A Sweet Mess

by Jayci Lee

  * * *

  He was consumed by fire. He had no consciousness other than need and desire. Their hot breath mingled as one, and he couldn’t get close enough to her. At first, he didn’t notice at all. Then through the haze, Landon realized Aubrey was pushing against his chest. Bewildered, he lifted his head just enough to focus his eyes on hers.

  “I can’t.” Her voice broke on the second word.

  “Why?” He held her gently by the shoulders. “Don’t pretend you don’t feel this. We can’t fight it. I’m sick of fighting it.”

  “Nothing has changed. If anyone finds out we’ve slept together, all the time and money I invested to expand Comfort Zone could be lost. Even my appearance on Aria’s show could backfire on us.” Her voice was thin and hesitant. “I won’t be that person who’d do anything to get ahead, and you can’t be the man who could be bought.”

  But she was wrong. Everything had changed.

  Aubrey hurried inside the house, buried under the white towel, and he watched her disappear up the stairs. Landon didn’t know how long he stood at the foot of the staircase. He forced his steps to lead him to his room, and then he changed into his running clothes.

  Landon sprinted on the dirt trails circling the property until he tasted blood in his throat. Then he ran some more. His lungs burned, and his muscles screamed, but he couldn’t erase the memory of Aubrey in the pool, wet and naked. She took his breath away. He ached for her. But the fear and vulnerability in her eyes haunted his mind even after his body cooled.

  When she’d sneaked away from his hotel without a word it had stung his pride. He’d laughed at himself for feeling used and discarded. It had hardly been his first one-night stand. Still, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Wanting her.

  He had to face the fact that making love to Aubrey had marked his soul. Burying himself deep inside her had satisfied a hunger he hadn’t known was there, but it made him starved for more. He’d been a coward to leave Weldon without finding her. He’d denied the unsettling emotions she’d awakened in him because it was easier that way.

  Well, easier could go to hell. He no longer cared that a relationship with Aubrey would complicate his life. The wild need inside him demanded to be fulfilled. If he didn’t heed the deafening call to make love to her, he would burn to cinders.

  Landon had to discover the source of her fear and assuage it with everything in him. Aubrey was a warm, sensual woman, so full of life. A woman like her shouldn’t be locked behind a defensive wall.

  But until she was ready, he had to respect her wishes and give her the space she asked for.

  15

  The next morning, Aubrey couldn’t bear being alone with her thoughts, so she decided to take a stroll. Downtown Bosque Verde was charming and small enough to navigate on foot. The locals busily traversed the tidy streets, greeting one another as they passed, and the cluster of tiny shops beckoned with their warmth and charm.

  But she didn’t see any of it. Not really.

  Why? Landon had asked.

  She might be a coward, but she was an honest one, and it was time to start facing some facts. Yeah. Why, Aubrey?

  When her cell phone rang, relief flooded her at the reprieve, but then she saw who it was and her gut twisted with familiar anxiety. Her father rarely called, but when he did, he expected her to answer on the first ring. She let it ring five more times. If she sent him straight to voice mail, he’d probably have his secretary call her every five minutes until she picked up. Aubrey stared at her cell and considered smashing it against the sidewalk, but she couldn’t afford a new phone.

  Grrr. Let’s get this over with.

  “Yes.”

  “Too busy to talk to your old man?” His voice was smooth and silky as a snake, and an involuntary shiver shook her.

  “Say what you have to say. I’m not in the mood for chitchatting.”

  “I see your manners haven’t improved. I can’t say I’m surprised.” He sighed impatiently like he’d grown tired of the niceties. “You’re coming home.”

  “Oh, I’m going home—to Weldon—but not for another week.”

  “Stop being a child. I’ve been more than patient in allowing you to play Little Miss Baker for the last few years. It’s time you grew up and accepted your responsibilities.”

  “My responsibilities?” Aubrey’s fingers tightened around her phone, and she forced herself to breathe through her nose. “You want to marry me off to clinch a business deal? You always said that was a daughter’s duty to her family.”

  “You flatter yourself. You think all it takes is a pretty face and a high school diploma to marry well?” he said. She’d applied for every college he’d chosen for her and had been accepted into all of them. Then she’d refused to attend any of them and left home to travel and gain real-world experiences. Years later, her decision still seemed to infuriate her father. “Only the most accomplished of your friends were able to make advantageous matches. Without my name and money, you’re nothing more than good time material.”

  Aubrey swallowed the expletive tickling her tongue when a young family strolled past her. “You and I obviously don’t share the same definition of friend.”

  “Would you say Landon Kim is your friend?”

  She’d just reached her bicycle when the ground rolled under her feet. Gripping the handle for balance, Aubrey hissed into the phone, “Stay out of my life.”

  “You prefer to be a media clown’s plaything than a good man’s wife?”

  She blanched at her father’s crude words and hated herself for letting him get to her.

  “You will come home this minute. If you continue down this path, even my money and reputation won’t be enough to save you. I won’t stand by and watch you sully our family name any longer.”

  “I lost count of how many mistresses you’ve had over the years.” Her laughter held an edge of hysteria. “There’s nothing left for me to sully, Father.”

  “My personal business is my own. No one would dare question me. Even your mother turns a blind eye,” he said smugly.

  Aubrey covered her mouth to stop her horrified gasp from escaping. To think, she’d once longed for this man’s love and approval.

  “If you don’t come home of your own accord, then I’ll have no choice but to disown you.” He delivered his threat in a purr.

  “Don’t hold your breath.” Realization hit her. His excuses about her bringing shame to the family were exactly that. Excuses. Maybe he really needed to marry her off to someone for his shady side business. Unfortunately for her father, she frankly didn’t give a damn. “As far as I’m concerned, I disowned you when I walked out of your house nine years ago.”

  “Your mother will be very disappointed in you.”

  “I’ve been disappointed in her for years,” she said, and then cringed at her knee-jerk reaction to her father’s meanness. She wasn’t disappointed in her mom. She never had been. It hurt her to see her mom stay with him and be hurt again and again. But that was her mom’s decision, and she wouldn’t question her anymore.

  “I’ll be sure to tell her that,” he said.

  Goddamn bastard. “She’ll know I didn’t mean it.” Aubrey pushed the heel of her palm against her eye.

  Her father was the monster. Not her mom. When Aubrey was younger, she’d resented her mother for not leaving him. She’d shunned and lashed out at her mom. As she got older, Aubrey understood she wasn’t angry with her. She just couldn’t bear to watch her hurt so much. But the damage had been done, and she didn’t know how to close the rift she’d created between them.

  I’m so sorry, Mom.

  “Come home, or else I’ll—”

  She hung up on her father’s ranting and turned off her phone. Her brief conversation with him eradicated all hopes of enjoying her day out, so she returned to the villa to work on her ice cream sandwich. That was why she was in Bosque Verde, after all.

  While she found a semblance of peace practicing her recipes, sh
e ran out of steam in a few hours. The sun was slinking down the horizon, and Aubrey shook herself out of her stupor and went to the kitchen to jostle up some grub. Gone were the days of cozy breakfasts and relaxed dinners with Landon.

  She poked around in the fridge and settled on a plump white peach for supper, and then she trudged back to her bedroom like a coward. There really wasn’t any need for her to hide since Landon had been avoiding her as if she were the latest strain of the flu virus. She had no right to be hurt by his absence, but her heart wouldn’t listen to reason.

  She mumbled insults at herself and tore into the juicy flesh of the peach. What did I expect after what happened? She finished her dinner and walked over to the bathroom to dispose of the pit and wash her sticky hands. Then she studied herself in the bathroom mirror, hoping her reflection could clue her in about what to do next.

  One thing was certain. Things couldn’t continue like this. The taut tension between them was suffocating, and she was certain something was going to snap from the palpable strain. Aubrey sat at her balcony and stared into the pastoral landscape stretching out before her. Despite the peaceful scene, her heart and mind raged war against each other. She couldn’t run from herself except in circles, the truth bashing into her face every time she fled from it. Even so, she stubbornly ran until her overworked brain threatened to short-circuit. Aubrey clenched her eyes shut.

  “Fine,” she snapped at the voice in her head. Goddamn it. I have a voice in my head? Things were worse than she’d thought. “Fine, I’ll talk to him.”

  Of course, she’d known what she needed to do. She wasn’t stupid. Just chicken. Landon was right. Their mad attraction wasn’t about to peacefully ride off into the sunset. Aubrey sighed. Hiding behind her defensive wall no longer held much appeal for her. The peace and security it once provided now felt claustrophobic. She was suffocating in her own fear.

  Aubrey wanted Landon. She liked him—more than anyone she’d ever been with—but that didn’t mean she was going to fall stupidly in love. Her heart thumped an odd rhythm. He wasn’t looking for love or commitment either. He probably wanted to let their crazy attraction run its course. Just like she did.

  Knowing what she had to do and actually doing it were two different beasts. But the man she’d spent the day with in Cambria was full of laughter and warmth. There was no need to be intimidated by Landon. They would talk like two adults and lay things out in the open. She wasn’t going to wait until she lost control of herself and make excuses later. She was going to do this with her eyes wide open and own it.

  Aubrey tossed restlessly in bed, waiting for Landon to come home. Home. It was so easy for her to imagine him coming home to her. Her tired mind spun into happy dreams when the sound of gravel crunching in the driveway jerked her awake. Blood pounding in her ears, she held her breath and listened for Landon’s footsteps.

  When his bedroom door clicked shut, Aubrey scrambled for the door before skidding to a stop. She was only wearing a lacy gray slip. While it was her favorite nightie, it probably wasn’t suitable for having a serious conversation. She dug through her drawers and found a boxy T-shirt that came halfway down her thighs. Pulling the shirt over her head, Aubrey marched straight to Landon’s room.

  Well, straight to the front of his door. She stood there for interminable minutes gathering the courage to knock. Her palms were slippery with sweat, and her breath came quick and shallow.

  You got this.

  She rapped her knuckles smartly against the wood. There was no turning back now. When Landon opened the door, she sucked in a sharp breath. He wore a pair of jeans slung low on his hips with a plain white T-shirt on top. A lock of damp hair had fallen across his forehead, and she wanted to smooth it back for him.

  Landon said nothing and studied her with a wary expression. He didn’t seem angry. Just unsure of what to do. Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as she’d feared.

  “Can we talk?” Her question emerged as a husky whisper.

  He didn’t say or do anything. Aubrey wondered if he didn’t hear her when he finally stepped aside to let her in.

  “Sure,” Landon replied, leaning against the wall with his arms across his chest. The hint of amusement in his voice loosened the knot in her chest.

  “I owe you an apology.”

  When she fell silent again, he pushed himself off the wall and dragged his hand through his hair. “You care to tell me what you want to apologize for?”

  Aubrey narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m getting to that.”

  His mouth twitched once. Then he gave her a flowery bow. “By all means. Please, do go on.”

  “You’re being an ass. You know that?” She glared at him when he shrugged. Focus. You need to have an adult conversation. She inhaled through her nose and tried again. “At the pool, I know I gave out mixed signals. I shouldn’t have run off and left you in that … um … condition. I didn’t mean to do that.”

  “Since when does calling someone an ass count as a sincere apology?” He arched an eyebrow.

  “That wasn’t a part of the apology.” She bristled at the wry twist of his lips. “Besides, you are being an ass.”

  “No more games, Aubrey.” Landon stalked toward her, and his tightly reined strength compelled her to retreat until she backed into the opposite wall. “I want to touch you. Hold you. Kiss you. Not being able to is driving me crazy. I wish I could go back and unwrite that review so we didn’t have these obstacles between us.”

  Gah. Her chest rose and fell as his words and the sweet vulnerability in his eyes buried themselves in her heart. “Me, too. I wish there were nothing stopping me from running to you, but there are so many.”

  “I’ve decided you’re worth every risk.” Her heart stopped and then thundered back to life. Landon stood inches from her and held her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “What do we do now, Aubrey Choi?”

  The warmth of his breath brushed against her cheeks, and her body grew limp with the need to press herself against him. He wanted her despite everything. He wanted to risk everything for her. What could she do?

  “Let’s jump those obstacles.” She smiled as excitement fluttered in her chest.

  No more running.

  * * *

  Landon blinked and forced air into his lungs.

  Fuck me.

  Her sexy, mischievous grin plowed into his gut and spread scorching heat through him. He traced her flushed cheek with his thumb and lowered his head toward her. His heart was bruising his ribs, and blood pounded in his ears. Still, he hesitated before brushing his lips against hers. He’d wanted this for so long, wanted her so much.

  Her achingly sweet response stole his breath, and he tilted his head to better taste her. She moaned and slid her hands down and then spread them out on his chest. Desire, hungry and raw, gripped him, and he buried his fingers in her silky hair. His mouth devoured hers greedily, and he only wanted more. Needed more.

  Landon pulled back and took her hands in his and wordlessly led her to his bed. He stretched out in the middle and tugged her down next to him. Aubrey tucked herself into the crook of his arm, breathless and trembling, and he held her against him. Her soft curves conformed to the hard planes of his body, and he sighed deeply.

  He held his body still and stared unblinkingly at the ceiling until his eyes stung. He would probably go insane before the night was over, but he wasn’t going to make love to Aubrey tonight. Landon had given her space the last few days because he’d sworn not to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. If he’d stayed near her, he would’ve begged her to have him.

  But she’d come to him tonight, opened up to him and made herself vulnerable, and he wouldn’t take advantage of her. He had to be sure it wasn’t lust and adrenaline motivating her. Tomorrow morning. If she was still by his side the next morning, then he could be certain she wanted to be with him.

  “So.” His voice caught on the first word. His throat worked to swallow, and he succeeded on the fourth try. �
��How did you come up with the name Comfort Zone?”

  Aubrey lifted her head from his shoulder and stared at him like he was crazy.

  Yes. Yes, I am.

  “You want to talk about that now? Like, right now?”

  “Absolutely. Right this second. I must know.”

  “Oh-kaay.” She laid her head back on his shoulder. “I left home to travel the world when I was eighteen. When my grandma died, I lost the one person I could call home, so I decided to create my own home—Comfort Zone. Somewhere I would never feel alone, a place I could always be myself.”

  Something shifted in his core at her faraway voice. Landon had spent the last decade running away from everything that meant anything to him. Anything that reminded him of home. He had so much to learn from this amazing woman.

  “Eighteen is pretty young to leave home,” he mused out loud. Most Korean Americans were expected to live with their parents until they were ready to build their own families. Landon had left home about ten years ago but still felt guilty about leaving his mom.

  “The only reason I didn’t leave earlier was because I didn’t want my mom to be alone.”

  He blinked, startled by their similar train of thought, but it was the pain in her voice that made his chest feel hollow. “Tell me.”

  “When I was little, I was in awe of my father. He was so handsome and charming. Everyone seemed to like and respect him.” She was quiet for a moment. “My parents dressed me like a princess and took me everywhere they went. All the grown-ups would pat my head and tell me how adorable I was. I was so proud. I thought I was special.”

  “You are special.” He frowned at the implication that she was anything but.

  “You’re corny.” Aubrey winked at him. “And trust me, I don’t want to be anything like him. My father became distant and cold, and my mom didn’t smile anymore. His ego grew with his bank account, and he started collecting mistresses. The best his money could buy.”