The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  Einstein said it best: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind its faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

  This is why we fail to find success through the ego. This is why life, for many, is an endless drama and struggle—because we follow our inferior guide, the one that’s defensive, unclear, poorly informed, confused, easily intimidated, self-absorbed, and fearful.

  Furthermore, no matter how we cater to the ego (which it loves, by the way), it will never be other than what it is: a posturing, confused, defensive, insecure, needy, demanding dictator who basically holds us hostage and robs us of joy and peace.

  To live your Spirit is simple: All you must do is detach from your ego and follow your heart. By adopting certain daily practices that are simple but honest expressions of you—such as listening to your inner voice, being flexible and changing direction if it’s called for, keeping your heart open, and laughing throughout the day—you’ll naturally raise the energetic frequency of your Spirit above that of ego. The more you resonate with the frequency or vibration of Spirit, the stronger the connection becomes. And the stronger it becomes, the clearer the direction your Spirit offers in your life.

  When you begin to live your Spirit, the first thing you’ll feel is its presence in your heart. It conveys an actual energetic sensation. For some, this is a subtle fluttering; for others, it’s a warm, intense buzz. For some, it feels like relief, as though a missing piece to the puzzle has been found. For others, it “pings,” “clicks,” or “rings true.” In all cases, the minute you raise your vibration enough to connect with your Spirit, you feel real, genuine, authentic, whole, and satisfied. The empty restlessness within you quiets down. The void fills up and physically you begin to relax and enjoy life.

  As you strengthen this connection to Spirit, you’ll experience even more distinctive shifts:

  Your belly will ease; you’ll become more relaxed.

  Your defenses will drop and your heart will open up.

  Your breathing will deepen and tension in your body will begin to lift.

  This is because as you return to wholeness, you start to feel safe. Because you’re no longer compensating for missing guidance, or flying by the seat of your fearful pants, every cell in your body, every muscle, and every ligament begins to ease. Because Spirit is the life force, you’ll also feel more youthful, optimistic, and alive.

  Burt was only 63 years old, but due to the fear and anxiety his ego put him through, he felt and acted much older. When he came to see me, he was troubled by arthritis, back pain, and depression. He saw a therapist once a week and was on antidepressants and pain medication, yet he was barely able to move about freely, let alone possess the desire to do so. He spent a great deal of time alone in his home, feeling unloved and sorry for himself. His daughter suggested a session with me as a last resort to help him reengage with life, to which he agreed.

  When we met, I could see that his fear and negative self-judgment, and not his physical ailments, were robbing him of his life force. I suggested to him that his Spirit was alive and well and that his fear was interfering with his life. To my surprise, he agreed.

  “I know there’s nothing really wrong with me,” he admitted. “Or at least nothing that can’t be fixed if I allow it. I just don’t know what to live for if I do get better. I feel so unhappy and unfulfilled all the time, and I don’t know how to get free of this feeling. I feel like such a failure.”

  I encouraged him to keep working with his doctors, but, in addition, to consider his Spirit and start to love and follow it. This was a novel idea to him.

  “Hmm . . .” he considered. “My Spirit, you say? I think we parted ways long ago.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “I guess it just seemed easier to ignore it than to try to follow it . . . thought it was too late, I suppose.”

  “And if you were to reverse that idea now and express your Spirit after all, what would you do?” I inquired.

  “I’d pick up my guitar, write some songs, and sing a little,” he answered without a moment’s hesitation, as if he’d already been contemplating that question. “But then again, I’m too old for that,” he continued.

  “Maybe,” I answered. “But then again, it may be the fountain of youth and bring vitality back into your bones. Did you ever consider that?”

  When he heard this, he smirked, but I could tell that he was listening nevertheless. He was quiet for a long while, and then he said, “Maybe you’re right. It feels right.” He got up, stretched, and announced: “I think I got what I needed to hear. Thank you very much.” Then he left.

  Six months later I received a package in the mail from Burt. In it was a letter that read: “I still have a little back pain from time to time, but I’m not depressed anymore and I’m getting around some. By the way, I thought you might like to hear a few songs I wrote. Instead of living the blues, I started singing the blues, as you suggested, and I must admit I do feel a whole lot better now. So thank you.”

  As you connect more with your Spirit, you’ll be less entranced by the fearful running dialogue of your ego and begin to hear life’s song more deeply. You’ll become more capable of listening to and actually absorbing messages from others and the world around you. You’ll not only hear the content; you’ll begin to register the intent behind communication, too.

  As you continue to strengthen your relationship with your Spirit, the mental chatter of your ego will quiet down. The suspicions, insecurities, second-guessing, defensive dialogues, and ruminating over your less-thansuccessful past will begin to decrease. And with this newfound quiet, your attention will be drawn to the sound, feeling, and vibration of your inner voice. You’ll begin to hear your guidance. Much like a GPS (Global Positioning System) in a car that can guide you efficiently from point A to point B, your inner radar will kick in and start to direct you toward your deepest goals.

  My client Joseph connected to his Spirit and found that everything fell into place. As the only son in his family, Joseph felt obliged to work in his father’s real estate business. For more than 15 years he managed apartments instead of following his secret dream of becoming a chef. Fear of financial insecurity and of letting down his father caused him to abandon his Spirit and get stuck in a rut of ego control. One day, after feeling unbearably frustrated over his lackluster life, he spontaneously enrolled in a cooking school at night. Following his Spirit rewarded him immediately: The very first week he met a wonderfully supportive woman who made him laugh, encouraged him, and fell in love with him. With her help, he started to return to his authentic self.

  While in school, he also met another frustrated student who wanted to change his course as well. By the time the first year ended, the two had decided to explore the idea of opening a restaurant together. No sooner had Joseph made this decision than his father announced he was retiring and asked Joseph if he wanted to carry on the business or quit. Scared of disappointing his father but more scared of disappointing himself, Joseph finally admitted that he wanted to quit the business and open his own restaurant instead.

  He was shocked by his father’s reaction. Not only was he supportive, but he said he’d be willing to invest in the business and help them find a location. Once Joseph decided to live his Spirit, it seemed as if, by magic, his father came on board as well.

  That’s how it works: Once you choose to love yourself and align with your Spirit, life aligns with you. Obstacles give way to openings, and struggle turns to support.

  You begin to experience what I refer to as “catching the wave.” Others have called it “getting into the flow” or my favorite, “entering a state of grace.” Whatever you call it, it feels great. You no longer have to agonize over, or try to control, life. You just show up and life carries you to greater and greater experiences.

  This all sounds incredible, doesn’t it? Well, as one who lives this way, I can assure you t
hat it is. Again, it isn’t difficult. All that’s required is that you choose to live as a Divine Being and follow your Spirit as opposed to living as an ego-bound being, following your fears. Only the decision is difficult. Once you make it, the rest gets easier and easier and easier.

  Simple Practice: Breathe

  Breath is essential to living and loving your Spirit. In fact, your breath is your Spirit. The air you take in gives you life. To breathe deeply is to claim your Spirit and bring it into every cell of your body.

  One of the first things that occurs when you disconnect from your Spirit and get entangled in the drama and confusion of the false ego self is that you stop breathing deeply. You tend to breathe shallowly instead, and even occasionally to hold your breath altogether. When your body doesn’t get adequate oxygen, it goes more deeply into fear and anxiety, thus creating a vicious cycle of self-debilitating negativity. So to love your Spirit—to live your Spirit—you must breathe.

  There are several ways to do so that instantly align you with your Divine Spirit and raise your vibration:

  1. The first is to breathe in deeply through your nose and then open your mouth, relax the back of your throat, and release the sound “Ahh” as you exhale. Practice this several times right now and notice the change in your vibration. While you do, place your hand over your heart and feel its vibration as your breath releases. This kind of breathing isn’t unusual—we all do it naturally. It’s called a “sigh.” When we sigh, we get out of our heads and our false ego selves and reconnect to Spirit. It’s a natural reflex to keep us true to our higher self.

  Breathing in this way frees us immediately from being stuck in our negative-ego, fear-based vicious-thought cycles and stabilizes us in a higher, loving, authentic vibration. It’s a self-loving, self-affirming technique that I recommend doing as often as possible throughout the day.

  I laughingly refer to this breathing technique as a “get out of jail free” tool of self-care, as it immediately releases us from the prison of our mental addictions and sufferings. The more deeply we breathe, the calmer, clearer, and more peaceful we become.

  A doctor once told me that a person can’t breathe deeply and worry at the same time—it’s biologically impossible. A deep breath interrupts and dissipates worry waves. I can’t say for certain that this is universally true, but I can say that it is true for me. When I breathe in through the nose and slowly out through the mouth with an “Ahh . . .” I can’t feel anxious about anything. I can only feel relaxation, easing of tension, and relief. It’s great!

  Try it yourself and see if you can worry and breathe at the same time. Of course, you can worry between breaths if you’d like, but if you breathe consistently, even that becomes more and more difficult to do.

  2. Another breathing technique that calms the mind and raises your vibration instantly to the frequency of Spirit is called “The Breath of Fire.” This practice is useful when your ego mind has gotten so knotted up in a tangle of worry that you can’t seem to break free or connect with your Spirit, no matter what you do.

  Stand with your legs slightly apart and bent a little at the knees, then take in the deepest breath you can and quickly thump your chest with your fist in the area of your heart, releasing a loud, resounding “Ha!” To get the best results, make certain you’re free to be as loud as you can when you do this thump on the heart. The “Ha!” is the equivalent of a lifeguard’s whistle alerting:“Everybody out of the pool now!” It energetically breaks up and dispels any negative frequencies that have gotten hold of you and restores your vibration to your authentic, Divine frequency.

  This breathing technique can be a little startling to you and anyone around you. That’s the point. It startles your ego mind into release and calls your Spirit into your body. It acts as a reset button on your energy patterns.

  After you take your breath, thump your chest, and expel an emphatic “Ha!” slowly breathe in and then listen. In your head you’ll hear beautiful, glorious silence—the peace and quiet of Divine mind. This exercise, done two or three times a day, clears your energy of all negativity and quiets the brain. It kicks your ego out of the driver’s seat and puts your Spirit back in control.

  3. Another breathing suggestion is that throughout the day—and especially when under stress—you step away from whatever you’re doing and take a “breather”: literally a break to simply breathe deeply for five minutes and realign your consciousness with your Spirit.

  Breathers aren’t unnecessary indulgences. Rather, they are essential self-loving time-outs we all need throughout the day. The entire world would be a whole lot better off if everyone took a few more of them. The breath we’re taking connects us to all of life. We all share it; therefore, we’re all interconnected.

  Not only is taking a breather an enormously self-loving choice, it’s a loving choice for the entire human race. Every one of us who aligns with the vibration of Spirit influences those around us to do so. It’s contagious—in a good way.

  4. Finally, try to “share a breath.” By this I mean breathe in unison with another . . . falling, if possible, into a common breathing pattern for several minutes.

  The breath is our common bond, the great Divine equalizer. When you share a breath with another, you automatically remove any obstacles, barriers, fears, and judgments that exist between you. It’s impossible to feel threatened, unsafe, unworthy, or disconnected when you breathe in unison.

  This tool doesn’t necessarily change how you feel about one another on a mental level. Your ego mind may still want to hold on to its resentments, judgments, and negative feelings. Yet, if you breathe in unison with someone, the vibration between you begins to harmonize and resonate on a higher frequency. This softens your heart and brings you to Divine mind, where there’s no place for conflict.

  I recently found myself in a situation where I needed to share a breath with another to bring peace. I’m glad to say that it does work.

  Our family was vacationing in Paris, where I’d rented an apartment for a week during the summer. It was a trip that I’d dreamed of, planned, and looked forward to for more than a year. Just before we left, my younger daughter, Sabrina, asked me if two of her newfound friends could stay with us for two days in our apartment as they backpacked across Europe.

  Remembering my own backpacking days and how grateful I was for any kindness extended my way as a young traveler, I readily agreed and said that they could sleep on the sofas. In fact, I thought that their presence would add to the festivities. Their visit, however, was full of surprises.

  First, the two showed up earlier than planned, in the middle of the night on the very first day we arrived. The next surprise was greater: They planned to stay six nights, not the two I’d agreed to—in other words, for the entire vacation. Again, this took a mental adjustment, but I was willing to be a good sport. After all, my daughters enjoyed the company and were having a nice time, which had been my intent for the vacation.

  Then the challenges began. Neither of the guests had any money, so they ate with us every day—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even this didn’t bother me because we had plenty to share. What did bother me, however, were the manners of one of the travelers.

  While the young man was friendly, pleasant, helpful, and a joy to be around, his traveling companion was quite the opposite. She was unhelpful, didn’t pick up after herself, and never offered to aid in the preparation of meals or clean up afterward, even though everything was obviously a team effort all the way. She ate our food; drank our wine; monopolized the one computer in the house; scattered her things all over the living room; and chain-smoked on the balcony, leaving mounds and mounds of cigarette butts in several ashtrays for others to empty. This was in spite of my repeated—at first gentle, then increasingly firm—requests that she chip in, help out, clean up, and be a good guest.

  Needless to say, after three days my ego mind went into overdrive with indignation. How dare she barge in on my vacation, help herself to my things,
leave me to clean up her mess, and show no appreciation at all?! My resentment moved in like a dark gray cloud of pollution and began to rob me of any and all pleasure in being on my vacation. I was so consumed with righteous victimization that I was miserable beyond belief. I swore she knew that she was loathsome to be around but didn’t care. I would have asked her to leave, but my daughters protested, as they enjoyed the other guest completely and the two were a pair. My only recourse was to get out of my ego mind and get back to Divine Spirit. But how—especially since my ego couldn’t stand to be in her presence?

  Then one night I got a break. There was a funny show in English on television that drew us all in. We sat there in the same room, watching quietly, when I suddenly decided to share a breath with her for a while.

  As I did so, the first thing I noticed was that she didn’t breathe very deeply, which made me aware of how fearful she was, not just about us, but about life in general. As I continued to breathe with her, I also noticed how unaware one becomes with so little breath. Between the shallow breaths and the cigarettes, she was most likely nearly unconscious of her surroundings. No wonder she contributed so little—she just didn’t see enough to offer. I also realized what chaos her ego brain was in. Shallow, rapid breathing creates turmoil in the body. With so much chaos inside, it simply spilled over into her environment. That explained why she was such a pigpen.

  By the time the show was over, breathing with her put me back into Divine mind. My heart opened to her, and I realized that she was a courageous girl to create this adventure for herself, and although she was a terrible guest, it was only because she was trying to manage her own fears. I looked at her and let out an easy “Ahh” and thumped my chest. Then I surprised everyone by shouting “Ha!” This snapped me out of the negative spell I’d been under and lifted my Spirit. I gave her a spontaneous hug, which she didn’t understand.