The Silent Sister

by Shalini Boland

  Emma and I turn to see her flailing in the centre of the pool. Her hands rising up and clawing at the air while her head keeps disappearing beneath the water. When she resurfaces briefly, her eyes are panicked.

  I realise she can’t swim! She’s drowning, gasping for air, and she can’t get enough into her lungs to cry for help so her struggle is silent, aside from a few pathetic splashes.

  ‘Get her!’ Dad cries. ‘Pull her out!’

  ‘We should bloody well leave her there,’ I snap.

  But now she’s just a dark shape. Sinking.

  ‘Lizzy! Emma!’ Dad roars. ‘You pull her out of there. Right now!’ He’s struggling against his restraints, but he’s tied up tight.

  Much as I want to throttle Ruby right now, I know Dad’s right. I jump into the pool, push myself down and open my eyes to see a mass of red hair floating around Ruby’s white, terrified face. Bubbles stream upwards from her mouth and nostrils. I kick over towards her and try to hook my arm around her body, but she’s thrashing too wildly and I can’t get close enough to establish a firm grip. I suddenly realise she truly is in danger of drowning. And I don’t want that. I really don’t. Despite what she did.

  Emma is in the water now, and she manages to grab hold of one of Ruby’s arms. She pulls it down around her shoulders. I swim up close and yank Ruby’s other arm down around my own shoulders. Together, Emma and I kick up to the surface, hard. As we hit the air, Ruby splutters, still kicking and flailing. But Emma and I grip her tightly. Between us, we tow her to the edge and hoist her out of the water.

  ‘Is she all right?’ Dad asks, his eyes filled with concern as Ruby lies on her side, wheezing and retching.

  Emma and I are too exhausted to reply. We pull ourselves out of the pool and sit on the side, gasping to get our breath back. My arms are aching and my legs are going to be bruised to hell where Ruby was thrashing about so much. We’re going to have to get both Dad and Ruby checked out by a doctor. But right this second, I need to just sit here. Relieved to be alive. For the nightmare to be over.

  Forty-Six

  Six months later

  Checking the satnav in Emma’s Prius, I see we’re only ten minutes away from our destination. I pick at the skin around my nails, wondering for the millionth time whether or not this is a good idea.

  ‘Remind me why we’re doing this again?’ I ask.

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ Emma replies, weaving in and out of the lanes like a Formula One driver. This is Emma’s route to work, so she knows the roads like the back of her hand. But her rally driving is making me nervous. The roads are icy and it’s beginning to sleet.

  I lean back and take a deep breath. It was Emma who persuaded me to come today. She stressed the fact that Ruby is mentally ill and needs our support. Part of me knows Emma is right. She’s always right. But the other part of me wants to forget Ruby exists. Sister or no sister, the girl tried to kill me. She assaulted Emma and she threatened to kill Dad, but she actually pushed me into a stream of traffic. I get the feeling she hated me the most. I give a shiver.

  ‘Want me switch on the heated seats?’ Emma asks.

  ‘Thanks, but no. Last time I got into a car with heated seats, it felt like I was coming down with flu. You know, that slow warm feeling spreading over your back – it’s freaky.’

  ‘Suit yourself. I love them.’

  ‘Weirdo,’ I tease.

  Anyway, whatever Ruby’s done, I’ve agreed to go with Emma today to visit her. She’s in Bristol Hospital’s psychiatric care unit where she’s been receiving treatment – in the secure wing, thankfully. After being taken into police custody, Ruby was eventually given a hospital order by the court. This will stay in effect until she’s no longer deemed a risk to the public. Her doctors think she’ll need to remain there for a long time to come. Maybe even years.

  ‘So, she’s expecting us?’ I ask.

  ‘Yeah. Apparently, she’s making good progress. She specifically asked to see us both.’

  Dad already visits Ruby on a weekly basis. He’s trying to make amends for abandoning her and her mum all those years ago. Ultimately, he’s a good man who’s made some terrible decisions. But he’s sorry for the past. Sorry for all the hurt he’s caused. Hurt which has rippled through all of our lives.

  With regard to my own mother, my parents are no longer together. She threw him out when she heard about his affair with Sue Davies. And she was absolutely beside herself when she discovered that he has another child. Funnily enough, it’s brought me and Mum closer together. Maybe because we’re both newly single. Maybe because she’s no longer living what she sees as ‘the perfect life’. She now phones me to moan about Dad and all his shortcomings. We’ve even taken to meeting up for a coffee every month or so, and she’s learnt to bite her tongue if I decide to have cake with my coffee.

  Dad is bunking down in his arch-enemy Ray’s house. Ray is a widower and lives alone, so Dad rents out one of his spare rooms. They’ve joined forces in their shared microbrewery hobby, and I actually think Dad has never been happier; which is tough on Mum. I still love him, but I’m realising that my perfect dad isn’t quite so perfect after all.

  Over the past six months, my life has changed beyond all recognition. Joe and I split up for good. He begged and wheedled and apologised, but there was nothing he could say to change my mind. He crossed the line, and I let myself be blinded to the truth. When Joe betrayed me, he made sure Emma and I were separated for good, like he did with all my relationships, gradually cutting me off from my friends and family until he was the only person in my life. How did I let myself get sucked into that situation? I’ll never make that mistake again.

  I’ve given up the cottage – I even turned down George’s generous offer of a couple of months’ half-price rent. I also left my beloved job at Georgio’s, and now have a new position managing an upmarket boutique in Bristol.

  I’m staying in Emma and Mike’s spare room until I can get myself sorted with a flat-share. Unfortunately their apartment block doesn’t allow pets, so Mrs P is looking after my beloved Frank until I’m settled somewhere cat-friendly. But my long-term plan is to go to uni to study fashion. They have a few interesting degree courses here in Bristol, so I’m going to apply next year. I couldn’t have done any of this without Emma. She’s been my lifeline. My rock. I still carry enormous guilt for not speaking to her sooner – I pushed her away, instead of listening to her. Instead of believing her.

  Sadly, Pippa and I never made up. I’m still in touch with Seb, though. Unexpectedly, he’s proved to be a good friend over the past few months. Seb said Pippa was too embarrassed and humiliated to see me again. I can’t really blame her, but it’s a shame because I really did consider her to be a good friend. I know I was too stubborn to reach out to Emma for all those years, but I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. So I tried to reach out to Pippa, to be the first to hold out an olive branch, but she never returned my calls. Maybe she’ll change her mind and give me a call. But I won’t hold my breath.

  Her family have had a bit of good luck, though – a television production company has started filming a historical drama at the Manor House. As well as paying for a lot of the house repairs, their fees are really generous and they think it could be a long-term thing, as the drama is based on a series of twelve books, which means twelve seasons. It also means that the Hargreaves could open the house up to tourists who will probably come flocking after the show airs next spring.

  Emma turns into the hospital car park and follows the signs to the psychiatric wing. My heart is thumping a little harder than usual. I haven’t seen my half-sister since that terrible night. I wonder if she will still be hostile towards me. I don’t think I can take any more confrontation. Not now that I’m finally getting my life back on an even keel.

  ‘Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,’ I begin.

  ‘It’s one hour out of your life, Lizzy.’

  ‘Yes, but what if—’

  ‘We need
to do this. It’s closure. It’s healthy.’

  I rub my forehead, knowing she’s right but wishing she wasn’t. ‘Fine, okay, let’s do it. But don’t leave me alone with her.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Promise.’

  * * *

  It’s warm inside the hospital unit, and the air smells of medicine, sterilised floors and general mustiness. Ruby is sitting at a wooden table in a large, depressing-looking lounge with blue carpet tiles on the floor and an assortment of mismatched furniture dotted about the room. A couple of other people are sitting chatting in low voices, and two orderlies in uniform are standing by the door, but I don’t pay them much attention. All my focus is now on Ruby. With her hair tied back in a simple ponytail and her skin free of make-up, she looks so young. And vulnerable.

  I glance at Emma, but her gaze, too, is focused on our half-sister.

  ‘Hi,’ Emma says.

  Ruby nods and gives a small smile.

  We both sit opposite her and I immediately feel like this was the wrong thing to do. It now feels like it’s us versus her. But it’s too late to get up and move without it appearing strange, so I stay seated where I am.

  ‘Thanks for coming,’ Ruby says, her eyes darting from me to Emma. ‘I appreciate it.’

  I still can’t get over how different she is from ‘Ruby, my neighbour’. Her voice is lower, quieter, less hyper. But I don’t know if that’s down to her being in here, or if it’s down to the act she’d been putting on for my benefit.

  ‘How are you?’ Emma asks.

  Ruby shrugs. ‘You know… I’m in a psych ward, doped up to the eyeballs.’

  ‘Sorry.’ Emma flushes.

  ‘No, I’m sorry, that was flippant. I’m much better, thanks,’ Ruby says. ‘I want to apologise to both of you, for everything. I put you through hell. I know that.’

  ‘You had a rough time. You were angry.’ Emma is being far more forgiving than I feel. Now that I know Ruby is my sister, rather than just a neighbour, I can’t seem to take my eyes off her. I notice things I never noticed before, like how she wrinkles her nose just like Emma. And how her cheeks dimple just like mine. It’s uncanny.

  ‘And what about you?’ Ruby’s gaze lands on me, but I can’t quite catch her eye. My gaze slides away to a point beyond her shoulder. I wipe my clammy hands on my jeans and try to get my breathing under control.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I reply.

  She nods. ‘I really am sorry for what I did. I wasn’t in my right mind. I’m still not… I’m unwell. But my doctor thinks I’ll get better in time. It helps that our dad wants to have a relationship with me. I was mad at him, but he says he loves me, so…’ She scratches hard at a flaky patch of skin on the back of her hand, then self-consciously moves both hands beneath the table.

  ‘How did you get into my house?’ I ask.

  She flushes. ‘Your back door was unlocked while you and Joe were cleaning your cars out the front. I crept in, and stole a set of your house, car and shop keys. Had them copied. It was easy.’ She tells me this in a matter-of-fact way, like she’s talking about a day out at the park. ‘I guess I just wanted you to know that I was there. That I existed. But I didn’t know how to tell you properly. I went about it all the wrong way.’

  That’s one way of putting it. ‘Ruby,’ I say, ‘you tried to kill me. You pushed me into the path of an oncoming car.’

  Ruby exhales through her mouth, making an ‘o’ shape. ‘I never meant to try to kill you.’ She bows her head. ‘I was going to push you, the same way I pushed Emma. Just a shove to get you to take me seriously. But then I saw you standing there on the edge of the pavement, and I just thought… well, I didn’t think. I let the rage take over. I have no excuse. I did a despicable thing…’ She starts scratching at the patch on her hand once more. ‘I don’t expect your forgiveness. I just want you to know I truly am sorry. And I know talk is cheap, but it’s all I have right now.’

  ‘There’s one more thing…’ I say.

  She gives a nod and I clench my fists. My nails dig into the palms of my hands.

  ‘Frank…’ I begin. ‘My cat. Did you cut his paw? Was it his blood on the letter?’ Strangely, out of everything that happened, this was the incident that upset me the most.

  ‘No,’ she says instantly.

  ‘But the police confirmed that it was feline blood. They said—’

  ‘I found Frank in our garden,’ she explains in a matter-of-fact way, like she’s telling me about something mundane. ‘He was limping. I saw the blood and it gave me an idea. I admit, I did wipe his paw on the letter. But then I cleaned his cut and made sure he was okay. I know I’ve done some awful things, which I fully admit to, but I didn’t do that. I didn’t hurt Frank. I just… I used the situation to freak you out. I’m sorry,’ she adds. ‘But I’m not a monster.’

  That’s up for debate, I think.

  What a mess. This girl is truly damaged. I don’t know if she’s always been this way, or if discovering the news about our dad tipped her over the edge. But whatever the reason, I realise that I’m glad she’s getting help now. Sadness grips my chest. I had a sister I never knew about. Maybe if we’d known about Ruby when she was born, she wouldn’t have ended up in this situation. Maybe we would have been close. The three of us. Too late for wishes. It is what it is. But at least something good has come out of all this: I have my older sister back in my life. I take Emma’s hand under the table and give it a squeeze. Emma glances at me and smiles.

  There’s a phone vibrating somewhere. I reach down to my handbag, but it’s not mine. Emma draws her mobile out of her purse, looks at the screen and frowns. ‘It’s Mike, I’d better take this. Back in a mo, okay?’

  I nod and watch her leave the room, slightly uneasy that Emma is leaving me on my own with Ruby. She promised she wouldn’t. But Ruby gives me a nervous smile. I realise this isn’t easy for either of us. I guess we’ll have to adjust to one another. Slowly.

  ‘Of course,’ Ruby says, ‘you know they’ve got me all doped up in here, Lizzy.’

  I nod, wary of speaking to her without Emma to back me up. ‘I know. Does it feel strange?’ I ask. ‘Do you feel different on the medication? Better?’

  ‘I don’t know about better,’ Ruby replies. ‘At least I’m all nice and friendly in here. Not likely to do anything… unexpected.’ She smiles and then fixes me with a strange look that sets my teeth on edge. ‘But then again, I won’t be in here forever.’

  My stomach lurches. Was that a threat? Where the hell is Emma? She promised she wouldn’t leave me alone with Ruby. I glance back towards the door, but there’s still no sign of my older sister.

  Ruby doesn’t seem quite as stable now Emma’s disappeared from the room. Is her whole apologetic vibe simply an act? It better not be. I hope she’s not still a danger to me and Emma. I give a small shiver and wonder… am I safe? She’s in a secure place now, but what happens once she’s discharged? I’m sure someone as complex and devious as Ruby could fake sanity. Maybe not now, or next year, but some day she’ll find a way to get out of here. And when that time comes, will I be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life?

  Epilogue

  I march out of the lounge, past the orderlies, my heart pumping, my breathing erratic. I can’t have this conversation anywhere near Lizzy. I keep walking until I reach the end of the corridor.

  ‘What the hell are you doing, calling me here? I told you I was coming with Lizzy to the hospital this morning.’

  ‘I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just… it’s hard, being here while you’re living over there with Lizzy, and with Mike. I need to see you. I need to see you right now.’

  I give an exasperated sigh. Not this again. ‘Look, I told you that I wasn’t going to give Mike up. You knew the score and you agreed to it.’

  ‘Yes, but that was back when I had Lizzy.’ His voice turns petulant. ‘Now it’s just me on my own in a grotty bedsit…’
<
br />   ‘Stop it.’ I need to nip this in the bud right now. ‘You listen to me. If you can’t handle it, then we’ll have to end things. I like having Lizzy around again. I’m not jeopardising that.’

  ‘But we could—’

  ‘No. You and I, we both agreed that you would tell her it was all your doing. You were happy to give her up so that I could have my sister back in my life. You don’t have her any more. And you never will. You’ll just have to accept it.’ I realise I need to get him onside again so I take a breath and try to calm down. ‘Look, I promise, you’ll have me forever. But Mike stays in my life, and so does Lizzy.’

  ‘Fine,’ he growls. ‘Okay, have it your way.’ He pauses for a moment and I hear his breathing, ragged and desperate. Then his voice softens. ‘You know I’d do anything for you, Emma. I love you.’

  ‘I love you too.’ My shoulders relax. I needn’t have worried about him. I know he’ll do anything for me. Ever since I cornered him in that seedy pub five years ago, he’s been mine. True, he was reluctant to betray Lizzy at first, but after I kissed him that night – and the rest – I knew he’d do anything I asked. ‘Joe, you know what we have is special, so don’t spoil things, okay? I’ll call you when it’s safe.’

  ‘Okay, I’m sorry.’ His voice turns husky. ‘You know, even your voice drives me crazy, Ems.’

  I smile. ‘Goodbye, Joe. I’ll see you soon, and when I do my voice won’t be the only thing driving you crazy.’

  I end the call, pat my face and smooth my hair. I need to compose myself before I go back in there.

  Back to my sisters.

  If you were gripped by The Silent Sister, you’ll love The Secret Mother - an absolutely addictive psychological thriller, with a twist that will make you wonder if you can ever trust anyone again. Get it here!

  The Secret Mother