I DON'T BELONG HERE

by Tayla Grossberg

  I went to the loo, and when I came out, Dimitri was smiling at me. I smiled back from all the excitement and fell down on my bed again. I felt strangely alive and wondered if this was what the heroines in my stories felt like. From there on the two of us whispered.

  “Cleary you like books more than movies,” Dimitri said.

  I nodded and looked at him instead of the television.

  “So why do you work at the DVD shop?”

  “To get out of the house and for the money.”

  “You can’t make a lot of money doing that,” he said.

  I shrugged. “It gives me time to read.”

  “Maybe you should find a job you enjoy,” Dimitri suggested. “Life is so short. You might as well do something that makes you happy.”

  “I’m not like you,” I said. “I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t know what I want to be one day. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.”

  “What do you enjoy doing?” Dimitri asked.

  “I enjoy cuddling my dog.”

  “Maybe you should be a vet...”

  “But I don’t like needles,” I confessed.

  “You like books. Do you write?”

  “No, I read.” I winked at him, and he sighed. “It’s hard, I know! I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do for sixteen years.”

  “You’ll figure it out,” he said.

  “If not a doctor, what would you be?” I wondered.

  “An artist,” he said. “I love drawing.”

  “Draw me something.” I pointed to the desk where my crayons, pencils, and notebook were. It was the green notebook with the silver patterns on that he had bought for me. I had already eaten the chocolate.

  Hesitantly, he picked up a pencil. He opened up the notebook and smiled when he saw his name and number. He drew in the light that the television provided.

  I could not see what he was drawing. It must have been detailed, because he took his time. My eyes were slowly closing. When I opened them, his attention was still fixed on the notebook. I closed them again and fell asleep to the sound of pencil on paper.

  When I awoke it was morning and Dimitri was gone, and I could only wonder at what time he snuck out. I loved sleeping late – that was one of the reasons I chose to work in the afternoons. I wished I had been up earlier so that I could have said goodbye. When would I see him again, and how I would contact him if his phone was broken?

  Outside, the yellow, orange, and red leaves were turning brown. They were piling up in the yard. I looked out of the window but there was no sign of him. He was long gone.

  I stretched and swung my legs out of bed. I went to my desk and opened the notebook. On the second page Dimitri had drawn a gorgeous pink orchid.

  Chapter 9

  I got dressed and fed Amore. The sweet doggy was tired and I assumed she had not slept much because Dimitri had been present. I gave her a kiss goodbye then went to work. That day, I sat in the empty shop. I took my book out of my bag but did not read it. This place did not make me happy at all. Maybe I could spend my time doing something better.

  “Life is so short. You might as well do something that makes you happy.”

  Dimitri had given me valuable advice, and I would be a fool to ignore it. Although I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life, sitting in a DVD shop was not it. At the end of the day, I resigned.

  I went home, and of course, Amore was the first to greet me. I found my parents in the kitchen with angry looks on their faces. I wondered if they got into a fight – which would be strange because they hardly ever fought.

  “Charlotte, we need to talk,” my father said.

  I hated hearing those words and wondered what could have happened that he wanted to discuss. My mother stood with her arms crossed. She and I fought much more than my dad and me. I wondered if she kept quiet because my dad asked her to and offered to handle the situation himself.

  “About what?”

  “The state your room is in.”

  I sighed, and my shoulders slumped. It was not a big deal, but something they’ve talked to me about multiple times. I could understand their irritation from repeating themselves, but they should also understand that my room was my private space. Either way, they were over-reacting – I had clothes lying on the floor, and my bed wasn’t made. It wasn’t that messy. “I know I should have made my bed up this morning.”

  My father frowned. “It’s not the bed we are angry about.”

  “What is it then?”

  “Don’t pretend like you don’t know,” Andrea snapped. I wondered how much she had struggled to stay quiet for so long.

  “Walk with us,” Ned said.

  I followed my parents upstairs and into my room, with Amore on my heels. When I saw the state my room was in I lifted my hands to my mouth. All of the gardening tools were kept in the garage because they were filthy with soil and mud from working in the garden. No one ever brought them into the house.

  Ned was a clean-freak. He liked our house spotless and hired a cleaning service to come once a week. He believed in taking good care of our home, and he raised me and my sister to do the same.

  All the gardening tools were spread out in my room. Some were on the bed where they left smears of mud and clumps of soil on my white satin sheets. Others were on the floor. It looked like a huge fork had been dragged across the floor, and it had left gashes in the wood. There was a spade – tossed aside. Judging by the dents, it looked as if someone tried to dig a hole into my bedroom floor.

  “We went to lunch this afternoon,” Ned said, “and we returned to this.”

  “Your sister was out all day with friends. She got home later than we did,” Andrea said.

  I looked at my parents with big eyes. “I did not do this.”

  Andrea turned to Ned and sarcastically said, “Well I did not do it. Did you do it?”

  He shrugged. “Nope.”

  “Do you think Juan did it?” Andrea pressed.

  “Honey—”

  “She was out with friends – and I know she can’t be in two places at once,” Andrea continued, and glared at me after interrupting Ned.

  “Neither can I!” My voice was so high-pitched. I was desperate to defend myself. I was innocent. “I was at work.”

  Juan entered. “Maybe Amore carried them in.”

  The little dog was standing at the side of the bed. Her legs were shaking, and her eyes were wide open. The spades were much bigger than her. There was no way that she would have been able to carry them inside. If the situation hadn’t been so bad, I might even have found Juan’s accusation humorous.

  “Stay out of this, Juan,” Ned said.

  Juan gave me a sympathetic look, but she did not leave. I was glad to have her there. She lingered in the doorway, which was her way of showing her support.

  Ned sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re grounded.”

  Staying home was not a punishment for me. I preferred it anyway. There was nothing my dad could use to punish me with. Staying home was a treat – but I did not say that. My heart sank as I realised that once again no one believed me.

  “Clean this mess up,” Andrea said.

  My parents left and went downstairs. I scanned my room and took in its disastrous state once more. I could feel my sister’s eyes burning into me as I ripped the sheets from my bed.

  “I’ll help,” Juan mumbled and started collecting spades. She took them back to the garage while I put my sheets in the wash.

  I swept, and Juan washed the floor for me. Some of the dents were huge, and the boards would have to be replaced. Judging from how angry my parents were, I assumed they would not be replaced anytime soon.

  “Can I sleep next to you tonight?” I asked. “My sheets are in the wash.”

  “Sure,” Juan said.

  It was dark outside by the time we finished cleaning. Andrea called us downstairs for dinner, and I considered ignoring her, but that would only make things worse.
Ned did not like it when we ate in our rooms, so we only ate there when our parents were not home. I followed Juan downstairs and ate the most awkward meal of my life. No one spoke, and I struggled to swallow my food. The silence gave me time to think about my room. Dimitri had been in there but he had no reason to destroy it. My sister wouldn’t do it, and I certainly hadn’t. I thought about the Red-eyed Lady. Was she so angry and vengeful, after her murder, that she could touch object and ruin my room?

  My parents did not even look at me, and I kept my eyes on my plate. I was thankful that my mother did not ask me to help clean the kitchen afterwards. I went upstairs, and Amore ran after me. Juan followed and closed her room door.

  “That sucked,” Juan said.

  “You can say that again,” I flopped down on the bed. “What a terrible day.”

  Juan crossed her arms and looked at me. “Why did you do it?”

  I sat up straight and told myself not to get worked up. But it was so hard to stay calm when I told the truth and everyone thought I was lying. “I did not do it.”

  My sister clearly did not believe me. It hurt, but there was no way I would tell or show her that she had hurt me. I kept my face as placid as possible. Her next words made me feel even worse.

  “You know you can tell me, right? I’ll support you.”

  “I swear I was at work the whole day.”

  Juan climbed into bed next to me. She looked disappointed. She often shared her secrets with me, which mostly involved sneaking out to drink, and told me that it was a two-way street. I wasn’t scared that she would tell my secrets to others – it was confidential – but I knew she wouldn’t believe me, so I kept my ghost stories to myself.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Juan said.

  I did not want to talk about it anymore, and I wished I could go to my own room. I considered sleeping on the couch, but that might upset my sister. I tried to chance the subject. “I quit my job.”

  “How come?” She sounded truly surprised.

  “I got bored.”

  “Does this mean you will be home more often?”

  There was a worried edge to her voice, and I wondered if she thought I’d wreak havoc if I was at home more often. “I did not wreck my room,” I said firmly.

  I realised it was Saturday night and my sister was staying in. That was unusual. “Why are you not out with friends?”

  Juan turned to face me – a face which I didn’t think looked like mine at all. Her hair was several shades darker, and her face was round where mine was oval. Her forehead was smaller than mine, and my lips were slightly thicker. But we had the same eyes. Juan held a pillow in her arms. “After seeing your room, I thought you might need some sisterly bonding time.”

  “Thanks,” I said. But she didn’t believe me, which made me feel disconnected from her.

  The only light burning was the bedside lamp on my side of the bed, which comforted me. I liked being able to see what was going on. Juan liked to sleep in a dark room. She complained that the light hurt her eyes and kept her awake. I would have to switch it off eventually.

  Amore lifted her heard and started growling. She looked at the bedroom door that was closed.

  “Stupid dog,” Juan mumbled. “That’s just Mom doing the dishes.”

  “Calm down.” I nudged her with my foot.

  “Your dog likes barking at nothing,” Juan told me.

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I came home today, she stood in your bedroom and barked at nothing. She scared me for a moment. I thought there was someone in there.”

  I swallowed and let my imagination run wild. “What if there was, and only she could see them?”

  “Are you trying to scare me? It won’t work.”

  “I know. You’re scared of nothing.”

  Granma May had told me that animals could see ghosts. Mystique, the mare I had ridden, had seen the red-eyed lady and spooked. Amore had seen some harmless ghosts before and barked at them... but I had never seen any in my house before. This was a new house, and no ghosts lingered here. So what had Amore been barking at?

  “I do get scared,” Juan said.

  “Of what?”

  “I get scared that you’re not happy.”

  “I’m happy.”

  “But you are always alone.”

  “I’m not like you,” I explained. “I don’t need people to be happy.”

  “That’s weird. I’d be miserable if I was as alone as you.”

  I looked at the roof and thought to myself that I’d rather have a few important people in my life instead of many unimportant ones. It was about quality, not quantity. But Juan was right – I didn’t really have friends. I tried to think of a friend... “Do you remember I told you about a boy named Dimitri?”

  “Isn’t he the one that stood you up for the Friday night movie?”

  “Yes.”

  Juan groaned.

  “He had a good excuse. His phone is broken.” I spoke fast. “And I really like him.”

  Juan was quiet for a while, and I wondered if she disapproved. “I hope he treats you well.”

  I smiled as I thought about him. He had such a pretty face. He was funny, smart, and a good conversationalist. And he drew a pretty pink orchid just for me.

  Juan yawned. “Please switch that light off.”

  I did as I was asked. “How can you be tired?”

  “I usually wake up at this time so that I can go party.”

  “I honestly don’t know how you manage to get such good grades.”

  Juan closed her eyes. “Neither do I.”

  I lay on my back and stared at the roof. My parents were making their way down the hall. I heard them open and close their room’s door. They liked going to bed early.

  There was silence, and I nudged Amore with my foot again. This time it was in a loving way. Usually Amore would lick my foot, but now her eyes were fixed on the door.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  I looked towards the door where a dark figure stood. It was too dark to make out the features. I blinked rapidly – as if it would go away. But my eyes weren’t deceiving me – someone was there.

  “Juan...” I said with a shaky voice while I gripped the covers.

  The silhouette was looking at us like a stalker. The person just stood there, still as a tombstone. I thought it might be a burglar.

  “Juan...” I said and shook my sister’s arm.

  “What?” Juan groaned.

  I took a deep, shuddery breath before I whispered, “There is someone in the room.”

  Juan’s eyes snapped open. She immediately switched on her bed light and sat up. She looked around the room frantically. “Where?”

  There was no one at the door. “I swear she was at the door.”

  Juan looked there, and I could see her pulse in her neck. She slowly got out of bed and took a cautious step towards the door.

  “Don’t.”

  “Shh,” Juan said as she continued moving.

  Each step was slower than the last. She reached for the doorknob as if it was poison ivy. Her hand closed around it, and then she yanked it open. She looked into the hall. She closed the door and turned to me. When she spoke, she sounded angry. “There is no one there.”

  “I saw someone.”

  “And that someone just vanished into thin air?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t scare me like that!” Juan said.

  She got back into bed and turned her back on me before she switched off her bed light. The room was dark again. I pulled Amore closer for comfort. I closed my eyes and refused to open them.

  Although I had not been able to make out the figure’s features, my gut told me that it was the lady. My gut also told me that the woman in the street, who had been pointing in the directions of the farms, on the night we had gone horse riding, was that same woman. She had also spooked Mystique. The footsteps in the house belonged to her, too. She had trashed my room.

>   There was no denying it; I was being haunted by a vengeful spirit.

  Grandma May had assured me that a ghost could not hurt me, but how could the ghost have trashed my room? Maybe she was angrier than most ghosts, and that gave her power.

  I shuddered. The lady was furious with me. How could she not be? I had witnessed a man murdering her, and I had done nothing. I had not even tried to help. I had remained hidden, and then I had run away like a coward.

  The lady had even asked me to “help” her, but I had been weak and scared, and I cared more about my life than the life of a stranger. I had watched that woman get killed, and I was as guilty as the man who had murdered her.

  Now the lady’s ghost was in my house. She wanted revenge.

  Chapter 10

  Charlotte

  The next morning, I woke before Juan did. This didn’t happen often, as Juan enjoyed the mornings, and I enjoyed the nights. Juan only slept late if she partied too much. I hadn’t slept well and wondered if I was stressing subconsciously.

  I got out of bed and headed directly to the tumble dryer. I removed my sheets and put them back onto my bed while trying not to look at the gashes in the floor. I also tried not to think about the Red-eyed Lady who had stood in my sister’s room last night.

  I was hungry and went to the kitchen. When I saw my parents there, I wanted to turn around and return to my room, but they saw me before I could go.

  “Good morning,” Ned said.

  He did not stay angry for long and never held grudges. He gave me a friendly smile, and I knew it was sincere. I greeted him and made my way to the cereal cabinet. Andrea was making coffee, which filled the room with its bitter scent. She did not greet me, nor had I expected her to.

  “I quit my job,” I told them.

  My parents looked at me, and I couldn’t tell if they were surprised or worried.

  “Why did you do that?” Ned asked.

  “I got bored with it.”

  “You are going to be even more bored at home,” Andrea warned me. “We should find you another job.”

  I had no idea what else I could do. I ate my cereal fast and spoke around a full mouth. “I’m going to visit a friend today.”