by C. P. Watson
I kiss the top of her head and sense that she’s smiling from the adorable sigh that escapes her lips, “he’s the most precious baby ever, well, a close fifth to me.”
She places a kiss on my chest, then upon my lips. I kiss her back gently, and she begins to giggle, “go on that date with her, just don’t take her home, okay?”
I place my hand on the small of her back and shake my head, “I don’t think I can do that to you, or to myself actually,” she brushes her thumb across my cheek.
“I’m jealous honestly, but I trust that you wouldn’t. Does she really expect you to give her a second chance? Maybe she just wants one last lay in the saddle,” I bite down harshly on my bottom lip. I know that’s not true, because Petah and I have had sex over the years, up until a few weeks ago even, only two days after I slept with Bethany. I begin to feel guilty and stressed.
“Whatever she wants, I’m not interested,” I assure her. Dammit, I want to tell her the truth, but fuck, it’s so hard when we’re in such a good place.
“Oh, and Anderson invited me to a dinner with you guys. I’m not sure if I should come,” I’m so worried that I don’t even care about that stupid dinner anymore.
“Come with us. It’ll be fun,” it’s the least of my problems right now. A gay couple and two lesbians at one table, that might be fun.
“Are you sure?” I subconsciously nod and close my eyes. All I need right now is us staying in this position forever, that’s all that should matter, “will you stay the night? No sex, I promise?” She sits up, making me frown.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” my eyebrows knit together, and she slips off of the bed with the bedsheet dangling from her chest, as her hands grip it.
“Let me take a shower, and you should too, you smell like dinner,” she heads into the bathroom, and I frown in embarrassment, as she laughs at my expense.
CHAPTER 9
“Oh my god,” my two girls are giggling in the kitchen. It’s Sunday, and they only come over for us to go out to brunch. We haven’t done it in a while, and I wasn’t expecting a visit from Mary. I’m already dressed, actually hoping to take Bethany and Blue out for lunch, but now my plans have changed.
“Good to see you two,” Mary looks up from a magazine that they’re both looking into and grins widely. I sense trouble and turn on the coffee maker, knowing that I’ll need the caffeine to get through this visit.
“So when’s your date with mom?” Already asking the difficult questions so early in the day? Fuck. I think I should go back to my initial plan of spending the day with Bethany and Blue.
Mary rolls the magazine and tucks it into her purse. I become curious about it since Jane’s giving me a funny face.
“Not sure yet. I haven’t gotten around to speaking to her about it,” I pour myself a gigantic cup of coffee. There’s this huge cup that I have for days like these, where the caffeine intake must be limitless.
“What’s the hold up?” Mary seems anxious and it annoys the fuck out of me.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe mutual feelings,” I sip my coffee with narrowed eyes, as she looks at me in disbelief.
“Well,” Jane clears her throat, “I thought you two could set aside your differences for one day,” I’m probably being irrational to them, but have they taken my feelings into consideration? They’re the ones to push me into Bethany’s arms to begin with! Now I must suddenly fall in love with their mother again?
“I’m only going on this so called date to make all of you happy. But I can’t promise anything,” Mary crosses her arms over her chest. She’s the one who put effort into making Bethany apart of my life, yet she’s resulted to this. Why? Why did she change her mind?
“How can all that love you had for Ma just disappear?” Years and years of recovery? Maybe I wasn’t that in love with her to begin with? Maybe I just can’t let those feelings resurface?
I know that my heart would just be broken again. I don’t trust Petah. And I know that she’ll cheat again if I give her another chance. She already failed at her second.
“After I found out about Gretel, I gave your mom an ultimatum. She either never spoke to that woman again, or she signed the divorce papers. You both know which one she choose.”
Mary seems affected the most by what I said. She leans back in her chair with her eyes closed, “do I really have a brother?” A brother? I’m confused for a moment, then realize where she’s coming from. I’m surprised that she waited so long to bring that up.
“I didn’t get a chance to know the sex of the baby,” I hate that she’s changing the topic, especially to my frickin’ abortion.
“Why did you?” I sigh. When I think about my life as a mother, I sometimes forget that I could have had another child. It sickens me that it’s so easy to forget, even though I can’t bare remembering.
“There’s a reason why I didn’t tell you about that,” such a great way to start off the day. I grip the edge of the counter, and inhale a deep breath. How do I tell my kids about my past? It’s something that I’ve locked away for years. And I just can’t deal with it right now.
“You slept with a guy, big deal,” Jane says, rubbing her hands together. Mary is waiting for me to continue, but then I’d also have to explain it to my sons, and does Bethany deserve to know? How do I choose who I end up telling now? It’s always been a secret, but if I tell one, must I tell the others? Should I go to my parents’ grave and tell them too? They don’t know. The only person I’ve ever told is my wife, my ex-wife. And I can’t believe she couldn’t keep it to herself. One too many glasses of wine and she spills the one thing that I never want to talk about again.
“It was a one night stand,” I swallow, “I was in college and I don’t even know the father’s name,” I finish my gigantic cup of coffee and wipe my lips with the back of my palm.
“I’m sorry, mom,” Jane’s warm eyes aren’t enough to ease the thumping inside of my chest.
“I really don’t want to talk about it. And I really don’t want to talk about your mom. If you’re here to see me, then don’t bring up things that make me uncomfortable,” I quickly wipe a tear from escaping my eye, and hope I haven’t smudged my eyeliner.
“Mary found a magazine with Bethany,” my eyebrows knit together, and Jane earns a glare from her sister, “she needs something to cheer her up, and Bethany’s rockin’ body should do the trick,” she grabs the magazine and hands it to me, while Mary grumbles in disapproval.
It’s a clothing catalog, and when I flip through the pages, a smile graces my face. She looks so beautiful in sundresses. Then I see one with her in a hot pink bikini, and my eyes nearly bulge out.
“Yeah, why are you two—“ I clear my throat, “looking at this,” closing the magazine, I clutch it in my arm and press my lips together.
“Why does anyone look at hot models?” Jane giggles. Thankfully, both of my daughters are straight, else I’d worry.
“She’s not that hot,” Mary mutters, and I scoff. She looks at me with those angry eyes of hers and I shrug.
“Bethany’s gorgeous, there’s no denying that,” Jane nudges her sister, causing her to boil over.
“You’re not allowed to look at anyone but mom!” She yanks the magazine away and my eyes widen. What’s gotten into her?
“Why don’t you tell your mom the same thing? Think she’ll listen?”
“Actually I do,” there’s only so much disrespect I can take in one day, and it just reached the roof. Fuck this.
“I’m going out, don’t stay here and wait for me, I’ll probably be gone for a while,” I walk over to Jane and place my hand on her shoulder. She’s still supportive, even though she’s silent and I appreciate that.
* * *
Tonight is the dinner with Anderson and his husband. I’m worried about it unnecessarily, but it would confirm or suggest that her and I are together. We are in a relationship in someway, but an undefined one.
I haven’t asked a woman to be my
girlfriend ever. Must I be the one to? I’m so nervous and excited at the same time. No one’s ever made me feel so many tingles from just the thought of them.
“When you left this morning, I didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” I don’t see Blue anywhere in sight and become sad.
“Where’s my baby?” I pout, as I follow her into her bedroom. She has a robe wrapped around her body, and I wonder if that’s the only thing she has on.
“He’s with my aunt,” she turns and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me in, “I need you to kiss me.”
The blush that rises to my cheeks makes her peck my lips gently, “Bethany,” my head tilts to the side, as her warmth invades my body, and causes all my thoughts to become lost.
“Yes?” She flicks the tip of her tongue over my upper lip, as her arms tighten around my neck.
“I’d like to take you out on Friday,” I’m yet to plan our date, but I know it’ll be great as long as we’re together. I do want to make it extremely special for her though, because she’s so special to me.
“Really? On a date?” I nod shyly. The smile on her face brightens, and I can’t help than to smile widely too.
“Yes, a date,” biting down on her bottom lip, she looks into my eyes, causing goosebumps to form on my skin.
“Will we have sex after?” I’m taken by surprise and I look away, trying to cover up my blush.
“Uh, if you want. I mean, yes, yes of course,” she giggles and pulls me closer into her arms.
“I’m kidding. But I’d love to,” my heart rate increases, as she traces the tip of her index finger over my lips, “you’re so beautiful. I think it would be so easy to fall in love with you.”
My heart stops. And I begin to panic. Stepping back, my breathing becomes heavy and I rub the back of my neck with the palm of my hand, “I’ll let you get dressed.”
I rush out of her room and pace the kitchen. Rubbing my hand across my face, I think I’m having an anxiety attack.
“Xiomara?” My eyes are closed and I hold onto the kitchen counter, trying to steady my breathing, “come here,” she pulls me into her arms, but I don’t feel like being comforted.
“I’m fine. I just need a moment alone,” the splinters in my voice is concerning her. She takes my hand and kisses the back of my palm, before guiding me into the living room.
“Stop overthinking, okay?” She kisses my forehead as I sit down. I sigh, as she walks away, knowing that I’m making a fool of myself. I’m such a walking meltdown. Why am I letting my emotions get the best of me so often?
I check through my emails while I wait, and receive a text from Ethan.
The date is scheduled for Friday. You should give Ma a call.
That’s just fucking great. I already asked Bethany out on Friday and I’m not changing my plans with her.
I’m busy then. Tell your mother that I’ll check my calendar and try to fit her in.
I lean back and close my eyes for a moment. This whole thing with Petah is the only major problem in my life right now. Without this stress, I’d probably be much, much happier.
Don’t be difficult. She just wants a chance.
And I want my freedom! Dammit. I don’t respond and place each and every one of them on mute. The only reason why I’m not turning off my phone is incase of anything regarding work.
“Xiomara?” Bethany walks out, wearing the most gorgeous white dress. Holy hell, my mood is so much better now.
“Hey,” I mutter shyly, as I take her appearance in. She grins at me, and stretches her hand out for me to take.
“Are you feeling better?” I nod and continue to look at her. I’ve never seen something so beautiful so upclose in my life.
“Yes,” I place my fist against my lips and clear my throat, “you look amazing,” she smiles brightly and pulls me into her, snaking her arms around my neck.
“Aren’t you going to give me a kiss?” I inhale a deep breath, as those blue oceans deepen, “Xiomara?” She urges, but I’m lost relishing in the simplicity of this moment.
“Shhh,” I place my index finger against her lips, and brush it across, before cupping her chin and drawing her in, “I can’t believe that someone like you is attracted to someone like me.”
As those words leave my lips, I swallow hard, “don’t ever sell yourself short, babe.”
I’m flattered, but I know that she’s way out of my league, “will you be my girlfriend?” That sounds so stupid, oh no! Fuck.
“Professionalism is my main priority, so what happened is in the past, and we’re going to start fresh,” my jaw almost drops to the floor, as she begins to giggle, “sorry, I just had to.”
I frown and step back, her arms dropping to her sides. That’s exactly what I said that day!
“Good memory, huh?” She nods and steps forward, attempting to persuade me to hold her again. But I’m still waiting for an answer to my request.
“I just love to tease. You did hurt my feelings a lot though,” she places her hands on my waist and gently digs her nails into my skin.
“I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, I just—“ I swallow, “was afraid, I still am actually.”
“You’ve got a lot on your plate, I get that. And you can be closed off, but never distant, which is a weird combination.”
I sigh and look down, settling my eyes on the hardwood flooring, “I’m insecure about this—about us.”
“I’m not going to leave you for some other woman just because you’re twenty-three years older than me and your breasts aren’t as perky as mine,” she grabs hold of my cleavage, before moving her hands onto my nipples. If I wasn’t wearing a bra, she’d probably feel how hard they are, “I actually admire the lines beside your eyes and the scar from your c-section,” I’m a bright red right now. She noticed my scar? Fuck, if old age can’t scare her off that should!
“And you’re not running for the hills, why?”
“We all have things that we’re insecure about, Xiomara. But that doesn’t mean it lessens our attractiveness, if anything, it makes us even more appealing,” that’s so easy for her to say. There’s nothing undesirable about her, “you do realize that you sometimes say your thoughts out loud, right?” I’m as bright as a tomato now!
“Um, uh,” she unbuttons the first three buttons of my shirt and releases the hook of my bra that is in between my breasts, “what are you doing?” As my breasts pop out, her hands immediately cover them.
“I’m touching you,” she says simply and I close my eyes. Isn’t this against the rules? I’m not even sure what rules I’m referring to. We’re way past the friend zone stage by now. And she can touch me if she wants, right? Who’s gonna stop her? I’d be a dumbass if I do.
“You shouldn’t be—“ she squeezes my nipples between her indexes and thumbs, “Bethany, please, I—“ she pushes me up against the wall and leans in, her lips grazing against the slope of my neck.
“Are you really going to stop me?” Her lips are merely a few inches away from mine. I can’t breathe when she’s so near, and I’m not sure if that should be considered good or bad.
“No,” it’s barely above a whisper, but she sighs, and leans in, while closing her eyes. My eyes close too, as our lips meet, the hunger inside of me rising.
There’s something so sensual right now, so heart wrenching, causing my entire body to almost melt against hers. I can feel my muscles relaxing and each and every strain in my body easing. God, it this what’s it like to be in heaven? To be completely happy for a few moments?
As the kiss ends, all my troubles that I’d forgotten about resurfaces in my mind, and I cringe. Lucky for me, her eyes are still closed, so she doesn’t notice.
* * *
We end up reaching at the restaurant extremely late. Taking the extra time that we spent together and the overload of traffic into consideration, hopefully Anderson and Flynn won’t be too upset. They probably got here late themselves, since they’re never on time for anything.
“Yes, the cat and her kitten,” I glare at Anderson, as Bethany sits down on the chair opposite his.
“Technically, a cub and her cougar, don’t you think?” She raises her brow, as I sit down as well.
“I like this one here,” Flynn points at Bethany and smiles widely, “you and I will get along, honey,” I scoff and reach for Bethany’s hand beneath the table, and she intertwines our fingers.