Perfection

by Gianni Holmes

  It hadn’t taken much effort to find me at all. My status updated my location whenever I posted, and I’d spent so much time here when Jake was alive. Justin knew that.

  I’d been happy when he showed up. Something to get me out of my boredom and wallowing. He’d sent me upstairs to shower and get rid of my days’ old breath. I’d taken time to groom myself properly before returning downstairs to find more people had arrived.

  Justin had called up influencers in my circle, thinking he was doing me a favor. Soon, the house was overrun with kids from college and those we’d parted ways with in high school. As usual, others arrived who we had no connection to at all, but only needed to know about a party to show up.

  Kegs of beer, a music system installed, and everywhere run with people later, and this was the result. I should’ve shut it down when I realized what was happening, but for the first time since I left Callum, I wasn’t alone.

  The party was no substitute for him, but it was at least something other than wallowing in stale pizza and my brother’s expensive liquor and watching my fish interact with each other while ignoring me. At least I’d had the good sense to bring their tank up to my bedroom once the party started.

  I clung to the banister and climbed the stairs, which took a lot of effort. I hated that people were moving up and down the stairs, which meant they were messing with my brother’s shit. Jake would’ve never put up with this.

  Once I was on the landing, I stumbled into my brother’s bedroom and closed the door behind me. I still had the red cup in my hand, so I downed it and rested it on the nightstand. Then I crawled into the bed and pulled the pillows over my head. The music from downstairs still penetrated, and a dull ache settled in my head.

  I needed to shut this party down. Now. The first person I thought to call was Callum. He’d know what to do. He would know how to get them all out, but I hesitated. Did I really want to pull him back into this mess?

  Although I loathed calling him, I dialed Rue’s number. He picked up on the third ring.

  “Master Ashton, what’s wrong?”

  I hated that he automatically assumed something was wrong. I wished I could just hang up and tell him that I only called to say hi and find out how his husband was. And I vowed to myself that this was the last time. This would be the final time I called Rue to bail me out of my mess.

  “Rue, there’s a party at the house. I didn’t start it, but I don’t know how to end it, and I can’t even think straight right now.”

  “Jesus, Ashton, I thought you’d made a pact to stay away from drinking.”

  “I tried, but turns out when you’re locked alone in a house for seven days with liquor at your disposal, you drink whether you want to or not. Will you come, please? I swear I’ll go to Texas after this. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “That’s what you said the last time.”

  “Please, Rue.”

  “I can’t be there this time, Ashton. Jos and I are out of town.”

  “Shit.”

  “You should call Callum.”

  “No.” The word came out on a shout. “I’ll handle it.”

  I hung up before he could convince me to call Callum. Dammit. Dammit. I had no choice but to stay up here until the party ended and everyone went home.

  The door creaked open, and I sat up in the bed too fast. My vision swam, but it wasn’t bad enough for me not to recognize Louis’s drunk frame walking into the bedroom. He was so unsteady on his feet, only the door holding him up.

  “Found you,” he said, lurching toward the bed. The door remained open, thank god. He wouldn’t try anything when anyone passing by could see him.

  “Get out of my room, Louis.”

  “Why? You cocktease. Admit you came up here for me to find you.”

  I pressed the palms of my hands into my eye sockets. Where had I gone wrong with him? We used to be so close. All those memories we’d shared between friends. Had he really taken them to mean something more? And if that were even the case, I’d told him over and over that I wasn’t interested in him.

  His obsession with me was not my fault. This was one thing I wouldn’t blame myself for.

  “I came up here to lie down because I have a headache. Now leave.”

  “You don’t really want me to go.”

  “I do! Louis, no!”

  He grabbed after me, and I jumped away from his touch. It was one thing to do this when we were both sober, but he was drunk, possibly high too, and I wasn’t in a better state either.

  “You always liked being chased!”

  He caught one of my legs and pulled. I crashed hard into the bed, bashing my head into the bedhead. Pain exploded through my skull. The room spun, tilted, and everything went black.

  I couldn’t tell how long I’d been out, but it was long enough for me to have been pushed onto my stomach and my jeans and underwear shoved down my ass. Louis straddled my hips, and despite my fucked-up state, I heard the ripping of a foil.

  “Louis, please, no!”

  “You like it rough,” he slurred so badly I was hardly able to make out the words. “I remember you telling me how you liked it when they choked you while they fucked you. I remember every single thing, Ash. I used to pretend I was the one choking you while I fucked my fist, but I don’t have to do that anymore. I’m going to finally fuck you, and you’ll beg me to do it harder. Just as soon as my stupid dick gets up.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Callum

  Since I’d walked to the restaurant, Dane offered me a ride to the address Rue gave me for Ashton. Tense, I clutched the handle of the door and said nothing.

  “You gonna be okay, man?” he asked me.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t look it. Relax. I bet when we get there, everything will be fine.”

  I grunted a response but didn’t say much. All I could think of was Ashton getting himself into some kind of trouble. Rue had told me about the party going on at his brother’s. According to him, Ashton hadn’t started the party, but I couldn’t tell if he’d only said that to spare my feelings.

  Turned out I was about to crash the party Phil had shown me on his phone.

  “This is the street, isn’t it?” Dane asked, making a left turn.

  I didn’t need to answer him. My heart threatened to leap out of my chest at the chaos that was ahead. Two police cars were parked in the driveway. People milled around on the sidewalk, some making their getaway in waiting cars.

  They were a mess. Girls walked by wearing only one shoe or went barefoot. One was completely topless, and a boy was running past us with nothing on but his shirt.

  “Jesus,” Dane breathed beside me. “I forgot how wild college parties could get.”

  I swallowed the bile in my stomach at what Ashton could’ve gotten himself into. They must’ve really been disturbing the nice neighborhood for the police to be here. The local media was going to have a field day with this when it got out, and it would.

  “Park here. I’ll hop out and see what’s going on.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Dane said. “Just give me time to park properly.”

  But I didn’t. As soon as he slowed down, I jumped out of the car, ignoring his shout. I ran up the driveway, sidling between two girls, one who was crying and the other consoling her.

  I grabbed the arm of the one closest to me, and she screamed.

  “Please don’t hurt me!”

  “I’m not going to hurt you.” I eased the pressure of my grip. “I just want to know what’s going on.”

  She shook her head and buried her face into her companion’s bosom.

  “Dude, leave us alone. We just stopped by with some friends.”

  I couldn’t hold them against their will, so I released her hand, and they hurried away.

  “What’s going on?” Dane appeared at my side.

  “I don’t know yet.”

  I forged ahead and entered the house, Dane following me. In the hall, I al
most bumped into two police officers and two handcuffed boys Ashton’s age. One looked completely high, and his face was a bloody mess.

  “Everyone needs to evacuate the premises except for the owners,” the police officer said to me, blocking my entrance.

  “I’m Callum Davidson,” I said, and when he just stared at me, I continued. “I’m the owner’s partner. Ashton Keyes.”

  The boy with the battered face got a panicked look in his eyes.

  “He didn’t do it,” the other boy said. He had only scratches on him. “I stopped him before he did it. I know he used to harass Ash, but I didn’t think he’d stoop so low.”

  “You may want to save it for when we have you two at the police station,” one of the cops said, pushing the one who had spoken to me ahead.

  “Encourage him to go to a doctor and get a kit done,” the other police officer said. “We would’ve taken him, but he said no. He also needs to come by the station and make a formal report if he wants to press charges against this one. Maybe when they’re all sober, they can give us a better statement about what happened.”

  I was more confused than ever when both cops walked by us.

  “Jesus, Callum.” Dane gripped my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, man.”

  “For what?” Did he understand something I didn’t? Obviously, something had happened with Ashton, but I couldn’t even think clearly to put all the pieces together.

  “Let’s find him.”

  I shook off Dane’s hand and walked along the thrashed hall. Paintings hung haphazardly on the wall. Garbage littered the floor from food wrappers to cups and cans. The stench of alcohol, tobacco, and weed wrapped together was strong enough to make me choke.

  “Ashton?” I called his name. No response. “Ash?”

  I found him in the living room, sitting on a sofa with his knees pulled up to his chin. He looked so frail and vulnerable. As soon as he saw me, he ducked his face into his thighs to hide.

  A heart-wrenching sob tore from his throat, and I couldn’t deny him the comfort I could give him. I sat beside him and pulled him into my arms. He didn’t resist me. His arms came around my neck, and he clung to me, smelling of liquor and his familiar shampoo.

  Whenever I’d missed him too much, I’d uncapped the bottle, closed my eyes, and pretended he’d just taken a shower with me.

  “Shh, it’s okay.” I patted his back while I checked out the living room, which was wrecked.

  He shook his head as though he wanted to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Eventually, he raised his head and wiped his face with his shirt.

  “You shouldn’t have come.” He pushed out of my arms. “Rue shouldn’t have called you.”

  “He said you needed help.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but then his gaze shifted beyond my shoulder, and his eyes narrowed.

  “Can I help you?”

  I glanced over my shoulder. Dane stood awkwardly at the entrance of the living room.

  “Dane’s with me.” I took his hand. “We were having dinner when Rue called.”

  “Dinner?” Ashton’s turned accusing eyes toward me. “You found somebody else to replace me in just a week?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  Ash’s jealousy grated on my nerves. He’d promised he would do better, and here he was throwing a party. He had no right to be jealous about me being with someone else.

  “Don’t move,” I told him and walked over to Dane.

  “I guess my time’s up, right? You need to take care of him.”

  I rubbed at my temple. Would I be an asshole if I left right now with Dane?

  “Thanks for bringing me here. I’ll call a cab when I’m ready to go.”

  “Don’t mention it, man. If you need anything, you have my number.” He took one look at Ashton, then walked away. I didn’t move from where I was until the front door opened and closed.

  “You shouldn’t have let Rue disrupt your date,” Ashton said, voice sullen.

  “It wasn’t a date. We just ran into each other.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Don’t even start with me, Ashton. You have no basis on which to judge me. I thought you were working on you. Now what the hell happened?”

  He dropped his face into his hands. “It’s not as easy as I thought it would be, and tonight’s the last straw.”

  “What happened?”

  He shook his head and chewed on his bottom lip. “I’m fine. That’s all you need to know. You can go now. If you hurry, you should be able to catch up with your date.”

  He wavered to his feet, obviously far from okay. I wasn’t certain if it was the shock of tonight or the alcohol that had him so unsteady. Perhaps a bit of both.

  “I just dropped everything because Rue said you needed help,” I said to him. “I didn’t ask questions, and that’s because regardless of what happened to us, I still care about you. I’ll still come when you call, but if you keep pushing me away, Ash, one day I won’t show up.”

  Seconds ticked by into minutes without a word from him. I was done begging him to share some of his burden with me.

  “Good night, Ash.”

  I walked out the living room. Then his soft plea reached me.

  “Please don’t go.”

  “Why shouldn’t I?”

  “Because…because if-if a friend didn’t come upstairs to find me half an hour ago, I would’ve been raped. And I don’t want to be alone right now.”

  My mouth fell open, and I stared at Ash, unable to move. When my limbs were able to function again, I was in front of him, pulling him back into my arms. His body trembled against me, shudders racking his frame.

  “Jesus, my poor baby.” Now it made sense what the police officer had said about having Ash agree to do a kit. My stomach revolted as everything fell into place.

  “Ash, baby, I should take you to the hospital.”

  He shook his head. “No, it’s not necessary. Nothing happened. He couldn’t…he was too drunk and couldn’t get it up.”

  “Oh my god.” I returned to the sofa and dragged him onto my lap, numb at the thought of him being violated in such a way.

  “What happened?”

  He swallowed hard, leaning back against my chest. “I swear I didn’t start the party. Not that I’m saying I’m innocent in all this. The past week, I did very little but mope around the house and drink.”

  Disappointment in him and anger at what he’d just faced turned into a whole lot of confusion. I couldn’t decide which I should feel. I was terrified. Absolutely terrified for him.

  “A friend dropped by to cheer me up, and then he invited people along. More and more people just showed up.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “Louis found me.” The way the shudders returned was a telltale sign that he was still feeling the aftereffects of what had happened tonight.

  “Who is this guy?”

  “We used to be friends. Really close friends. I used to tell him everything, including my relationship with other men. You know how affectionate I get, so I sometimes sat in his lap or cuddled with him. He never said no or that it made him uncomfortable. I had no idea that he was taking it all the wrong way. He said I was a cocktease.”

  “You’re not blaming yourself for this, are you?”

  “No, I told him no about a dozen times. He had no right to try and take something from me that I didn’t want to give. Something that belongs to you.”

  I closed my eyes at his words. Ashton was killing me with his vulnerability.

  “Then what happened?”

  “I called Rue to help me put a stop to the party. Then Louis came into my room. I hit my head and passed out for a while. He’d undressed me and tried to roll on a condom, but he couldn’t get hard. My friend, Justin, came upstairs to check on me and saw him. He pulled him off me and lost his temper. I’d never seen him so angry before, but thank god.”

  I inhaled deeply and took my time to release the breath. I wanted to find t
he guy who’d touched him and finish the job Ashton’s friend had started. Ash already had so much shit to work out. He didn’t need this on his plate too.

  “It was frightening.”

  “I bet it was. You’re safe now.”

  “And I couldn’t do anything because I’d been drinking so much.” He sniffed. “I don’t want to be that helpless ever again, Callum.”

  In this moment in my arms, I sensed his good intentions. He wanted to do better. Just like that night he’d walked out on me. But he had demons holding him back, and I didn’t know how to help him fight them. I didn’t know if I could help him fight them.

  “We should get you to bed,” I told him.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I just keep seeing his face, hearing him rip the condom wrapper open.”

  My arms tightened around him. “Would it make you feel better if I promised to stay the night and watch over you?”

  I’d have to be up early to get to the coffee shop, but I could do it if it meant he’d fall asleep.

  “Would you do that for me?”

  He looked astonished as if I hadn’t already proved to him over and over again just how much I’d do for him. After all, here I was consoling him when he’d done nothing but ruin what we had and his life.

  “There’s very little I wouldn’t do for you, Ash.”

  And I meant it. If he needed me to stay up late to watch over him while he slept, then I’d do exactly that. It didn’t mean anything. I didn’t want him back in his current situation. Not as a life partner. I deserved more than that from him, but just as I continued to be there for Mario, I couldn’t turn down helping Ash either.

  “I’ll just be here for the night,” I said, hoping he understood what I meant. “To support you after what you’ve been through, but you need to talk to a therapist, Ash. I’m not one. Tomorrow morning I’ll leave you to live your life the way you choose, but if you ever need anything, never be afraid to call. Not Rue. You.”