Love Unrehearsed

by Tina Reber

  “Cancer ate her, asshole.”

  I let that one slide. We were all sporting fresh pain.

  Pete glared right at him. “Dude, for what it’s worth. Sorry for your loss.”

  Thomas nodded. “Taryn, can I talk to you?”

  Marie tugged me by the shoulders, walking me toward the kitchen doors. “I think we could all use a drink.”

  Thomas followed me out into the pub and grabbed his stuff off the bar, finding an empty booth.

  I tapped two small glasses of beer and joined him. Last thing his mother needed was to lose her only other child to a drunken motorcycle accident.

  “Thanks for the short,” Thomas said as he spied the small glass with disdain, taking a sip anyway.

  I wanted him to get this over with. Seeing him again was tearing me up inside. “You’re planning on riding that death trap you call a bike. Just looking out for your well-being.”

  The edge of his lip turned up slightly. “I recall you used to beg me to be on the back of my bike.”

  “Yeah, well. I didn’t know any better.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Look, your mom doesn’t need another tragedy today.”

  I saw him wince. “Mom’s not taking this well. They actually had to give her something to calm her down.”

  I felt bad for his mom. Mrs. Sager always treated me well, siding with me most of the time.

  “If she can’t pull it together, would you consider going with me to the funeral home? I’m going to lose it if I have to pick out her fucking casket by myself.”

  Why me? My caretaker gene immediately wanted to say yes but I stamped it out—quickly. “That’s something her family should do, Thomas. I know your aunt Betty would help out.”

  He gave me that innocent, tilted-head look that used to melt my resolve. “So is that a no?”

  “As much as I want to help, I can’t. Sorry. That’s a no.”

  He nodded at the tabletop. “I really fucked up with you, didn’t I?”

  I crossed my arms. “Yes, you did.”

  He sort of shrugged and the gesture instantly angered me. “I hear you’ve been in the news. Dating some famous actor now?” He motioned toward my ring. “Rich, too, can afford that kind of ice. Good for you. You deserve to be happy.”

  I nodded at him.

  “Not gonna lie,” he said. “Right now, I’m wishing you were with me.”

  I felt that like a physical blow. It was at that moment when I realized I was glad it wasn’t. Everything shifted one degree, significantly enough to make me realize that the broken man sitting before me was not worthy of my heart. Still, it angered me.

  “You say that now? Don’t say that stuff to me. Not now. I gave you my heart time after time. I said yes to you when you asked me. You were all I ever wanted. But you’re the one who fucked some girl in our bed. It doesn’t get any worse than that.”

  “I was mad at you that morning,” he admitted.

  I tilted the small glass in my hand, toying with the idea of tossing its contents in his face. “You cheated on me with Cheryl Regan because you were mad at me?”

  He nodded. “Sounds stupid now, but at the time it felt justified.”

  I noticed Thomas’s glare at Pete. “Justified?” The notion that I was ever head over heels in love with this idiot felt so preposterous now. “Because I had to do a favor for Pete you felt justified to bed that stripper whore on my pillow?”

  “Every time he called, you ran. How do you think that made me feel?”

  “He’s my friend! That’s what you do for the people you care about.”

  My cell rang, playing Ryan’s song. Thomas tossed his hands up in angered disbelief when I pulled my attention away from him to answer it.

  “Hey babe,” I said somberly, sickened by Thomas’s disclosure.

  “Hey, hon, what are you up to?” he asked. His rather nonchalant tone reeked of suspicion. A tingle ran up my spine. I don’t know how he knew but he knew.

  I swallowed hard, knowing I had two ways to answer. I glanced at the man I once adored sitting across from me while the man who held my heart and soul as if they were precious jewels was pressed to my ear. I opted for full disclosure.

  “I am sitting at a booth in the pub, having a beer with my ex, Thomas. Before you let that upset you, please know that he’s just told me terrible news. His sister passed away this morning. He’s almost finished with his beer and although I am greatly saddened by his loss and I’m very upset that one of my best friends lost her life to cancer, I imagine he’ll be leaving shortly.”

  Ryan sighed as if he were holding his breath, sounding relieved. “Thank you for telling me. I love you.”

  His breathy declaration seemed slightly off.

  “I love you more.”

  Thomas rolled his eyes at me.

  Ryan snickered once in my ear. “I know. I’m sorry about your friend, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay.”

  “You sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Okay. Good. Now put the asshole on the phone.”

  I handed it over. “My fiancé would like to speak to you.”

  Thomas pursed his lips, reluctant to take the phone. He finally put my cell to his ear and said, “Yeah?”

  Thomas smiled that sinister, toothy smile I’d also seen a thousand times. “Those are awfully big threats from a guy who’s not able to back up his mouth.”

  His eyes darted over toward the bar, where an older man with a high and tight military haircut had been sitting since we’d opened. The man tucked his phone in his pocket, got up from his seat, and walked straight over to us.

  Thomas leaned onto the table, wearing his cocky smile as he eyed the guy’s full height. “Yes, I’m meeting your goon right now as a matter of fact. It’s Taryn’s bar and she hasn’t kicked me out yet, so I guess I’ll leave when I’m done. Uh huh. Is that so? Yeah, I’d like that. We can swap notes. I see. Well, I’d love to chat some more but your goon is getting antsy. Yeah, fuck you, too.”

  Thomas tossed the phone over to me, chugged the rest of his beer, and stood. “You may want to tell him to wait on that restraining order until after the funeral. Just a suggestion as I’m presuming you’d want to be there when my sister gets buried.”

  He leaned onto the table, getting awfully close to my face. “I may have done some things that I regret but I never tried to control you like that asshole is. You might want to rethink the whole marrying a control freak thing. Guys who can’t control end up being wife-beaters.”

  Whoever the intimidating guy was with the military haircut, it was obvious that he was getting impatient. Thomas didn’t move, only glaring over his shoulder at him. “Touch me and I’ll bust your fucking hand.”

  When he returned his attention to me, I looked into his eyes, trying to find any semblance of the guy I once loved. His walls were up again and I was slammed out. This was the base truth about him. No one would ever truly have him for he was unwilling to let anything make him that vulnerable.

  Ryan placed his heart in my care every chance he had.

  Now that my rose-colored glasses were off, everything was crystal clear. I looked Thomas right in the eye and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  His eyes scanned my face one more time, giving me that crooked, sad smile of his. I had no doubt he’d be so drunk later, he’d sleep where he fell.

  “Despite what you think,” he said, “I did love you.”

  “Fucking a whore in our bed was a funny way of showing it.”

  “You’re right. And I live with that mistake. See ya round, Taryn.”

  I took a deep breath as I watched him leave, relishing the fact that he no longer held my heart.

  As for the new military man in my life standing a few feet away, Ryan had some explaining to do. With slightly shaky hands, I quickly texted him.

  “You have something you forgot to tell me?”

  My phone rang twenty seconds later.

&
nbsp; “Is he gone?”

  I finished my drink. “Yeah, he just left. You pissed him off.”

  “Good. He better not make a habit of coming around.”

  “I love it when you get jealous. Makes me feel wanted.”

  “I’m serious, Taryn. He even stops in for a beer I want to know about it.”

  “I’m not going to run off with him. You don’t need to worry. So when were you planning on telling me I am under surveillance?”

  “You’re not under surveillance, hon. We hired private security to keep an eye on things since we’re not there. But we’re coming home next Friday. I have four days off.”

  Hearing that made my day. “You’re coming home?”

  “Yep. We’ll be in around two. I really hate that you’re not with me. I can’t sleep without you.”

  “I can’t sleep, either. I’m so used to feeling you next to me . . . Thanks for hiring someone.”

  “Mike and I are splitting it.”

  My head spun. “Why is Mike paying for my security?”

  “He’s not. Security is for the both of you. Mike is worried about Gary. Apparently his security background check revealed that Gary owns a lot of guns.”

  “He does, but . . .” The thought of Gary attempting to harm Marie was infuriating. “Hang on. I want to go upstairs.” I slipped out of the booth and grabbed Thomas’s empty glass. Marie was behind the bar just a few feet away. I ducked into the kitchen, walking past quizzical looks from Pete and Tammy, and hit the apartment steps to continue my private conversation with Ryan. “I don’t understand. Why does Mike care? Marie’s not even speaking to him.”

  “Yeah, Mike said she’s avoiding him but he’s planning on fixing that. Listen, you have to talk to her. I know things looked bad but it’s nothing like it appeared and now that those pictures were published he’s pissed-off and miserable.”

  “What do you mean things aren’t what they appeared to be?”

  My mouth hung open as he told me the rest of what Mike was really up to.

  As soon as we ended our call, I ran down the steps and grabbed Marie.

  Chapter 13

  Uncovered

  “I hate funerals,” Marie said softly as we drove away from the cemetery.

  My heart was aching; the sight of seeing a casket tethered above a gaping hole brought back too many bad memories.

  Seeing Thomas looking so wiped out was painful.

  Just seeing him a few days ago was enough to make me replay every word we’d exchanged, each fond memory I had of him—everything. I hated him for making me reminisce.

  Marie stuffed a tissue in her purse. “I can’t believe she’s gone. I didn’t even know she came home.”

  “I know. I’m glad they didn’t put her on display. Melanie would not have wanted that.”

  “No,” Marie agreed, wiping her nose again. “She would have bitched to high heaven if her family did that to her.” I saw her look over at me. “How are you doing?”

  I met her eyes. “I’m okay.”

  “Spending some time on Memory Lane?”

  Marie knew me so well. “Kind of hard not to.”

  “Well, snap out of it. Ryan doesn’t need to see that deep-in-thought pouty look.”

  I eyed her speculatively. “You may want to take your own advice there, missy. You still have to deal with Mike.”

  She grinned to herself. “I know.”

  “So, did you forgive him?”

  “Yeah.” Marie nodded. “He told me that she had some personal matters with an ex who was harassing her. He didn’t go into details but I believe him.”

  “Good.”

  She twisted her hands nervously. “I just don’t know if getting involved with someone is wise right now, you know? I spazzed over a stupid magazine cover.”

  I knew exactly how she felt. “Scary stuff when you see your man on those covers, isn’t it?”

  She groaned and I could tell just from her expression that she finally could relate.

  “I understand,” I said. “Believe me. Thomas’s cheating made me question every man’s motives. That kind of betrayal sticks with you forever. All I can say is follow your heart.”

  “Or my vagina,” she said with a laugh.

  I smiled at her.

  “Speaking of confusion, where are you heading?” she asked.

  “I brought all of those keys. Thought since we were over this way we could stop at the bank before the guys land.”

  After arriving at the bank, we sat in the lobby, waiting for the next customer service person to help us.

  Marie tapped me on the thigh, noticing that the woman approaching us was smiling like a fangirl at me. I let her gush for a minute about how wonderful Ryan Christensen is before getting down to business.

  The customer service clerk helped sort through the random baggie of keys, narrowing them down to a handful that might get me into Lockbox 291. Marie and I had found forty random keys when we searched; unfortunately none blatantly screamed “safe deposit box.” “Last key,” I said, trying the last one, small and made of brass. I almost felt giddy when it slipped in and turned.

  We pulled the inner black metal case out and she set it on a table, leaving to give me privacy.

  Marie raised her eyebrows, waiting in anticipation.

  I pulled the top lid back, spying several stacks of letters rubber-banded together. The rubber was so old it crumbled around the envelopes.

  I flipped through them, seeing that all of them were addressed to me from Private Joseph Malone. Who the hell is Joseph Malone?

  “What is all of that?” Marie asked. “Who are they from?”

  “I’m not sure.” I opened up one of the letters, scanning writing I’d never seen before. There was also a twenty-dollar bill inside the envelope.

  Dear Taryn,

  I hope you had a fun birthday. Five years old now! I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. I promise when I come home I’ll take you to the toy store so you can pick out a new Barbie doll. I remember how much you liked playing with them. I’m at a place called Fort Gordon now. It’s in Georgia. You’ll be happy to know that they painted me green just like you said they would. I’m a real army soldier now. It’s really hot here. I’m learning how to do all sorts of crazy things, like crawl through the mud and climb over tall obstacles. I’m a good climber. I hate crawling in the mud. I think you’d find the mud yucky, too.

  I have another six weeks to go and then I might go over the big ocean in a huge airplane. I hope your daddy will use the money I put in the envelope to buy you a new dolly for me until I can see you again. Be a good girl like I know you are.

  Love you forever,

  Joe

  “Who’s Joseph Malone?”

  My hands shook. I felt a trickle of sweat slide down my spine, or maybe that was just my nerves. “The only Malone I know is my aunt Joan. That’s her married name.” I dug through the piles, feeling nauseous.

  There had to be thirty or forty letters from him addressed to me from all around the globe. Was my father protecting me from a stalker?

  At the very bottom of the pile was a thick white envelope with the word Original written in blue ink. I swallowed hard.

  As soon as I opened up the folded papers, I felt a warm rush of panic roll throughout my entire body.

  “Oh my God. No. No.”

  I couldn’t get to the garbage can in the corner fast enough before I threw up the entire contents of my stomach.

  “Oh no. Oh, Taryn,” I heard Marie say as I retched into the steel can.

  I faintly remember Marie driving us home.

  I sat at one of the booths in the pub, reading letters about Joe’s army life, his travels to the Persian Gulf, trying to piece it all together while Marie hovered.

  We had an hour before we’d open the pub and a band was scheduled to play, but I couldn’t stop the tears. I wasn’t even sure what I was crying about anymore. My entire world—everything I’d ever known—had been turned inside out
, where truth and lies and real and alternate insane realities had reversed.

  I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Of all the things to find in a lockbox, this was something I wouldn’t have ever guessed. It was all so overwhelming to process.

  I was in a state of shock when Ryan and Mike arrived. I saw Marie run for the kitchen door.

  The moment I saw Ryan standing a few feet away, calling to me, I lost it, hurling my body at him and clinging to him like a lost soul in need.

  “Oh baby. Everything will be okay. I’ve got you. Shhh . . .” He let me cry for what felt like ages, rubbing my back and soothing me with comforting words.

  “Come on. Let’s get out of here. Let’s go get some air.” He put his arm around my shoulders and walked me slowly, patiently, to the beach.

  The breeze coming off the ocean tossed our hair and tinged my nose with the familiar salty air. We walked for a while before he sat us down on the hardened sand. He put me between his legs, gently combing my hair back.

  “Whatever names are on that paper doesn’t change who you are.”

  New tears streamed down my face. I felt empty and twisted inside. “But it does. It changes everything.

  Everything I thought was real isn’t.”

  Ryan shook his head, cocooning me with his body. “You can’t look at it like that, hon. The people who raised you are your parents. They loved you. Just because someone else gave birth to you doesn’t change who you are.”

  Nothing would ever be the same. “My entire life has been a lie.”

  “No, it hasn’t.”

  I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I always knew I didn’t look like either one of them. Eyes, nose . . . I used to stare at my face for hours trying to find a piece of them in me.”

  I snuggled into his shoulder, feeling the chill off the ocean mix with the chill ripping though my body.

  My face felt sticky from crying. The waves rolled in, misting the air, mimicking the push and pull of my own emotions.

  As I watched the gulls fly and land, guilt crashed over me. “I can’t believe this. I’m sure everyone knew except me. Well, I guess this explains why my mother and her sister stopped talking to each other. Now I know that I was the cause of that fallout.”