by Leaona Luxx
“I’m a big girl, I know what I did. Besides…” She steps closer, laying her hands on my shoulders. “I can help you forget her.” She smirks, pleased with herself.
“First of all, I don’t even know your name. Secondly, we both were too fucking drunk to have made sound choices. Last but most importantly,” I say as I move her hands, “no one will ever take her place. And it’s damn time, I make her mine.”
She takes a step back, appraising me. “Damn. So that’s what I should be looking for.” She turns for the bathroom before closing the door, she adds, “Look her in the eyes and tell her what you just told me.”
I call one cab; I can at least see Red home. After dropping her off, the cab takes me to my truck. My phone chimes with an incoming call as I climb into my vehicle. Pulling it from my pocket, I see it’s from Brannon. Frowning as I hit answer, I don’t hesitate.
“It’s Riley.” I try to stay cool because I have no clue what this is about.
“Lil’ Penn, I heard you were back in town. Get your ass over here,” Brannon yells through the phone.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“Baby shower, co-ed. One and Lea’s.” He ends the call before I can protest.
I swing the truck around and drive toward One’s. The driveway is too packed for this to be family and friends. I check myself in the mirror before jumping out. Fuck, I look like hell. Running my hands through my hair a few times, I pat it down, hoping it looks acceptable.
I head to the backyard, it’s obvious this is where everyone is. It’s like an old-fashion Pig Pickin’. I search for Brannon and realize it really is just all family and friends. I see a table with gifts and curse under my breath for not having anything.
It’s not like One and Lea need me to buy them anything; she’s worth more than he is, and he’s got more than my dad. My job pays nowhere near that much, but I love what I do. Shit, I forgot. Thayer and Hardy are here also.
Thayer was engaged to my older brother, Walker, for a short time. Hardy hates him, and I can understand why. Walker lost his shit when Thayer left him to go back to Hardy. Damn, I’m gonna choke Brannon. One’s his boss so I get why he’s here, but why call me?
Ava moves across the lawn, Andi’s hand in hers. Denim cutoffs and Chucks have never looked so good. They walk to the swing set and Ava pushes Andi. With each shove, her smile begins to brighten. The light within her never shines brighter than when she’s with Andi.
Andi jumps from the seat and runs around the side of the house, and Ava follows suit. I slip back around the corner, hoping to catch Ava. Andi rushes past me, giggling as hard as she’s running. I step to the side, smiling when she waves.
Stepping forward, I run straight into Ava. Catching her in my arms so she doesn’t fall, her cheek presses against mine, her breath ragged. When her heart rate speeds, I suck in the air my lungs burn for. “Are you okay?”
“Fine. Let go.” She wrenches away from me.
“Ava, stop,” I beg as I step in her path.
“Save it, Riley. I couldn’t care less what you have to say.” She dodges me, but I reach out, tugging her back to me.
Her body is hot against mine. I slip my hand around her waist, widening it on her belly. Her head lulls back into my cheek, and I caress her hair with the side of my face. Taking my time, I breathe in the scent of her hair. Bending my head, I run my nose down her neck to the base of her ear.
Nuzzling her, I press her stomach, pushing her back into me. My lips sweep over her ear as they begin to quiver. My knees feel weak as our hearts begin to beat as one. Allowing my words to leave my barely parted lips, they’re no more than a whisper when they hit their target.
“I’m sorry. I know you deserve more.” Her body softens into mine. “Tell me when you’re ready for more.”
As fast as she softened, her body goes ridged and her neck straightens. She’s gone again. The second she thinks she may become vulnerable, she bolts. “Stop it.”
“You know. You know what I’m saying. You see the same look in my eyes as I see in yours,” I beg her to listen to her heart. “It knew even before we did.”
Jerking from me, she spins, pinning me with her glare. “No. Everyone knows I’m nothing but trouble.”
“Ava,” I plead, stepping closer.
“The only thing I know is that you left with a redhead.” Her eyes become glassy as her features soften. Is she hurt?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I watched you walk away with that guy, the one in skinny jeans.” I shrug, just knowing that explains it.
“Oh. So, because I walk away with someone I’m screwing them? Is that it?” Her face hardens with every word. She’s right, I just treated her like everyone else does.
Cocking my head, my chest tightens as I run the visual through my head. “You kissed him.”
“Yes, I did.” She glares at me, her cheeks reddening. “Ray. My friend, Ray, who’s gay.” Well, fuck me.
“Fuck. Ava, I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have left.” I lick my lips trying to relieve the fire burning them from the need of hers.
“Stop looking at me that way,” she demands.
“What way?” My brows shoot up in confusion.
“The way you did yesterday, like… I don’t know. It made me feel funny, so stop. I may have been confused yesterday, but you showed me last night you’re like everyone else. I’m still the town tramp to you.” She runs away from me as fast as she ran into me.
I run my hands through my hair, thinking of pulling it out. After a few cleansing breaths, I head to the backyard looking for Brannon. I spot him, he glances at me and then back with a nod. I greet everyone as I make my way over to Brannon. “Man, is this a good idea?” I mutter as I lean over for a Dr. Pepper.
“Go easy there, man, don’t be gettin’ crazy.” He laughs at my choice of drink.
“I fucked up last night. I gotta keep my head clear today. I need to straighten out a few things,” I explain as I take a swig from the bottle. Scanning the crowd, I begin to strangle when I see Ava on the sunporch. I cough, trying to clear my throat.
“You alright?” Brannon pats my back, not missing a thing. “You’re not your brother; you also have friends here.” He nods at Ava.
“Naw, I fucked up bad,” I tell him as I rub the back of my neck, popping it after.
“Really? What did you do?” He gives me his full attention.
“Ran into her on a date with Dax. Took her out back and almost kissed her. Got drunk and took a redhead home to spite her.” I give him the lowdown.
“Damn right, you fucked up.” Brannon chuckles. “Let’s go shoot some pool and get a different perspective.”
Brannon leads the way as we walk around to the garage where most of the men are now. “I got Riley. Who’s up?” he asks as we walk through the doors. One set his pool table up in the garage for the party.
“Good to see you.” Hardy lifts his head in a greeting.
“Glad you’re back.” One pats my back as he joins us by the doors.
“Thank you. And thanks for having me.” I nod an acknowledgment to everyone.
A couple of games later, I’ve met those I didn’t know. Ava’s friend Willow, her fiancé, Hawk, is here with his brothers, Aksel and Lath, Lea and One’s sons. Lachlan is One’s college roommate and is dating Maisyn. But it’s Brannon who finally brings up the elephant in the room.
“Spill. What the fuck happened last night? And why is Ava involved?” He crosses his arms over his chest, and I immediately start sweating.
“Where the fuck do I start?” I shrug as I fall into a seat.
“The beginning,” Hardy says.
“I ran into her yesterday on a date with my friend, Dax. I lost it. I got her behind the restaurant and came so close to kissing her. But I didn’t, and it was like I hurt her because I didn’t. She ran off like Ava does. Later, I went to The Club to see her. She was pissed and ducked into the hall with some guy. I met some redhead at the bar and
spent some time on the dance floor with her then took her home with me shortly after. Ava watched it all.” I hang my head as silence fills the room.
“Damn,” Hardy says with conviction. “So, why not just kiss her?”
“If only it was that easy.” I nod.
“Why isn’t it? I mean, I understand there are obstacles. Hell, we wrote the book on how not to do it like other people.” One pushes off the wall from where he’s standing. “It won’t be easy, but I’m sure you know you gotta work for everything.”
“I need to say, I’m shocked. I didn’t have a clue until Torrie told me. Not one time growing up did I see it.” Brannon stands astonished.
“Never?” I shake my head.
“Willow knows and Torrie.” Hawk hesitates. “Actually, all the women know. Willow has seen you together, and Torrie told the ladies the other day about y’all running into each other. There was a huge chat last night after they left Ava to go out with Dax. Everyone knew though once you called. They said Ava was upset.” Hawk stands with his hands in his pockets staring at the floor.
“Wait, everyone here knows but Ava?” I survey the room before falling back into my chair.
“You need to tell her,” Brannon says.
“Why? Where’s it gonna get me? She hates me most of the time.” I stand, rolling my head again to release some tension. “I’m gonna head out.”
“Riley, take it from me—Ava needs you.” Brannon steps closer to me. “Before you get too far in, tell her everything. Give her time, but never give up. She’s tough as hell, but she’s had to be.”
“Let’s go eat. I know three women I’m sure are more than ready.” One laughs.
“I think I need to get to goin’.” I shrug as we walk around to the backyard.
“You’re more than welcome to stay,” Hardy says as we turn the corner.
Ava glares at me from the group of ladies gathered to slaughter me. I offer a smile, but when she just continues to stare a hole through me, my face falls with disappointment. She turns her head to keep from looking at me.
“Or not.” Hardy turns to me, eyes wide and chuckles.
“Stay. Eat something,” Torrie says as she passes by me with a tray of food.
“I don’t know, I messed up. I thought, well… I thought she hooked up with that guy last night,” I say as my mouth hangs agape.
“I think she has every right to be angry. But walking away without talking isn’t solving anything,” Torrie replies.
“True but if one of you won’t talk,” I say.
“Sometimes, words aren’t needed in the beginning.” She smiles at me.
“I’m not so sure,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t think she sees me that way.”
“Have you asked her to look?” Torrie pins me with a pointed stare.
“I haven’t.” My heart begins to pound.
“How is she supposed to understand your feelings if you can’t even tell her?” she asks.
“I’ve never had a chance.” I shrug.
“Only because you haven’t given her one.” Torrie smiles.
“Haven’t I showed her?” I ask, running my hands through my hair.
“Ava knows what love looks like; I’m just not sure she knows how it feels,” Brannon adds.
“But she’s loved you forever.,” I mutter as my gaze shifts to Torrie. “Sorry.”
“Ava loves me, but we’ve never been in love. She knows that now. She just doesn’t know what to do with it.” He kisses Torrie as she smiles at him.
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.” My gut twists.
“Riley, it’s like this—Ava only knows the love she’s been given.” Torrie frowns. “It breaks my heart for her.”
“I’ve always given her love, but she doesn’t see me.” My heart races quicker when Ava looks over at me. Our eyes lock and for a brief second, I think she sees what lies beneath. Then, she’s gone. “I’m gonna go. Thanks for having me.”
I don’t even wait for goodbyes. I have to get away from her. I’ve never known how to break into Ava’s heart because she’s always been so protective someone will break it. I’ve never fought her for it, either. Since I was six-years-old, I’ve loved her. Maybe it’s time I stop.
I catch my breath as Riley’s eyes lock with mine, and the familiar pull in my belly is back. When my heart begins to race, I look away. I don’t understand this; it’s Riley, we’ve been friends for years. This longing that drags me to him is frustrating.
I try to force myself to not look, but I can’t fight it where he’s concerned. It’s like when he’s near, I gravitate to him. Shifting my gaze to where he once stood, he isn’t there. I panic, searching the crowd for him. He’s gone?
Before I can stop myself, I’m on my feet in search of him. I find him getting in his truck, and again—I can’t stop myself. “What are you doing?” I demand.
His face goes pale and when his lips part, I’m drawn to his tongue, sweeping across them. I fight the urge that rises in me—it’s wrong. This is wrong. Right? “Leaving.” His face falls when he searches mine.
“I don’t know or understand… this.” I motion between us.
“I know.” His mouth presses into a straight line. He’s so distant, making my chest feel tight.
“Say something.” I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “I don’t know how.”
“I’ll say whatever you want me to, Ava. Tell me what to say.” He steps closer to me and for the love of God, I don’t know why but I put my hand up to stop him. It does.
“How am I supposed to know?” I close my eyes, fighting the urge rising in me to cry. I don’t fucking cry. “You know what, this was a mistake.” Turning to walk away, Riley’s hand grips my wrist and spins me into his arms.
“Stop running.” His hand is in my hair, the other pressed into the small of my back. I gasp from the charge racing up my spine. Pulled like a magnet, I melt into his embrace.
Gazing into his eyes, I wait for him to tell me what comes next. He doesn’t. He shows me. Riley’s lips fall on mine as his tongue sweeps my parted lips. I can’t even fight the moan that breaks from the pleasure rising in me.
He takes me slowly, running his tongue around mine in a dance of heated desire. There’s no fight, no resistance or force to this kiss. It’s simple and all consuming. His lips working with mine, not against. Our tongues twist into one as I wrap my arms around his neck.
He takes command, knotting my hair in his fingers, pressing me closer. His hand gripping my hip as his fingers work to hold me there. It’s like he never wants to let go. For the love of all that’s holy, I don’t want him to. What is this?
It’s different. I feel as though I need this. I’ve tried hard not to need anyone. Oh my God. I’m using Riley. That’s it, I’m so fucked up. How could I do this to Riley? I push on Riley’s chest until I break away.
Stepping back, I wipe the back of my hand across my lips. What the fuck have I done? “I’m sorry. Oh, Riley, I’m so sorry.” Jerking my keys from my pocket, I hurry to my car.
I feel as though I’ve held my breath all the way home. Once through my door, I lock it and the world out. Falling face first on my bed, I lie there battling between the scent of Riley and his lips on me and the fucked up way I just treated him.
My phone buzzes. I ignore it as long as I can, but in fear for Andi, I pull it out. It’s Torrie. I have to get it. “Yeah?” I huff.
“You okay?” Her voice is low through the phone.
“Yeah. No. Fuck. I kissed Riley.” I berate myself as I thrash on the bed.
The voices behind her fade as I hear rustling and then a door closing. “You kissed him?” she asks.
“Well, he kissed me. But I let it happen. Damn it! What the fuck was I thinking?” I ask, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping to eliminate the memory.
“Ava, take a deep breath.” She drags an audible breath in with me. “Now, tell me what has you freaked out.”
“He was gone. I got scare
d and followed him. He told me to tell him what to say. How do I know what he needs to say? The next thing I know, his hands are on me, in my hair. It felt so good, Torrie.” Tears fall from my eyes. I’m so confused.
“That’s good, darlin’. You deserve to feel that, to have him.” Have him?
“I don’t have him. I used him, just like I used Brannon. I’m replacing Brannon with Riley. He makes me feel safe, just like Bran did!” I exclaim as I sit up.
“No, Ava. This is different, and you know it. You can feel it.” Torrie tries to convince me I haven’t done anything wrong, but I know it isn’t true.
Shaking my head as the words follow, I admit, “No, Torrie. Riley has never said he feels like this about me. He’s trying to be a good friend, and I’m using him like I do everybody. It’s so wrong.”
“Do you really believe you’re using Riley? The way he looks at you has never given you an idea of how he feels?” she presses me.
“Oh, come on. You, of all people, know I twist things. I make them what I want them to be, Torrie.” I rub my forehead as I release a heavy sigh.
“Tell me this, Ava. Did you think of Brannon, or anyone for that matter, when Riley held you in his arms?” Torrie’s tone turns hard, stern.
“No. I couldn’t think,” I say with honesty.
“That’s what you need to think about. Riley makes you forget who the hell you think you are.” Torrie pauses then urges, “Don’t fight this, Ava.”
“Yeah, alright.” I rub my eyes. “I gotta get to work. Thanks, Torrie.”
“No problem, my friend.” What did she say? Torrie called me her friend.
I pull myself together enough to get to work on time. I have to find another job soon. I’m not sure how these hours and college classes are going to mix. The added benefit of not working with Steve also helps with my decision.
“I see our little talk the other day helped,” Steve says as he brushes against me.
“I’ve done nothing but think about it since.” I cut my eyes at him as he passes me again. Only he stops behind me, leaning over my shoulder as I cut lemons for drinks.