Micah.

  ​“I just need to know how you feel,” I said. Our gazes locked on each other. The wind whipped his hair everywhere as it pulled mine from its bobby pins. ​

  “How do I feel about her?” He asked, showing confusion. ​

  “How do you feel about me, Micah?” I said. My head pounded so hard it was getting hard to see but nonetheless, I kept going. “How do you feel ... when you look at me?” ​

  We stood in front of one another in the whistling air as I waited for the answer. His face remained emotionless, like a statue. My skull felt so fragile against the battering of this headache. That was my answer: the nothingness as it passed on the air between us. I was beside myself with grief. I moved past him and kept walking, wanting to put him and all the love I felt behind me.

  ​“Lamia, wait,” Micah called.

  I turned to give him a vulgar gesture but was hit by burning pain. It raged through my temples like a hot poker shoved into my brain. I cringed as I clutched my scalp. It was agonizing as it forced me to my knees, and I screamed. Micah’s arms were around me as I slumped to the ground. ​

  “Lamia, Lamia, talk to me,” his voice echoed in the darkness.

  My brain was in a blender as the strain reached all parts of my skull, from my lashes to my teeth. The inferno raged as the heat finally cracked my skull wide open. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. I can’t think of anything but misery.

  Twenty-Eight.

  “DARLING, HELLO.” A voice came into the blackness, a voice I have heard once before from a dream like this. “My sweet, my beautiful forsaken girl.” His voice slithered through my ears. “I’m glad to see you liked the dress. You look almost edible in it. Too bad poor Micah didn’t think so.” I could hear the smile in his voice. Flashing images of the beautiful man with black eyes filled my vision like a glitchy movie. “I will see you soon, my darling girl.” His hands on my thighs and my back, my shoulders and then my throat.

  I blinked. I stared at my bedroom ceiling. It was daylight out, and the sun shone into my room. Judging by the way it was coming in, it was late morning, possibly noon. How did I get here? I turned my head to see Micah lying next to me, fast asleep. His face was inches from mine. My eyes traveled to my hand, where his laid in mine, hot and heavy. His hair was everywhere as he was still in his Banquet suit, like he hadn’t moved since last night. The tulle from my dress still in my fingers. We were still dressed from the party. What happened? There was the headache and then the passing out, but that’s all I could recall until waking up just now. Whatever had happened, Micah must have felt guilty for it, because he’d never be this close to me if he could help it.

  “We loved with a love that was more than love,” I recited Edgar Allan Poe in whispers, a sentence I have always admired but never thought I would find reason to say. Micah and I had a weird relationship. Maybe he did love me, though not in the way I wanted. But in another way, I guessed it was enough.

  He shifted a little before his eyes fluttered open and found me looking at him. They looked back at me for a long moment before he sucked in a breath and pulled his hand from mine.

  “You’re awake,” he said as he sat up. I retracted my hand and closed it into my chest.

  “Yeah. You OK?” I asked as I slowly sat up, my neck sore as I stretched.

  “You’re the one who fainted in the middle of the compound.” Micah voice was thick with sleep as he chuckled, making me shudder.

  “I feel fine,” I shrugged. Micah scrutinized me for a long moment, like he couldn’t believe I was awake. It reminded me of the night we fought the Cambions. “What happened?” I asked to fill the emptiness. “You collapsed and fainted in my arms. Your pulse was crazy fast, and your breathing was erratic. I carried you to Jimiah’s apartment and called the team, as well as Jimiah. Leo is our team’s medic, so he assessed you and said your vitals were all over the place and that you had a fever. We put ice packs on you, and after a
half hour, your temperature lowered. Scared the hell out of everyone. Leo said it was probably stress, no food, and too much champagne.” Micah stretched as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail. “After that, they helped me bring you home.”

  Home. This was home? For the both of us? The thought brought a smirk to my lips.

  “Remind me to thank them for their help,” I was grateful, though completely embarrassed.

  “It’s what friends do,” he said with a small crooked smile.

  The thought of our conversation last night made me flinch. I can’t believe I brought that up. I should have known better: Micah couldn’t talk about things like that without his robot brain literally shorting out. Especially when put on the spot like that. I had to apologize.

  “So why don’t you shower?” he offered. “

  No, you go first. I acted like an idiot last night. I’m sorry –”

  “Ahhhh.” Micah cut me off, waving his hand in the air. “I’m not awake enough. Let’s not.”

  I felt like a moron for even attempting. My cheeks burned as I searched for something to say to get away from this conversation. “You take the first shower. I’ll make coffee,” I said, slowly getting out of bed. I turned to see him gone, and a moment later, the door to the bathroom closed and locked. “Sorry my feelings embarrass you,” I said to myself as I shuffled into the kitchen.

  There was a knock on the door, jolting me from my remaining exhaustion. I plucked my knife from the counter before creeping over to answer it. I held the knife behind me as I unlocked my door and opened it.

  “Lamia, you’re awake!” Leo yelled with excitement. Hamon and Zachriel were behind him. I gleamed as I opened the door wide, letting Leo sweep me up into a bear hug.

  “You scared us half to death!” Leo said, kissing the top of my head. What a goon.

  “Well, I rose from the dead, perfectly fine. Don’t ask me what happened, because I don’t know,” I said as Zachriel passed through the door last, shutting it behind himself.

  “We brought coffee and doughnuts!” Leo said, dancing in my living room, all decked out in tactical apparel. They were dressed for the fight tonight in tactical vests, hip belts with holsters for assorted knives and long blades. Some other tools I recognized were a flashlight, rope, throwing knives, and tourniquet. The vests looked akin to what police wore. I wondered if they were claw and fang proof? Beneath these they were all black fabric. Why were they ready so early in the morning? Was I missing something?

  “For you, my sweet,” Leo smiled as he handed me a cup of coffee. Zachriel gave me a sideways glance before beelining straight to the couch and sitting without a word. I wondered if he left last night with Laylah. They looked extremely close, since he was always following her lead. He did assist in her attack by distracting Micah. Hamon dropped a duffle bag he was carrying by the couch and walked back over to me with crossed arms.

  “Isn’t the battle happening tonight? What’s with the clothes?” I asked.

  “There was a meeting this morning, a final one before the battle tonight,” Leo said and I nodded, a little annoyed I wasn’t present for it. "It's also protocol to be ready 12 hours ahead of time before the mission, especially one of this size."

  “Did Micah call Jimiah and let him know you’re awake?” Hamon asked. I said we’d just awoken as I took a sip of my coffee. It was French vanilla. Heaven in a cup. “Why don’t you call him?” he asked, pulling out his phone and dialing the number. I took the phone from him and held it to my ear as it began ringing.

  “Hello?” a deep voice answered.

  “Hello, Jimiah, it’s me, Lamia.”

  “You’re awake,” he said, sounding genuinely surprised.

  “Everyone seems to be amazed about it.”

  “Well, if you didn’t wake this morning, I was going to have a physician come and assess you. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine. I was overheated from all the partying,” I said with a laugh. “Did the Counsel approve me to fight today?” I stepped away from everyone and into the kitchen as I waited for him to respond.

  “Leo is the medical advisor in Charlie 12. Have him check your vitals and contact me with the results.” he said. He was stalling.

  “And if they are fine?”

  “If you’re good, then suit up with the equipment Hamon brought for you. Listen to Hamon’s instructions from this morning’s meeting.” The line went dead.

  I felt relieved. I couldn’t hide the smile as I turned and handed Hamon his phone.

  “What did he say?” Hamon asked as he chewed on a doughnut.

  “Leo has to check my vitals, and then I’m in the clear!” I smiled. Leo was already up as he pulled his bag from his pack and set it on the counter.

  “I’m still upset you left without saying anything but glad you’re OK,” Hamon said. He held his arms open for a hug, and I took it, taking in the comfort and smell of his clean musk.

  “We were all a little shaken up when Micah called us,” Leo said as he pulled out a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff. He wrapped the cuff around my upper arm and began to squeeze the balloon. I stayed still while he listened. He then released my arm as he took off the cuff and stethoscope.

  “Well, I think what really shook him up was what was said before I passed out.” I said, my gaze somber as I looked to Hamon.

  Leo took my wrist as he timed my pulse with his watch. “What did you say?” Leo asked.

  “Something I shouldn't have.”

  Hamon’s brows rose as Leo moved to check my eyes with a light for a concussion.

  “What’d you tell him? How you felt?” Hamon asked.

  “Maybe a little, but it didn’t go well,” I said.

  Leo pulled his stethoscope up and listened to my respiration. I stayed quiet, taking deep breaths for him, until he was done.

  Hamon demanded to know what Micah's reply was.

  “He didn’t say anything. He rejected me,” I said in a whisper. “When I brought it up this morning, he acted embarrassed and told me not to talk about it.”

  Leo and Hamon beheld me with identical confused faces. Zachriel smirked for a moment before it disappeared from his face and he continued playing on his phone. He was only here to eavesdrop on our conversation and relay it back to Laylah. I bet she’d be ecstatic to hear about this.

  “What is he, crazy?” Hamon asked, sounding annoyed.

  “Who’s crazy?” Micah asked, stepping out of the bathroom. Steam billowed behind him as his wet hair fell across his shoulders. He had a toothbrush in his mouth as he walked over to his duffle by the couch.

  “You didn’t make her breakfast after she almost died,” Hamon said, saving the day.

  “We just woke up, like, five minutes ago,” Micah said as he walked back into the bathroom.

  These guys were the greatest friends anyone could have, I swear.

  “Your vitals are all good. I sent the results to Jimiah.” Leo smiled as he handed me a doughnut.

  “No tension, no nerves, nothing on your minds about tonight?” I asked as I ate. The doughnut was filled with raspberry jelly and delicious.

  “We’ve been doing this for, like, six or seven years,” Hamon replied. “Tonight is on a bigger scale, but it’s still a mission. Nothing we haven’t seen before.”

  “That reminds me,” Hamon leaned over and slid a duffle to me. “I brought you some gear to wear over your clothes, as well as some extra blades and a short sword.”

  “What should I wear?” I asked.

  “Nothing, if you prefer,” Hamon said, raising his eyebrows as he shoved another doughnut into his mouth. He's such a flirt.

  “Dark colors, pants you can move in, long sleeves, and a light jacket,” Leo clarified for me. “We’re going to be outside, but you’ll probably get hot, so nothing too heavy.”

  Micah came back out of the bathroom finished and looking like the rest of them.

  “What was this morning meeting about?” I asked Hamon as Micah picked up his co
ffee from the counter. We’d missed it, and I wanted to make sure there was nothing important I should know. Hamon opened his mouth to speak but Micah interjected.

  “I still have to call Jimiah, but it’s best if you stayed behind,” he said as he took a sip of his coffee. “Given you fainted last night, you should take it easy.”

  The room fell silent as we all stared at him, standing against the doorway of the bathroom. I blinked several times, taken back by the sudden change in his choice to not have me at the battle. I peered over to see the same muddled surprise and confusion on Leo and Hamon’s faces.

  “I already talked to Jimiah,” I finally said. His brow furrowed as he looked at me. “I asked him if I was approved, and I was; Leo took my vitals, and they were fine. I’m cleared to go.”

  “As your guardian, I am responsible for you. You fainted from a fever yesterday and haven’t been awake for more than twelve hours.” Micah’s face was expressionless as he spoke. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to be out there fighting.”

  “Jimiah just confirmed it,” Leo said, holding his phone up to what looked like a text conversation.

  “I’m sure if I express my concerns with Jimiah, he will agree with me.” Micah moved toward my bedroom and I followed closely, shutting the door behind us.

  “You can’t be serious, Micah. After all the information I helped get?” He picked up his phone from the bed and began scrolling for Jimiah’s number, saying nothing. “After everything we’ve been through? Don’t give me that silent bullshit,” I snapped as I tried to grab the phone from him. He stepped back, his eyes warning me. “You know how hard I’ve trained. Jimiah even said how you told him I’d improved drastically.” Micah said nothing as he held the phone up to his ear. I was outraged and wouldn’t let him get away with it that easily. “Guess we’ll both have to play dirty.”

  I twisted on my heels and whipped open the door, storming out to find the boys looking at me with confusion smeared on their faces.