A Girl From Forever (The Forever Institute series Book 1)

by Yolanda McCarthy

  “You’ll have to wait and see,” I say, trying not to smile. Teasing him is kind of fun. I wait a few moments, then: “I’m hungry.”

  “Oh my god, it’s like having a five year old in the car. We’ll stop at a service station in about an hour, can you wait that long?”

  I shrug happily. “Let’s find out.” I turn up the music volume and close my eyes. He sighs again, and this time I don’t try to hide my grin.

  The service station fascinates me. Everyone here is trying to get somewhere else, the entire place is full of people with one thing in common: none of them want to be here. No-one except me, I think it’s great. I turn around slowly, taking it all in. Enticing smells waft towards me from cafes on every side, and the shops are full of brightly coloured toys and books and flowers. My fingers itch to buy something, everything. I need money.

  Rehan catches me looking. “Do you need anything?”

  I need that fluffy white polar bear. I don’t know why, but I love it. I don’t remember having toys, not fluffy toys, that exist for no reason other than to be cuddled. Everything at the Institute was educational, and they didn’t need us to learn to cuddle.

  Priorities. I’m wearing a dead woman’s jeans, and a pyjama top under Rehan’s jumper, and none of it is clean. Fluffy toy cuddles aren’t for people like me. “Do they sell clothes here? Or wash them?” I ask instead.

  “Oh.” He seems startled. It’s all right for him and his backpack. Next time he abducts someone he should ask them to bring their luggage – probably wouldn’t be a good idea to point that out.

  Our strange truce depends on not talking about so much.

  “I’m not sure. Let’s look around,” Rehan suggests.

  I trail after him around the shops, and he finds me a waterproof jacket, but they don’t have any other clothes. “To be honest, we’re probably better off getting you something in a proper shop, once we’re off the motorway,” he explains as he buys the jacket.

  “Will they have underwear?”

  He blinks. “Yes. I’m sure we can find you some later.”

  Huh. My eyes fall on his backpack. “Can I borrow some of yours until then?”

  “You want to borrow my spare underwear?”

  What’s his problem? “Yes, please.”

  “Wow, you really were raised in a box. Sure. Why not. Have my underwear.” He rummages around in his backpack and pulls out a fistful of fabric, the back of his neck flushing slightly.

  He’s grumpy as he leads me to the toilets. “You can get changed in here, and wash your face or whatever. When you come out, wait for me right here. Don’t wander off. I won’t be long. Ok?”

  “You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child.”

  “I’m sorry,” he says through gritted teeth. “Just – see you here in a minute.”

  Wow, he’s uptight. And a bit weird about his underwear.

  The bathroom is boringly ordinary, and the toilet cubicle cramped, but I manage to change into Rehan’s briefs. It’s startlingly comfortable, the fabric thick and soft instead of the thin cotton and uncomfortable elastic I’m used to. Is that because it’s boy’s underwear, or because it’s not from the Institute? Either way, I’m going to make sure that we buy more like this.

  I wash my face and run my fingers through my hair. Normally I tie it out of the way during the day, but I don’t have a hair-tie, and the wispy bits at the front are creeping round to tickle my cheeks. I tame them slightly, then go to find Rehan.

  I don’t see him immediately, and my heart pauses, then starts beating again at twice the speed.

  If he’s gone, I don’t know what to do now.

  A fat man steps away from the wall and I see Rehan waiting behind him, his back to me as he watches the crowd. Relief floods me. So quickly, Rehan has become home, even the nape of his neck is familiar, the shape of his shoulders, the—

  Rehan turns, looking grumpy. “Ready?” he asks. I nod. “Then let’s grab some food.”

  “I saw some sandwiches over that way—”

  “Trust me, you want the chips,” Rehan says confidently.

  “Aren’t they supposed to be really unhealthy?”

  “I think we’ll risk it this once, you’re hardly—” he glances at me. “I mean, well anyway, it’s fine.” I follow him to one of the shops, where he buys two boxes of chips and some drinks, then we head to the tables.

  He’s right, the chips are incredible, crunchy on the outside and hot soft deliciousness on the inside. They remind me of my resolution to be nicer to Rehan. “Thank you for the chips,” I say, “and the underwear. It’s very comfortable.”

  He pauses, a chip poised to pass his lips. “I’m glad that it’s satisfactory,” he says gravely.

  “No, really, it’s kind of you to, you know. Take me to look for Anna, and buy me food and everything. You didn’t have to.”

  “Well, I kind of did. If it wasn’t for me you’d have your own clothes and stuff. To be honest,” he leans back in his chair, “it’s a relief to have something to focus on, not think about everything.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, I need to know what to tell the rest of KHH, and I haven’t decided. Not yet.”

  Yeah. To brand his dad a traitor – his probably dead dad, who died helping us escape – or to let lifelong friends carry on believing a dangerous lie. Not a nice choice to make, and I don’t know what to say. If he was my friend, I’d ask if he wants to talk about his Dad. If he was still my kidnapper, I’d be running. I don’t know what category to put him in now.

  We crunch the rest of our chips in silence. It’s a relief when he suggests that we go back to the car.

  We have to walk through the shop to reach the exit, and I can’t resist skimming my palm over the fluffy polar bear, to see if it feels as soft as it looks. It does.

  He stops. “Did you just stroke that bear?”

  “Um.” Guilt must be written all over my face. Whatever it is he sees when he stares at me, it makes him shake his head, and pick up the toy.

  I follow him to the till, feeling very silly. I just asked him not to treat me like a child, and now he’s buying me a fluffy toy.

  “Rehan, you don’t have to—”

  “One polar bear, please,” he tells the cashier. Moments later he shoves it into my hands, avoiding my eyes. “It’ll make a good cushion in the car. Come on.” My fingers are tight in the bear’s snowy fur as we step out into the chill outside.

  Rehan smiles slightly as he walks, and it suits him. He looks younger.

  I huddle into my new jacket, grateful for its warmth as we trudge through the rain back to the car. He opens the door for me and I slip in.

  A thought strikes me. I’m pretty sure that this wasn’t, but I don’t really know what one is, and movies made such a big deal about things like this, so…

  “Was this a date?” I ask, as he gets into the driver’s seat.

  “What?”

  “Well, we ate a meal together, and you bought me a present… I just wondered if this counts as a date, that’s all.”

  “Um, no, I don’t think it does.” He jabs a finger to turn the music back on, and grips the wheel.

  “Ok. Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

  I’m woken as the car jolts to a stop. Where are we? I peer out of the window at some kind of car park, surrounded by huge unfriendly buildings.

  “Are we there?” To my surprise, I feel dread. I don’t want to find my mother and confirm that my life has been a lie. I don’t want to not find my mother, and always wonder if she might be out there somewhere, as I search the mirror every day, hunting for wrinkles, for some sign that I’m ageing normally.

  I long for a family so much. But – I’m not sure I want to be normal, not if it means having an ordinary lifespan, feeling my body decay in only a few decades. I don’t know how to be Vol, even non-talented Vol. I don’t know how to have a Vol mother, she could be violent, crazy. I wish we’d never gone to see Nevi.

  “Welcome to Lancaster,” Rehan say
s cheerily. “This is the last city before we hit the lake district, and the best shot at finding you some decent spare clothes.”

  Clothes!

  I’ve always wanted clothes in bright colours, like they have on TV. Anything except the Institute’s black. I trot after Rehan into a huge building that seems to sell everything. I wish I had my own money to spend, it’s awkward relying on Rehan for everything, and it makes me feel like I have to forget all the lies he told me. But I can’t, not really.

  “What size are you?” asks Rehan.

  I stare at him. “This one,” I reply, pointing to myself.

  “What number is on your clothes label?”

  “I don’t have a number, just a name.”

  “Yes but – oh, never mind. Let’s just try a few things on.” He pulls trousers, t-shirts and jumpers off shelves and into his arms. I join in. So many colours! Then he leads me to a changing cubicle and empties his arms on top of the pile I’m holding. He opens the door for me. “In you go. Let me know what fits.”

  I step inside and drop the things on the floor, as the door shuts behind me. I click the lock closed, and stare at the pile of fabric.

  Suddenly I feel very tired. I’m not the sort of person who wears clothes like this. I don’t know if I’m Forever, or Vol, or normal, but nothing here looks like it belongs on me.

  Might as well get this over with.

  I pull on a few things and am startled by how different I look in the mirror. I look like one of them, the girls on TV – if you ignore the state of my hair. I strike a few poses, then feel silly and pull off the new clothes, making a ‘yes’ pile. I look at the rest. How much money does Rehan have? I should have asked.

  I choose a few more things, then sidle out of the cubicle, where I hand the rest back to Rehan. He looks over my selection. “Those are very different sizes, Fern.”

  “They are?”

  “Did you choose that jumper just because it’s green?”

  “Yes.” I clutch the jumper protectively.

  “I’m sure they’ll have smaller ones –”

  “I like this one.”

  “Fine. Whatever. You don’t need anymore?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  He hesitates, then puts a few more things on the pile. “We can always return them later if you don’t need them.”

  We take my new wardrobe towards the cash register, and Rehan grabs some socks to add to the load in his arms. Then he pauses. “Did you find some underwear?”

  “Uh…” We look around. He spies something and stomps off in a new direction, leading me to a rack of bras and pants. These pants are nothing like Institute issue, nothing like his either, although the colours are lovely. I pick up a bright red thing to inspect. It doesn’t seem big enough for anyone, and it’s a bit scratchy on my fingers, but maybe it feels different when it’s on?

  Rehan makes a strangled sound. “That’s probably not very practical – look, what about this kind of thing…” He hands me a boring looking packet. I look at it in disappointment.

  A nearby man overhears Rehan and snorts. “Bro, let your girl choose her own panties.”

  Rehan’s cheeks grow red as the man wanders off. “Look, buy what you like, but some of this stuff will be more comfortable than what you’re holding.”

  I muse over the racks and pull out another pretty colour. “What do you think of this?”

  Ten minutes later, Rehan and I take our pile to the cash register. He wasn’t very helpful choosing underwear, and he’s been a bit quiet since I told him I never wear bras.

  “Have I spent too much?” I worry.

  “Nope, it’s absolutely fine. Perfect.”

  “You seem a bit tense.”

  “I just don’t really like shopping.”

  How odd.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I change into my new clothes before we leave the shopping centre, and then it’s back to the car again. I watch, envious, as he starts the engine, flicking levers and buttons, handling the steering wheel with complete confidence as we reverse. I’m bored of being a passenger, and my fear of the road wore off hours ago. “Could you show me how to drive?”

  The car shudders to a stop, and Rehan huffs, turning the engine back on again, so I explain “I just thought it’d be useful if you show me, that way you won’t have to do all of the driving…”

  “You have to have a driving licence before you’re allowed to drive.”

  “Then how do you learn to drive?”

  “You get a different licence, but it takes time, and besides you have no ID.”

  “Oh.” Since driving isn’t an option, I pepper him with questions about how the car works as we slide out of the car park and on to the main road.

  Eventually I get bored of talking about engines, and I’m pondering how quickly it’s possible to tire of being driven around. Then we round a corner and suddenly it’s there in front of me, a huge silver-grey blanket, shifting and shimmering all the way to the sky.

  “Stop the car, stop the car!” I feel more alive just staring at it.

  “What? What is it?”

  “The sea!” I point.

  “Hang on.” He drives on, irritatingly slow, then pulls over into an empty car park by the water. “I forgot you wanted to see the sea. Well, here you go.”

  I throw off my seatbelt and leap out onto the concrete, peering down at the pebble beach below us, a few yards of stones before it meets the waves. “It’s so frothy. Like hot chocolate.”

  “But colder,” he notes, zipping his coat and reaching over to tug up my hood. I shake it off impatiently, loving the feel of the wind in my hair.

  I breathe deeply. “It smells funny.”

  “That would be the salt.”

  I stick out my tongue to taste the wind, and I think I can catch a hint of salt. “Can we stay here for a bit?”

  “It’s another twenty minutes to the beginning of the lake district, and we don’t even know which bit we’re aiming for yet, it’s huge…” He looks at me as I shift impatiently from one foot to another. “Of course we can. You have a walk on the beach and I’ll take a closer look at the map, I’ve been leaving the details ’til we got up here anyway.”

  Rehan settles on a bench, tapping away at his tablet, and I jump down to the pebbles. When he looks up moments later, I’ve already yanked off my shoes and socks and rolled up my trousers. The pebbles feel so weird.

  “Fern, what’re you doing?”

  “Going for a paddle, what does it look like?”

  “It’s November. It’ll be freezing.”

  I hadn’t thought about that, although my feet are already shouting up the same advice from the cold stones – but I don’t care, and I’m a little tired of his constant suggestions. I pretend I didn’t hear him, and swallow back a shriek as the first wave washes over my foot, up to the ankle. It’s cold it’s cold it’s cold.

  But I’m standing in the sea.

  I grin.

  “You’re a crazy girl, you know that?” The wind tugs away his words, but I hear just enough to ignore them, giving him a cheery wave instead.

  I wonder how long I need to paddle before he knows that I’m coming out because I want to, not because he suggested it. Forget it, that’s long enough. I run back to the stones and shake droplets off my feet, then balance on one leg to rub my foot against my trouser leg. It sort of dries it, so I do the other before shoving my socks and shoes back on.

  My toes feel damp and sticky, but I’m glad I did this. I’ve been in the sea!

  When I return to Rehan, he’ll want to get back in the car, so I walk away from him, my cheeks stinging as I head up the beach, into the wind. The sky is huge. If I face the sea, all of the buildings and roads disappear behind me, the world is just me and water and wind. I feel like a weight’s been lifted that didn’t know I’ve always carried. Like I’m finally Fern. And that doesn’t have to mean anything – in this moment, Fern is just another girl staring out to where the sea mee
ts the sky, as people have done for millions of years, and I don’t have to be anything more or less than that.

  I walk to the edge of the waves, and stare at the horizon while I promise to the sea to remember this feeling, always.

  Too soon, his feet crunch along the beach behind me. “Finished communing with the mermaids?”

  “Apparently so.”

  “I’ve been checking out the local area, and Nevi’s comments make loads of sense. There’s a pencil museum, and a stone circle called Castlerigg.”

  “A pencil museum? As in, people go there to look at pencils?”

  “Yeah, I don’t get it either. But it fits with what Nevi said, and it gives us two places, and a rough area, to start asking questions about Anna.”

  The wind’s too cold now, and I let him lead me back to the car. When we get in, he shoots me a look of concern. “You look miserable.”

  “I just wish we could stay here.”

  “We don’t have to keep looking for Anna, you know. It’s your choice.”

  “I do have to, though. Otherwise, I’d always wonder.” But suddenly I wish I’d never heard of her.

  He starts the engine, his motions slow, thoughtful. Then he pauses. “Want me to show you how to drive?”

  “Eh?”

  He gestures at the empty car park. “In case there’s an emergency or anything, it’s good for you to know, although you are not allowed to drive, it’s not legal until you pass a test and it takes ages to learn properly. But I can show you the basics of how to operate the car.”

  If he’s trying to cheer me up, it’s worked, I’m jumping in my seat with excitement – and in a car this small, that’s saying something. “Yes, yes yes!”

  We swap seats and he talks me through the pedals and stuff. It’s easy. I press my foot onto the accelerator. The car lurches forward, shudders, then stops. “You stalled,” he explains, and talks me through it again.

  We lurch around the car park, me giggling like a crazy person, and Rehan eventually laughing with me. Thirty minutes later I have succeeded in driving the car in a circle, and Rehan pronounces that good enough for a first lesson. The warmth of our laughter lingers as we swap seats again, and he takes us back out on to the roads.