The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  When you’re with a soul-family member, your conscious focus may be spiritual, or it may not be. For example, you might meet a neighbor and find that you both absolutely love to cook, and suddenly the two of you have tremendous fun when you get together in the kitchen. You may never speak about the soul or Spirit in any way. You may only talk about sugar and flour. But your souls are fed when you’re together. And in that way, it’s all spiritual.

  When it comes to being with a soul-family member, what’s obvious is that in the presence of this person, you feel instantly better, stronger, happier, and more alive than before. Your body is relaxed. Your thoughts lighten up. Your fears vanish. You don’t focus on the past or the future. You’re simply present . . . and, most of all, you feel good about yourself—in fact, you love yourself.

  Some members of my soul family share my line of work, but others don’t. I have an entire group of soul-family members in France who don’t even fully know, or care, what I do. They just like who I am, and vice versa. They energize me on an entirely different level from that of my spiritual-teacher self. They energize and witness my traveling, adventurous, shopping, and artistic self. Every time I’m with them, I feel as though I’m receiving the energetic equivalent of a blood transfusion—I’m positively renewed. I need my connection to them. They feed my Spirit and bring joy to my life. They also help me experience deep joy in being me.

  Such soul connections are essential components of loving yourself. Recognize these relationships and value them. Do whatever it takes to commune with your soul-family members regularly. Fortunately, you have them everywhere you go. They can be found by simply following your heart.

  Simple Practice: Lead with Your Spirit

  When you wake up in the morning, start your day with gratitude. No matter how you feel or what’s going on in your life, pay attention to the fact that merely being alive for another day is a gift from your Creator. Quietly or out loud—whatever you prefer—acknowledge what you’re grateful for. It can be as simple as: “I am grateful that I woke up this morning,” “I am grateful that I am able to think,” or “I am grateful that I am breathing.”

  Start by acknowledging three things for which you’re grateful. As you train yourself to focus on your blessings every morning, the list will grow. You need only take a few moments for this exercise. It isn’t necessary to recite everything you’re thankful for. Just notice a few things and then genuinely express gratitude for them.

  Being grateful is a highly self-loving choice. It shifts your attention away from the things that upset, frighten, annoy, frustrate, or depress you; and it infuses your body with positive, healing vibrations. Gratitude also rejuvenates your cells, slows your heart rate, and relaxes your muscles. It’s a nice thing to do for you. It feels good.

  After you express gratitude, next check in with your Spirit and ask it to lead you this day. To do so, stand up, place both feet on the floor, take a deep breath in through the nose, and then exhale out through the mouth, releasing the sound “Ahh.” Breathing in this way opens your heart and invites your Spirit to enter your body more fully.

  If you notice stress, tension, or worry, continue breathing as suggested until you feel centered, grounded, and relaxed. Each time you inhale, mentally welcome your Divine Spirit into your body, remembering that you’re inviting your most sacred, beloved self to lead. Feel the presence of your Spirit as it centers fully in your body. Notice how the energy of your Spirit fills your lungs, your heart, your mind, and finally your cells with light. Enjoy this feeling. Next, envision your Spirit fully descending into your body, settling comfortably in your bones and making itself at home.

  Don’t rush this exercise. Take your time. The ego likes to race “headfirst” into the day, creating a false sense of urgency or emergency . . . while the Spirit enters the body “heart-first”: slowly, peacefully, calmly.

  Once you feel grounded and centered in your Spirit, place both hands over your solar plexus (which basically means just above your belly button). This is your third chakra, better known as your power center. This is the energetic point in your body from which you make decisions and direct your life. It’s also the place from which your Spirit moves into the world.

  Imagine your Spirit’s presence expanding from your heart to your belly, fully encompassing both. Do this by continuing to breathe comfortably while envisioning your body filling up with a bright light.

  Next, with both hands on your belly, imagine standing in your power, and say out loud, “The most important thing for my Spirit to focus on today is ________,” and then fill in the blank. For example, you might say, “The most important thing for my Spirit to focus on today is writing in my journal,” “The most important thing for my Spirit to focus on today is spending time with my partner,” or “The most important thing for my Spirit to focus on today is going to the gym.”

  Be patient and allow your Spirit to reveal the answer rather than having your brain come up with a response. Focus on one Spirit intention or goal for that day. The ego mind loves to make long to-do lists. This sets up the pressure of obligations and duties and leaves you wide open to failure, because no matter how good your intentions, life comes in waves of energy. It bends and flows . . . and throws in all kinds of surprises as well.

  So if you have long to-do lists to attend to, you have a very high probability of getting derailed. You’ll feel defeated. Furthermore, you also have a great chance of missing synchronistic opportunities if your mind overloads you with obligations. The Spirit prefers to keep life simple. You need only name one important priority for the day and attend to that in order for your Spirit to be happy. So start by identifying the goal most important to your Spirit, and then relax as you move toward it. If your Spirit absolutely must name more than one intention, cite the others—but not as goals, only as “preferences.”

  For example, on a recent morning my Spirit’s number one goal was to spend some quality time with my entire family over dinner. My preference was that we have a home-cooked meal, but being together was the most important goal and the one I committed my Spirit to. I knew that no matter what unfolded that day, if I had dinner with my family, at the end of it my Spirit would be happy.

  This was an important Spirit goal because my daughters are now 18 and 19 and are going in directions of their own. I rarely see them. Also, my husband takes French and painting classes at night, so he’s frequently out as well. I often teach in the evenings or am traveling, so family dinners are fewer and farther between. Family time isn’t easy to arrange, and our respective interests compete with our together time with a vengeance.

  Once my Spirit’s intention was set, I began the day by asking everyone to be home for dinner by 6 P.M. At first the girls hemmed and hawed, citing other plans, but I said that it was important to my Spirit, and I’d greatly appreciate their company, if only for a quick meal. So knowing that it was important to me, everyone agreed. Then we all went our separate ways.

  At 5:15 P.M., the skies suddenly darkened and before I could fully register what was happening, a tornado watch was sounded for our area—for the first time I can remember as long as I’ve lived in Chicago.

  Fighting panic, I picked up the phone to track everyone down and make certain they were safe and knew of the danger. Feeling the unexpected threat, with rain pounding on the house as I dialed, I realized beyond a doubt just how important to my Spirit being with my family was that day. In fact, nothing on Earth was more crucial at that moment.

  Within minutes of the alarm, the phone rang three separate times: First there was Sabrina, saying she was safe and nearby; second was Patrick, also safe and nearby; and finally, to my relief, my elusive older daughter, Sonia, also called to say she was safe and nearby.

  Within 20 minutes, we were all huddled together in the kitchen, the violent storm passing overhead. As we breathed a collective sigh of relief, I couldn’t help but thank and love my Spirit for having requested together time that morning. Because I’d done tha
t, everyone had stayed closer to home than they normally would have, and consequently we were able to quickly regroup while under a threat.

  Such is the beauty of honoring the Spirit: It knows what the ego can’t. Had I not loved my Spirit enough to listen to its priority and request that we have dinner together, who knows where everyone might have been when all hell broke loose? Thank God I didn’t have to find out. My loving Spirit spared us all the unnecessary anxiety and drama of being separated.

  The city of Chicago suffered the loss of hundreds of trees that day, but miraculously no loss of life. In spite of the worst weather event in the city’s history, it was the best dinner I’d ever had with my family. We were together and safe, and there was nothing better I could have asked for.

  Honoring your Spirit and giving it priority not only is the most self-loving way to live your life, it’s also the most loving thing you can do for others. By identifying your Spirit’s top priority each day and making it your goal, you assure not only the highest expression of your own self, but you also ensure that you bring the highest, most authentic vibration of you to others. This sets up a cascade effect of positive energy for all to feel and invites enormous synchronicity into your life and relationships as well.

  End the day the way you began it: with gratitude. No matter what goal or intention you started out with, at the close of the day acknowledge just how perfectly it did in fact unfold, and be grateful for the gifts it brought you. By doing so, you affirm that you trust your authentic Spirit, and not your ego, to lead. Whatever did take place, it happened because your Spirit wanted to have that experience. Events may not go as you—or your ego—consciously wished or planned, but they always occur as your Spirit requires in accordance with the Divine plan. Accepting this is a huge step toward loving yourself.

  Take a few grounding breaths again—in through the nose and out through the mouth—and enjoy how good this feels. Notice how extremely self-loving it is to breathe in so deeply and become quietly centered.

  Next, review your day with an eye toward the gifts it brought. What transpired that your Spirit loved most? What blessing showed up unexpectedly? What are you grateful for?

  You can review your day silently or write down your daily gifts in a journal. Better yet, if possible, share these gifts with someone you love who will listen to your Spirit with appreciation.

  Right before I go to bed, I share the gifts I received that day with my husband and encourage him to do the same with me.

  The night of the storm, as I looked out the window, seeing 100-year-old trees downed across the city, I was thankful for the catalpa tree still standing proudly in front of our house. As I noticed lights out in homes, damaged fences, and flooding everywhere, I was grateful and amazed that our old Victorian was still standing, intact and dry. As I imagined neighbors calling to check on family members in the outlying areas, only to get busy signals because power lines were down, I was thrilled to have been able to sit with all members of my family beside me. It had been a good day.

  When you end your day with gratitude, you end it with power. That’s because no matter what your ego’s intentions, or the results, it’s never satisfied—it always wants more. But what your Spirit desires is always more than enough . . . it’s perfect peace.

  STEP 5

  Keep the Balance

  Simple Lesson: Keep the Balance

  This step sensitizes you to the energetic costs of living in an ego-based world and guides you to replenish your Spirit when drained and overtaxed. The practice that follows will further connect you to your Creative Source, which will protect you from the negativity that abounds in such an ego-based world. Through meditation, you’ll tap into the endless store of love and devotion the Universe has for you.

  One of the most important and overlooked aspects of self-love, and one that I believe we all could do well to become more mindful of, is the energetic toll that day-to-day life exacts upon us. We need to properly assess our psychic expenditures so that we can replenish ourselves properly as we go along. Otherwise, we unwittingly fall into energetic depletions that leave us vulnerable to negativity and fatigue.

  Let’s face it—other people, events, and even things all require some amount of energy from us. Fortunately, they replenish that energy as well. Our assignment as consciously self-loving, Divine spiritual beings is to accurately measure these energetic expenditures so that we can keep our balance. Given the demands of day-to-day life, we must replenish ourselves frequently with self-loving choices and actions to keep our Spirit lighthearted and energized.

  For example, presently one of my top priorities is traveling and sharing tools for higher awareness and intuitive awakening around the world. I do this mostly through leading workshops and having private consultations. I really love my work—the travel, teaching, and people; as well as sharing with others the tools I possess for Spirited living.

  Yet, even though all this is true, at the same time my work is energetically taxing on me. The travel, the classes, and talking with people cause energetic wear and tear . . . not to mention the stress of frequently sleeping in noisy hotels, constantly eating restaurant food, and being disoriented in new territory. At the end of a trip or workshop, I feel both exhilarated and energetically spent at the same time.

  To counterbalance these situations, when I travel I bring plenty of resources to replenish me along the way. These include my iPod, noise-reducing headphones, my own pillow and blanket, a bottle of Rescue Remedy, small scented candles, chocolate, my computer, and a good novel.

  These rejuvenating necessities renew my Spirit, and I use them to help me stay in balance. Just knowing that I have these things available to comfort my Spirit at the end of the day keeps me grounded and peaceful. When traveling, I also do one more thing: I refrain from socializing. I stay inside, remain quiet, and rest. This gives my Spirit the peace it needs to restore itself.

  This energetic “overdraft” isn’t something that only I am aware of. In fact, I’ve spoken to hundreds of people about this very subject. It’s very common for students to write or call me after a class and tell me what a high they got from the experience, only to return home and crash into a slump 48 to 72 hours later. This doesn’t happen because someone missed the point of the workshop. Rather, it happens because, although positive, the experience of learning something new (especially in my classroom) can be energetically demanding and requires such heightened attention that a person’s basic vitality can get tapped.

  Everyday life—especially those situations that require change, even when it’s positive—can deplete and tax us energetically, so we must be mindful of ways to replenish our energy if we are to be truly self-loving.

  One of the best and most natural ways to rebalance and refresh our vitality and spring back after an energetic expenditure is to rest. When I give or attend a workshop, I try to take a mini-nap or a quick meditative break at lunch if at all possible. It greatly restores my energy and revives my Spirit. It’s very self-loving and helps keep me in balance.

  We can also revive by doing something fun, like watching a movie, calling a good friend and chatting for a few minutes, taking an Epsom-salt bath, or going to a wonderful restaurant where the wait staff are attentive and the food is full of flavor and spice. There are countless ways in which to reenergize and love the Spirit.

  Being sensitive to the toll that life takes on you and lovingly allowing yourself to adjust to and balance these demands is a vital act of self-love. When you don’t register the energetic cost of your daily life, you fail to rebalance and refuel your Spirit, which leads to resentment, depression, and exhaustion. In fact, I believe that neglecting to renew the Spirit is one of the biggest culprits in the epidemics of chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, and Epstein-Barr syndrome. Quite simply, the Spirit is overtaxed and isn’t given adequate time to renew. This is especially true in Western society, where we’re pushed to go beyond our limits every single day.

  We don’t need a crisis to j
ustify a break. Everyday interactions, especially when emotionally volatile, can be highly depleting to the Spirit. For example, I have a dear friend who’s caring for her two elderly parents. She’s very close to both of them and makes a point of spending time with them at least twice a week, just to check in and stay involved in their lives. In addition, because they’re still independent but slowing down considerably, she also buys their groceries, runs errands for them, oversees their finances, and tries to get them out of the house for exercise and recreation. She loves that she’s able to do all of this for them and is grateful that they’re still in fairly good health. Yet, because they’re seniors, they’re set in their ways and prone to becoming cranky and inflexible, both with her and each other. So being with them is a challenge.

  Although my friend treasures her time with her parents, when she comes home, she feels tired, depleted, and “wiped out.” This isn’t because she doesn’t want to be with her mom and dad or help them. Rather, when visiting them, my friend does everything in her power to be aware, patient, nonjudgmental, and loving no matter what her parents say or do—and this takes energy.

  Before she realized just how demanding to her Spirit these interactions were, she’d return home from her outings only to find that in a relatively short time she was overly reactive, critical, cross, or impatient with her husband and sons. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed about her behavior, she realized that all the good vibes she’d hoped to create went out the window. She began to attack her Spirit with self-judgment and criticism in every way.

  We spoke about these frequent energetic flare-ups recently, and I pointed out that she wasn’t giving herself the time to renew her Spirit between visits, and this was why she was so reactive when she returned home. Her Spirit was running on empty after she came back from spending time with her parents, and she just needed a little rest and rejuvenation and some TLC to bring it back into balance. If she allowed for that, chances were much greater that she wouldn’t snap at her family and fall into a vicious cycle of guilt and depletion.