Ruined Sinner

by Becker Gray

  “Is that a castle?” she asked, her eyes round with delight.

  “It is,” I said. “I found it second year, after I was driving around by myself one day.” It was a great spot to get baked, although I hadn’t been doing that as much as I used to. My preferred drug in the last two years had been torturing myself with the memory of Aurora’s kisses.

  It was a place I hadn’t told any of the other Hellfire Club guys about, not because I didn’t think they’d like it, but because it was a nice place to come on my own. Everywhere else, I felt like I belonged to everyone else. I was the one you brought somewhere so you’d have a friend, a tagalong, a wingman. Even at home, I was at my parents’ disposal, and while they weren’t up my ass about grades and stuff, they did want me at every dinner party and social function they hosted because they knew that I was likable and handsome and made people feel like they were having a good time.

  And I didn’t mind that, I didn’t mind being that guy. I liked it, even. I liked making friends, and finding something to make small talk about, and getting people to laugh and smile, and making women and men blush because I was such a shameless flirt.

  But sometimes it felt like that was all I was good for. Making other people happy, making sure everyone else was having a good time.

  When I was up here alone, there was no one else I had to do that for. I could just make myself happy.

  And now Aurora.

  She was walking around the edge of the castle now, a big smile on her face. “Who do you think built it?”

  “An eccentric Victorian,” I said. “Who else?”

  She laughed and stepped over a ruined wall to the inside of the space. “It looks like it was never finished.”

  “It wasn’t. It ruined him, trying to build a castle here. He died alone and without a penny—or a castle—to his name.”

  She sighed, putting her hand on the lintel. “Castles will do that to you,” she said. “People will too.”

  “What? Ruin you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like you ruined me,” I said, coming close to her and lifting her hair off her neck.

  “I did no such thing,” she murmured, letting out a tattered exhale as I leaned in.

  “You didn’t? But I feel ruined.” I parted my lips to lick at her skin, and then I gave her neck a long, lingering kiss that turned into a hard suck. She slumped against me.

  “So is that what you want?” she said, her voice sounding dreamy and far off as I kissed my way to her jaw. “To ruin me back?”

  “Oh princess,” I said. “You have no idea.”

  “I shouldn’t like that,” she said, still dreamily. “Is this when the blowie happens?”

  “No,” I laughed. “No blowie today. No handy. No anything. Well, maybe more kisses if you want them.”

  She spun and gave me a disbelieving look. “What? Just…sightseeing? That’s how I’m paying you today? Have you somehow become an altruistic person?”

  “Oh no,” I said, giving her a dark smile. “Nothing like that. I’m going to ruin you back, remember?” I leaned in and gave her a soft, barely there kiss. Just enough for her to feel my mouth on hers. I spoke my next words against her lips, sliding my hand under her leather jacket to the small of her back, just above the rise of her delicious little ass.

  “I want you so ready to be ruined that you can’t stand it anymore. I want you begging to pay me back for all these favors I’m doing for you—I want you so wet and achy that even the thought of being in debt to me gets you close to the edge.”

  She drew in a stuttering breath. “You’re awfully sure of yourself.”

  I pulled back, giving her another one of my smiles. “Is that so? So if I slid my fingers into your panties right now, I wouldn’t find you already slick for me? If I pushed my fingers inside you, you wouldn’t ride my hand until you felt better?”

  She was panting now, her body listing toward me, her nipples visible through her bra and the white shirt she wore under her leather jacket. “Phin,” she said unevenly, her eyes dropping to my mouth and then to the fly of my jeans where a thick hard-on waited for her. “I…”

  I wanted to grab her and kiss her and then pull her jeans down to her thighs and bend her over. I wanted to unzip and fuck her, right here in the cold forest; I wanted to fuck that hot, velvet cunt until I came.

  Playing for keeps, I reminded myself. It didn’t matter if I had her primed to pounce on me now—I wanted her forever.

  Because it had to be her. It had only ever been her.

  “Let’s go farther down the ridge,” I said pleasantly, stepping back. “You can see all the way to town from there.”

  And leaving her looking stunned and frankly blue-clitted, I strolled over to the other side of the ridge and waited for her to follow.

  Chapter Ten

  Aurora

  This was a devil’s bargain.

  And even though I loved to raise a little hell myself, I suspected I might be outmatched.

  A goddamn castle. In New England! And then all that talk of ruining and his lips ghosting over my neck…

  And that wasn’t even touching the near-constant memory of him eating me in his dorm room. I could still feel the tingle rolling through me as he placed his hands on my thighs, keeping them open for him. For my pleasure. Jesus Christ, Phineas Yates was dangerous.

  So fucking dangerous.

  I rolled over in bed, clamping my thighs together and trying to will the thoughts of him away because I needed to be smart about this. Think this through. Just because he was very skilled with his tongue and surprisingly thoughtful with his castle dates did not mean I needed to fall for him.

  I was fine. I was not one of those girls who thought she was in love just because she got an orgasm and a romantic castle hike. I wasn’t.

  Uh-huh. That’s why you’re lying in bed dreaming of Phineas.

  “God, I hate him.”

  No, you don’t.

  Okay fine, I didn’t hate him anymore exactly, but he had ruined me for oral at least. I had an inkling that from now on, anybody else who went down on me was going to be a poor Phin substitute. And the arsehole did it on purpose. He knew what he was doing. Knew when he looked up at me with that sexy, cocky grin as he teased me with the tip of his tongue that no other guy would ever make me feel that way. He knew. Just like he knew what he was doing when he slid his hands under my arse and deliberately brought me up to his mouth so that all of me was open to him. He knew what to do with his mouth and what to do with his tongue. After all, he was Phineas.

  How many other girls had he done that with? How many others knew the sheer exquisite pleasure of his tongue? How many others had slid their hands into his silken hair, wrapping the strands around their fingers as they tugged, threatening to pull him away but also tugging him closer as they begged, Oh God, no, not any more Phineas. I can’t possibly.

  I grabbed my pillow and shoved it over my head. That was not helping. I needed to stop. This line of thought was only going to make me bananaballs. And also make me feel like a fool.

  Which, well, clearly I was, because who else but a fool got caught up in Phineas fucking Yates?

  And did you notice that you didn’t even think once about New Year’s in his dorm room or on the hike alone with him?

  But however much I hadn’t thought about it with him, I was thinking of it now. Alone.

  I sat up immediately then, shoving the dark storm cloud away.

  Nope. I wasn’t going to think about it. I just couldn’t. It just wasn’t going to happen. But it refused to go away, until finally, I caved and tried one of the mindfulness exercises my therapist had taught me. Breathing in and out.

  In and out.

  My phone started to buzz on my nightstand, interrupting my attempt at meditation, and I scowled at it. Oh, Jesus Christ, it was nine-thirty in the morning on a Saturday. Who would call me?

  But then it occurred to me who would be calling. I shoved my hand out from the cozy, warm comfo
rt of my duvet and snatched my phone off the charger. Without even looking, I answered with a grumbly, “Hi, Mum.”

  “Aurora, dear, what’s wrong with you? Why do you sound like that?”

  “Mother, it’s Saturday. I’m having a lie in. You know, like normal people do?”

  “Honestly. Aurora. Nine-thirty? Shouldn’t you be up having a spa day or something with your friends?”

  I rolled my eyes so hard I was sure one of them was sure to get stuck. “Mother, while I do enjoy a good spa massage, you do recognize that I’m an actual teenager, right? Not some forty-five-year-old? On weekend mornings, I have lie ins. Usually because I’m hungover.”

  My mother didn’t even bother with a shocked gasp. She just muttered under her breath, “Oh, Aurora.”

  “Whatever, Mum. What’s up? You have another one of Daddy’s debtholders you’re going to force me to marry?”

  “I suppose I knew you were going to stay angry about that.”

  “Of course I’m angry, Mum.” I tucked into the duvet even tighter, trying to ward off the impending chill from the outside world. Or maybe that was just my mother’s voice. “You and Oma cornered me. And then you dropped a bombshell on me about how you were trying to sell me off to the highest bidder.”

  I could hear her sigh on the other end of the line. “I didn’t want this either, sweetheart.”

  “Maybe not, but neither did I! Did you stop to ask me what I wanted?”

  “To be fair,” Mum said, her voice in its trademark combination of cool and gentle, “what you seem to want most usually is to torment me.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not the perfect princess, Mother.”

  “I’ve never wanted you to be anyone other than yourself. Which is why I worry that this new boyfriend is not the right fit for you.”

  I froze. “What?”

  “I know Phineas. He is a delight. I enjoy him very much. It’s just that his reputation precedes him, even among us parents, and I think that maybe…” She tried again. “Aurora, I know things have been difficult since everything happened with your father. And you and I have been trying to figure out our way around each other. I want you to be happy. That’s all. And I’m not sure the two of you will be a good match, but if you’re telling me Phineas is the kind of boy who can handle the rigors of royal life, then I’ll take your word for it.”

  “I am happy. Phineas is great, and he’s far more concerned about me than the rigors of royal life.” Which technically was the truth.

  “Then great. You seemed very sure of him at Elsie’s engagement party, which makes me happy. Since New Year’s you’ve been off, more withdrawn, I suppose. But you seem quite happy with Phineas now.”

  “I’m sorry, Mum. I didn’t mean to be withdrawn.” It was too early in the morning to hide the bite to my words.

  She sighed. “Aurora, love, I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel like you need to be different. I want you to be who you are.”

  “Just be who I am, but also toe the royal line?”

  “Well, it doesn’t hurt if you can toe the royal line. I just don’t want you to crumble under the weight of it.”

  “I’m not crumbling, Mother. I’m surviving.”

  “And that’s all we can really do, isn’t it?”

  The resignation in her tone made me pause. I’d known that what my father had done had hurt her, obviously, but I hadn’t really given a whole lot of thought to if she was hurting still. I mean, I had in a distant sort of way, but I suppose I had that selfish and myopic preoccupation of how my father had ruined my life in particular.

  Because I’d adored my father like nothing and no one else. Always had. And then when the news hit the papers and I saw what he was really like, who he really was, I’d been brokenhearted. Unable to really look at anyone in the world the same again. And that included my mother, even though she’d been as much a victim of his lies as anyone else. Maybe even more so.

  “Mum, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry enough that I’m going to marry Brantley.”

  “I understand,” she said, although I knew it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I just thought that Phineas was like the other boys you’ve been with. Ones you weren’t serious about. But I’m glad to hear that you’re serious about Phineas. I mean the Yates family is honorable, and he’s such a nice boy. I’ve always liked him.”

  Parents really were so clueless, weren’t they? Phin wasn’t nice, not in the way she meant. Phin was filthy, greedy, determined to ruin me.

  That the ruining was with orgasms and castle dates made no difference—he was not a nice boy.

  “Mum, please.”

  She laughed. “Oh God, I know. It’s the worst thing in the world to have your mother like anything you do.”

  “Yes, actually. Because that means you’re doing it wrong.”

  “If you say so,” she laughed again. “All right, I love you, Aurora. But if anything changes let me know.”

  “Oh, of course.”

  I hung up and scowled at my phone. “As if I would ever tell her,” I muttered to myself. “I would just promptly get another boyfriend, or I would lie and say I was still seeing Phineas.”

  As far as I was concerned, this Phineas lie was going to last as long as I could make it last. Because no way in hell was I getting married.

  The knock at my door had me groaning. “I swear to God, if this is not a goddamned emergency, I will kill someone.”

  Lennox let himself in. “Oh, rise and shine sweetheart. Shouldn’t you be up doing some kind of spa day?”

  First Mum, now him? I’d only done like three spa days since second semester started! Okay, maybe four. But still! That didn’t make me a spa bunny!

  I dragged the duvet off my face and scowled at him. “Shouldn’t you be fucking off?”

  “What? Don’t you girls like spas and things?”

  “Lennox, you’re an idiot. Just because I have occasionally been to a spa doesn’t mean that that’s what I do every weekend. Why are you in my room and not face planted in Sloane’s cooch?”

  He snorted a laugh. “Who’s to say what I’ve done with my Saturday morning so far? But while I like where you’re going with this, Sloane had a training session this morning with Colston Constantine, and then she had to help some second-year figure out some stolen phone issue. You know how she is.”

  I did know how she was. She had a very Veronica Mars streak about her.

  “So you thought you’d bother me? It’s not even ten o’clock. Jesus.”

  He glanced at the clock. “Oh, okay. Yeah. I see. Scoot over.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “We can watch cartoons like we used to do when we were kids.”

  When we were small, Lennox and I would climb in each other’s beds with our cook’s homemade donuts and chocolate milk, our little treat, and watch a morning roundup of all the best cartoons. Because we got the American channels, we got some good ones.

  “It’s been a long time since we did that, Lennox.”

  “I know. I figured we’d start again.”

  “Right now? God, it’s like you hate me.”

  He laughed. “Now scoot over.”

  I scooted, but I was not pleased about it.

  “You and Mum are trying to torture me. She called me just now. What gives? Everyone is absolutely mad today.”

  “What did she want?” Lennox settled in next to me, tugging my duvet over his legs and letting in all the horrible cold air.

  I yanked the duvet back. “She wanted to ask about me and Phin.”

  Lennox scowled at the wall. “Right.”

  I tucked the edges of the duvet around my legs to seal in the little remaining warmth. “He’s one of your best mates, and you’re running around moping like someone kicked your dog just because I’m dating him.”

  “Well, he is my best mate. And if this doesn’t go well, I’ll have to kill him.”

  “You won’t have to kill him. I’ll do it.”

  Lennox laughed.
“You will, won’t you?”

  “Yes, I would. Also, I can take care of myself.”

  “I know. But you’re still my sister, and my twin at that. No matter what, I have your back. That’s just how it goes.”

  He elbowed me until I gave him more room. “Jesus, Lennox. Can’t you sit on the floor?”

  “Nope.” He grinned, poking me. “And anyway, you should go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank.”

  “You pick now to be extra brotherly?”

  He shrugged. “I’m always brotherly.”

  I shook my head. “No. Well, yes, but now you’re really leaning into this whole I’m-your-brother thing.”

  “I am your brother.”

  I sighed. “Fine. I’ll go brush my teeth, but I get to pick what we watch.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Fine.”

  With a groan, I shoved down the duvet and hopped out of bed.

  I was wearing shorts that had Tap that ass printed on the ass, and my brother snorted. “Oh my God. Mum would flip.”

  “I know, wholly inappropriate. Which is why it’s so me.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  His gaze searched mine. And I knew why he was really here. He was checking up on me. Again. “Lennox, I can see the look on your face, and I promise you, I’m okay.”

  He nodded, letting it go for now. But I knew him, and I knew that he was concerned and wanted to help. But I knew that there was a part of me that was irrevocably changed. I just didn’t want to have to be the one to tell my poor brother that there wasn’t anything to be done about it. No way that he could help. And that was just the way things were now.

  * * *

  Phin

  Over the last week, I’d successfully managed to avoid being one-on-one with Lennox. But when we had a Hellfire Club meeting with the alumni in New York, it was unavoidable with all of us crammed in the back of a limo.

  He still didn’t speak directly to me, which was to be expected, I suppose. What was I supposed to do? Talk to him before I dated his sister?

  Yes.

  Whatever. She’d needed help. Not to mention she owed me. So I’d given her exactly what she needed. He couldn’t be angry with me for that.