Kindling for the Heart

by Karen Legasy

  “What makes you think she’d even be interested in me if she was a lesbian?” Sam called out, her tease ignored as Jo stomped toward the road.

  It didn’t take long for the soothing sound of the truck to echo through the trees. Thank God. Sam couldn’t wait to get out of the cold and into the cozy cab. “Let’s hurry up, Mollie.”

  Sam followed Mollie, scrambling through the thick spruce stand with her big pack to make sure she didn’t get left behind. Not that it was a possibility, but still. She didn’t want to keep Jo waiting.

  “Whew.” Sam jumped down from the snowbank and stopped at the opened rear driver’s-side door of the truck. Mollie was already perched on the seat inside, her tongue hanging out as she panted.

  “Afraid I was going to leave without you, eh?” Jo’s tease followed with a smile. “You can put your backpack on the seat beside Mollie. Your snowshoes can go in the box with mine.”

  Sam put her snowshoes with Jo’s then climbed into the passenger seat and gave a relieved sigh as she buckled herself in. Jo was at the wheel, putting the truck into drive and turning them around with a three-point turn between the snowbanks. Once they got on their way, the ride was smooth and quiet.

  “Thank you again,” Sam said, gently patting Jo’s leg. “I’m so glad to have you as a friend.” She eased her hand back.

  “We won’t get home until after dark,” Jo said, shifting in her seat. “It’ll take us about an hour and a half of driving to get there, so I hope you’re not hungry.”

  “I’m fine.” Sam smiled as she studied the white road ahead. It looked more like a tunnel between the thick spruce trees and high snowbanks. Maybe, just maybe, there was a light at the end of this tunnel, and for once in her life she’d find something more than the superficial relationships she was used to. Sam wanted to get to know Jo more than she’d ever longed to get close to another woman, even if it was just as friends. “I look forward to the ride.”

  Daylight soon faded into dusk then darkness as they drove along to soft music from Sarah McLachlan. By the time Jo turned into her long driveway, she was surprised to realize how much she was beginning to really like Sam as a person. She was looking forward to having the woman as a guest on her turf.

  Sam was intelligent—that much was obvious from the start—and she had a keen legal mind. During the drive home, they had discussed work. Sam had listened attentively as Jo explained her issues with some nearby cottagers who opposed the cutting of a small stand of old growth white pine. Sam agreed to review some of Jo’s legal files, even if they had nothing to do with criminal activities. A lawyer’s mind was what Jo needed. She’d put Sam’s beautiful brown eyes to work on something more productive than trying to seduce her again.

  “Wow, I love your place.” Sam studied Jo’s house as it glowed under the lights. It was a modern bungalow on its own, a country property just outside of town, surrounded by fields and bush. “How long have you lived here?”

  “It’ll be eight years this summer.” Jo parked in front of the door with relief at finally being home. “We’ll get our stuff inside first and then I’ll put the truck away. My mother said she’d drop off some soup for us.”

  “How nice. I wish my mother would have done stuff like that for me.”

  Jo paused, her hand on the truck door as Sam slowly pulled on her hat. “Didn’t she?”

  “No.” Sam shook her head, the darkened cab hiding her facial expression. “My mother was never around much and when she was, we usually argued.” Sam’s eyes glistened in the reflection of the porch light. “After she died, I realized that we’d never really bonded the way a mother and daughter should.”

  Jo put a hand on Sam’s arm. “I’m sorry. How did she die?”

  “A car accident. She was drunk and either fell asleep at the wheel or drove into the transport on purpose. We’ll never know.”

  “Oh my God, Sam. When did this happen?”

  “Last summer. That’s how I ended up with the cottage.” Sam paused, wiping a tear on her cheek. “It’s probably why I’m so screwed up too.”

  “Everyone’s messed up in one way or another. I’m so sorry.” Jo didn’t know what else to say so she leaned over and hugged Sam, then opened her door. “Let’s go inside and have some soup.”

  “Eucalyptus.” Sam sniffed as they huddled on the big mat in the front entry, taking off their boots and coats. “I love that smell. What a nice fragrance to welcome guests.” She inhaled again, and admired the high ceilings and orange walls brightening up the entry. “What’s that other aroma? It’s sweet too.”

  “Open the closet to hang up your coat and you’ll see,” Jo said.

  Sam pulled open a white folding door, the cedar-lined closet revealing the scent. “I’m scared of closets because I spent a lot of time in one when I was younger.” Sam chuckled.

  “I find it hard to believe you’d have been closeted,” Jo said as she grabbed a hanger. “I didn’t think anyone from a big city would have to live in a closet, especially you.”

  Sam removed her parka. “My mother hated gays. I do love the cedar paneling in this one, though, and could imagine myself curled up inside it.”

  “Thanks,” Jo said. “Why do you think she was like that?”

  “Who knows, maybe she was a lesbian herself. I didn’t know my dad and I never remember her dating anyone. She was a teacher in the Catholic school system. It was probably more acceptable for her to love the bottle instead of another woman.”

  “Have you ever really loved another woman?”

  Sam glared at her. “Is that why you put nice-smelling cedar in your closet? So you could crawl into it and hide from big bad lesbians like me?”

  Jo’s cheeks reddened. “I deserved that. I’m sorry for being so crass. It’s been a long day and I’m tired. Let’s eat.”

  “Yes, but first if you could point me to your bathroom, that would be great.”

  “Of course.” Jo led Sam to the hallway and motioned to the washroom. “It’s just down the hall. I’ll give you a tour once we settle in. In the meantime, come back into the kitchen when you’re done, and we can have some soup.”

  “Sounds good.” Sam rushed down the hall, eager to have a minute by herself.

  She closed the bathroom door and leaned against it. Her emotions were too raw. All those years growing up and knowing she was a lesbian. Living in fear that her mother would somehow find out. She never did tell her mother.

  It had been a while since she’d talked about her mother and was surprised at how easily she confided in Jo. This was definitely turning into a friendship she wanted to nurture.

  Chapter Ten

  “This is so good.” Sam smacked her lips, pushing away her now empty bowl of butternut squash soup. “You’ll definitely have to thank your mother for me.”

  “You can thank her yourself tomorrow. She’s going to drop by in the morning. As soon as you’re done, I’ll give you a quick tour and show you to your room.” Jo was already clearing the table, anxious to organize herself for the next day. Her mind was humming with her workload and how she could get Sam to help.

  “I’m ready now.” Sam put her bowl into the dishwasher. “I love your kitchen by the way. I’ve always liked lighter wood cupboards.”

  “Thanks. They’re made from yellow birch.” Jo remembered picking out the wood for the doors from pieces stored in a woodlot owner’s garage down south. Jan was with her, but she’d stayed pouting in the car because she wanted oak.

  “Nice.” Sam examined one of the doors, pulling it open and rubbing her hand along its surface. “Is the wood from your land?”

  “Only some.” Jo leaned against the counter and folded her arms. She followed Sam’s gaze up to the matching panels on the cathedral ceiling. “I couldn’t get the cupboards made locally, but the birch on the ceiling is from here.”

  “I love the awning windows at the top of the room. They must let in a lot of light.”

  Jo grinned. She was proud of her home; it meant
a lot for Sam to like it. “They do, especially when the sun is shining. I hope you have a chance to see tomorrow.”

  Sam’s eyes lowered, and her hands began to fidget. “So do I.”

  “It’s supposed to be cloudy tomorrow so there won’t be any rays of sun shining through them.”

  “Whew.” She smiled, dimples digging into her cheeks. “I thought that was my cue to move on in the morning.”

  “Leave tomorrow? Are you kidding? I have lots of work for you to do, remember? You’re not getting off that easy.”

  Sam got to her feet. “That’s good to know. I’m ready for my tour now.”

  Jo’s house was solid, constructed with energy efficiency and environmental friendliness in mind. That was one thing she and Jan had agreed on, and Jo was thankful for it. The walls were insulated to standards well above the building code and the windows were triple-glazed. She’d always believed they’d stay in it for the rest of their lives. Well, she still planned to.

  As they stood by Jo’s dark green leather couch in the living room, Sam ran a socked foot across the wooden floor. “I love the flooring in here. Is it bamboo?”

  “Yes.” Jo’s jaw tightened.

  “How nice to have lucky bamboo in your living room,” Sam said.

  “I actually hate it.” Jo glared at the floor. “The bamboo was my ex’s idea. I’m going to rip it out and replace it with some reclaimed oak I bought last fall.”

  Sam smiled. “That should be nice. If I’m still here, maybe I can help.”

  “Maybe.” Jo hated that everything seemed to remind her of Jan—even the goddamn floors. She pushed past Sam and led the way through the long hallway and down to the basement. “What are your plans for now?” she asked, clicking on the overhead light as they descended.

  “To get my vehicle from the cottage. Wow, the ceilings down here are nice and high.” Sam reached up, but her fingers were almost a foot away from touching.

  “I wanted big windows in the basement.” Jo fluffed a cushion on the couch. “My office was originally in one of the rooms down here, but when Jan moved out, I relocated it to a bedroom upstairs.”

  “Damn, that’s a huge TV.” Sam picked up the remote from the coffee table and flicked it on. “You must still spend a lot of time in this room.”

  “Not really.” Jo preferred to be upstairs where there was much more natural light and the air was always warmer on cold days like this.

  Sam flipped through a few channels on the muted TV then turned it off, putting the remote back down on the coffee table and going up to the woodstove. “This is nice.” She opened the door and looked inside. “Bigger than the one at the cottage. It must make things cozy down here when you have a fire going.”

  “Thanks. It does, but I haven’t used it in a while.”

  “Well we should change that.” Sam went over to the couch and flopped down with her feet up, as though watching a movie. “I’ll have popcorn, please.”

  Jo sat balancing on the arm of the couch, at Sam’s feet. “I was thinking you could work in my old office, but I see now that it might be too distracting with the entertainment room so close. I like it down here. I’ve always enjoyed hanging out in the basement. It became my retreat while Jan and I were splitting up.”

  “You mean you still lived with her after she took some other woman on your vacation?”

  “I didn’t have a choice. She owned half the house, so I couldn’t just kick her out.”

  “What a bitch.” Sam sat up straight and turned to Jo with a sympathetic look. “Even I wouldn’t do that to someone after dumping her.”

  “Is that why you’re not in a hurry to head back to Toronto? So you don’t have to live with your ex?”

  “Sort of.” She smirked then got up and followed as Jo continued the tour in the basement.

  Jo brought them into her former office that she now thought of as a symbol of her second-tier status in her relationship with Jan. Even before Jan left her, Jo had been relegated to the basement.

  “Nice desk.” Sam ran her hand along the oak top. “A classic, especially for a senior partner in a law firm. Isn’t your office upstairs now?”

  “It is, but this was too heavy to move so I bought a new one. Used, of course, and just as nice. There’s nothing like a solid wood desk. You can work here tomorrow, if you like.” Jo sat in the chair and spread her hands over the desk, following the trail of Sam’s fingers. Best to keep her in the basement.

  “You’re serious about putting me to work then.” Sam tapped Jo’s shoulder. “What other plans do you have for me?”

  “You can walk my dog tonight.” Jo chuckled, her need to relax and forget about Jan increasing. “Just kidding. I’ll show you the rest of upstairs and you can settle in for the night.”

  “I’m happy to walk Mollie or do whatever else to earn my keep.” Sam followed Jo out of the room.

  “That’s good to know.” Jo took her time going up the stairs. The next part of the tour included sleeping arrangements.

  “So you only have one bedroom in this house, right?”

  “You wish.” Jo led them down the hall, her heart pounding as they neared her bedroom. “This is my room. It has its own bathroom so the one down the hall is all yours.” Jo backed away and was barely able to breathe as Sam hesitated at the doorframe.

  Sam glanced inside, her feet firmly planted in the hallway. “Nice room. I love the teal green walls.” She then backed away and turned to the room across the hall. “Is this where I’ll be crashing?”

  “Yes, this’ll be your room. Help yourself to extra blankets and towels in the linen closet next to the bathroom.”

  “This is great.” Sam went in and sat on the edge of the bed that Jan had used when she started to complain about their bed not being big enough for two. “Ooh, this is so comfortable. I’m sure I’ll have some good sleeps in here.” She leaned back on the pillows and scanned the room. “You chose well on your color. It’s so fitting for a lesbian guest like myself who worships purple.”

  “I’m glad you like it.” Jo smiled. Jan always hated Jo’s choice of color for this room. Another check for Sam. “I’ll let you get settled in now while I make a few phone calls.”

  Jo hurried into her room, shut the door, and flopped onto the bed, phone in a trembling hand. She had to stop this. Sam would be gone soon, and it would all seem like a dream. She dialed her mother.

  “Your soup was great. Thanks, Mom.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” The TV suddenly muted. “How’s your guest settling in?”

  “Fine. I think Mollie’s with her now.” Jo heard the clinking of her tags as Sam threw a tennis ball down the hall.

  “You sound tired.”

  “It’s been a long day.” Jo yawned, the low lighting from the lamp on her night table calming. “I have a busy week ahead and I still have to call Robert to thank him for plowing my driveway.”

  “I have to call over there, so I’ll tell him for you.”

  “Thanks, Mom. That’d be great. I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.”

  “Okay dear, have a good sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Jo flopped back on her pillows and stared at the white painted ceiling. She closed her eyes and imagined Sam’s hands on her breasts. The way her fingers teased her nipples and then her tongue…

  Jo sat up. What was she doing? She was a planner and had to stick to her personal plan of a contented existence on her own. It was the only sustainable thing to do. She dragged herself off the bed and went in search of Mollie. She’d take her outside for a bedtime walk and cool off these emotions in the frigid night air.

  “Outside, Mollie.” Jo stood by the back door, leash in hands at the ready. The quick ticking of nails on the hardwood announced Mollie’s enthusiasm. She rushed to Jo and nudged the leash.

  “And here I thought she was content to stay in my room with me.” Sam’s socks glided across the floor, muting her footsteps as she followed Mollie.

&n
bsp; “I’ll keep her in my room tonight, so she doesn’t bother you,” Jo said.

  “Don’t worry about me.”

  “I’m not. I’m more worried about me. Good night.” She stepped outside, Mollie rushing ahead, and closed the door.

  Chapter Eleven

  Sam slept until nine thirty the next morning. She was almost embarrassed to sneak out of her room into the shower then show up in the kitchen at ten. Jo was already having her coffee break.

  “Oh man, I didn’t mean to sleep so late,” Sam said. The kitchen smelled of fresh coffee and was brightened with Jo’s presence.

  Jo bit into an apple. “What a slacker. I’ve already organized to have your vehicle plowed out on Friday morning.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Sam poured a coffee and leaned against the counter, gripping her mug between two hands to keep it steady. “It’ll give me the rest of the week to figure out a plan of where to go after that.”

  “You’ll head back to Toronto, I imagine,” Jo said, casually looking at her phone. As though Sam leaving meant nothing to her.

  Sam shuffled her feet “No. I thought I’d at least spend the rest of the month in town and snowshoe into the cottage whenever I get a chance.”

  Jo continued to flip through messages on her phone. “Do you know anyone from here? Someone else you could bunk with?”

  “No, but don’t worry. I’ll find myself a place to rent and get out of your hair.”

  Jo finally put the phone down. “Look, you can stay here for as long as you want. As long as you don’t break my dog’s heart.”

  Sam laughed. “I promise not to.”

  “Of course if you’d rather go somewhere else…” Jo looked back at her phone.

  “No, no, I’d love to rent a room from you. Your place is beautiful, and I had one of the best sleeps in forever last night. And then there’s Mollie. I’ve never had a dog before, so this is a new experience for me. If a heart gets broken, it’s going to be mine.”

  Jo got up and poured the rest of her coffee down the sink. “There’s already been enough heartbreak around here. I have a call at ten thirty, so better head back to my office and prepare.”