Kindling for the Heart

by Karen Legasy

  “She’s falling asleep.” Jo yawned, fighting off exhaustion. “So am I. Consider yourself lucky you already have your pajamas on and can just jump into bed.”

  “I guess.” Sam paused, her eyes sparkling in the rearview mirror as the lights from another vehicle glared by. “If only it was your bed I was getting into…”

  “Sam.” Jo sighed, closing her eyes. She wanted to forget the last few hours. “I can’t go there right now. You know that.”

  “No, I don’t.” Sam eased the truck to a stop in front of Jo’s house and put it into park, but left it idling. Her hands stayed on the steering wheel. “What happened in the shower tonight was just so amazing, like the last time at the cottage. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “I don’t have anything more to give right now.” Jo avoided Sam’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “I really like you, Sam, but that’s not enough.”

  “Not enough for what?” Sam turned around, her head between the two seats as her arms rested on the console.

  “To make love with you.” Jo felt numb as she finally answered and opened her door. “Ready to head inside, Mollie?”

  “Are you afraid to fall in love with me? Or have you already?” Sam reached over to touch her, but Jo leaned away.

  “Is that what you want? Just before going back to Toronto? Is that what turns you on? Loving and then leaving?”

  “No, Jo. That’s never what I’ve wanted. I’ve always longed for more. It’s just that I’ve never met anyone like you before and…”

  “Look, Sam, I almost lost Mollie tonight.” Jo sniffed, her head down as she avoided Sam’s eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without her. I can’t handle anything more right now. I can’t.” Jo jumped out of the truck and marched to the house, Mollie in tow.

  When Sam got inside, Jo was sitting on the living room area rug, petting Mollie, and staring at the bamboo flooring. Sam stooped to her knees, kissed Mollie, and then reclined near the edge of the mat. Her fingers nudged Jo’s.

  “I’m here for you tonight, Jo.” She moved her hand back. “This isn’t about sex or love or anything else. I’ll just hold you if that’s what you need, or leave you alone if you want. But whatever happens tonight, please know that I care a lot about you and…” Sam’s voice started to shake, her hand grasping Mollie’s fur. “I’m sorry. It was my fault she got hit tonight.”

  “You weren’t even outside with us.” Jo shifted, but kept her hands on Mollie. “How can you say that?”

  “I pushed you. Call it hormones if you like, but I’m so attracted to you, and I know I upset you. Those bubbles broke me. When I saw you covered in them, I just had to touch and feel to see if you were as aroused as me. I always have to push the limit, even when I know things could be risky.”

  “Is that why you were on the ice, believing you could walk on water that’s not quite frozen?” Jo glared at Sam. “What the hell were you thinking out there, putting your life in danger like that?”

  “I don’t know.” Head drooping, Sam tried to hide her tears. “I felt like shit and needed some fresh air. I wasn’t thinking. Or maybe I didn’t care.”

  “Just like tonight, and all the other times you’ve tried to seduce me? Am I your fresh air?”

  “Yes.” Sam saw pain in Jo’s eyes, her words not coming out right. “I mean no. It’s not like that with you. Meeting you has been one of the best things to happen to me.”

  “Give me a break. You started making advances almost from the moment we met. I was one of the best things to happen to you that day because I pulled your sorry ass off the ice. And after that, I was forced into your bed, stranded in the bush with no way out. Another checkmark for you.”

  “No. It’s not like that.” Sam touched Jo’s fingers again, desperate to convince her. “I’m really falling for you Jo, and Mollie. I love her and…”

  Jo pulled her hand away. “Lots of people love my dog. Maybe you should get your own golden retriever once you get back to Toronto.”

  “Jo, please.” Sam tried to find the blue eyes. “That’s not what this is about.”

  Jo stood. “This is my living room and not some courtroom where you’re trying to convince a jury. I won’t be persuaded into having a fling with you and then sentenced to another heartbreak once you leave.”

  Sam sprang to her feet. “That’s not what I want. Breaking your heart is not part of the plan. Re-igniting a fire in your heart is.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “That’s the second time you’ve said that to me.” Sam’s jaw tightened with frustration. “If you really wanted me to fuck off, you’d have sent me on my way by now.”

  Jo swung around. “Are you willing to quit your fancy job in Toronto and move to Timmins? So we can be together?”

  “What about you moving to Toronto?”

  “Never. I’m not leaving my family. I don’t need to start a fire in my heart because it’s fine the way it is.”

  Sam moved closer, hands at her sides and resisting the urge to do more. “Oh, Jo, you of all people should know that’s not good enough.”

  “Yes, it is.” Jo backed away, her lips trembling.

  “You’ve shown nothing but caring since I met you. You’re genuinely concerned about Mollie, your mother, Anna, and even me. I’ve felt more caring since I met you than I ever got from my own mother. You, your dog, and your family make me feel special in a way I’ve never felt before. I like it, and I like being with you the most.”

  Jo played with her hair, shaping it into a ponytail then letting it drop as she looked away. “Look Sam, I like you, too, and so does my family, including my dog. I wanted to stop you tonight, but it was too late. I knew you’d try something if you came into my bathroom with a glass of wine and I let it happen. I let you do what I was planning to do to myself and it was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”

  “I bet it felt a lot better than if you’d done it yourself.” Sam wiped her nose, hopeful they could work this through. “The little visit from you in my shower sure did for me.”

  “Can we just put this behind and be friends?” Jo yawned. “It’s been such a long day and I want to start out fresh tomorrow.”

  Sam was desperate to keep things amicable with Jo. She just wanted this awkwardness to end. “Sounds good. Let’s shake on it and I’ll make you some pancakes for breakfast.”

  “That would be yummy.” Jo smiled as her warm hand folded into Sam’s. “Nice pajamas, by the way. I’m glad you kept them on tonight. The polar bears fit in quite well at the vet’s office. And so did you. I really appreciated your help tonight. Have a good sleep.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The snowmobile sliced through fresh snow, Sam clinging to Jo as they broke trail along the pristine surface in the middle of a large meadow. If ever there was a winter wonderland, Sam had found it. A fluorescent-blue sky highlighted clear weather, a shining sun brightened the day, and glittering fresh snow created a field of diamonds. But what made it even more magical was holding onto Jo as they sped through this frosty paradise.

  Breakfast included blueberry pancakes, real Ontario maple syrup, coffee, raspberry yogurt, and a touch of happiness. Mollie seemed to be herself, and Jo acted as though everything was back to usual, if ever there was a normal with them.

  It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, so Jo had offered to show Sam how much fun the great outdoors could be this far north. Even when the temperature was at its most frigid and nearly everyone wanted to stay indoors, Jo seemed in her element with the fresh frigid air, glistening snow, and gorgeous blue sky. Sam snuggled closer to Jo’s back. She could get used to this.

  Jo pressed the throttle as they veered into a turn and began to sink. The track started to spin, and the machine bogged down to a stop, half buried in the fresh drift. Sam fell into Jo and they both ended up on the ground beside the stalled machine, covered in snow.

  Jo laughed, removing her helmet. “Sorry. I should have known better than to try making a curve that tight. We’ll have to d
ig ourselves out.”

  “I can’t believe how reckless you were at the controls.” Sam clung to Jo’s back, spooning her in the snow.

  “You can let go now.” Jo moved to get up. “There’s nowhere else to fall and you’ll soon feel a chill if you stay there like that.”

  “How are we going to get ourselves unstuck?” Sam struggled to her feet, her bulky boots and borrowed snowmobile suit restricting movement in the deep snow.

  “You tell me.” Jo retrieved a small folding shovel from the snowmobile and began to hurl snow.

  “It looks like you’ve already figured it out.” She pulled up her visor and smiled. “That was fun.”

  Jo stopped digging. “I’m glad you think so. Now let’s see if we can get ourselves out of this mess and head to some groomed trails.”

  “Tell me what you need me to do,” Sam said, wishing for much more enlightenment than just getting the snowmobile unstuck.

  “You can help push the machine if necessary, but otherwise stand back while I take a run for it.” Jo straddled the seat and started the engine. She squeezed the throttle, the motor roaring and exhaust fumes rising as she bounced on the machine to make it go. Her ability to face adversity was admirable, like a goddess, or a warrior. If only Sam could somehow prove that she wanted so much more than a casual fling with this special person. Time was running out.

  The track spun, sending snow upward, as though trying to reverse nature and hurl it back into the sky. Body swaying, Jo rose out of the hole and whirred across the field to create one large circle as she swung back to Sam.

  “Jump on.” Jo shouted over the roaring engine. “I want to take you for a ride through our beautiful bush before you head back to your concrete city.”

  Sam snuggled up behind Jo, comfortable in being taken for a ride. She closed her eyes and held onto the moment, Jo’s body tight against hers as they headed for the trails.

  Her return to the city was getting closer; she dreaded telling Jo about her plans to leave early Wednesday morning. That meant a little more than two days and three nights were left to share a proper kiss and make love. She desperately needed to do this, to somehow have a breakthrough that could open a whole new world of possibilities.

  Jo slowed the snowmobile as they pulled into an unbroken trail, thick with overgrown branches smacking against them as they meandered through the trees. Sam hoped Jo was taking her to some special oasis, hidden from the path where they would have the place to themselves. Sure enough, the bush opened up—their own private sanctuary.

  “Wow, this is nice.” Sam got off and stood by the snowmobile, sipping steaming tea from a cup Jo offered her. She stared out at the natural opening bordered by a dense stand of snow-tipped cedars. “Is this a small lake in summer?”

  “No, it’s covered in grass and moss. It’s a bog, actually.” Jo sat sideways on the black vinyl seat, her feet resting on the running board, holding her mug of tea on her knees. “I wish I could show you in the summer. It has one of my favorite plants in it.”

  “Oh, and what’s that?” Sam kicked the foot of Jo’s boot.

  “The pitcher plant. It’s so neat. It has this amazing ability to make ice cubes in the fall.”

  “Ice cubes in the fall?”

  “Its leaves are like little cups and fill with water.” Jo squeezed over and motioned for Sam to sit. “Indigenous peoples used them as drinking cups when they were out in the forest.”

  Sam grinned as she snuggled in beside Jo. “It’s too bad there’s so much snow right now or I’d try drinking my hot tea from one of the leaves.”

  “If you did, you might get some extra protein in your drink,” Jo said. “Pitcher plants are actually carnivorous. They eat bugs.”

  “No shit. How can they do that?”

  “They trap insects in the stiff hairs at the top of the leaf openings then push the bugs down and release secretions to dissolve them.”

  “What do they look like?”

  “Kind of like a vagina, if you ask me.” Jo’s response surprised Sam, especially the way she stood up and laughed. “I’ve never said that to anyone before, usually because I’m always out here with guys, but they kind of do. There’s stiff hair at the top and the hole is smooth.”

  Sam was at a loss for words, wondering if Jo was joking or trying to flirt. She stood and tossed the rest of her tea in the snow then faced Jo. “Have you ever had a vagina ice cube?”

  “Yes, I have, and they’re delicious, bugs and all.” Jo put on her helmet, but Sam caught her blush.

  Sam smiled as she pulled on her helmet. “Thanks for bringing me here. I can just imagine how beautiful it must be in the summer. I hope you’ll bring me back here again in July or August.”

  “If you come back, sure.” Jo jumped on the machine. “I think we should head home now and check on Mollie.”

  “Yes, please.” Sam climbed on and wrapped her arms around Jo. “I have to pee so the sooner we get there, the better.”

  “Hang on then! I can’t have you wetting yourself in my new snowsuit.” Jo started the engine, took one loop in the bog to turn the machine around then headed toward home.

  Sam clung to Jo, more determined than ever to kiss her when they got back. Maybe they’d even make love; Jo’s reference to the vagina plant seemed almost like she was thinking of it too.

  Mollie was outside when they roared up to the house, Anna and Julia stood in the kitchen window. Sam’s heart sank.

  “Hey, Mollie.” Jo rushed to the dog, removing her helmet on the way and shaking those sexy blond curls Sam ached to touch. “How are you feeling?”

  “She’s looking much better.” Sam knelt beside Jo and kissed the top of Mollie’s head. “I didn’t know your mother and Anna were coming over.”

  “Neither did I,” Jo said. “Oh, Mollie, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Jo gave the dog a hug, then stood up and looked at the house. “How nice of them to drive out for a visit. They probably wanted to check on Mollie. I’ll invite them to stay for dinner. I have a frozen lasagna I can put in the oven.”

  “Sounds good.” Sam followed Jo inside, discouraged at the sudden change in dinner plans. She needed to know how Jo felt, and she certainly couldn’t do that with family around.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Jo removed the vegetarian lasagna from the oven, her thoughts nowhere near the meal she was preparing. Sam sat at the kitchen table, chatting away with her mother and sister, relaying how much she’d enjoyed the snowmobile ride. It seemed so genuine, the way her animated voice described getting stuck, and then raved about the cedar bog.

  The caring way she had helped with Mollie—Jo shuddered to think of what would have happened had Sam not been there. Then there was their discussion before bed last night. It was as though Sam was trying to profess her love, almost begging for a chance. Maybe she really was interested in forging a relationship.

  Anna approached Jo, rolling up her sleeves to wash her hands at the kitchen sink. “I’ll slice the garlic bread.”

  “That’d be great.”

  Her mother’s chair slid out from the table. “What can I do to help?”

  “You can toss the salad,” Anna said. “I’ll bring it to the table so you can stay sitting with Sam.”

  “You must think I’m a lazy slug.” Sam had her feet up on a chair.

  “Not at all.” Jo’s mother stirred the salad, utensils clinking against the bowl. “I know what snowmobiling in the cold can do to your body if you’re not used to it.” Her mother really liked Sam. She’d never used that nurturing tone with Jan. “I bet you’re anxious for bed tonight.”

  Sam straightened, her feet dropping to the floor as though caught being naughty. “Yes, I am.” Her voice had a slight squeak as she ran a hand through her hair. “I’m relieved Mollie seems to be back to normal.”

  “Thank God.” Her mother smiled as she bent over to pet Mollie. “Poor dear. Nana’s glad you’re feeling better after being smacked by that big, bad truck. Josephine, did you
notify the police about the hit and run last night?”

  Argh. Why did she have to use her full name?

  “She refused,” Sam said. “I tried to get her to call this morning, but she still blames herself.”

  “Were you driving the truck that hit Mollie?” The slight click of Anna’s tongue added aggravation to her ridiculous question.

  “Of course not.” Jo jabbed a knife into the lasagna. Everyone was ganging up on her. “I had her outside without a leash. I should have known better, especially since she gets so crazy when there’s a rabbit around.”

  “You should have at least reported it.” Anna brought the bread to the table. “I hope the bastard has a big dent on his truck.”

  Jo shoved a spatula in the lasagna, breaking apart the first piece as she lifted it onto a plate. “From now on, Mollie will always be on her leash. I’m through taking risks. It’s not worth it if she could be gone just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Everything’s ready.”

  “This smells so good, Jo.” Sam approached the stove, her voice cheery as though clueless that Jo’s snapping fingers were meant for her. “I can hardly wait to dig in.” Jo kept her focus on the lasagna. Sam’s words weren’t about the food at all.

  “Me too,” Anna said as she took her piece and shuffled back to the table. “There’s something about these cold days that brings on a healthy appetite. We can’t stay long, though. I have a big week ahead at work.”

  Jo plopped a piece on Sam’s plate, then took the broken piece for herself and headed to the table. She plunked her plate down in the vacant spot beside Sam and sat. “Dig in everyone.”

  “Let’s start with a toast.” Her mother held up her wine.

  “Yes, let’s make it to Mollie.” Sam raised her glass, her arm hovering near Jo. “I’m so relieved she’s okay.”

  “Cheers.” Jo raised her glass and clinked Sam’s, their eyes barely meeting as she turned to toast with Anna. “To Mollie, the best pal in the world.”

  “Cheers to Mollie and cheers to Sam.” Her mother clinked everyone’s glass then took a sip. “It’s been nice having you around, Sam, especially for Jo. I noticed an ad in the paper yesterday that one of our local law firms is looking for a criminal lawyer.”